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I think I have feelings for my housemate...
Nohman
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
H/A I come to you seeking advice.
I'm currently a university student, doing a year long industrial placement. The company I did mine with accepted me, and one other person from my university, who I am now living with.
The problem I have is, in the couple of months I have been living with her, I think I'm developing some pretty serious feelings for her, and I really don't want to.
Telling her and talking it out, seeing if she reciprocates is not an option, but at the same time I'm hoping I have some recourse aside from "move out."
When it's just me and her, it's all fine. I can hide how I feel pretty well and act normally. It's just there's someone she met here that she is I think getting pretty close to. He was round last night watching a movie, and they were cuddled up together on the sofa, and I felt physically sick, and had to fight to stop trembling.
We've talked about relationships before, and I don't think she plans to genuinely date, or even sleep with any of the guys we've met here so far.
I'm no psychologist, but one of the worries I have is that this is all just a case of wanting what I can't have, which I am prone to do.
So H/A, what are my options? The ideal solution is some way utterly killing any feelings I have for her and just make her a friend again. Failing that, a way to stop feeling sick when the bloke is round would be bloody nice...
I'm currently a university student, doing a year long industrial placement. The company I did mine with accepted me, and one other person from my university, who I am now living with.
The problem I have is, in the couple of months I have been living with her, I think I'm developing some pretty serious feelings for her, and I really don't want to.
Telling her and talking it out, seeing if she reciprocates is not an option, but at the same time I'm hoping I have some recourse aside from "move out."
When it's just me and her, it's all fine. I can hide how I feel pretty well and act normally. It's just there's someone she met here that she is I think getting pretty close to. He was round last night watching a movie, and they were cuddled up together on the sofa, and I felt physically sick, and had to fight to stop trembling.
We've talked about relationships before, and I don't think she plans to genuinely date, or even sleep with any of the guys we've met here so far.
I'm no psychologist, but one of the worries I have is that this is all just a case of wanting what I can't have, which I am prone to do.
So H/A, what are my options? The ideal solution is some way utterly killing any feelings I have for her and just make her a friend again. Failing that, a way to stop feeling sick when the bloke is round would be bloody nice...
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Shogun Streams Vidya
i say don't hang out with her when she's with other dudes. just go out and have your own fun. find other girls you don't live with to [strike]obsess[/strike] fawn over.
She also had a problem in her uni house with a housemate falling for her, but he then went kinda crazy and accused her of leading him on and all that kind of drama. I'm pretty sure if I told her, she would be freaked out and would instantly assume the same was going to happen again.
Are you kidding? Please tell me you're kidding.
Yeah, keep this to yourself. Find someone to date. Get a hobby. Just put this right out of your head.
Ultimately it comes down to what you're comfortable with. Local H Jay's advice seems like it would be very awkward, but if you're comfortable with that, then by all means go for it. Finding another girl seems like a slightly better option. I would tell her, but I'm also someone who's willing to risk a bit more for something like that.
Best of luck. :^:
Face Twit Rav Gram
What is wrong with you people?
He's in a year long lease with this girl and the last time this happened to her the guy went nuts.
Please stop giving horrible advice. Please. This is one of those "Just forget about it" situations.
Face Twit Rav Gram
I agree with not telling her and moving on. Start seeing someone else, the sooner the better.
While I'm not hugely risk-averse, it's the fact that even if I did tell her, and she felt the same, is it really a good idea to start a possible relationship at the living together stage? Especially if we'll be living together for the next year no matter what?
EDIT:
That actually is pretty re-assuring. All my uni housemates were blokes, so this wasn't exactly a problem then.
And this may be a stupid question, but if at the end of the year if I still feel like this, when we move back to uni, and most importantly into seperate houses again, would it be weird if I said anything? I've never fancied any of my friends before so have no clue if the "friend zone" stuff is a load of bullshit or not...
Some girls are attracted to you others aren't
frankly this isn't worth the risk. And no, don't tell her later, get this right out of your head, you have no reason not to.
stay friendly , but get a little distance between you, just be a friendly housemate
If, towards the end of the lease, you find yourself still attracted to her and she's single, ask her out on a very casual date.
Worst case? She freaks and you only have a month or so to deal with each other. Best case is you two hit it off and you can move to separate living arrangements if you both feel it needed.
A situation like this will be as big a clusterfuck as you allow it to become. Stop thinking about her like that and next time remove yourself from the situation rather than watch her getting close with another guy. It is pretty regular to develop some feelings for a girl you spend a lot of time with but remind yourself it's really not worth the fucking hassle in this case.
I've actually been in a very similar situation as this, first year of uni, had feelings for a girl in my hall, got very jealous when she went out with other guy. We and some others had made plans to live with each other the following year so i thought it'd be a bad idea to tell her how i felt. I actually made a thread on here actually under a diff name about it.
General consensus was to talk to her about it. I did, and it didnt go great, but it wasn't terrible and i'm glad i did it. Now we are friends and it's all good and forgotten about (took like 3months to get back to normal though)
It will drive you crazy if you don't do anything regarding girls. Date someone else or ask her out, you won't just forget about it otherwise.
Limed, seriously.
Do. Not. Tell. Her.
Find someone else to date or something else to do to help you forget, but for fuck's sake don't go spilling your heart out in some profession of teh lurvs yu0 when you've got a year left to live with her.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
I'll certainly agree that you're better off not even getting into it.
I'll also parrot that the best way to get your mind off her is to meet other women out there. Go to events, find a crush that isn't involved in a long-term legal agreement with you.
I'll also say don't tell her. I did something similar to this: moved in with someone that I was originally interested in. Right before moving in I had told her I was interested at one point but was over it. Luckily it was only a 3 month arrangement, but was still kinda awkward for a while.
In the end, you don't want to alienate your house mates. Since both of you have a one year lease, you'll be spending a decent chunk of your time there. Don't make living there suck.
If a girl has an interest in a man she is 99% likely to jump on his lap at some point during the night if she's inebriated.
Pretend she is your sister.
Bad advice is BAD.
I thought everyone in here telling the OP to express his feelings were about as dumb as you could get.
Then I see this post.
If a guy has interest in a girl and he's posting this kind of OP he's 99% likely to make it a FUBAR situation if he's inebriated. I almost want to report that post.
PSN: TheScrublet
Getting someone drunk to have sex with them isn't rape, it's college!
But so many people actually take this sentiment unironically that statements like this just tend to enrage me.
Fixed.
Anyway OP, just remember that this "thing" you have for your housemate is infatuation, not love. She isn't "the one" or your "soulmate." She's someone you are crushing on because of proximity and some possible mutual interests. Just occupy yourself with other things and eventually your feelings will fade. They may never disappear entirely, but they will become just another thing, like any girl you crushed on in High School.
Indeed. College is no laughing matter.
Maybe the OP will be able to woo his girl if he adopts your charming sense of humor and nonchalant attitude towards sexual assault.
No, my charming sense of humor and nonchalant attitude towards sexual assault won't help, I usually just get them drunk.
So, the only advice I can give is that telling her is a horrible idea, furthermore you need to find ways to distance yourself from her so that you're not putting yourself into situations where you're attraction is going to reign supreme. Don't go out drinking with her, don't hole up in the apartment and watch movies together late into the night, basically try to make sure there's always a line you don't cross. Those things will help, but really the only way to get a handle on those types of feelings is to go out and start dating, if you meet someone new that you really like, it should take your mind off what's going on at home. Or make some new friends that keep you out of the house, the more you're out of the house and living the good life, the more your home environment will feel like you have a roommate instead of a possible girlfriend.
Going to keep this to myself I think, and try and just get out a lot more.
The only problem is we share a lot of the same interests, so anything I'm interested in going out and doing, she'd want to do as well, and I'd feel like kind of a tool telling her about the fun I had and never invited her to.
Although on that note, to the gym!
I've also found that dating around is the best way to get over a situation like this.
Here's a fun activity. Tell her you're trying to meet someone, and that she can only come along if she's scouting out potential dates for you.
Then get her drunk. (seriously, what kind of advice were we expecting from a guy named McAids?)
First, girls can make fantastic wing-men. And second, the more you treat her like you would any friend, the more it will start to feel like a real friendship.
You don't have to cut ties and not be around her, that's letting your irrational side control your behavior. Just stop. Treat her like normal, hang out, treat her like any friend, but this is a friend who can improve you. She can give you advice on how to talk to girls, how to dress, how to present yourself better.
I get what you're trying to do here, but I dunno...isn't the girl you have a thing for helping you get other girls just another shitty scenario? It's like you're voluntarily putting yourself into harm's way, especially where feelings are involved.
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I agree, I'd stick to strictly platonic activities in public with this girl until you get over it.