Some life questions. (short)

Indica1

Recently I have been drinking in the mornings on days that I wake up feeling shitty so I have the motivation to not cut class. Is this basically alcoholism? How serious is that?

Also, I need advice for how to bridge the gap between setting goals and accomplishing them. Obviously the answer here is "doing stuff", but how do I force myself to do the things I want to do?

Shogun

You should not have to force yourself if you want to do these things.

I think the question you meant to ask is, "how can I force myself to want to do these things?"

Also do not rationalize a reason or excuse for drinking in the morning. You're using it as a coping mechanism. I would not call you an alcoholic, but my friend, you are treading in some very dangerous water.

Taranis

You need to tell us more about your drinking habits before we can tell you whether or not it sounds like alcoholism.

It sounds pretty bad though. You should definitely stop drinking for a while.

Indica1

Okay, I guess saying I drink to give me motivation sounds ludicrous, but I think to myself: "No, don't cut class, just catch a buzz, and you won't feel the need to cut class anymore."

I don't drink very often, perhaps 2-3 times a week, but I often do it in order to feel like I can think rationally. Is getting intoxicated as a coping mechanism always a no-no?

Shogun wrote: »

You should not have to force yourself if you want to do these things.

I think the question you meant to ask is, "how can I force myself to want to do these things?"

The thing is I really do want to do most of my goals. It's just that in the moment, I feel like I also have a drive to fuck up, and just drop the ball for no reason.

MindLib

Sounds like you don't know what you want. A lot of people use to cope, help them change their perspective. If you thought what you were doing was fine you wouldn't be asking about it. Anyone can tell you that what your doing is unhealthy, but it's up to you to find out why you can't or don't feel like performing while sober.

You seem very uncertain, maybe you should see a therapist? Are you saying you have self destructive tendencies, do you see yourself dropping out? Are you disenchanted with school? Are you drinking to cover up your distaste for what you are studying? Just tell yourself the truth.

Indica1

Well, I knew the drinking thing was stupid, my question was how stupid, and the answer seems to be that it is pretty stupid.

The other question was intended to be much more general:

How does one go about ensuring that goals and deadlines get met? Like strategies or behaviors that I could do to be more disciplined.

Diomedes240z

My way is to start from the end and work backwards, splitting up into sub-goals.

If I want to have XXX by YYY, then I need to have ZZZ done by WWW... Plot it all in excel, and in the end you'll find yourself saying

"Well, that means that tomorrow, I have to do these three small things"

Write those few things down on a piece of paper and make damn sure you do them.


Example: I want a nice car in three years that I built myself. Leave two months for trouble shooting, prior to that, three months final assembly, prior to that, zinc plate and passivate all old fasteners, as well as assemble engine, and do topcoat, prior to topcoat is primer, prior to engine assembly you'd have the engine rebored and so on. I CBF going through the project just for an example, but you can see how excel will come in handy. You can use microsoft project for this. Anyway, chances are the things you'll need to do tomorrow would be:

* Apply for a job
* Go to a welding shop and get prices/reccomendations on a welder
* Look through classifieds for the car you want
* Go to local trade school and inquire about taking a course to get the skills you need

Once every week or so, go through your timeline and assign your jobs for each day. It's easy to get daunted and never start everything, but if your force yourself to split your goals up, you can take baby steps every day, and you will get there in the end and wonder how you did it all.

CelestialBadger

Don't think about whether you want to do something or not. Just do it. Drag yourself along. Disconnect your emotions from things you know you have to do.

Drinking to get yourself out of bed is an awesomely stupid idea, a fast track to alcoholism. Sounds like you'd better give up the booze entirely if you can't control yourself with it, so that you don't end up living on the streets in 5 years time.

SammyF

Indica1 wrote: »

Recently I have been drinking in the mornings on days that I wake up feeling shitty so I have the motivation to not cut class. Is this basically alcoholism? How serious is that?

Also, I need advice for how to bridge the gap between setting goals and accomplishing them. Obviously the answer here is "doing stuff", but how do I force myself to do the things I want to do?

This actually sounds more like "depression" than alcoholism, but alcohol IS a depressant; even if it's not alcoholism, moving past feeling like this is going to involve laying off the booze for a while. I'd further recommend seeing a therapist and possibly escalating to a psychiatrist -- if this is a recent development that you can't attribute to a specific causation, it's possibly a temporary chemical imbalance. If that imbalance is caused by alcohol, cutting it out will eventually restore you to normal; if it's not simply the booze, you're going to want to talk to someone about coping and adjusting.

There's nothing shameful about depression, and if it's what's bothering you, that's okay. It's frequently a temporary thing that most people get through with a little help, frequently of the professional nature. But do please look into seeking that help soon; depression is often temporary, but academic suspension for cutting classes lasts at least one semester.

Jinn

I'd recommend cutting out or at least taking a break or scaling back the pot smoking too.

Indica1

Diomedes240z wrote: »

My way is to start from the end and work backwards, splitting up into sub-goals.

If I want to have XXX by YYY, then I need to have ZZZ done by WWW... Plot it all in excel, and in the end you'll find yourself saying

"Well, that means that tomorrow, I have to do these three small things"

Write those few things down on a piece of paper and make damn sure you do them.


Example: I want a nice car in three years that I built myself. Leave two months for trouble shooting, prior to that, three months final assembly, prior to that, zinc plate and passivate all old fasteners, as well as assemble engine, and do topcoat, prior to topcoat is primer, prior to engine assembly you'd have the engine rebored and so on. I CBF going through the project just for an example, but you can see how excel will come in handy. You can use microsoft project for this. Anyway, chances are the things you'll need to do tomorrow would be:

* Apply for a job
* Go to a welding shop and get prices/reccomendations on a welder
* Look through classifieds for the car you want
* Go to local trade school and inquire about taking a course to get the skills you need

Once every week or so, go through your timeline and assign your jobs for each day. It's easy to get daunted and never start everything, but if your force yourself to split your goals up, you can take baby steps every day, and you will get there in the end and wonder how you did it all.

Thanks, that was really helpful. Thanks to everyone else too.