WTD04

AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
edited December 2010 in Artist's Corner
Here's a comic I've been working on a page a day and posting in random spots. Please drop some comments and lemme know what ya'll think.

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www.allstarkrew.com
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«1

Posts

  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    okay i got confused like... 1/4 through.
    is the main character in the comic supposed to be tony danza?
    the guy who wins a million?
    because he looks nothing like tony danza
    and i'm pretty sure tony danza doesn't have straight edge x's on his hands

    tony danza looks just like the guy who's writing it
    maybe this gets explained later, but i stopped reading at that point because the dialogue and visual flow was jarring and confusing and i'm tired.

    beavotron on
  • iglidanteiglidante Registered User
    edited October 2009
    I got confused very quickly by the lack of a gap between each comic in your enormous column-of-posts. It makes picking out the flow a little...tricky.

    I like the art style quite a bit. Good, strong linework. Black and white works well for this comic, I think.

    iglidante on
  • MetalbourneMetalbourne Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    It's hard to tell what's going on in the strip.

    And I'm pretty sure that having an Alyssa Milano calendar doesn't make you a chester. Tony Danza wasn't really her dad, so I don't know why he'd have a thing about people looking at calendars of her.

    Unless chester is your name, in which case I apologize.

    Metalbourne on
  • GrennGrenn Registered User
    edited October 2009
    A few pages in, I lost interest.

    The art isn't bad but it's a bit too 'early Jim Mahfood' for my liking... especially when combined with all the drugs references.

    Better than the usual shite we get here, though.

    Grenn on
  • iglidanteiglidante Registered User
    edited October 2009
    I think what really confuses me, even more than the strip-overload, is that my eye literally has NO CLUE where to land on any of these. I try to focus on something, and everything competes. There are pure blacks everywhere, and everything has strong lines. In the end, it's fatiguing.

    iglidante on
  • ProspicienceProspicience The Raven King DenvemoloradoRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Grenn wrote: »
    A few pages in, I lost interest.

    The art isn't bad but it's a bit too 'early Jim Mahfood' for my liking... especially when combined with all the drugs references.

    Better than the usual shite we get here, though.

    Couldn't have said it better honestly, one thing I noticed pretty quickly is that I had a hard time following the chat bubbles. Really like the inking and the art is pretty darn sweet.

    Prospicience on
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited October 2009
    iglidante wrote: »
    I got confused very quickly by the lack of a gap between each comic in your enormous column-of-posts. It makes picking out the flow a little...tricky.

    I like the art style quite a bit. Good, strong linework. Black and white works well for this comic, I think.

    Yeah I can see that, I spaced it out hopefully that helps. I know that posting something that's supposed to be read from left to right and making you read it up and down can be jarring sometimes. So hopefully the spacing helps.

    Allstarkrew on
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  • MagicToasterMagicToaster JapanRegistered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I thought it was funny, but very exhausting.

    MagicToaster on
  • iglidanteiglidante Registered User
    edited October 2009
    And...I never even knew your comics were square - the lack of space led to me assuming they were regular GN-shaped pages. But the spaces in between them are very helpful.

    iglidante on
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited October 2009
    iglidante wrote: »
    And...I never even knew your comics were square - the lack of space led to me assuming they were regular GN-shaped pages. But the spaces in between them are very helpful.

    Yeah, it's all drawn at cd booklet size and meant for a B&W mini comic. That's why there's heavy lines, greys and a lot of black. It's pretty much designed for the way it's being printed.

    But thanks for pointing out the spaces. If anyone else can expand on their thoughts of it being "exhausting" or confusing please do so, because I can't improve anything without knowing whats wrong with it specificly. I know my comics aren't everyones bag, and I knew the risk with posting something like this in a forum that doesn't cater to what I do. So I stepped out of my artistic ego to get better.

    I checked out quite a few of ya'lls sites and deviant art spots and really like the things I saw from screen printing to sketches at the zoo, it's all very good.

    Allstarkrew on
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  • AnalrapistAnalrapist Registered User
    edited October 2009
    K, didn't read the whole thing , I'm at work.
    Awsome style for sure, I dig it. Just wonderin' though he has the x's on his hands. Was he straight edge at one point? Are they tattoos?

    Also, Nightman on Tv is awesome.

    Analrapist on
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  • iglidanteiglidante Registered User
    edited October 2009
    Just noticed: "I'm finna need a bigger straw."

    F is next to G, and I is next to U...and O. Was that a typo, or some funky linguistics? My guess is a flub, and it was supposed to be gunna. Or gonna.

    iglidante on
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited October 2009
    Analrapist wrote: »
    K, didn't read the whole thing , I'm at work.
    Awsome style for sure, I dig it. Just wonderin' though he has the x's on his hands. Was he straight edge at one point? Are they tattoos?

    Also, Nightman on Tv is awesome.

    The character in it is me, and the whole comic came about when a few friends and myself were sitting around bullshitting about what we'd do if we won a million dollars. So one of us said we'd blow it all on coke and hookers so it's a tounge in cheek kinda play on that. So with all the drug use I decided it'd be funny if I had X's on my hands to styliticly replace the knuckles and poke fun at the straight edge thing.

    It's always sunny is an amazing show and I like to throw in pop culture references everywhere I can, the alyssa milano calendar and that joke was one of them as well.

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited October 2009
    iglidante wrote: »
    Just noticed: "I'm finna need a bigger straw."

    F is next to G, and I is next to U...and O. Was that a typo, or some funky linguistics? My guess is a flub, and it was supposed to be gunna. Or gonna.

    No it's supposed to be finna. I have a friend who's a 22 year old black guy who always says stuff like "finna" instead of "gonna". I think it's a weird combonatino of fixin to & gonna. So he combined the two and says "I'm finna get me some food". There's a few other things like the 1's instead of !!! that are on purpose as well. There are some things that don't make sense grammar wise that I've had pointed out that have been fixed for the print versions. But thanks for pointing that out & thanks for taking the time to look it over.

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • iglidanteiglidante Registered User
    edited October 2009
    Ah, gotcha. It seemed deliberate, but I wasn't sure.

    iglidante on
  • MustangMustang Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    I love the first two pages, very cool intro. I haven't got the time to read through the rest, but i'll get to it.

    Mustang on
  • RubberACRubberAC Sidney BC!Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Actually kinda funny, but the transition from "this is the comic" to " this is the guy drawing the comic, it is a comic too" Is a bit confusing
    I didn't figure it out until i saw him drawing the strip

    RubberAC on
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited October 2009
    RubberAC wrote: »
    Actually kinda funny, but the transition from "this is the comic" to " this is the guy drawing the comic, it is a comic too" Is a bit confusing
    I didn't figure it out until i saw him drawing the strip

    Yeah, I've noticed that as well. I was actually thinking about coloring the real life part and then going back to black and white for the comic. I just gotta figure out if it would be logical seeing how I would be printing all these myself.

    Thanks for the note.

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    Yeah it was hard to pick up on that transition. I didn't think the whole breaking the 5th wall thing really added very much to the comic anyway.

    But I like it. Art is great. Really bold and stylish stuffs.

    However, it is exhausting, as mentioned, because they're isn't much pacing. A good comic is sorta like a cross country adventure, revealing things little by little and always building up to a more interesting destination. Yours is like a quartermile in a rocketpowered jetcar, fun while it lasted but ultimately not substantial enough to make a lasting impact. It was a fun read though, and the art deserves kudos.

    I use drugs from time to time, and alot of my friends are even more into substances, but I found the drug references to be way too in your face. Things like that tend to have more impact when they are used sparingly. Right off the bat we find out the dude walks around with a crackrock, making him a dislikable character from the get-go. Having drugs in a comic usually means that the material is aimed more at adults, but here it is presented in a more outlandish juvenile fashion.

    You kinda lost me at the whole Tony Danza gets eaten by pacman thing though, because at that point it's hard to tell who the comic is focusing on. And then on top of that he meets another character making things even harder to process.

    I also thought the wording in the bubbles could use some work, but hopefully Manon will be in here soon to elaborate.

    Stick around and post more stuff because I'd like to see what else you can do. The forum doesn't really cater to anything in particular, so you don't have to worry about that.

    earthwormadam on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    You know you can adjust the distance between lines of text, right?

    Because it looks like you're using Blambot's Creative Block, and the default on that is way too fucking big.

    ManonvonSuperock on
  • iglidanteiglidante Registered User
    edited October 2009
    You know you can adjust the distance between lines of text, right?

    Because it looks like you're using Blambot's Creative Block, and the default on that is way too fucking big.

    The leading looks fine to me when the text is smaller, but once it starts to get large, it really should be condensed a little. Like on this one:

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    The "Oh Crap!" should be much more condensed. With leading set so high, it makes the composition awkward.

    ...and maybe it can be reduced a LITTLE bit for the rest of the text. But it's really important for the larger stuff.

    iglidante on
  • srsizzysrsizzy Registered User regular
    edited October 2009
    ok, I'm not confused by the story at all, I love the style, didn't "exhaust" me. the writing isn't that funny though, and when the girl shows up, you can't tell she's a girl for two pages because you never see all of her boobs and hair. you could make the speech bubbles and text WAY smaller. they dominate more space than they need to.

    srsizzy on
    BRO LET ME GET REAL WITH YOU AND SAY THAT MY FINGERS ARE PREPPED AND HOT LIKE THE SURFACE OF THE SUN TO BRING RADICAL BEATS SO SMOOTH THE SHIT WILL BE MEDICINAL-GRADE TRIPNASTY MAKING ALL BRAINWAVES ROLL ON THE SURFACE OF A BALLS-FEISTY NEURAL RAINBOW CRACKA-LACKIN' YOUR PERCEPTION OF THE HERE-NOW SPACE-TIME SITUATION THAT ALL OF LIFE BE JAMMED UP IN THROUGH THE UNIVERSAL FLOW BEATS
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited October 2009
    iglidante wrote: »
    You know you can adjust the distance between lines of text, right?

    Because it looks like you're using Blambot's Creative Block, and the default on that is way too fucking big.

    The leading looks fine to me when the text is smaller, but once it starts to get large, it really should be condensed a little. Like on this one:

    31.jpg

    The "Oh Crap!" should be much more condensed. With leading set so high, it makes the composition awkward.

    ...and maybe it can be reduced a LITTLE bit for the rest of the text. But it's really important for the larger stuff.

    Yeah, I was having problems with the font because I hand letter almost everything. this is the first time I've ever used a font and I hate it. It will prolly be changed as soon as my wrist stops giving me problems. But I agree with you guys about the font, it stinks looking over it now.

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited October 2009
    srsizzy wrote: »
    ok, I'm not confused by the story at all, I love the style, didn't "exhaust" me. the writing isn't that funny though, and when the girl shows up, you can't tell she's a girl for two pages because you never see all of her boobs and hair. you could make the speech bubbles and text WAY smaller. they dominate more space than they need to.

    Hey thanks. I suppose all of what people don't like or do like is subjective. I see the weak points in the story and where I can improve later on. But this was a story that I wanted to do without writing a script. It's all been just written off the top of my head form page to page.

    The text is poop I know, but a lot of the problems for the bubbles come from drawing the book at 4.75 x 4.75 . So I have to find a little way to work in a bunch of stuff in a small space. Just pick up a cd booklet and that's the exact size all of this is drawn at. I just decided to challenege myself on this book and do something thats not the norm.

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited March 2010
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    Ahhh more for you guys to hate.

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited March 2010
    51.jpg

    page 51 finally done.

    On a side note, if anyone is going to Wondercon in San Francisco, I'll be there on sunday and I'll have a bunch of free sketchbooks dumped on the free table. Hopefully you can pick one of them up cause on the inside there's a way to get another comic for free from me. Let me know if you're going to be there via facebook or email and we can meet up. Allstarkrew at hotmail dot com or hit me up thru my website www.allstarkrew.com

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    Man, I really like your style and some of yer stuff, but your layouts and word bubbles are just killing some of your panels. Like in that very last panel, I can't tell whats happening and then that word bubble just looks terrible in terms of how the tail connects to the bubble and how the word fits inside it. It just seems like a tad bit more of effort would go along way. I do like that you do your sound fx by hand too.

    Things can be hard to follow because of what your choosing to show in your panels, and the word bubble stuff can kinda hurts the overall aesthetics of your pages. I like the zaniness of it, but it's just all zany and no substance. I know you mentioned its just a thing you're doing with your friends but I figured I'd mention it. I'd like to see you tackle something with more of an actual arcing story.

    earthwormadam on
  • FletcherFletcher Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    i think the fact that you're only showing like 1/8th of a face in each panel is REALLY making it hard to follow

    and yeah the speech bubbles are often varied strangely, but even the normal ones you use seem to take up a heck of a lot more space than they have any reason to

    i've stared at that last panel for AGES and i'm still not certain what is happening

    I think he is being hit in the stomach and propelled upwards, but is he being punched by a jet of steam or something? did somebody throw stars at him? where did his face go? why is everything black?

    Fletcher on
  • m3nacem3nace Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    as said by fletcher, It's hard to follow when it's so zoomed in like that
    you should try with some longshots (sometimes I do one per page, then I know where the hell my characters are at) or just something that's a bit further away because it's kinda confooosing to look at.
    Other than the confoosiness, it's great. Lots of action, kinda like "Rocknrolla" (guy richie movie)

    m3nace on
  • DarkWarriorDarkWarrior __BANNED USERS
    edited March 2010
    I dont know what you guys are complaining about, I followed it perfectly fine. I liked it a lot. Wouldn't buy it, but I liked the art and crazy story.

    DarkWarrior on
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    No one in here is complaining. What people are doing is offering advice on how we think it could be better. The fact is that things are all zoomed in too much, and could be more clearly laid out, plus the speech bubbles could use work.

    earthwormadam on
  • ManonvonSuperockManonvonSuperock Registered User regular
    edited March 2010
    yeah, the default spacing between lines of text for Blambot's CreativeBlock font is waaaay too large. You should really manually drop it down. I find half of a point larger than my font size works well for it.

    ManonvonSuperock on
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited July 2010
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    I haven't been posting anything because I've given up on life and have been stuck on one panel that's killing me. that being said, I'll be posting some of my three panel comic failures online for everyone to look and laugh at on my site... www.allstarkrew.com

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited July 2010
    022.jpg

    Here's another rejected comic strip, and you can also see my massive carpentry skills on display. Me>Ikea

    http://allstarkrew.com/wtd/

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited August 2010
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    Finally!!! I got back around to finishing up a new page of the ongoing disaster that is WTD: The Tony Danza Saga. I don't know if anyone really remembers what the hell has been going on in this comic---so if that's the case you can catch up by going to my site www.allstarkrew.com and reading all the comic to this point so far.

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • earthwormadamearthwormadam ancient crust Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    This still suffers a lot from the problems people have been mentioning for awhile.

    The whole, every word bubble must be circular, is probably the most baffling to me. The last panel for example I have absolutely no clue whats going on. I think its been said a lot already but the viewpoints seem to close and with the word bubbles are taking up half the space of the panels, it makes things more confusing than it should be.

    I want to like it, because I like your style, but knowing how much better these comics could be ruins it, at least for me.

    earthwormadam on
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited August 2010
    The size/word balloon issues are because it's drawn at 4 inches by 4 inches. Not much I can do about it just because of the format.

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • melting_dollmelting_doll Registered User regular
    edited August 2010
    Have you tried drawing it larger? It's easier to size down than it is to size up.

    I also find the pacing a bit rushed. There's nothing wrong with being random and sporatic, though I think it would help if you made your transitions a little smoother. I know you aren't writing a script beforehand, but that's probably part of the problem. (;

    Also, it's "is too", not "is to"

    melting_doll on
  • AllstarkrewAllstarkrew Registered User
    edited August 2010
    i draw things at whatever size I'm doodling in. This is drawn in a dumpy sketchbook with crappy paper that someone gave me. So that's why its small.

    It's all just whatever. If it feels rushed, it is. If the font or balloons bother you, then they bother you. I'm not gonna be changing anything within the story. It's all just the way it is. I'm not doing this comic to really do anything with, I'm just doing it to do it.

    too? to? two?

    Allstarkrew on
    www.allstarkrew.com
  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited August 2010
    Well, this is a forum for critique and feedback, what do you want people to point out to you/help you with? If you're just looking for a showcase, then you have the wrong site. There are alot of artists on this forum who are great at making comics if you are willing to try and grow.

    Iruka on
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