Anxiety problems and stuff.

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot

So, I'm 18, female, just started university.

A quick history: When I was 16 or so, I was hospitalized for depression because I was considered a threat to myself. I had been on five different anti-depressants in a year and none of them were working. I stayed in the hospital for eight days full-time, and three weeks follow up. I now take 300mg of Wellbutrin XR daily, two pills.

I've had severe problems with disordered eating. When I tried to see my GP about it, I was informed that he was on vacation and I saw another doctor, who told me I was too fat to have an eating disorder. I haven't been back.

For a while, I made the huge huge huge mistake of going 'I feel better now, I don't need the pills'. When I am seriously depressed, I cannot be reasoned with and it takes an effort to get back on the pills. I am now on them steadily and reliably and my depression is pretty much gone. I can get out of bed in the morning, I can make breakfast for myself and go to school, I don't burst into tears wildly, etc.


So the symptoms that were driving me to the brink are gone, but I still have something going on. I was tested for a learning disability when I was 17 and the test came up with 'clinical levels of general anxiety'. I've not been diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder officially beyond that. However, I have problems with these things:
-I wake up in the middle of the night to remember the time in grade school I had an argument or made a bad joke and nearly burst into tears. I cannot get back to sleep.
-Meeting new people, especially en masse (at a party, club)
-Calling people is absolutely terrifying to an abnormal degree. Ordering a pizza is wildly difficult because of overwhelming fear.
-Absolute certainty that people dislike or hate me

I am trying to find a therapist but it is very hard. My GP is working on finding me one but several have closed up new patients or have waiting lists months long. I have been looking for a year and a half and I cannot find anything. My school offers some therapy options, but nothing long-term.

I'm not really sure where to go from here. I am insured, but I don't see any options. I don't have any diagnoses that I can take to a doctor. I don't want to do another medication clusterfuck, where I go through half a dozen of them while they wreak havoc on me. But at the same time, I know I'm not 100% healthy and I need to take steps to get there.

guar

I think you have the right idea with seeking therapy. I've been suffering from depression myself, for the past 8 years approximately, and it wasn't until recently that I started seeing a therapist. Up until two months ago anyway. The point is, I responded much better to seeing my therapist for an hour every week than I did my psychologist for 15 minutes once a month. If your only option right now is a short-term one, I think you should take it.

Vars

I understand how you feel about this stuff, I have the same general problems. If you haven't made an appointment with the school's services, I think you should. Though if you're like me, I'm sure you're worried about that as well. You have to start though, saying that it's only short term is an excuse you're making. If it is short term maybe they'll be able to refer you to something that isn't. You don't know, but you won't find out unless you go.

I'll PM you with how I try to deal with some of those issues you listed, because I have some pretty serious anxiety too.

moocow

Your school doesn't have mental health duders you can talk to? My school had psychologists or psychiatrists that we could talk to in Student Health for free. You should look into the school services thing.

StormCrow420

5 different anti-depressants in one year is no good. I've done the drug mixing thing and in the end you can't tell up from down.

It definately sounds to me like you need some counciling. My usual 'it's all in your head, smoke a joint and move on with life' advice isn't going to help you here (although no harm in trying!).

Asking for help is a big step. You know that you are ill and you want to get better. If you can't find a steady shrink then find a substitute. Like someone said there should be councilers on campus, if not there are crisis hotlines you can call. Or a peer group.

You also are aware of your mistake in deciding that you had 'got better' and didn't need help anymore. Clearly, your depression comes and goes and just cause you feel great today doesn't mean you are going to have a healthy outlook tomorrow.

It sounds like you have a pretty solid understanding of where your problems are, and have learned from some of your mistakes in the past.

Biggest thing right now is to get into some regular consistent counseling. And don't take it out on yourself sister! We love the Dread Pirate! We need her to help find the spanish dubloons!

SwashbucklerXX

I have general anxiety, and cognitive-behavioural therapy combined with a low-dose SSRI made a big difference for me. CBT is awesome because it's very practical and non-mushy; it's about really drilling down and asking yourself logical questions that help you create order out of disordered thinking. The good thing is that it's also used for depression.

You can buy books that help you do CBT on your own, but I strongly recommend doing individual or group therapy first. It's much much easier to learn how to practice it from/with other people.

I would recommend that you see a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist, if you're able to. Especially because you've been on so many different types of medication, and psychiatrists are better qualified to work those into the equation.

Sarcastro

Pretty good advice so far, I liked the SSRI recomendation, might help with the social anxiety.

This stuck out-

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot wrote: »

-I wake up in the middle of the night to remember the time in grade school I had an argument or made a bad joke and nearly burst into tears. I cannot get back to sleep.

Which used to happen to me on a fairly consistant basis. I used to have major sleeping issues, and the worst nights were often an Unpleasent Moments highlight reel/biography combo that would agitate me so much on an emotional level I wouldn't be able to sleep at all.

One of the things that worked for me was a concious Happy Thought reel, as if one were trying to fly after being coated with fairy dust. Replay the reel, try to 'feel' happy, and quite often I'd calm down enough to get some sleep. Everybody has happy thoughts, though I have found some have to look harder than others.

You also mentioned being a student, and so one assumes you spend a fair amount of time trying to stuff information into your head. Try to pace yourself as best as you can trying to keep large ongoing doses to a minimum. I have often found that revving the mental engine too hard for too long means its still spinning after the study session is over, and it just latches on to random (and often unpleasent) things and examines them endlessly. A 'cool down' session, just light review and a few hints of future problems to think about give my head something to ponder up front without digging deep into the back closet for unresolved issues.

Also, you're very likeable. That comes through consistantly in just about everything you do. So there's probably nothing to worry about, even if you need a hand with the actual not-worrying part.

underdonk

Nothing works better than a good ol' fashioned benzodiazepine for anxiety. Of course doctor's hate to prescribe them because it will get the DEA on their asses, but if you can find one that will, it's a good thing. The stuff works wonders.

Dread Pirate Arbuthnot

So I went to my doctor today and got a prescription for something I can't read because fuck his handwriting is awful. But yes, this is an anti-anxiety medicine I will be taking. Hopefully this works.

As for therapy, I am very hesitant to go do just 12 sessions or less. I feel like that would be ripping an enormous scab off.

underdonk

Good luck!