The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Holiday thread
Ringo
He/Hima distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
He/Hima distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
This evening my parents and I went to purchase a christmas tree, and we quickly came upon the perfect tree. Unfortunately somebody had beat us to it. A woman was holding the perfect tree, obviously trying to judge its merits.
"Wow," said my mom. "Ma'am, that is the perfect tree."
"Is it?" the woman replied. "I can't really see."
"Here, let me hold it for you so you can get a better look," answered my mom as she took hold of the tree and spun it for the woman.
"You're right. It really is beautiful," she said. And we all nodded our heads in agreement. "But it's too heavy for me. You can have it if you want it."
We stared at the mad woman in silence. And then we all started talking at once.
"They'll help you carry it to your car!"
"It's the perfect tree!"
"It's christmas!"
But no, the woman said she could not manage such a tree by herself as her husband was home sick. It would be much better off with a happy family such as ours.
Well that's easy to fix, we said. We have strong backs and firm muscles, plus we have a truck that can haul two trees. We will deliver the perfect tree to your home! And that is what we did. We picked out our own Imperfect Yet Highly Loveable christmas tree, and then drove the Perfect Tree to its new home across town.
Thus a minor christmas miracle was born. Hooray!
tl;dr - My family forced some poor woman to spend fifty bucks on a christmas tree she really didn't want.
"Wow," said my mom. "Ma'am, that is the perfect tree."
"Is it?" the woman replied. "I can't really see."
"Here, let me hold it for you so you can get a better look," answered my mom as she took hold of the tree and spun it for the woman.
"You're right. It really is beautiful," she said. And we all nodded our heads in agreement. "But it's too heavy for me. You can have it if you want it."
We stared at the mad woman in silence. And then we all started talking at once.
"They'll help you carry it to your car!"
"It's the perfect tree!"
"It's christmas!"
But no, the woman said she could not manage such a tree by herself as her husband was home sick. It would be much better off with a happy family such as ours.
Well that's easy to fix, we said. We have strong backs and firm muscles, plus we have a truck that can haul two trees. We will deliver the perfect tree to your home! And that is what we did. We picked out our own Imperfect Yet Highly Loveable christmas tree, and then drove the Perfect Tree to its new home across town.
Thus a minor christmas miracle was born. Hooray!
tl;dr - My family forced some poor woman to spend fifty bucks on a christmas tree she really didn't want.
Ringo on
0
Posts
"mama where are our presents?"
"couldnt afford them but check out this bitchin tree! a man from the internet recommended it"
Bah, humbug
"it's been a year since poor Timmy was crushed by a too-heavy christmas tree. now we will get a small, light, 100% safe tree and let the healing process begin"
"hi folks! isn't this the perfect tree?"
"oh no not again"
she probably hated the tree
but she was probably scared to call it anything less than perfect when faced with some bizarre tree gang
It was more about how the husband was probably laid off because his illness had a super long recovery time and they were almost completely out of money, and the lady only stopped by the lot because Christmas used to mean the world to her and she wanted to at least smell the trees since they couldn't afford to have one this year. That money was going to buy them food for the rest of the year, and now they are going to have to sacrifice the heating bill in order to afford more food. When the husband found out she was bullied into spending the last of their cash on a tree that won't even have any presents under it he went into a rage and slapped her in the face. While she was in the bathroom treating the room she noticed that the pregnancy test in the trash can actually had a plus sign instead of a minus.
Then it started to snow
ah, a simpler time
But it was raining so I just laughed at them and told them to have a good time
Also, people buying trees in LA is the funniest thing ever. You see BMWs driving around town with the tiniest, most pathetic looking trees tied to their roofs. They even have the two planks of wood in a X shape nailed to their trunks. It's so bizarre.
As in, I leave on Wednesday.
Nope
As long as you don't live in a desert and keep the tree in plenty of water there should be no problem getting a tree right now
Really? Could I see it perhaps? I have been looking for a decent sized tree and I would gladly pay for a good one.
his mom does have a strong back and firm muscles
So, Holiday thread, eh? Here's what the holidays make me think of.
SHOOT the GLASS!
someone find the video for the snl killer christmas tree sketch
Or more like...
oh god i'm sorry
Merry Christmas!
Need some stuff designed or printed? I can help with that.
its not even close to christmas
maybe you should get a calender on his dime too
my mom lost her shit and told me the easter bunny, santa, and batman were not real
okay she didn't say shit about batman, but the rest is true
That's some shit!
but we played along with my mom because christmas is so important to our family and we didn't want to ruin it by being cynical dick-weasels. we'd always kind of nudge our mom and be like "oh hey i didn't know santa had a nintendo manufacturing wing on the ol' workshop!" and she'd just go "yeah, the japanese elves have that pretty much handled."
the first place i can remember living was port angeles washington.
also, pretty much my entire family lived out there and my cousin zach would literally play with rattlesnakes. like just pick em up and mess with em and then let em go.
Neither do we. I don't know if we'll even get a tree since we aren't going to be home for the holidays.
so far the only gift I've gotten is a $10 cheque
This is a good way to start up the holidays.
awwwwww
he is melting and his skeleton is showing
Beer drinking is improved in the sauna, and being in the sauna is improved by beer. Neither products quality diminishes.
This delights me.
But snowmen don't have skeletons. That is not a part of their anatomy.
You don't even know how snowmen work do you?