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Just a (teen) rant
Lurk
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
This is a product of a periodic urge that sometimes crosses the border between want and need, very related to the releasing of steam from the often-clichéd pressure cooker. I am recently turned 17 and my youth status is going to expire in a few years, which I didn’t mind. Being a lurker with 3 years of casual reading, I know that the audience here is varied and if you don’t rants, sorry bud.
I am a conservative person that my friends see a naïve, honest, self-righteous and I have been called motherly a few times because of my tendencies to help people out. Most notably I tend to speak very little because of my shyness and often inability to make decent sounding sentences (being Russian, it has humorous results) come out of my mouth on a whim. I am respected and everything like that, but tend to stay in the background by voluntary or involuntary whim for reasons above.
The issue is of me being a somewhat horrible communicator with my intention and result being very different at the worst times. This combined with the awesome forces of insecurity, “clinginglyness†and my zealous nature (not religious) bogs down my day. This lead to having distance even between my closest friends and being aware of all these personal issues I have is what really irks me. I know what they are, I could list them all here on a whim without lapse (insecurity makes you efficient) and sit there staring them down hoping they would back down. There are things that do make these things worse like love interests (had two, both ended sour – nothing happened), the less common “the government is being a prick and is pulling illegal crap to deport you†(welcome to Canada, occupation of 12 years now) and the grave financial troubles due to the prickery. The urgency of looming University education (in computer science) and being able to take the workload from that is another bonus.
/rant
I am a conservative person that my friends see a naïve, honest, self-righteous and I have been called motherly a few times because of my tendencies to help people out. Most notably I tend to speak very little because of my shyness and often inability to make decent sounding sentences (being Russian, it has humorous results) come out of my mouth on a whim. I am respected and everything like that, but tend to stay in the background by voluntary or involuntary whim for reasons above.
The issue is of me being a somewhat horrible communicator with my intention and result being very different at the worst times. This combined with the awesome forces of insecurity, “clinginglyness†and my zealous nature (not religious) bogs down my day. This lead to having distance even between my closest friends and being aware of all these personal issues I have is what really irks me. I know what they are, I could list them all here on a whim without lapse (insecurity makes you efficient) and sit there staring them down hoping they would back down. There are things that do make these things worse like love interests (had two, both ended sour – nothing happened), the less common “the government is being a prick and is pulling illegal crap to deport you†(welcome to Canada, occupation of 12 years now) and the grave financial troubles due to the prickery. The urgency of looming University education (in computer science) and being able to take the workload from that is another bonus.
/rant
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Do you want Help or Advice?
The problem stands if I am overreacting because of circumstance or just general teenage lunacy. If I am, I just can wait it out and get to a mental state where I don’t imagine such a distance. If not, what options do I have?
Ask us a question and we'll see what we can do.
From the looks of things - I wouldn't necessarily call it a teenage mental state issue. I think we just go through phases...I used to be a lot more pessimistic and helpful back in high school (haha, amusing) but now I'm a lot more laid back, comical and quite the silent cynic. I've changed as a person as the years went by and I'm sure you will too.
Now, in regards to getting closer to your friends...what's stopping you? What would you define as a close relationship?
The only thing I can really offer insights into is the social aspects of your problems. I've got a decent-sized case of social anxiety and shyness, and the one thing I can tell you is that getting better at talking and being around people takes practice. For better or worse, you have to force yourself to not be in the background, try to be as talkative as possible and be an active participant in the group you're hanging out in.
Do not feel self-conscious about your accent or handle on the English language. Most people appreciate the effort you put forth. If you make a mistake, say something that doesn't make sense, and people laugh, just realize that they're not antagonizing you. They're just laughing because it's honestly, innocently funny. Laugh with them!
And realize that because you're from a distant land, speak another language, and were raised in an entirely different culture, that makes you the most potentially interesting person in any room you walk into. Don't be anxious because you're so different. Instead, embrace it and share stories from back home, offer to teach people how to swear in Russian, do all sorts of things that can easily make you the life of the party.
What you need to learn to do (and what I myself and still learning to do) is to just relax and have a good time. Don't analyze everything you say or do before you do it - just do it, and forget about what everyone else thinks. If you're having a good time and people see you as being an active participate in the group, then everything else will fall into place.
You're basically lumping all your problems together and saying, "My life sucks," in a really verbose and roundabout way. That's never a good sign. If you seperate out all the issues and attack them one at a time they'll seem a lot less overwhelming.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
*Ahem*
If you want details about what the hells I am writing about, refer to OP and my subsequent first reply.
How should I handle my "social issue" if they are not part of some phase, should I come out and force (:() myself to speak more often for example? If I this attempt to communicate does not work, I am just proving a point that I am a bad communicator...so hah!
EDIT: I am amazed on how fast you people reply O_O
DOUBLE EDIT:
I should have given proper detail for everything; I tend to be vague and unspecific at times but it’s hard to explain. The problem is that I am unsure of myself; I don't put enough trust in the people around to be comfortable. I should be happy with the people I am with, but there is a barrier that always hinders me when I deal with people. For example, I tend to stutter or speak too fast at times but that only happens when I am around people - if I am at my lonesome...I speak neigh perfectly without deviation. Another issue I have is that while I worry about other people’s problems and try to be as reassuring as I can (I am actually quite effective), I tend to act indifferent to myself to an extent that I am sacrificial. It’s a feeling of contradiction, since I am happy with my friends when they are around, but if I get a time gap where I am without them for example, I feel discontent and become more solitary (less dependent I guess).
Second, it doesnt matter if you think you know what your friend's problems are and how to fix them. If they want help, then they'll ask for it, and then you can give them advice, but nobody likes it when you just tell them what you think they are doing wrong with their life and how they should live their life differently instead.
One kid had atrocious, shitty english skills.
Some people just need to blow off some steam from time to time without actually wanting anyone's opinion on it.
I have plenty of friends who come to me for this, rant for half an hour, but if I offer any advice, I'm met with "I don't WANT your opinion, I just want you to LISTEN".
I thought that this might be one of those times.
I didn't want to write anything more in depth without first knowing wether or not my advice would be welcomed, that's all.
Basically, I figured, if you wanted advice, you would have asked for it, that's all.
Advice is always welcomed, but there is always a need to release at times. I want to say what I think is true for myself at least once because it is something that I feel right now can't share anyone while being content at the same time.
I should apologize if I seemed harsh, there was no intention of that tone being there (maybe something sarcastic, sure).