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The Expendables - August 13th, In a Fucking Theater, Where Violence Belongs

ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
edited September 2010 in Debate and/or Discourse
Expendables: Call to Arms (Best Trailer)

Official Trailer

So, where are you going to be August 13th? If you have at least one Y chromosome, your answer to that question had best be "in a movie theater, watching The Expendables." However, unlike most things you will see in a movie theater, The Expendables is not going to be merely a movie; The Expendables is going to be a cinematic experience. Why, you ask? Well, first you put one of the greatest filmmakers of all time in charge of directing and writing it, Sylvester Stallone. And no, I don't care that you don't think he's that good; the man is an Oscar-award winner, wrote and directed both the Rocky series and the Rambo series, which, while not universally good, both included fucking great movies. It's not like you could do any better.

Then, you put together the greatest cast of all time. This cast cannot be described as anything short of "epic."

Sylvester Stallone
Jason Statham
Dolph Lundgren
Jet Li
Terry "President Camacho" Crews
Mickey Rourke
Eric Roberts
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Randy Couture
Arnold "The Gubernator" Schwarzenegger
Bruce Willis

I mean, really, look at that. This cast has so much testosterone, the first time I saw it I got a bloody nose. It will actually punch you in the face. This movie is going to be the best thing to happen this year. And like the Call to Arms trailer says, if you let Eat, Pray, Love win the box office that weekend, you don't deserve to call yourself a man.

In this thread, we mansplain The Expendables.

Thanatos on
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Posts

  • ThomamelasThomamelas “Three films a day, three books a week and records of great music would be enough to make me happy to the day I die.” Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I am eagerly looking forward to this movies.

  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    This movie would be enough to make a man fucking cry if a man cried about anything, but we don't, so fuck pussies who do!

    I'm so psyched for this shit. Between this, the Losers, and Red, this looks to be good damn year for being a dude.

  • LawndartLawndart Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    They should have made this movie in 3D, so each of the main actors could take turns punching the audience in the face. In 3D.

    I'm hoping they slip in at least one Rocky IV in-joke since Stallone and Drago are both in the movie.

  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I will be eating raw meat still on the leg of a cow I murdered, drinking Steel Reserve from the 16 ounce can when I watch this movie.

    Here's what I do...
    The Vac - My Science Fiction Epic
    Fortune Pancakes - My Gag-A-Day Comic
  • SirUltimosSirUltimos Don't talk, Rusty. Just paint. Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    They should just call it Epic Fucking Boner: The Movie

    Because that's what we'll all have.

  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I will be eating raw meat still on the leg of a cow I murdered, drinking Steel Reserve from the 16 ounce can when I watch this movie.
    Provided you open the can from the side, with your teeth, that will do.

  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Thanatos wrote: »
    I will be eating raw meat still on the leg of a cow I murdered, drinking Steel Reserve from the 16 ounce can when I watch this movie.
    Provided you open the can from the side, with your teeth, that will do.

    tw_spray.jpg

    Here's what I do...
    The Vac - My Science Fiction Epic
    Fortune Pancakes - My Gag-A-Day Comic
  • Captain CarrotCaptain Carrot Harrisonburg, VARegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Thanatos wrote: »
    I will be eating raw meat still on the leg of a cow I murdered, drinking Steel Reserve from the 16 ounce can when I watch this movie.
    Provided you open the can from the side, with your teeth, that will do.

    And if by 'murdered' you mean 'stole from a lesser man and carried into the theater while it was still alive'.

  • ThomamelasThomamelas “Three films a day, three books a week and records of great music would be enough to make me happy to the day I die.” Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I will cook my meat there over an open flame. One fueled by the product in the hair of the metrosexual who Murphy dictates will be sitting in front of me.

  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Also, as per man law, the theater must be short sold so that every man can sit one seat away from every other man.

    Here's what I do...
    The Vac - My Science Fiction Epic
    Fortune Pancakes - My Gag-A-Day Comic
  • LawndartLawndart Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Also, as per man law, the theater must be short sold so that every man can sit one seat away from every other man.

    They must remove all the seating save for one seat which shall be converted into a throne made of skulls and spent bullet casings.

    All men attending the showing must engage in a bare-knuckle brawl to determine which of them can watch the movie from the man throne.

  • MrMisterMrMister Valuing scholarship above all elseRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Men watch movies like this, women watch movies like this

    Fun fact: Sylvester Stallone's first feature film was Party at Kitty and Stud's (very NSFW, in case the title didn't give that one away).

  • Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Better wear your old spice.

    Steam: kaylesolo1
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    Live: Kayle Solo
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  • JustinSane07JustinSane07 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2010
    I can't believe Van Damme turned Stallone down to work on some shitty Belgium movie.

    And Segal wasn't even asked. I know he's fat now, but come on. That would complete the cast of everyone except Bronson.

    That said.

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANLIEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER

  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    MrMister wrote: »
    Men watch movies like this, women watch movies like this

    Fun fact: Sylvester Stallone's first feature film was Party at Kitty and Stud's (very NSFW, in case the title didn't give that one away).

    It was actually renamed to the Italian Stallion after Rocky came out.

    And yes, Stallone bangs some womens in that movie

    Here's what I do...
    The Vac - My Science Fiction Epic
    Fortune Pancakes - My Gag-A-Day Comic
  • QinguQingu Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I'm extremely disappointed that the villains of this movie aren't going to be Islamic terrorists.

    I understand that the movies are a throwback to the 80's, where the villains were Latin American drug lords. However, the reason Latin American drug lords were the villains in the 80's movies is because, in the 80's, we were at war with drugs. Today, we are at war with terror; therefore, the villains should be islamofascists or perhaps Osama bin Laden himself. If you're going to do a proper throwback, you can't just imitate the veneer, you have to imitate the underlying structure.

  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I can't believe Van Damme turned Stallone down to work on some shitty Belgium movie.

    And Segal wasn't even asked. I know he's fat now, but come on. That would complete the cast of everyone except Bronson.

    That said.

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANLIEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER
    Probably should have included Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, too.

  • JustinSane07JustinSane07 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited July 2010
    Oh and Vin Diesel!

    HOWEVER.

    How would you guys feel about Linda Hamilton (if she was in this)? I mean in the second Terminator she kicks just as much ass as Arnold.

  • dlinfinitidlinfiniti Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    man how awesome would it have been to be cast as an extra in this
    nameless goon that gets killed #324675

    AAAAA!!! PLAAAYGUUU!!!!
  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I guess the Rock was probably busy shooting the other guys.

    Diesel probably didn't want to be a part of it because he's a big pussy boy.

    Also, the rumor is that most of them worked scale so that this could be made. That's how they got willis. He does a lot of work for scale now if it's a project he likes.

    Here's what I do...
    The Vac - My Science Fiction Epic
    Fortune Pancakes - My Gag-A-Day Comic
  • OptimusZedOptimusZed Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Thanatos wrote: »
    I can't believe Van Damme turned Stallone down to work on some shitty Belgium movie.

    And Segal wasn't even asked. I know he's fat now, but come on. That would complete the cast of everyone except Bronson.

    That said.

    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANLIEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER
    Probably should have included Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, too.
    They've got to leave a few stops in so that they can be pulled for Expendables 2: Even More Expendable.

    We're reading Rifts. You should too. You know you want to. On Hiatus!

    Any gamers in the Danville, PA area? PM me if you're interested in some tabletop gaming.
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    MrMister wrote: »
    Men watch movies like this, women watch movies like this
    I'm as much of a feminist as anyone, but seriously, 95% of the audience for this movie that is not being dragged along by their SO is going to be male. 95% of the audience for Eat, Pray, Love not being dragged along by their SO is going to be female.

    I mean, I would love it if more women would get into movies like this, and stop watching complete and utter trash like Sex and the City, or Eat, Pray, Love. That would be fucking awesome. It's just not happening, though, so we either accept it and move on, or get all PC about it.

  • MrMisterMrMister Valuing scholarship above all elseRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    MrMister wrote: »
    Men watch movies like this, women watch movies like this

    Fun fact: Sylvester Stallone's first feature film was Party at Kitty and Stud's (very NSFW, in case the title didn't give that one away).

    It was actually renamed to the Italian Stallion after Rocky came out.

    And yes, Stallone bangs some womens in that movie

    The Italian Stallion is actually a re-cut version of the original with much of the hardcore taken out. It also has less continuity shot to shot because of all the cutting.

  • ThomamelasThomamelas “Three films a day, three books a week and records of great music would be enough to make me happy to the day I die.” Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Oh and Vin Diesel!

    HOWEVER.

    How would you guys feel about Linda Hamilton (if she was in this)? I mean in the second Terminator she kicks just as much ass as Arnold.

    I would find this acceptable. But only if she's T2 buff.

  • MrMisterMrMister Valuing scholarship above all elseRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Thanatos wrote: »
    MrMister wrote: »
    Men watch movies like this, women watch movies like this
    I'm as much of a feminist as anyone, but seriously, 95% of the audience for this movie that is not being dragged along by their SO is going to be male. 95% of the audience for Eat, Pray, Love not being dragged along by their SO is going to be female.

    I mean, I would love it if more women would get into movies like this, and stop watching complete and utter trash like Sex and the City, or Eat, Pray, Love. That would be fucking awesome. It's just not happening, though, so we either accept it and move on, or get all PC about it.

    The expression "mansplain" is terrible and you should sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Oh and Vin Diesel!

    HOWEVER.

    How would you guys feel about Linda Hamilton (if she was in this)? I mean in the second Terminator she kicks just as much ass as Arnold.

    I would find this acceptable. But only if she's T2 buff.

    I think she's still pretty tough looking. Also if we are adding dudes we want in Expendables, I'd say throw in Jeffrey Dean Morgan, but only if there is a female he has to beat up (got to keep up his record). Have Julia Roberts play a villianess and JDM can tune her up.

  • QinguQingu Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    The only person Linda Hamilton ever beat up was that nerdy psychologist.

  • ThomamelasThomamelas “Three films a day, three books a week and records of great music would be enough to make me happy to the day I die.” Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Preacher wrote: »
    Thomamelas wrote: »
    Oh and Vin Diesel!

    HOWEVER.

    How would you guys feel about Linda Hamilton (if she was in this)? I mean in the second Terminator she kicks just as much ass as Arnold.

    I would find this acceptable. But only if she's T2 buff.

    I think she's still pretty tough looking. Also if we are adding dudes we want in Expendables, I'd say throw in Jeffrey Dean Morgan, but only if there is a female he has to beat up (got to keep up his record). Have Julia Roberts play a villianess and JDM can tune her up.

    I think Kurt Russell gets a nod before JDM.

  • SirUltimosSirUltimos Don't talk, Rusty. Just paint. Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Dudes, fucking Clint Eastwood!

    And I hope you're all going to have beards when you walk into the theatre. If you don't, you'll certainly have one coming out.

  • dlinfinitidlinfiniti Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    why isnt danny glover here to tell us he's too old for this shit

    AAAAA!!! PLAAAYGUUU!!!!
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Oh and Vin Diesel!

    HOWEVER.

    How would you guys feel about Linda Hamilton (if she was in this)? I mean in the second Terminator she kicks just as much ass as Arnold.
    Her, Darryl Hannah, Sigourney Weaver, Lynda Carter, Uma Thurman, and Lindsay Wagner could all definitely qualify. Also, Milla Jovavich, Michelle Rodriguez, and Angelina Jolie for the younger generation.

  • PreacherPreacher Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Qingu wrote: »
    The only person Linda Hamilton ever beat up was that nerdy psychologist.

    She shot Dyson, and was one shell away from polishing off the t-1000.

    They actually asked Kurt Thom but he turned it down because he didn't want to be in collaboration or something. Proving that having sex with Goldie Hawn does make you go crazy, see Mel Gibson (I mean I can't be the only person to have actually watched bird on a wire).

  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    MrMister wrote: »
    Thanatos wrote: »
    MrMister wrote: »
    Men watch movies like this, women watch movies like this
    I'm as much of a feminist as anyone, but seriously, 95% of the audience for this movie that is not being dragged along by their SO is going to be male. 95% of the audience for Eat, Pray, Love not being dragged along by their SO is going to be female.

    I mean, I would love it if more women would get into movies like this, and stop watching complete and utter trash like Sex and the City, or Eat, Pray, Love. That would be fucking awesome. It's just not happening, though, so we either accept it and move on, or get all PC about it.
    The expression "mansplain" is terrible and you should sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
    I was using it ironically. Suck it up.

  • THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Santabreaker PresentslayerRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    This movie looks so cool.

    Would have been neat to have Dwayne Johnson and Stone Cold have a scene together.

    This whole movie is gonna be one liners.

    GET HERE SOON MOVIE GOD

    Facebook | Amazon | Twitter | Youtube | PSN: ThePain73 | Steam: ThePain73
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  • ThomamelasThomamelas “Three films a day, three books a week and records of great music would be enough to make me happy to the day I die.” Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Preacher wrote: »
    Qingu wrote: »
    The only person Linda Hamilton ever beat up was that nerdy psychologist.

    She shot Dyson, and was one shell away from polishing off the t-1000.

    They actually asked Kurt Thom but he turned it down because he didn't want to be in collaboration or something. Proving that having sex with Goldie Hawn does make you go crazy, see Mel Gibson (I mean I can't be the only person to have actually watched bird on a wire).

    I've seen it. I wish I hadn't. But he seriously turned it down? That fool, what the hell else does he have to do? Make kids movies?

  • Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Thanatos wrote: »
    MrMister wrote: »
    Men watch movies like this, women watch movies like this
    I'm as much of a feminist as anyone, but seriously, 95% of the audience for this movie that is not being dragged along by their SO is going to be male. 95% of the audience for Eat, Pray, Love not being dragged along by their SO is going to be female.

    I mean, I would love it if more women would get into movies like this, and stop watching complete and utter trash like Sex and the City, or Eat, Pray, Love. That would be fucking awesome. It's just not happening, though, so we either accept it and move on, or get all PC about it.

    My wife and I saw the Call to Arms trailer before Predators started. Beofre I could lean over, she said "We are so seeing that opening night". FUCK YEAH!!!!!

    Steam: kaylesolo1
    3DS: 1521-4165-5907
    PS3: KayleSolo
    Live: Kayle Solo
    WiiU: KayleSolo
  • MrMisterMrMister Valuing scholarship above all elseRegistered User regular
    edited July 2010
    Thanatos wrote: »
    I was using it ironically. Suck it up.

    The hipster is strong with this one.

  • amateurhouramateurhour Registered User regular
    edited July 2010
    I'm sure a lot of guys turned it down.

    Also, Linda Hamilton has bitched more than Alan Cumming during X2 that getting in shape for T2 was the hardest fucking thing she ever had to do and she could never do it again.

    She's not an action star. Sigourney on the other hand can have my babies, my tall, chain smoking babies.

    I think we're onto something with the all female cast though, the sequel should be the crack vagina squad.

    Here's what I do...
    The Vac - My Science Fiction Epic
    Fortune Pancakes - My Gag-A-Day Comic
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