An update on recent technical problems and more from the admin: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/250292/on-technical-difficulties-mod-coverage-and-other-things/p1?new=1
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Brand New Webcomic. Critics Welcome.
dwp
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I have a pad of paper near my computer and while I wait for the next level of my video game to load, I often sit and doodle. Well, after some long load times and a couple of cartoons I decided to ink them up and put them online.
I have 3 done so far and I might work on some more when I have some time. I am looking for some feedback on them and see what you guys have to say. Also, if you could leave some comments on the site and also rate the comics on how good you think they are that would be great as well.
*WARNING* This comics are pretty geeky-techy orientated.
Here is my latest comic:
As you can see my comics kinda look like penny-arcade. This was in no way intentional, but I guess all those hours spent looking at their comics must have rubbed off.
Thanks for taking your time in looking at my work.
I have 3 done so far and I might work on some more when I have some time. I am looking for some feedback on them and see what you guys have to say. Also, if you could leave some comments on the site and also rate the comics on how good you think they are that would be great as well.
*WARNING* This comics are pretty geeky-techy orientated.
Here is my latest comic:
As you can see my comics kinda look like penny-arcade. This was in no way intentional, but I guess all those hours spent looking at their comics must have rubbed off.
Thanks for taking your time in looking at my work.
dwp on
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As far as the art goes, it seems pretty flat and one dimensional. There's no sense of depth to the pictures and the angle of the desk and monitor seem off. I would probably also move the monitor lower in the frame as most people have it right behind their keyboard and it seems a bit unnatural as is.
I guess i'll start.
NO! NO!
BAD DWP! BAD boy!
Dude for serious?
You're gonna post a webcomic in here about 2 friends...room mates i presume? who have wacky antics based around their shared love of video games? Will one be like a far out crazy guy with a trippy haircut, and the other will be a more level headed joe? a yin to his yang so to speak?
the art is weak. Like bad, like really bad. The gradient BG has got to go. You're laying your shit out EXACTLY like PA, including fonts...i just god dammit. no.
yaaaaa...really unintentional...that's why you mentioned it isn't it?
It's obvious you used a PA strip to base your: panels, text, speech bubbles, and characters (although a very sad attempt) off of.
If you seriously want to make a webcomic...you know what...just don't.
Our first game is now available for free on Google Play: Frontier: Isle of the Seven Gods
Second, this is simply one of my comics that resembles PA in that is has a video game theme. I thought it would be the best comic to post for the intended audience because its something you (gamers) can relate with.
I have other comics (see below) that don't have to deal with video games, but I would enjoy feedback on
them as well.
Also, the tidbit of feedback I did get was "no gradient backgrounds". Can to elaborate on this? They look tacky? They don't print well? Solid backgrounds are all the fad now?
Thanks
-DrunkWhilePosting
But to elaborate, they look tacky and take no talent to do. They're like lensflares or every other Photoshop filter. Cheap tricks used in an attempt to make an ameteurish work look better without actually working at it.
Also, don't sign your posts. It's generally frowned on around here.
Anyway, about your OP:
Humor is a tricky skill. One basic rule of thumb is "Less is more"
Cut out unnecessary dialogue.
Example:
Guy1: "Hey whatcha doin?"
Guy2: "Playin Spore"
And I agree that the text in the last panel could be removed entirely.
Or if you have to, make it a zoo scene with a sign that says "Platypus Pen"
I want to pour bleach in my ears to burn the memory of these webcomics out of my skull.
And we're not comparing your art to penny arcade in any way that you should take as a compliment.
It not a "Oh this fine young artist here has a style that much resembles that of penny arcade."
It's more a "This douche chill here has the balls to try to pass this PA hack off as something original, sweet lord does thi9s annoy me to no end."
oh and what in the name of zeus' butthole is going on with the perspective on that table???????
Ok, well I have picked up one tip about gradient backgrounds at least. Also, I fully agree that gradient backgrounds "take no talent to do", but that is the exact reason I used them. Sounds counterintuitive, but I believe everyone (nowadays) knows that I am not "trying" to be fancy by using the gradients its just another tool I am using to express my art in a reasonable fashion. Black outlines are "easy to use", but that in no way makes them tacky. Difference of opinion.
Sakebomb:
Thanks for the good feedback. I would like to reduce the text to exactly what you have (actually had that originally) but went with the additional text to allow a larger audience access to my joke. Yes sacrifice the art for the masses. With the additional info it gives enough backstory to allow even my gf to actually laugh at this comic.
See317:
"at this point printing should be the last of your concerns as far as this comic."
-Ok, in your eyes, what should be my biggest concern then?
NakedZergling
"I want to pour bleach in my ears"
-Go for it.
"and what in the name of zeus' butthole is going on with the perspective on that table?"
-Weaker minds can't comprehend and digest the perspective of the table.
I don't know what your plans for this comic are. If it's going to be a hobby thing you share with friends and family, feel free to continue. If your hoping it'll become a vehicle to promote you to proffesional comic-artist then you'll need a lot of work. Perspective, form, anatomy... these are things to embrace not avoid.
As for the general bashing that webcomics get around here, let me quote something I read not too long ago. He's a pretty smart guy this one, unless the comic does something new it's going to be put in the same dark pit with the rest of the crap on the net. Right now, your comic fails to do anything new.
Seriously, Platypus jokes? Those where funny in the first 5 minutes of Dogma. Now, they're a bit played out.
I'm not sure where you're going with the Ajax one. Blonds are dumb? Women will believe anything on the internet? Web 2.0 with it's vistas of user created content is a threat to the beautiful but unitelligent people of the first world? Not really a coherent joke there, just idiocy. Idiocy and a table that stretches to infinity.
And for the pPod one... I'll grant I don't keep up to date with iTech or the lawsuits filed over it so maybe the joke just isn't for me.
You "art" is terrible and the writing doesn't make me even smile.
I'd stop and take a couple of drawing classes before trying again.
What makes your webcomic unique? What makes it better than the thousands of other comic strips out that are essentially about nothing?
You need to have enough talent for your writing or your art or your setting to stand out and make people want to read your comic. Right now there's nothing at all here that separates it from the thousands of shitty comics about two guys who play video games or the thousands of comics that make random one-off jokes.
My reaction to the first one was "Okay, here's another generic "two guys" Webcomic." but that one with the girl and the Ajax... What does that have to do with Web 2.0? Whatever it is, it isn't funny.
They just have that "I'm 16 and my friends think these are hilarious" feel to them. This type of Webcomic is as ubiquitous as they come. If you want to have any sort of response AT ALL, you're going to have to find some way to stand out, either by having really outstanding* art or really outstanding* writing (preferably both).
*Note that "outstanding" doesn't always mean "good".
Seriously, you didn't think it was funny?
Look at that table, it's HUGE!!! I thought that was hillarious!
It's flat. The characters are uninspired. The jokes are trite.
Your last name is walnut, though. That's pretty neat.
Yes, I have no plans on quitting my day job anytime soon to pursue my illustrious webcomic career. Also, thank you for elaborating on your criticism about the comics. I agree I need more practice, but I feel the best way to accomplish this is jump in the pool and learn how to swim.
MagicToaster:
Since by day job is computers, most of my comics centralize around this theme. However, I am working on a couple gynecology comics I will be sure to share.
DMAC:
Yes, I understand the Web 2.0 and iPod joke is for a very niche crowd. This is why I lead off with my Video Game comic, only to be tarred and feathered as a copy cat. If you are looking for some background on the iPod comic I have included the post from my website which gives some background. Maybe it will help generate a slol (small laugh out loud).
To the one-line non-helpful trollers:
One line flames are like gradient backgrounds "they look tacky and take no talent to do." :winky:
From drunkwhileposting.com :
The motivation for this comic was the recent flurry of news that has come out about Apple suing people using “POD†in their trademark. So the big fruit bully targeted a Mom and Pop shop that makes a device that digitally counts how many tickets an arcade machine had given out over time. Doesn’t sound like direct competition to any of Apple’s products, so what was the problem? Well, the poor souls named their product “Profit Podâ€, which (of course) is infringing on Apple’s iPod trademark. This infringement “must†be causing market confusion and will probably eventually put Apple out of business.
The joke here is that Apple has now claimed trademark domain on anyâ€POD-formative†word. Last time I checked there were a jillion pod formative words that existed before the iPod was ever thought about in one of Steve Job’s wet dreams. So it is only inevitable who they will sue next…..
This made me think of other places the word “pod†is used….
Come on now! Spaceballs, now that is funny.
QUOTE FROM OP
"Ok, well I have picked up one tip about gradient backgrounds at least. Also, I fully agree that gradient backgrounds "take no talent to do", but that is the exact reason I used them. Sounds counterintuitive, but I believe everyone (nowadays) knows that I am not "trying" to be fancy by using the gradients its just another tool I am using to express my art in a reasonable fashion. Black outlines are "easy to use", but that in no way makes them tacky. Difference of opinion."
GOD DAMMIT! I HATE when people come and ask for crits. Get them. And then justify the shittiness of their art by saying they were intentionally trying to make it look shitty. THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN DO! WE ALL KNOW IT! Don't try to pull the "i can draw really really well but chose to make shit looking characters and gradient BG because I CHOOSE TOO!
SHENANIGANS! I call shenanigans!!!
This in itself should show you that black outlines are tacky.
For the most part you seem to be ignoring the suggestions/critiques people are giving you here. A bit harsh? Yes, some of them. However, they all hit on the truth man.
DMAC speaks the truth about the web 2.0 joke. I'm also in advertising/design and deal with web 2.0 very often... the joke isn't very funny, if at all even to me. So who is the "niche?" Most of the people here are into video games, computers and comics if most of them are saying it's not very funny then that should set off some alarms.
Instead of trying to defend your art maybe listen to what some people are saying.
No offense, but are we really sure this isn't a joke alt?
My Portfolio Site
Don't let it discourage you, I think you just jumped in the deep end without thinking about how you were going to swim. Literally thousands of people read PA and think, "I'm funny and can draw a little bit, I mean they're comics, how hard could they be? I could totally do this too." The thing is you can't, nobody can just draw a comic, it takes years of practice to do well and when you come to PA with your psuedo PA comic, your calling out the dogs and they came and came frothing at the mouth.
Now, first and foremost, your comic is shit, complete shit, don't argue, it's crap and no amount of excuses is going to change that. However, you obviously had the desire to create it, so there may be potential that you have the desire to learn how to do it right. You can't really draw at the moment, so grab yourself a sketchpad and pencil and draw your arse off, read the posts here, buy art books, do classes, draw draw draw and learn learn learn, then try posting some of your sketches up here for critique. If you can't be bothered with all that, then quit now because you're only setting yourself up for dissapointment.
PA Artist Corner forum is for learning, no-one is going to hold your hand and tell you what a great artist you are unless you are one. They're going to critique the shit out of your stuff (with vigour) until you start producing art that is worthy of praise.
That's probably the kindest bit of advise your going to get here, if you man-up and put in the effort anyone can draw, talent just makes the road shorter but anyone can do anything, providing they work at it.
Four years later, I've outgrown the fads, developed and embraced my own style and voice, and I've been getting increasingly positive reviews each day.
Dwp, these comments may make you feel like quitting (i assume this because that's how i felt when i was in your position) but if anything, let them be your motivation to keep going and get better, which you will if you keep working at it.
In closing, Welcome to the business
You've just gone through the pretty-much mandatory initiation gauntlet that everyone in the world of webcomics has to go through when they step into the ring.
P.S. I do have something positive to say about your work. You did not use "anime" style. That's an achievement in itself these days. *applauds*
holy fuck jibjib
this shit is awesome
Why thank you. But to get back to the point of the thread.....Now, I'm extremely embarrassed to show this, but I feel like i owe it to the OP, and it helps provemy point. This is one of my first "comics", and I think it does well to illustrate the that there is, in fact, hope for the OP to become competent through time and practice.
EXAMPLE from 4 years ago:
he should not be particularly proud of what he's shown us
To the OP: Pull your head out of your ass. The art is HORRIBLE, these aren't funny, everything is just a disaster
if you want to make something that's not shit, take an art class or teach yourself. trust me, gradients are the least of your problem
Speaking of color, yikes! Choose some custom colors that are easier on the eyes.
BTW, the spaceballs thing was showing some improvement in the writing.
1. Gradients are tacky
2. Less is more
3. Explore my own style
4. Bleach goes in the ear
I want everyone to know that I am not putting my comics up on a pedestal, I know I am not a great artist, or even a scintillating writer.....yet. Like jibjib pointed out, every hack doodler and dimwitted letter pusher has to start somewhere. I will hit the canvas some more and see if I can level-up to "semi-hack doodler" with my next comic and try to find my own style with what I produce next.
Thanks for the help and flames alike, and I am not deterred but even more inspired and will return to post my next work of art to be torched.
Like the famous ending to the "Mr. Pea Pod" comic......to be continued. :winky:
My Portfolio Site
You're more a man than I, dwp.