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[Internet Dating] "Who is your favorite duck?" and other dating questions
Posts
Regardless, I'm socially exhausted for the forseeable future.
It's as close as I'm going to get, so I'll take it.
Heh. My last relationship was like that. It's dumb. It doesn't make it hurt any less really. Mostly just avoids the awkward Facebook status changes.
lol!!
If faith is just a silent tribute, mine is just a desperate act.
AW YEAH I CAN SEE THE FUTURE!
That's worth no second date, right? Why is it always the ones I really like who only give me one date? :cry:
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we got booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
I think the answer is mostly that women don't need to be the ones driving the conversation, so they don't. They get an insane amount of messages per day, without having to do much legwork. As such, they can sit back and be passive.
If you want to pursue them, you need to be proactive and you need to stand out. Appeal to them in a way that causes them to pay less attention to all the other dudes sending them messages and to focus in on you.
It sounds harsh, but have you considered that it might be your grammar? Assuming your messages are written in the same way you write here, I'd probably ignore one from you. It comes across as uneducated or like you're not trying. You don't sound like you'd be interesting to talk to.
The OKCupid Trends blog covered this topic back in 2009 if you want some graphs and other first message advice:
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/
My scenario as well.
But maybe its a good thing? Endless dating period? Endless fun
Well that is a first ...
But my grammar in English can't be the problem. I am German - and use German sites. Naturally, my German tends to be better than my English.
"You should go out to dinner with me."
I've had more success with that single line than anything else and unfortunately I've been at this online dating for awhile now. Great at getting that first date... just not all that great at following through. I think I'm just being too picky most of the time.
That's a good way if you're confident in your profile and don't want to deal with people who are just on there for attention.
Some will, some won't, who cares, next.
Yeah. It's not really that I'm broken up over it. Just more... it's always the promising ones. Le sigh.
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we got booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
Reading this again ... Uneducated? Are you fucking kidding me?
Edit: And since he's hitting up German women, it doesn't matter too much anyway!
While devastatingly true, women play by a different ruleset when it comes to online dating.
Maybe I've just hit a bad streak, but lately I've been getting a lot of numbers, a lot of texting, but no real follow-through. Something keeps getting in the way and the more it gets delayed the less likely a first date happens
It's pretty annoying, not gonna lie.
Sorry, I'm an editor so a lack of capitalization, commas, and other punctuation is really noticeable to me, and when I see it my first thought is that someone is either lazy or couldn't stick out their English classes. No idea it was your second language since, as mentioned, it's pretty similar to what a lot of people online use (unfortunately, in my opinion), and us Americans are rightly notorious for forgetting about the rest of the world. I'll try and work on that second part.
But how often do you message those women?
I kind of ran into the same problem early on. And then I just went stupid and started talking to as many people as possible and setting up a bunch of things with the understanding that 75% would fall through. Of course, then it ends up being EVERYTHING works out and you find yourself going on 12 first dates in two weeks. It's a different problem to have I guess?
Getting out in front of someone and saying essentially that you like them and want to meet up gives them a chance to just reply with a quick "sure!" I noticed quite often that I'd write a long email and end with "This is getting pretty long; maybe we should meet up for coffee or drinks later this week" and the response was basically ignoring the message and confirming the date (or ignoring me all together). Then, when we met up, we'd usually revisit some of the topics we'd talked about but left hanging.
What's the right way to go about it because personally I want to be straight up and let a girl know that I'm a huge nerd before we meet up in case it turns out to be a deal breaker for her which would end up wasting both our time, on the other hand some of the things I mention may be the kind of thing that you need to filter feed into a relationship.
Easier to just post this rather than go into specifics here, also I hate my profile pictures but I avoid cameras like the plague so these are the only two I had that didn't show me as a dot in the distance.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/nerdynordy
Otherwise, you're mostly just a little vague. You're using very abstract ways to describe yourself ("cynical," "see the funny side of things," "honest"), which are fine but somewhat expected. For example, think of your profile as the first thing you're saying to someone at a party. The girl is cute, and you're trying to talk with her. She's interested in you, but you don't have much to say. Do you say "Hey! How's it going? Did you know I'm cynical, but I also see the funny side of things?" Or do you make an actual cynical comment and then make a joke about it?
But when I go up to a girl at a party I don't really give a self summary, I mean with the rest of the stuff like films and books I get what your saying but the self summary part is describing how you see yourself.
What I was going for is basically trying to say I am a miserable bastard and I'm never serious, I literally can't have an adult conversation without constantly making stupid jokes. But what came out was my internal thesaurus failing with "cynical" and "seeing the funny side of things", "seeing the funny side" was also my nice way of saying I'm a terrible person and will literally make fun of anything.
I'll try a complete re-write of that part though and try and be less vague.
I was thinking about this very thing re: some messages lately. While I'd like to know the person could communicate in writing too, since I've been known to write some epic-length emails, that's not really an indication of if we'd be worth each other's time in reality. And I find myself not wanting to "waste" any good conversation topics/random anecdotes on messages when it'd be better to actually have that stuff to talk about in person...
Most people will not believe you if you just tell them how you are. It's like having a friend who says "I'm funny!" but is actually not funny. The person who actually has a sense of humor and is very funny never claims to be; she lets her wit and jokes speak for themselves.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. If what you do is a big part of who you are, then by all means make that clear: usually discussing the cultures you most identify with and feel comfortable around is better than a laundry-list of the activities you do. The profile isn't the place to go into detail anyhow: you know which of your interests have stronger negative stigma attached (ie, video games are a lot more acceptable/common than D&D or anime).
After going over yours, you seem to repeat that you're a nerd without giving any examples as to why. I think it's enough that it's in your name if you don't have any nerdy past-times you feel comfortable mentioning. Overall, it reads a little flat/bland. I don't get much of a sense of who you are.
This is a personal peeve of mine, but the subject of nearly every statement in your profile is "I." Even getting away from "I like" "I enjoy" "I *insert verb here*" and moving towards "My interests include", "My favorite Xs are" will break that up a little. Also, find at least one picture of you out enjoying yourself (or in enjoying yourself) with other people. Your main profile picture makes you look older than you are (in a bad way) and annoyed.
@Dan: yeah the whole thing needs tweaking, as I was writing it I didn't know what to put so it ended up just being a bit "meh". As I mentioned though I do hate those pics, me and my mates aren't the kind of people who bring cameras anywhere, literally the only person who ever catches me on camera is my sister because she always has one but all the pictures she takes of me are me flipping her off
Secondly I'm 24 and still living at home. Rent and housing is so expensive where I live I had to choose between having a car and a life at home or a shitty flat in a bad area of town. I chose the former and but for this one aspect of my life I'm pretty happy with that choice. I just don't see anyway to explain it in a dating situation if "going back to my place" comes up that won't leave me sounding like a neck-bearded manchild with a closet full of anime porn.
I've had some changes in my life lately and my confidence has grown to the point I would quite like to get a girlfriend again but I feel like I'm falling at the first hurdle here. Any general advice guys?
He lives on as cheezburger grease in our hearts.
Alternatively, finding someone with their own place (may have to look slightly older) who also has the capacity for empathy regarding your living arrangements isn't out of the question. Your situation is closer to the norm than you'd think, and anyone who thinks every person who lives at home in their 20s is Comic Book Guy from Simpsons can get bent.
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
At your age living at home shouldn't really be an issue, plenty of people are still living at home as was I and while it certainly made booty calls harder at that time it didn't cause me any difficulty in finding relationships.
I have a friend that's in his early to mid 30's that lives at home due to only being able to find part time work in his field and he's never had a problem finding women. I'm not saying that he hasn't had some women refuse to date him due to his living situation but if he can pull it off while being a decade older you should be good.