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Another thread about girls
RedMageDarion
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I know these topics have popped up a few times here, and I've read some of them and they've sort of helped, but I've got two issues I really need help with. Because I'm sure it'll useful info somehow: I'm 22, I'm in college and I've got a part time job at a video game store.
Issue 1: I'm still in love with the last girl I was with. Like really in love. She was my first, and it's been several months since she left... but I still think about her all the time. Funny thing is, in my mind I sort of know that it probably couldn't work out... but my heart won't believe me. I know people say that when you lose your first relationship, it feels like the end of the world... but something feels different about this for me... I don't know how to explain it. She was the first person in my life I've ever really gotten close to, the first person I've ever really wanted to be close to.
Over the past few months, I've been battling with myself - trying to convince myself that it just wasn't meant to be, that I'd find someone else. It hasn't been working. I went and visited her recently, and I was scared as hell, I don't know why... my heart was beating out of my chest, but when I saw her... it was like nothing had changed between us - everything was right with my world. For the short time I visited with her, I was happy again. I dreaded the moment I was going to have to leave... I knew I was going to go back to feeling miserable again. And I do feel miserable. I can't stop thinking about the fact that I won't ever hear her say "I love you" again... that I won't ever wake up next to her... That she won't be a part of my life...
I don't know what to do... It feels like it's been long enough to move on... but I just can't do it. I need help or advice or something... anything...
Issue 2: In the spirit of trying to move on... I have no idea how to go about meeting girls (the relationship mentioned above basically fell into my lap). I have low self-esteem, and very little confidence. I'm pretty charming in an odd sort of way, but I'm also pretty shy, so most people other than those I'm close with never get to see it. I'm kinda cute, I guess, from what I've gathered, but I'm not "Hey, let's go talk to that cute guy" cute. I'm a geek, and I'm pretty sure to "get" me people also have to be sorta of geek too - Video games, Anime, whatever... sad but true. Oh, and I'm also HORRIBLE at reading signs/hints from women... hooray.
With a new semester of school coming up, I figure it'd be a good idea to get some help... I mean, the beginning of a semester is a good opportunity to meet new people, right? So what do I do? Where do I go?
I saw a cute girl at a store where I was shopping a couple weeks back... I would've liked to have the confidence to try to ask her out. How would I do that...?
I'm pretty sure you guys know what I'm talking about without me giving more examples... Help?
Issue 1: I'm still in love with the last girl I was with. Like really in love. She was my first, and it's been several months since she left... but I still think about her all the time. Funny thing is, in my mind I sort of know that it probably couldn't work out... but my heart won't believe me. I know people say that when you lose your first relationship, it feels like the end of the world... but something feels different about this for me... I don't know how to explain it. She was the first person in my life I've ever really gotten close to, the first person I've ever really wanted to be close to.
Over the past few months, I've been battling with myself - trying to convince myself that it just wasn't meant to be, that I'd find someone else. It hasn't been working. I went and visited her recently, and I was scared as hell, I don't know why... my heart was beating out of my chest, but when I saw her... it was like nothing had changed between us - everything was right with my world. For the short time I visited with her, I was happy again. I dreaded the moment I was going to have to leave... I knew I was going to go back to feeling miserable again. And I do feel miserable. I can't stop thinking about the fact that I won't ever hear her say "I love you" again... that I won't ever wake up next to her... That she won't be a part of my life...
I don't know what to do... It feels like it's been long enough to move on... but I just can't do it. I need help or advice or something... anything...
Issue 2: In the spirit of trying to move on... I have no idea how to go about meeting girls (the relationship mentioned above basically fell into my lap). I have low self-esteem, and very little confidence. I'm pretty charming in an odd sort of way, but I'm also pretty shy, so most people other than those I'm close with never get to see it. I'm kinda cute, I guess, from what I've gathered, but I'm not "Hey, let's go talk to that cute guy" cute. I'm a geek, and I'm pretty sure to "get" me people also have to be sorta of geek too - Video games, Anime, whatever... sad but true. Oh, and I'm also HORRIBLE at reading signs/hints from women... hooray.
With a new semester of school coming up, I figure it'd be a good idea to get some help... I mean, the beginning of a semester is a good opportunity to meet new people, right? So what do I do? Where do I go?
I saw a cute girl at a store where I was shopping a couple weeks back... I would've liked to have the confidence to try to ask her out. How would I do that...?
I'm pretty sure you guys know what I'm talking about without me giving more examples... Help?
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RedMageDarion on
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Seriously? Hang out with your friends. Stay healthily busy. Meet new people - preferably through anime clubs or D&D and their nerdy ilk - but don't go looking for someone to replace or help you get over her. Time heals all wounds of the non-STD variety, so let it do its thing. Best of luck.
Issue 1: I know it's going to suck, but my best advice, is to pull yourself away from her. Visiting her, talking to her, you need to either cut down on how often you do it, or at all. Also, what I found really helped me out was working out. Going to the gym, and just concentrating on the workout made me forget about her for at least that one hour or so I would be there. That can also apply to work or school.
Also, hang out with friends more, do stuff you like around them. Friends are a great way to get over someone. You don't have to even talk about it to them, just hanging out usually helped me out on those days where I would be depressed.
Issue 2: Man, it's like you're me, but two years younger. Lately though, I been forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone. Just trying to do more social activities. It doesn't even have to be bars or anything like that. Bowling, Comic Strips, stuff like that, are good places to feel relaxed with some friends, but also a way to attempt to approach random strangers.
Also with the semester starting, you need to keep in mind some things.
Don't sit in the back of the class. Find one friendly looking person around you, and just strike up a conversation. Easiest way to do this, is just say you want to share notes for the semester, or ask for the email address cause you want to make sure you can email him/her in case you're absent or such.
I said it before and I'll say it again, trying to find another girlfriend will lead to disaster. You don't need a girlfriend to be happy. I say again, you don't need a girlfriend to be happy. Because you think that you do, and because you focus on all your "faults" as attributing factors to why you don't have a girlfriend, you're miserable. If you make yourself happy, you will instantly be more confident and more approachable, the varying degrees of which are not guaranteed. You can't buy yourself a new pair of shoes and expect to be George fucking Clooney, no matter how happy the shoes make you.
That being said, women have a sixth sense for someone who's moping around and coming down hard on themselves. They can smell that shit. The first girlfriend you had was just that, your first. Not your last. Remember that shit, man.
The best girlfriends are the ones that "fall in your lap," so to speak. By focussing all your energy into finding a new girlfriend, you're sacrificing your own personal freedom, happiness and development.
Edit: Nobody can give you a solid answer as to how to develop "confidence." It's a process that everybody must go through and one that requires more practice for some people than others. I recommended to someone else here that he befriend a few girls first. I mean real friendship, not waiting around like a snake for the boyfriend to leave the picture. That's bullshit. Be there for them, but don't be that guy, because a true friendship is so unbelievably much more important than a relationship.
Get yourself some friends-who-are-girls, learn from them (they're more than just boobs and asses, you know) and practice your social skills by being a good friend-who-is-a-boy.
I agree with everything you said but this.
On the contrary, the best girlfriends are not the ones that fall into your lap, because when they fall into your lap, like anything else that falls into your lap, you tend to take them for granted. And then when they are gone, you're devastated.
There is nothing wrong with having a goal to have a girlfriend, as long as you don't come across as needy.