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Question re: Roomies
adytum
The Inevitable RiseAnd FallRegistered User regular
The Inevitable RiseAnd FallRegistered User regular
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adytum on
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I suggest maybe you try and find a North American equivalent and have them all watch that. The show is grim. Basically two ladies go to people's homes who have "slobbed out" and get them to clean up their acts. They will go into kitchens and bathrooms that "look clean" but haven't been cleaned in a while and find all kinds of germs and bacteria.
One guy in particular was not too sharp at changing his bedclothes and they came in and swabbed his bed and found e-coli and other nastiness in there. He had complained of feeling wheezy in his house and it turned out to be all the dust mites in the atmosphere.
Unfortunately there is very little way you can force people to be clean (in my experience of living in shared homes) unless you make them realise how the filith directly affects them and their health. As you've found out, trying to be a clean and houseproud individual when living with slobs often gets you nowhere. You just get considered to be a knobhead by your room-mates.
You could also try writing the chore schedule yourself and getting everyone to agree on it. See how long that lasts.
You could try getting someone who isn't on their side (ie: girlfriends) to bring the issue forward after seeing the house.
You could try inviting their parents over? I dunno, I'm reaching.
You've done the right thing by confronting them and providing alternative solutions (the asshole thing is a bit much but you were desperate so I understand) so you're really low on options.
1) Put up with it
2) Move out
Slovenly people are lazy sub-humans and no amount of your efforts will cause them to change. They willfully ignore the fact that they are disgusting.
PSN Hypacia
Xbox HypaciaMinnow
Discord Hypacia#0391
Theory: Guy #1 leaves the hair behind and never cleans it up. Guy #2 cleans up his hair but refuses to clean Guy #1's hair. Guy #3 won't clean up at all if the rest of the house won't make an effort and is spineless so doesn't speak out. Etc etc.
All that said, I will admit, I'm incredibly messy myself - and it drives my boyfriend nuts. I've tried really hard to be better about cleaning up regularly, but even though I want to do it, it is an incredibly hard habit to change - so if you do go with something like a chore schedule, don't expect your roommates to change overnight, or even in a month. Also, if being clean isn't that important to them it might help to create a positive incentive either for the whole group or individually so that they want to clean. Each of them may have pet peeves in the apartment too, so resolving those could be a good way to get them to help resolve yours.
Someone needs to track down the SA Worst Roommate story.
NintendoID: Nailbunny 3DS: 3909-8796-4685
Make a chore schedule everyone agrees on:
At the end of the month buy a 24 pack and split it evenly between those who did their chore schedule. Make sure this is clear from the start.
It's basic and could use tweaking but it might work.
Also, something to consider... start having small get-togethers, like Happy Hour and such. People get a weird urge to tidy up if guests are coming over. Of course, that could backfire and you'd be the only one tidying.
NintendoID: Nailbunny 3DS: 3909-8796-4685
How much do you interact with the girlfriends? I'm guessing that they only see you when you're doing your announcing/complaining. If that's all they get (even if it is valid), then you can't really blame them for thinking you're a negative person.
www.mmo-raiders.com
Also, I wouldn't get the girlfriends involved - it's not their place unless their boyfriends bring them into this as in asking their advice. Even if you haven't left notes about this, announcing to people in general that the place is gross is not suggesting a solution - it's presenting a problem and is somewhat passive aggressive. If you want this to work and to change, you need to go into this with a good attitude.
www.mmo-raiders.com
Trying to shame someone in their own house out of slobby behavior will not only not work, you'll come off as a dick.
Approach it like trying to get a child to do something: high energy, positivity (forced if need be), cajoling, making agreements and holding them to it*, bribery if need be (not blackmail though). Channel your inner cheerleader or personal trainer.
You may come off as annoying, but you will probably not be considered a dick. If you can get them in the habit of helping you clean a few times a week, after a while some of them might continue the habit on their own, though most likely the best you can hope for is that they will get used to lending a hand when you prod them.
*e.g. Will you please help me wash dishes when your show is over? Um, yeah. Hey man, it's time to wash dishes; let's hop to it, between us we'll be done in no time. I really don't mean anything more formal then that as a posted list of chore rotations are just as likely to get ignored as shamings if most of your roomies don't give a shit.
What does work, doesn't work well. It's being super fucking nice, cleaning up after the slobs, and then very subtly guilt tripping the ever living fuck out of them. Start cleaning up their dishes while they're in the room, and then say, "could you help me for a few minutes with your dishes if you want them to join in, or just remark, 'ah nice and clean' after you're done. Stuff like that. After you clean up their shit, if they're not there, find them, act friendly and smile and tell them you cleaned up for them. Like you did them a favor out of the goodness of your heart. Don't be passive agreessive or obvious about it, they will sense this and not clean up. You need to make them genuinely feel guilty. Lead by example, and they might follow.
www.mmo-raiders.com
Back when I was living with other people I would often find myself cast as the "one who doesn't clean", and it was a fair assumption because, well, I don't really clean too often and am happy living a little slovenly when push comes to shove.
Now, what made me really actually begin to help out was exactly what a few people have mentioned: group cleaning. Sunday afternoon used to come around and the roommates would start working on the apartment, all it took was a quick "give me a hand with this!" from one of my buddies and I was totally engaged in what the rest of the house was cleaning.
It seems a bit more difficult when you can't shame a single person out of a whole group, but perhaps taking a time when you know everyone will be home (Sunday morning?) and just going, pulling them in as necessary. Get them into the schedule that "the house gets cleaned every Sunday morning" and as it becomes a more common event, hopefully the resistance will fade. Don't worry about everyone being there, if you can get one pulled in the rest will (slowly) follow. Start small. Have them do things like washing dishes or picking up trash. Always thank them for the help and offer to assist them in whatever they're doing if you have the ability.
That said, many people are simply messy. When you have four slobs and one reasonable person, the odds are stacked against you.
So it'll be a slow process.
In reality, if this has you so bent-out-of-shape, you'd probably be better off moving.
Tell em if they don't relent then you'll move out immediately and leave them with an entire piece of the rent to make up or you'll stick them with a lease that requires an additional person.
That'll go over horribly, his roommates are okay with the house being a dump so they'll be severely pissed off when suddenly he is "Forcing his ideals of cleanliness on them by forcing them to pay for the maid service by refusing to pay some of his rent."
Passive aggressive bullshit is fun and satifying to pull off but never ends well.
edit: posted before your edit, the second part I agree with.
1) Live in squalor.
2) Move out.
3) Eat the cost of the maid service/be a cleaning bitch.
Don't EVER live with your friends. Worst idea ever.
I'd just like to get an idea of how bad this is.