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Tears of Joy: A Sharing Experience.
iamconfidence
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Registered User regular
I've been involved and invested in PAX since 2006 and a great deal longer as a fan of PA, but it's hard to make that mean anything without sharing bits of story of a deeply sentimental sort. Share yours if you wish (and it's encouraged) or whatever you like, but I hope every one of us has a similar experience to the one I'm going to share.
I cried this year, stirring from the deepest reaches of my soul. I'm one of a sea of individuals who interdepend on one another to form a family of love and acceptance unmatched and bursting at the seems with new growth moment by moment.
From the minute I arrived at PAX this year (as every other time) I assumed a sense of comfort that everyone in this family adopts for themselves as they rejoin their people as well. Each experience throughout the weekend was sweetened by the companionship and joy spread by the individuals of the constant crowd as we each rejoice in the shared experience of belonging and shedding the layers of protective psychology designed to prevent the pain caused by a world that lacks understanding and often the proper compassion.
It's incredible to speak to the people around you in line and sense real love and companionship, not only for the events but for each other and the opportunity we each have to join together and give up our individual live for a special and rare experience of true unity wherein we are one voice and mind, in love with life and comfortable being at home in mind and body.
PAX changes my life every year a little bit more in ways I'm eternally grateful for not only because of the presentation and show, but most importantly because the people throwing the event are attendees first and contribute to the atmosphere most appropriately by loving the joy it brings to them as much as the lowliest of we who attend.
I brought new friends this year who I was incapable of explaining this feeling to but who all now joined with me on our way home in the love and joy that we each have been privileged to share and insodoing have helped us each be just a little bit happier about our lives and the things each of us can do to craft a little corner of the world for all of us to enjoy.
I'm so happy to be a part of the wonder of PAX and PA and through the tears I've shed even in writing this I hope sincerely everyone else has the chance to feel this way too.
Until next year.
I cried this year, stirring from the deepest reaches of my soul. I'm one of a sea of individuals who interdepend on one another to form a family of love and acceptance unmatched and bursting at the seems with new growth moment by moment.
From the minute I arrived at PAX this year (as every other time) I assumed a sense of comfort that everyone in this family adopts for themselves as they rejoin their people as well. Each experience throughout the weekend was sweetened by the companionship and joy spread by the individuals of the constant crowd as we each rejoice in the shared experience of belonging and shedding the layers of protective psychology designed to prevent the pain caused by a world that lacks understanding and often the proper compassion.
It's incredible to speak to the people around you in line and sense real love and companionship, not only for the events but for each other and the opportunity we each have to join together and give up our individual live for a special and rare experience of true unity wherein we are one voice and mind, in love with life and comfortable being at home in mind and body.
PAX changes my life every year a little bit more in ways I'm eternally grateful for not only because of the presentation and show, but most importantly because the people throwing the event are attendees first and contribute to the atmosphere most appropriately by loving the joy it brings to them as much as the lowliest of we who attend.
I brought new friends this year who I was incapable of explaining this feeling to but who all now joined with me on our way home in the love and joy that we each have been privileged to share and insodoing have helped us each be just a little bit happier about our lives and the things each of us can do to craft a little corner of the world for all of us to enjoy.
I'm so happy to be a part of the wonder of PAX and PA and through the tears I've shed even in writing this I hope sincerely everyone else has the chance to feel this way too.
Until next year.
iamconfidence on
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ETA.Confidence
EscapeTheAsylum.com
The truth is it is an indescribable experience for myself to be in an environment where I, as well as my friends, can truly be ourselves and be completely comfortable knowing that we are among those with the same passion as us.
Also meeting up with a cute guy was a nice plus
Next year I'll make sure to get out there and do even more!
Also, something that'll help is that every time I wear my swag shirts or play the games I demo'd, I'll be taken right back to those three wonderful days spent in the city I love so much, Seattle-Arcadia.
SELL THE HOUSE
SELL THE CAR
SELL THE KIDS
FIND SOMEONE ELSE
FORGET IT
I'M NEVER COMING BACK
FORGET IT
This captures how I felt on Saturday almost perfectly, but of course I don't have kids
This was my first PAX and this is one of the things that struck me the most, all weekend was politeness, curiosity, and understanding. So many people running into each other and all that was said is excuse me and sorry, people of all shapes and sizes and backgrounds coming together for something that is beyond and more important than all that, and being able to know that even if the person next to you wasnt into the same game as you they ARE into the same community as you.
There wasnt any nervousness to talk to people cause everyone there was as excited to meet new people as I was, and we all had a common ground that was accepted and never questioned. I have to just say again how impressed I was with how everyone in that large of a group conducted themselves, this is truly a model for how a lot of things in life should work.
Anyways, this was one of the greatest experiences of my life and I will be going every year from now on. I would love to meet and talk to anyone and everyone that went to PAX as we still have something in common and there is no reason we should all go back to our lives and not take some of that understanding with us. Thanks to everyone who helped make this weekend fun and hope to see you all around. :-)
Let me go back a bit...
In 2007, I discovered Nerdcore. Being what most of us geeks call a "douchbag" at the time, wearing Hollister everything, and being a huge closet nerd, I had never come to terms with my nerdiness. I was always terrified of someone finding out my closet love of videogames, comics, manga, anime, and all things Penny-Arcade.
But then I discovered Frontalot, and my life changed.
From that point onward, I wore my polo's normal, with the collars in the proper downward position... I dyed my hair its normal color, got rid of my highlights... I stopped tanning, starting wearing my glasses...
If it werent for Front, I wouldnt be the awesome smelling nerd I am today.
Then, I discovered Wil Wheaton, and he helped me shape my nerd philosophy. Between these 2 men, I have become what has been referred to "A fucking amazing, albeit nerdy, guy".
I found Front shortly before the Sat Concerts, and said the following:
"I only have 2 heroes in my life, and neither of them are Jesus... One's Wil Wheaton, and one's you. Thank you for all youve done for me, and for the rest of the world."
Man, to see the look on his face... He actually got a bit misty eyed. He then hugged me, and started walking to the concert hall. The guys sitting at his booth were looking at me in awe... Or something, IDK.
I had to go sit in a bathroom stall and gather myself together.
Man, that was amazing.
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Fucking Rad.
I always get emotional when I'd see the PAX Banners on the main page with "Welcome Home." in 8 bit font. Two words that encapsulate PAX to it's core.
By the way, I'm trying to find video online from the QandA where Tycho goes off stage and gives the guy asking a question a hug. I came in midway through his comment/question but it appeared the dude was on the verge of tears too.
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ETA.Confidence
EscapeTheAsylum.com
I hit high school now that was specialized for what I thought was technical things like comp science and stuff I was interested in. Instead I'm now in an advanced medical program that requires me to spend most of my time studying for my multiple AP classes. It has severely limited my time for gaming or PA or anything that I really liked but now I love my science classes and hope to be a pediatrician in the future. I still have to hide some of my geek side like the PA comics and PAX, but I have never been so happy when I go to Seattle for a weekend a year. To find someone that knows about Linux or understands when I say "ROLL FOR INITIATIVE".
PAX is where I can look back to when I was playing my Nintendo 64 with my cousins (who now look with disdain at anything gaming and are general dicks) and see an enormous bunch of people that I can play a 360 game with and have the same amount of fun that I had with my cousins or go in pictochat and laugh my ass off at a horse with a dick for a head or waiting in line and hearing leekspin a million times or simply being in line was an amazing experience where I made new friends simply by mispronouncing a name or starting a Mario Kart game.
I'll say it like everyone else says. When I saw those banners saying that I'm home I cried a little. And seeing Wil Wheaton give the D20 and passing by Scott Kurtz in the hall and seeing JoCo at bandland. Or finnaly meeting Tycho and Gabe I cried a little more each time.
I dunno, I'll probably be never able to explain why I love PAX to anyone that has never been to it.
When I was at PAX '05 I really felt it during the Saturday night concert when the Minibosses were jamming out a game theme and everyone was jumping around, headbanging and super enthusiastic over it. I'm 25 and married but still something like that does give you a great sense of belonging and validation to a hobby that is still looked down upon as being nerdy despite that fact that, as Ron Gilbert ellaborated on, EVERYONE plays games now.
That was the second PAX and it still had that "indy" feeling, this year I really felt like I was attending a commercial event which is not a bad thing as the show room was awesome and that same spirit was there. There is a great sense of comradere when we are all sitting on the concrete side-by-side playing our DS waiting to see a glimpse of a new game or hear a celebrity in our world talk and answer questions (sometimes very strange questions).
It took me four years between the first two but I hope to make it a yearly trip now and bring even more friends to share in the experience.
-Louis C.K.
Like, a small nation, home to gamers, nerds, geeks, scientists, and the people that got picked on in high school for reading comics.
We arent a demographic, We arent a target audience; Were a brother/sisterhood. Were brothers/sisters in arms. We are the Penny-Arcade Army.
Ballyhoo!
EDIT: SO SAY WE ALL!
Twitter.com: @Shaddz
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/y7lesjt
You can find my gaming news-related rants and reviews on:
http://www.GAMINGtruth.com
Thanks again for sharing. I may not be on board with the "in arms" bit, but brothers and sisters we be, for sure.
Commercial may or may not be a fitting title, but with the size of the event comes new challenges, that's certain. It's wonderful that it can retain that spirit of oneness through the growth, so I totally agree with that bit also.
Hope to see you all next year.
Also: be sure to stop by the IRC channel and get to know some of us better.
Server: slashnet.org
Channel: #paforums_PAX
You'll want to register your user name, so check the IRC thread of you have more questions.
ETA.Confidence
EscapeTheAsylum.com
The whole time there I never got one wierd look, heard something bad said about someone, noone bitched about a line, everyone was just awesome.
I cant explain how great PAX was and how sad I was to end, but I dont have to, because i know you all know the feeling as well. Friday I laughed at the "Welcome Home", Saturday I went back and took a picture of it so I could always have that warm fuzzy feeling
PAX Prime 2011 Challange Coin Thread -- Order your 2011 PAX Prime Challange Coin!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BITCH ABOUT A LINE THAT HAS LEEK SPIN BEING PLAYED ON A PLASMA?!
YOU CANT!
Twitter.com: @Shaddz
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/y7lesjt
You can find my gaming news-related rants and reviews on:
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I am amazed at how many... I cant believe Im saying this word... FANS I have.
Twitter.com: @Shaddz
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/y7lesjt
You can find my gaming news-related rants and reviews on:
http://www.GAMINGtruth.com
Instead of relating my life story, I wanted to point out an observation I made this weekend. This is my fourth year, and every year my heartstrings are tugged at by the amount of free-flowing friendship among everyone. Complete strangers coming together because of a simple common interest, and suddenly you find yourself with 60,000 new friends.
This is an observation that astounds me each year, but not the one I want to talk about. The one I want to talk about occured to me at the Will Wheaton Awesome Hour panel. For those that caught it, you'll recall someone bringing up a similar topic and Will recalling the Paul & Storm song about Frogger. He said the line "I'm home" was emotional because he looked around and he was home. And I think he spoke for all of us when he said that. I won't lie, I got a little lump in the throat, and it was topped off with a round of applause as the person who had initiated the conversation returned to her seat to hug her significant other.
It was amazing. Here we were, a room full of game junkies and nerdcore rap fans cheering because we are all home. We're among family. And people say video games will destroy your mind? The digital violence that attracted us there in the first place spawned real-life love among strangers. And yet we still fight a stigma that "games are for kids" and they'll turn us in to gun-slinging, blood-thirsty criminals. I'm proud to be a nerd and if liking games means I'm not normal...well fuck the norm. The world could use more weirdos like us.
Xbox Live - Bob Jackass || Playstation - Cosby__Sweater || Steam - Bob Jackass
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On the other hand though it did make me super ultra sad upon returning home i often and now still do ask myself wtf am i doing. Im at a job i dont like, living in a place that I just dont care about. It has given me a new found hope and drive to break into the game industry somehow doing something.
TSA Employee at SeaTac looks at my Anamanaguchi vinyl I have with me as carry on and tries to pronounce the name. "Anam..anamana...what does that say?" "Anamanaguchi." "Oh, cool." and smiles.
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We have all been that person who has felt unaccepted in the world due to whatever reason, and turned to gaming, which made us feel even more unaccepted. PAX is the one place in the world where you can come in, and you don't have to (pardon my language) fucking fake it in order to fit in, or just hide from the world in order to be yourself. I watched so many of my friends (who were going to PAX for the first time this year) just.let.go of all their tension, of all their frustration.
PAX isn't a gaming convention; it's a god damn family reunion.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
I always feel super good at PAX. A super good feeling that is almost impossible to explain.
Can't explain it and you won't understand it till you go.
I know this guy who came to PAX for the first time this year. He's been one of my friends for quite a while and to say that he's socially anxious would be an understatement. Even small groups of people can cause real panic for my friend and It's tough because he hates it but it's not something you just *get over* so to speak. It took me the better part of a year to convince him that coming to PAX would be a good experience for him. He loves to game and enjoys many elements of the expo that we all share, but I ran into the same difficulties we're talking about here; namely that it's hard to explain what PAX really is besides the gaming...
It's changed him. The experience has taken our mutual understanding of PAX beyond the limitation of words and we shared that on the way home. He's rejoiced over the same things I have and feels the deep belonging that every one of us do when we experience the kinship first hand. I have all of you to thank for participating in changing lives the way his has been changed and giving this kind of familial experience to each other and yourselves.
It really is something spectacular we have here. Repayment only need be that we continue fueling it with the same spirit in return that it's gifted to each of us over the years, right?
I like to think so at least
ETA.Confidence
EscapeTheAsylum.com
Previous PAX: PAX Prime 2012
"Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits."
I enjoy meeting new people in the lines
I enjoy seeing/playing all the wonderful games
I enjoy rocking out at the concerts
I enjoy just being there
Every year it's gotten bigger and bigger, and I have yet to feel overwhelmed (except maybe for a lil bit during the last year in Bellevue =P).
Unfortuntely, I was just there Saturday (and didn't get to stay for the concerts)...staying for at least 2 days will be my priority next year. Regardless, I got to meet Wil as well, who is one of my heroes (just like the OPs).
Everything about this convention is inspiring and uplifting. No matter what is going on in the world, we all band together with a common joy for one weekend.
You get it. You really, truly understand.
BTW, sorry if I gave you PAXFlu; I did shake your hand and give you a button, and we both ended up sick. Unless you infected me, in which case I shall curse your name for the next 5 minutes. But only half-heartedly.
But somewhere in there, something went wrong. I stopped being accepted. I started getting made fun of. I wasn't "cool" for liking these things. I retreated into books and found excuses to not be very social. I even tried changing and doing "cool" things, even though I found them boring or even annoying. It was rather painful. I didn't even really want to date anybody in my small-town school because I couldn't find anybody who would admit to sharing my interests.
Then the Internet became accessible. BBSs, chat rooms, fan pages, and more. I started to discover more people like me. And more. I retreated into this sanctuary. I started college. I found a few more. Then I discovered webcomics and multiple communities full of geeky goodness. I started attending cons. Sci-fi/Fantasy conventions, comic book conventions, small community-hosted conventions. Entire weekends where the only people you meet are geeks like you. And, finally, PAX.
We have something really special here. The love and acceptance was practically tangible. It really is like home. And Wil Wheaton is like a manifestation of all that is our favorite parts of geekdom. (Did he really exist before, or is he a creation of our great desire for All that is Geek Awesome?) Thanks for the great experience. Let's do it again!
To those who wonder whether they'll ever be accepted because they play games, or do things that are nerdy...this is fucking proof that you are not alone. Society may not accept you (yet) for who we are, they sure as hell don't understand us, and generally full of people who've never been on the receiving end of the shit they've given others. Or worse, they have been, and they decided it was easier being an asshole then giving a damn.
This is proof that we do exist, we do give a damn, and we're not afraid to show who we are. This con, hell, this family reunion, has exceeded just being a showcase for games, and has morphed into a place where all those who are afraid of being geeky/nerdy/dorky because of society, peers, family, what have you, have at least three days out of the year where you can be yourself, unabashed, and not only be unafraid of judgment, but know that every single person in the building thinks you fucking ROCK for being who you are.
Now just somehow, I need to work a "So say we all!" into that.
This year I brought my brother, who not as much a nerd as I am can hold his own. My brother didn't know what to expect other than the fact that he would see some new video games and get some free swag. The first thing that floored him was the Saturday night concert. He had no idea what he was going to be listening too but afterwards was completely impressed. He loved everything about.
The second thing that he loved was the Wil Wheaton panel. He never knew that one guy who talks about being a geek could draw such a crowd.
My brother said something to me on Sunday that seemed to make PAX make sense. He said that PAX had a great atmosphere; a great environment. He said that he felt relaxed and comfortable. He was hanging out with 65,000 strangers and felt like he could strike up a conversation with anyone he ran in to. He mentioned that people could do ridiculous things, (well, ridiculous in normal society) and everyone would be cool with it.
My brother has now decided that PAX is on his agenda every year now. He wants to be around that kind of culture all the time now. He and I found it to be such an enriching experience that sometimes can not be described by words, but rather experience.
I concur with much that has been said here, but here's what I've realized:
I didn't hate people at PAX.
I hate people, as a general rule. They're oblivious, rude and stupid. I get extremely tense and irritated when I'm exposed to large groups of them. Let's face it, People are savages.
It didn't hit me until yesterday, when I was exposed to a very small sampling of "the masses" at the grocery store. Immediately, I had hate. I had irritation. I couldn't wait to get home.
And I realized that I didn't have ONE moment of that while I was at PAX. Not one. Even standing in long lines of thousands of people. Even trying to get through a jammed expo hall. No hate.
I never thought I'd be relaxed spending a whole weekend with 70,000 people. Huh.
Edit: Wait, that's not true. I hated the register jockey at the FedEx in the conventional hall on Sunday morning. But he wasn't one of us, so it's ok.
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^ what he said ^
This was also my first PAX and I walked away almost confused by how a damn gaming convention could make me tear up just from leaving. I spent hours yesterday chronicling my PAX experience after taking a full day to reflect on and process what the hell had happened to me, and why it was one of the most moving experiences of my life. It's written over at the STO forums for all my friends who didn't get to go.
Give it a look, sounds like a lot of you here can relate.
http://forums.startrekonline.com/showthread.php?t=26066
One of us. One of us.
Twitter.com: @Shaddz
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/y7lesjt
You can find my gaming news-related rants and reviews on:
http://www.GAMINGtruth.com
This year I really got to experience PAX. The banner couldn't be more appropriate, "Welcome Home". Gabe and Tycho started PAX yes, but the people who come every year are the ones who really make PAX so spectacular. It is hard to describe the comfort that you feel, the overwhelming sense of home. It hit me hard at the Awesome Hour and I had to say thank you to everyone. I tried not to cry and I failed miserably. Leaving PAX was hard, knowing that I had to reenter a world not nearly so welcoming and at times very harsh.
For a group of people stigmatized with many negative qualities (from antisocial to violent), we have acquired a kind of peace at PAX that I have never felt anywhere else. And wish to God that I could take it with me.
Instead I will just have to wait until next year.
Thank you all for making PAX so wonderful.
I am a theatre nerd, been one since I was a kid. I was always playing pretend and hamming it up. Somewhere along the line, I developed a terrible fear... of singing. It was paralyzing. I would try out of musicals and run off stage crying without singing a note. The problem is, i love to sing, I hop into my car and sing loud until my throat is raw, and I feel like I have an inner rockstar waiting to come out. But if I ever came to a stop and the car next to me had their windows open... there went my voice again.
I decided this would be my year. I wanted something memorable to happen at this PAX, and I knew what it was.
I was too scared to practice in my own house, for fear of the neighbors hearing.
I got to PAX and, as expected, there was that glorious Rock Band stage. I hear the melodic tones of someone loudly attempting "Roxanne" from the escalators of the 4th floor. This was epic. The world would hear me, and I would let them.
I stood in line. I bitched about needing tequila, and a lot of it. I debated the song over and over, changing it on the fly and finally agreeing Jimmy Eat World which I didn't know too well, didn't like too much, but seemed easy. (I was going to play Renegade by Styx, I'm one of those Go Big Or Go Home types)
The time had come and I was shaking a little. The fear was real instead of just comedic as it was before.
I sang.
....It didn't even sound like me. I heard it over the speakers, I didn't murmur, I belted. It sounded GOOD. IT SOUNDED DAMN GOOD. I had to pay attention to the lyrics, and maybe I was too afraid to look up from the monitor, but I was performing. I danced, I got into it, and as the song progressed my courage grew. I felt it, I felt myself achieving.
At the very end, I raised my arms and yelled THANK YOU!
The crowd roared.
I got congratulated as I left the stage, but I was too busy shaking and couldn't hold back. I wept. I wept like a child. 10+ years of my biggest fear conquered, and I rocked it into the fucking ground. It felt like the whole world heard me, from the blind judgments of the escalators to the line of folks waiting for entertainment on the tile floors, I saw them all clearly in my mind. And I let 'em have it.
Am I still scared?
Yes. Or at least... cautious. But that's half the fun. You never get over the fear, you just continue to beat it into the ground every chance you get.
I conquered. I thank every person who was witness to it for their support, and their ears. I've been to every PAX, and this one will forever stand out because of this.
Now for my next fear to overcome.... Zombies?
Hm.
Might have to wait on that one.
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