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Getting close to a busy girl?
CrystalMethodist
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
There's this girl that I really like, we were friendly last year since we lived together in a house of 35 (college co-op-y thing). Well, it's not last year now, and she's across campus and seems really busy.
She hangs out with a group of friends such that I'm friendly with all of them, but we don't currently hang out. I tried to organize an informal reunion but she didn't show up. She's always complaining about being really busy on Facebook, so I'm assuming that's the reason (that sounds really creepy, sorry). She has no idea I like her, since I was dating a girl while we lived together and so I'm coming in with essentially a blank slate.
Anyway, our friendship is such that if we ran into each other at a party, we would totally talk and things would be great, but if I called and asked to hang out, that would be really weird and forward. I'm not sure how to get at her initially, even just so we can talk more than we do now (which is none at all). Also, she's a really nice, quiet girl, and I think that being really forward would throw her off. I really would like to approach this one by talking to her more and then escalating from there.
What do I do? I've fucked up a situation like this with someone else by slowly getting pushier about hanging out until I scared her off by being too aggressive.
tl;dr I like a girl that's on the other side of campus but I don't have opportunities to hang out with her and being forward at this point would creep her out.
She hangs out with a group of friends such that I'm friendly with all of them, but we don't currently hang out. I tried to organize an informal reunion but she didn't show up. She's always complaining about being really busy on Facebook, so I'm assuming that's the reason (that sounds really creepy, sorry). She has no idea I like her, since I was dating a girl while we lived together and so I'm coming in with essentially a blank slate.
Anyway, our friendship is such that if we ran into each other at a party, we would totally talk and things would be great, but if I called and asked to hang out, that would be really weird and forward. I'm not sure how to get at her initially, even just so we can talk more than we do now (which is none at all). Also, she's a really nice, quiet girl, and I think that being really forward would throw her off. I really would like to approach this one by talking to her more and then escalating from there.
What do I do? I've fucked up a situation like this with someone else by slowly getting pushier about hanging out until I scared her off by being too aggressive.
tl;dr I like a girl that's on the other side of campus but I don't have opportunities to hang out with her and being forward at this point would creep her out.
CrystalMethodist on
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"Hey, I havn't seen you in a long time and I miss your company, wanna grab a bite to eat?"
She is not a rabbit who will scatter from your carefully laid trap the moment she sees you. She is surprisingly enough a person and probably hasn't noticed your elaborately laid plans which end in little miniature versions of you emerging from her womb. Or maybe she has and she's creeped out by it.
Regardless, stop leaving freaking breadcrumbs around everywhere and take some initiative and ask the girl out on a date. Don't ask her to hang out with friends or any bullshit like that. Ask her out on a date. This is not weird or creepy. It is just a thing that two people do. Sure it can be scary for you because rejection can suck. But do not turn this into a-big-thing and just ask the girl out rather than hope she will suddenly realise she is head over heels for you after passive-aggressively sticking yourself in her social circle.
Satans..... hints.....
That was my experience just this week. Luckily, we're still friends because I came straight out and asked her on a date, rather than circling her like a vulture waiting for her to notice.
Some people say that movies are a bad idea for dates because you're not speaking to them for two hours, but in a busy life it gives a definite time and duration for the date so it's easy to schedule around. There's also the walk to the cinema and the walk back, plus grabbing a bite to eat before or after.
It's a classic for a reason IMO
PSN: TheScrublet
This.
You want to not be a creep? Be up front about your intentions(1) and respect what she says back (2).
1 - Be honest. You want to date her, not just be friends. telling her otherwise is lying. Not telling her is a lie of omission. don't be that guy.
2 - Believe what she says. A no doesn't mean "try to talk me into it". The only reply you give to "too busy" is "That's too bad. Look me up when you get less busy". She may or may not, them's the breaks. She may not give you a straight answer - the "you're great but xxxxx" reasons or something. that doesn't mean "try to argue about the reasons and look for openings to win", that means "no, i'd rather not date you". This is a survival mechanism. Blame the assholes that browbeat or harass women that turn them down for that.