Fun facts
Desilu Productions, the production company of Desi Arnez and Lucille Ball produced and still hold the rights to
The Untouchables
Mission: Impossible and
Star Trek
All have been made into movies
Brian De Palma made The Untouchables and Mission: Impossible
JJ Abrahms made Mission: Impossible 3 and Star Trek
okay so here's what i want expendables 3 to be like
i'll assume that stallone can get everyone he wants but wesley snipes because prison's a bitch
i'm spoilering things, as it might ruin some expendables 2 plot points:
okay, so a young asian woman fell in love with rambo stallone. naturally, following action movie logic, she needs to die in the first five minutes of expendables 3
the opening should be them, with chuck norris in tow, kicking some triad/asian gangster ass in some asian country
they get captured and beaten down and the chick dies
now, since they probably won't get tony jaa, but they fuckin' love meta stuff like all of the references to dolph lundrgen's actual biography, jet li comes in, full on buddhist monk clothes, big ass beard, riding an elephant, and totally wastes the whole room.
stallone bluh bluh bluhs a little and debates quitting but then realizes that even though the asian girl died, they totally did what they set out to do: save a bunch of orphans and grandmothers the asian gangsters were using in a sweatshop. chuck norris rides off into the sunset and the title hits.
yeah, i know you're all wondering what asian country this should be and are thinking hey the triads are a hong kong deal. remember, this is the expendables. all foreigners are the devil in this franchise.
alright so after the titles, we hang out in mickey rourke's bar which is now owned by clint eastwood. we know this because there is a closeup of his scowl with a cowboy hat on which pans out to him taking it off and calling it dumb and the expendables making jokes and being badass and then statham is all mopey because his wife left him for another dude so he leaves.
which leads to a pretty radical fight between jean reno and jason statham which ends in them laughing and hugging. we learn that jean was the dude who trained statham, and blah blah blah heard you need a new member and in saunters idris elba. idris talks in his normal accent and immediately antagonizes statham and jean reno is all naw doggs cool down and statham is all whatever and leaves and then jean reno talks to idris a little bit and then he leaves and then the scene ends. trouble will be a brewin'
we go back to the now empty bar and someone is trying to fuckin' rob it and clint eastwood shoots the gun out of his hand, then five shots around him, aims at his head. the gun clicks. he goes "well, punk, today's your lucky day" then pistol whips him and the scene ends.
then we have stallone do some stuff to show why he's the star of the movie, maybe be all sad about asian girl, until he gets blindsided the same way he was by church in the second movie while he hangs around in his plane. only this time it is not church, it is harrison fuckin' ford. who is playing church's boss. there's a bunch of bullshit and references to harrison ford movies and basically harrison ford says that church has been held hostage and he's sending two teams to get him, and whoever gets him out first gets the money or something but it's all just a flimsy excuse for schwarzenegger to show up and then the three talk macho until stallone tells ford to get off his plane.
it's here we find out that nic cage is playing the villain and has kidnapped church because of all that cloak and dagger bullshit. america is all poking it's nose in everyone's business and being jerks and he will have none of it. and normally this would be an okay position, but this is the fuckin' expendables and USA USA USA so clearly he's a jerk who hates freedom. he does some dastardly things and then some nic cage things and then goes away.
and that's the end of the plot. though statham and elba constantly trying to one-up each other will be a thing, it'll just be the expendables kicking some ass in crazy action sequences until the third act where we find out jean reno has been following the guys along the whole time so he kicks some ass. and then the expendables are getting overwhelmed by nic cage's men so schwarzenegger's team finally shows up. it is comprised of arnold, steven seagal, carl weathers, wesley snipes (if he's out of prison), michael dudikoff, jesse ventura, michael biehn, and lorenzo lamas.
it's jut a gigantic twenty plus minute fuck you gunfight/swordfight/kung fu fight/fistfight between all the action heroes
and at the very end, bruce willis kicks the shit out of nic cage and the movie ends
but there's also a post-credits scene of mickey rourke and jason statham's wife all making out in the tropics.
Glorious. The list for Arnold's team would blow Expendables 2 away just for that scene alone.
Also, is it just me or did Chuck Norris kill more people than anyone else in this?
Posts
Fun facts
Desilu Productions, the production company of Desi Arnez and Lucille Ball produced and still hold the rights to
The Untouchables
Mission: Impossible and
Star Trek
All have been made into movies
Brian De Palma made The Untouchables and Mission: Impossible
JJ Abrahms made Mission: Impossible 3 and Star Trek
Amazon Wishlist: http://www.amazon.com/BusterK/wishlist/3JPEKJGX9G54I/ref=cm_wl_search_bin_1
It's one of his best, as far as I'm concerned
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Try "yes"
Glorious. The list for Arnold's team would blow Expendables 2 away just for that scene alone.
Also, is it just me or did Chuck Norris kill more people than anyone else in this?
I don't know what to say, other than this was better than the first one before the title of this one even popped up.
Steam
STOP RIPPIN' ME OFF, SWEENS
Best opening scene ever.
Steam
Fuuuuuck yeeeaah
Dolph was fantastic
My only complaint is that the trailer showed too much of the movie