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Age difference, need opinions (girl thread)
Jaiye
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So i met this girl at a party this past weekend, and during the party we really hit it off, made out for a bit before it was interrupted, and then ended up snuggling with sleeping. Pretty much the chemistry was just right.
Now for some reason, not that she told be but i just assumed she was 19/20 or near that age. I'm just a month away from 21, so that would be fine. But a few days later i checked her myspace (she was a friend of a friend) and i find out that she's 17 and still in high school. So she's the same age as my little brother.
I didn't really know if i should pursue this, not wanting people to think I was creepy going for a girl 3 1/2 years younger then me, so I was just going to not do anything and let it sit, just wait until another girl came along and try to forget it. That was until today, when she messages me.
So now i'm not sure what to do, and I want your opinions. At this age, is the difference to big, or would it seem acceptable? My friends poke fun at me occasionally for *almost* hooking up with underage girls before (at the time i thought they were older, never went furthur then making out though), and while typing this out I'm starting to think this might just all be coming from a subconscious need for everybody to approve of what I do.
Ok, advice/opinions.... go.
Now for some reason, not that she told be but i just assumed she was 19/20 or near that age. I'm just a month away from 21, so that would be fine. But a few days later i checked her myspace (she was a friend of a friend) and i find out that she's 17 and still in high school. So she's the same age as my little brother.
I didn't really know if i should pursue this, not wanting people to think I was creepy going for a girl 3 1/2 years younger then me, so I was just going to not do anything and let it sit, just wait until another girl came along and try to forget it. That was until today, when she messages me.
So now i'm not sure what to do, and I want your opinions. At this age, is the difference to big, or would it seem acceptable? My friends poke fun at me occasionally for *almost* hooking up with underage girls before (at the time i thought they were older, never went furthur then making out though), and while typing this out I'm starting to think this might just all be coming from a subconscious need for everybody to approve of what I do.
Ok, advice/opinions.... go.
Jaiye on
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if it works then great, if not then you had some good times
It shouldn't be a big deal what others think about what you do. If it makes you happy, then go for it. You might be passing up something great. I'm 26 and my gf is 22 and we've been going out for 2 years this May. I've never been happier.
Just gotta ask yourself, does the acceptance of what others think about what you do dictate your choices?
She's almost old enough and the age difference is not so great as to be a real problem -- no generation gap -- if the two of you are serious and willing to wait twelve months (or less) before committing to a full relationship.
Seriously, don't worry about what everyone thinks. Worry more about why you think you could have a better relationship with a 17 year old than someone a little closer to your age. I made the jump from a relationship with an 18 year old freshman to a girl a year older than me and its like going from an all inclusive beach resort during high school spring break to touring Europe with Margaret Thatcher.
And Algrun, I've had my share of both good and very bad relationships with girls older then I, so i think it really comes down to the people more then the age. This one girl who was 22, after 2 months of getting to know her I would swear she was still a junior in HS.
Well, that, and the fact that I think you'd be committing a felony (at least a misdemeanor) in California if you were to have sex with her.
So don't do that.
Great. Now I'm thinking of Margaret Thatcher, topless in a spaghetti thong, on a beach in Cannes. Thank you Algrun. Thank you so very much.
yeah, that would be a big no-no, until september. i don't want to be registered as a sexual predator or whatever o.0
Right?
Hell, one of my best friends is marrying his girlfriend of seven years or so, and they started dating when she was 14, and he was 18.
You best believe me when I tell you that Margaret has elegant taste in beach wear.
Banana yellow satin thong. White old school rollerskates. Ankle high socks. Red, white, and blue umbrella. June Cleaver pearls. And nothing else.
Just rolling down the boardwalk.
Other than that, hey, have fun and be safe.
that's not right. really
i'm getting outa this thread before I hear more to the likes of this
Hey did you look up "elegant beachwear" in the dictionary and just copy+paste it on the boards? Because what you wrote is exactly what my dictionary says.
Bingo!
Fact of the matter is, if you like her and she likes you, almost nothing else matters. Just make sure there is no sex until she is legally allowed to.
I'm in the same situation as you. Met a girl who is 18 (I'm almost 22). She's funny, attractive, and we have great banter. I don't give a damn if my friends make fun of me for it because I don't need their, or anyone else's, approval.
Wait until she invites you to a party in NYC and you show up and its just a bunch of 16 year old kids in an empty apartment with no furniture doing cocaine and throwing candy at each other, then say that.
OK, maybe my personal experiences don't lend well to the formulation of universal maxims regarding 17 year old girls.
I just have a vivid imagination, which unfortunately includes the former Prime Minister's tits in HD resolution.
Reminded me of that one episode of Friends.
Also, while I have little knowledge on the subject, I think that there are laws concerning lewd conduct and what not that they might be able to hit you with even if you don't have intercourse. Just something to think about, and make sure you're covered. And September is a long time away....
Aside from that, maturity level. I've met a few pretty mature 17/18 year olds (including some that seemed more mature than a lot of the 18/19 college freshman I run into...it's as though people regress when they start college)...but at that age maturity is still changing at an exponential rate. The difference in maturity between 17/28 and 21 is a whole lot larger, in general, than the difference between 30 and 27.
But hey, if you like her and she likes you I say see what happens. The age difference doesn't fit my definition of "creepy," just "unwise." But I've made unwise decisions in the past that ended up leading to positive outcomes, so I can't talk.
Just seriously, make sure you stay within the law...otherwise you're just a pissed off father (or a pissed off suddenly-ex-girlfriend) from the sex offender registry.
Personally, I find that the "whoacrapi'manadult" smack that hits people once they have to go to college or figure out what to do with the entire rest of their life is a good thing, and people who end up with no job just staying with their parents tend to just lack something in their personalities.
But maybe that's just me. Still, no sex until she's 18, but if she's cool, she's cool. Don't get obsessive and don't get weepy if she goes off to college somewhere and doesn't like you anymore.
Fixed.
But I don't think you're at the age where you need to consider every girlfriend as auditioning for the role of future wife. Enjoy it while it lasts.
The age difference really bothered me at first, and I think it bothered her parents too, but I managed to win them over. I don't think it would hurt to pursue this as long as you are careful.
My Backloggery
When I was in college, 17 and 18 year olds are still very attractive, and the age difference really isn't a factor. And there are plenty of people who seem "mature." But the whole "no longer living at home," "able to do what you want at night," heck, even "watching TV all day in your PJs with no parents telling you to do the dishes" are all major life changing events. Some people who are really cool turn into total slobs. Slobs turn into really neat people who are only minorly gross. Hot people become just a face in the crowd, and you aren't confronted by cliques -- both of people you dislike, as well as a useful way to categorize "other" people.
So yeah, the OP shouldn't really have any moral problems with dating the girl, just having sex with her. if she's like any other HS girl I know, sex is some "major thing" and "dating is almost like being married" so there may be too much drama there for him to even attempt sex. I was finding most 17 and 18 yr olds incredibly boring despite being 18 and then 19 myself, simply due to the college thing. When someone's conversation consists entirely of what some teacher you'll never meet does, it doesn't lead to worthwhile relationships