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The Expendables - August 13th, In a Fucking Theater, Where Violence Belongs
Thanatos
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Expendables: Call to Arms (Best Trailer)
Official Trailer
So, where are you going to be August 13th? If you have at least one Y chromosome, your answer to that question had best be "in a movie theater, watching The Expendables." However, unlike most things you will see in a movie theater, The Expendables is not going to be merely a movie; The Expendables is going to be a cinematic experience. Why, you ask? Well, first you put one of the greatest filmmakers of all time in charge of directing and writing it, Sylvester Stallone. And no, I don't care that you don't think he's that good; the man is an Oscar-award winner, wrote and directed both the Rocky series and the Rambo series, which, while not universally good, both included fucking great movies. It's not like you could do any better.
Then, you put together the greatest cast of all time. This cast cannot be described as anything short of "epic."
Sylvester Stallone
Jason Statham
Dolph Lundgren
Jet Li
Terry "President Camacho" Crews
Mickey Rourke
Eric Roberts
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Randy Couture
Arnold "The Gubernator" Schwarzenegger
Bruce Willis
I mean, really, look at that. This cast has so much testosterone, the first time I saw it I got a bloody nose. It will actually punch you in the face. This movie is going to be the best thing to happen this year. And like the Call to Arms trailer says, if you let Eat, Pray, Love win the box office that weekend, you don't deserve to call yourself a man.
In this thread, we mansplain The Expendables.
Official Trailer
So, where are you going to be August 13th? If you have at least one Y chromosome, your answer to that question had best be "in a movie theater, watching The Expendables." However, unlike most things you will see in a movie theater, The Expendables is not going to be merely a movie; The Expendables is going to be a cinematic experience. Why, you ask? Well, first you put one of the greatest filmmakers of all time in charge of directing and writing it, Sylvester Stallone. And no, I don't care that you don't think he's that good; the man is an Oscar-award winner, wrote and directed both the Rocky series and the Rambo series, which, while not universally good, both included fucking great movies. It's not like you could do any better.
Then, you put together the greatest cast of all time. This cast cannot be described as anything short of "epic."
Sylvester Stallone
Jason Statham
Dolph Lundgren
Jet Li
Terry "President Camacho" Crews
Mickey Rourke
Eric Roberts
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Randy Couture
Arnold "The Gubernator" Schwarzenegger
Bruce Willis
I mean, really, look at that. This cast has so much testosterone, the first time I saw it I got a bloody nose. It will actually punch you in the face. This movie is going to be the best thing to happen this year. And like the Call to Arms trailer says, if you let Eat, Pray, Love win the box office that weekend, you don't deserve to call yourself a man.
In this thread, we mansplain The Expendables.
Thanatos on
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I'm so psyched for this shit. Between this, the Losers, and Red, this looks to be good damn year for being a dude.
pleasepaypreacher.net
I'm hoping they slip in at least one Rocky IV in-joke since Stallone and Drago are both in the movie.
Because that's what we'll all have.
And if by 'murdered' you mean 'stole from a lesser man and carried into the theater while it was still alive'.
They must remove all the seating save for one seat which shall be converted into a throne made of skulls and spent bullet casings.
All men attending the showing must engage in a bare-knuckle brawl to determine which of them can watch the movie from the man throne.
Fun fact: Sylvester Stallone's first feature film was Party at Kitty and Stud's (very NSFW, in case the title didn't give that one away).
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And Segal wasn't even asked. I know he's fat now, but come on. That would complete the cast of everyone except Bronson.
That said.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MANLIEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER
It was actually renamed to the Italian Stallion after Rocky came out.
And yes, Stallone bangs some womens in that movie
I understand that the movies are a throwback to the 80's, where the villains were Latin American drug lords. However, the reason Latin American drug lords were the villains in the 80's movies is because, in the 80's, we were at war with drugs. Today, we are at war with terror; therefore, the villains should be islamofascists or perhaps Osama bin Laden himself. If you're going to do a proper throwback, you can't just imitate the veneer, you have to imitate the underlying structure.
HOWEVER.
How would you guys feel about Linda Hamilton (if she was in this)? I mean in the second Terminator she kicks just as much ass as Arnold.
nameless goon that gets killed #324675
Diesel probably didn't want to be a part of it because he's a big pussy boy.
Also, the rumor is that most of them worked scale so that this could be made. That's how they got willis. He does a lot of work for scale now if it's a project he likes.
They tried to bury us. They didn't know that we were seeds. 2018 Midterms. Get your shit together.
I mean, I would love it if more women would get into movies like this, and stop watching complete and utter trash like Sex and the City, or Eat, Pray, Love. That would be fucking awesome. It's just not happening, though, so we either accept it and move on, or get all PC about it.
The Italian Stallion is actually a re-cut version of the original with much of the hardcore taken out. It also has less continuity shot to shot because of all the cutting.
I would find this acceptable. But only if she's T2 buff.
The expression "mansplain" is terrible and you should sit in the corner and think about what you've done.
But Zombie John Wayne is a must.
I think she's still pretty tough looking. Also if we are adding dudes we want in Expendables, I'd say throw in Jeffrey Dean Morgan, but only if there is a female he has to beat up (got to keep up his record). Have Julia Roberts play a villianess and JDM can tune her up.
pleasepaypreacher.net
I think Kurt Russell gets a nod before JDM.
And I hope you're all going to have beards when you walk into the theatre. If you don't, you'll certainly have one coming out.
She shot Dyson, and was one shell away from polishing off the t-1000.
They actually asked Kurt Thom but he turned it down because he didn't want to be in collaboration or something. Proving that having sex with Goldie Hawn does make you go crazy, see Mel Gibson (I mean I can't be the only person to have actually watched bird on a wire).
pleasepaypreacher.net
Would have been neat to have Dwayne Johnson and Stone Cold have a scene together.
This whole movie is gonna be one liners.
GET HERE SOON MOVIE GOD
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I've seen it. I wish I hadn't. But he seriously turned it down? That fool, what the hell else does he have to do? Make kids movies?
My wife and I saw the Call to Arms trailer before Predators started. Beofre I could lean over, she said "We are so seeing that opening night". FUCK YEAH!!!!!
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The hipster is strong with this one.
Also, Linda Hamilton has bitched more than Alan Cumming during X2 that getting in shape for T2 was the hardest fucking thing she ever had to do and she could never do it again.
She's not an action star. Sigourney on the other hand can have my babies, my tall, chain smoking babies.
I think we're onto something with the all female cast though, the sequel should be the crack vagina squad.