Making a change in my life!

peow

Hi all, I've been lurking for close to a year now. Only just signed up. Hopfully I won't come off as an angsty teen with bad gramma and spelling.

I'm 19 year old guy. I've hated the way my life has been for a good while now. Close to 4 years I've been suffering from depression and lonelyness. Alot of it has to do with self image problems and a lack of confidense. I spend alot of time sleeping during the day and being up all night.

I've decided I'm ready to make a real change in my life, I've started jogging to get fit, and intend on join a gym soon. Get toned up and looking good. I'm trying to look after my skin alot more(BAD achne). I'm going to start studying next year even if it's just somthinng to get me out of the house and socialising. My main problem is lack of confidence and I think that maybe if I feel better about what I'm doing with my life then maybe I'll feel better about myself.

I'm doing most of this in hopes of finding a girlfriend, somthing i've never had before. I've decided I'm going to look for books on confidence also. My sleeping patterns atm are pretty screwed up, once I get over them tho things are going to be alot easier I hope.

So I'm just here looking for some advise that might help me thru this change, or some advise to help me gain more confidence.

Any help would be great!

Malkor

Id say join clubs and stuff. There's really no better way to meet alot of people really quickly than that. If you're in college you'll probably have a better chance finding clubs you're actually interested in, but if not take a chance and try something new. I used to do Habitat for Humanity in HS and college, and I met a crap-ton on people that way, there are chapters all over the place.

Locust76

peow wrote:

I'm doing most of this in hopes of finding a girlfriend, somthing i've never had before.

A little advice: The best girlfriends are the ones that come when you least expect them. That means that going to the gym, slathering up with acne cream and reading books about things that come naturally will more than likely end up in disappointment because you're trying too hard.

You should do what makes you feel good, but don't do all this stuff in search for a girlfriend. Expand your social circle. Meet people who like you for who you are, not because you're ripped and have perfect skin.

If you're going to college soon, then that's your golden opportunity to find yourself. I don't know about colleges these days, but when I went, it was like shedding all that horrid, rank high school shit and being born again. If you take the time to submerse yourself in your social surroundings on campus, you can't avoid making tons of new friends, provided you aren't a complete dickhole, which I doubt.

Also, girls can be friends without being "girlfriends." Befriend a few girls. I mean real friendship, too, not this "just waiting for her boyfriend to get out of the picture so I can get in there and lay some pipe" kind of bullshit. Women are much more receptive to an honest and good-hearted man. You'll find that you can better your perception of yourself simply by being a true friend to somebody, male or female.

Being a good person will get you more positive social attention than any amount of face cream or weight lifting ever will.

Vincent Grayson

Get a job. That did *wonders* for my depression that lingered through all of my teenage years. There's just something nice about having a clear list of things to do, and getting paid to do them. You'll have a set schedule, and can plan things you like around your work schedule. For me, at least, it made life a lot more managable, and I haven't had an issue with depression in six years now, after about 11 years straight of it.

Amigu

I second the job idea.

I also second the "Don't just do it to find a gf" I've never had a gf and I'm your age. It's not a must or anything man, you'll have plenty of fun just trying out all this new stuff!

Let me add that: If you're going to take up jogging and go to the gym, be sure to have a plan. Don't just randomly start running somewhere or just stroll into the gym and start using different machines.

You'll lose motivation if you don't have a plan.

When you're making your plan, also remember that you're a beginner so don't try and overwork yourself. Start off small, so you know that you'll do it. Keep that up for a while and then expand on what you've learnt.
That way it's a lot less likely that you'll burn out

As for running, maybe you want to join a field and track club or something. That way you'll have someody who plans your routine for you and you'll meet people. I know a lot of people who have depression join running clubs, something about the endorphines I think.

Lucky Cynic

Strong motivational words follow:

If you want to do something big and you know is going to be tough, 1: Do it now! Do something in some way helping you achieve your goal now, or at least, ASAP, weather it be simple planning or big steps. 2: Be enthused. Be positive and obsessed by this something. Tell people about it, the more you talk about it, the more you will get reaction, and bring in some positive feedback, and will be harder for you to quit when everyone is asking about it. 3: Stick with it, to death if need be. If something you wish to do is worth doing, it is worth doing right and continue doing.

Just make baby steps, bro, try and do 1 thing better a day, weather it be jogging for an extra block or doing some stretches, or whatever. By the end of the month, you'll be 30 times better than when you began,

Also, its not where you start, it's where you end up. I'm going thru some pretty similiar changes myself so I can relate to a lot of what your going thru.

noobert

You say that you feel a lack of confidense is your main problem, well I've had the same problem befor. I've found that i had much, much more confidence when i felt i looked good. Working out helped, but for me it was just as important to be wearing clothes that suited me well and i thought looked amazing. (This is however, quite expensive)

What I'm saying is, do whatever you feel you need to gain that confidence. Once you have it searching for a girl will be pretty easy (although i agree the best ones always appear out of nowhere and when you're not looking), finding a job will be much easier and making new friends in whatever you plan on studying should be no problem.

For the Future

Don't listen to whatever the fuck everyone tells you, looking good is the first big step to making the best changes in your life. Look good, smell good, feel good. You gotta be in love with yourself.

LondonBridge

Set goals for where you want to be physically.