Second Date Advice

susan

Need some quick advice for a date in a couple days.

First off, I'd like to preface this by saying my particular personal dating history is rather... brief. And awkward. Oh so awkward. So naturally I was surprised when I landed a date with a pretty girl through eHarmony earlier this week, met her for some coffee, and we actually seemed to hit it off. Hit it off so well, in fact, that we're going to see 'Inglorious Bastards' together this Thursday evening.

My specific question, aside from general fishing about general second date advice, is this: During the course of our first date conversation, I learned a couple interesting facts about her: 1. She's a total book nerd (in fact she was reading a book as she was waiting for me in the cafe and spoke longingly about Powell's Books in Portland), and enjoys Sci-Fi/Fantasy; and 2. She loves the book 'Good Omens' by Terry Pratchett, but has never read Discworld. After I arranged the date, I swung by a Barnes and Noble and picked up a paperback copy of 'Guards! Guards!' with the thought to give it to her this Thursday. Good idea/bad idea/risky idea/better idea out there? Definitely grasping at straws here people, could use a bit of guidance, many thanks in advance.

Awk

Only you could grasp her personality, not us. The book idea could be good, i know my girlfriend would adore the idea, shes a reader too.

Also i just saw Inglorious Basterds, its like 2.5 hours long, lots of dialogue in french/german, so i hope youre both into Tarentino or else you will be bored as hell (o no awkward).

Go to a zoo as third date, never fails.

admanb

Basterds could be very hit-or-miss. Don't plan to come out of the theater gushing about Tarantino's brilliance.

The gift seems like a reasonable idea to me. It's cheap, so as long as it's not timed really really badly, she shouldn't feel like you're trying to buy her off. It's cute, basically, and that can work for good or bad.

EskimoDave

What is she going to do with a book at a movie theatre?

admanb

EskimoDave wrote: »

What is she going to do with a book at a movie theatre?

You don't give it to her then. You give it to her right at the end of the night.

Funguy McAids

I say giving her a book is fine and can really impress her if you deliver it correctly.

Hand it to her casually or cool and say something like "Since you've read Pratchett already I got you an awesome book that I believe you will love. Here you go." But pass it to her like it ain't no thang; not carefully considering her expression as you gingerly pull it out of a bag or have wrapped up. Though I think a used copy would be slightly better in my opinion.

You're catering to her interests; not buying her some fucking earrings in an effort to impress upon her your money-making status and ability to provide things.

I know I'd do you if I was a girl and you got me an excellent book by an author I like.

hamdingers

The book shows you iisten - that's a good thing. Plus, being passionate about the author or series can lead to good conversations.

I agree with the others - give her the book, explain why you got it - no big deal and no implied expectations.

Evil Gummy

You need to be SUPER casual about this, because I know I'd personally feel very awkward and put upon if someone gave me a gift on a second date.

Chance are it'll be fine, and you know better how she feels than we do, so go with your gut.


It IS just a book, but it's a book you THINK she'd like because you listened, which makes it more important already than just the low price tag.

mere_immortal

Depending on how chill you think she would be about a new gift, you could always offer it as borrowing one of your books, instead of a brand new book.

matt has a problem

If you don't want to outright give her a gift, you can always say something like "You said you hadn't read such-and-such, so I thought you might want to borrow my copy" and give it to her. (Since it's new, bang it up a little, for presentation) It shows that 1) You pay attention to things she's said, 2) You like her enough to think the dating's going to last at least as long as it takes to read a book, 3) It opens the door for her to share something with you that you haven't read/done yet.

RocketSauce

Seems a little too early to be handing out a book as a gift.

Deebaser

If you go the book route, just remember NOT TO FOLLOW UP ABOUT IT. It's a gift, not an assignment.

Sentry

Wasn't "Good Omens" written by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman? How do you know she's a Terry Prachett fan?

Either way, I think giving a book is a good idea. It's like a more creative version of flowers.

onceling

As long as you are casual about it this is fine. I would find it pretty cute. It would probably be better if the book was old. Do you have a copy? If so swap it out. If you hadn't already picked it up I'd say to get a secondhand one instead but its not that big of a deal.

After you give her the book just continue the conversation, don't stare at her waiting for a gushing response or anything, and it'll be fine.

The Crowing One

A+ on the book. That's just gold.

That's actually all I really have to say.

EDIT: Actually, I do have more to say. Don't make the book into anything it is not. It's a book, and it's hardly much more than a "hey I like you enough to know that you should read this book!" For those of us who are bibliophiles, I will say that at least two of my relationships were begun by a lent/given book.

Really, keep it cool and low-key for the whole "giving" and don't try to make it into something big. I'd give it to her pre-movie, if this were me, as "hey this book is awesome! Now let's go watch a movie and let you think about how I just gave you an awesome book!" can lead to fun times.

susan

Awesome, thank you everyone who replied! I'll update soon to say how things go.

Eat it You Nasty Pig.

It is a good idea, but I personally think giving someone a gift on the second date is a little weird, especially when you had no relationship at all prior to dating.

Demerdar

Yeah.. I'm not so sure about the book thing either. Why don't you wait a bit? I mean.. what's the rush? If you two are going to start a relationship, it's going to happen whether or not you give her the book.

strakha_7

If you feel comfortable giving the book, go for it. But don't hold back because of thinking along the lines of "it's too early, I'll get more effect with it later." It shows an that you listen to her, and shows you are intense. These are two great attributes women like!

edit: but it is important that you don't make it feel like homework, as a few people have said. You think she'll enjoy it - I guarantee you you'll hear about it if she does like it.

MichaelLC

I'd say go for it, if you do all casual. I like the line, "Here, I thought you'd like to borrow my copy," but I'd leave the sticker on, or take it out of the B&N bag.

Just be casual about it, and don't bring it up to her again. Her dad might have been killed by a carrot, so it'd be awkward.

susan

8-)

She had a great reaction to the book. Kept it low key, gave it right before we broke off for the evening, went very naturally for all parties involved. She really liked the movie, too (she had a very... visceral reaction to the scalping, though in retrospect that's probably better than the opposite reaction would've been). I'm smiling right now .

Elimination

i think sharing a book is excellent. Thats how i first became friends with the current person i am seeing, is through common literary interests. We trade books back and forth and such all the time.

hamdingers

Glad to hear things went well.

The Crowing One

Hey, any girl who doesn't get excited by some second-date-book-giving isn't worth the cheap Chinese ink. ;p

Best of luck!

Evil Gummy

That's great! Way to go!

And she sounds like a keeper. ;D