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Fixing My Head, Doing Schoolwork
GerardO
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hello,
This is going to be a fairly long and winding post about all the things that are wrong with me in the hope that there are people on this forum with problems similar to mine that managed to make it through to the other side.
I'm 27 years old and still live at home, having moved back 5 years ago after 3 unsuccessful years at college because I didn't really know what I wanted to do. I've worked consistently since I got home, starting as a tech at a computer company and now as a Network Administrator at a local school district. I make $43,000 a year, so I'm not a bum, but I know I could be doing much more. My problem is in order to move up, I know I really should get a college degree – it would make it so much easier. And I am currently trying to do that at an online school. My problem is that, for as long as I can remember now, I've been unable to motivate myself to do any serious schoolwork, especially work outside my major.
I actually don't know that I've ever really been able to do school work, I mean I know I did three years of college and my grades in classes about things I enjoyed (anthropology, writing courses, a handful of others) were pretty good but at some point I just stopped being able to function when it comes to school work. It is like I have some kind of mental block. Right now for instance, I am writing this post in the instance of Word my pathetically simple Natural Sciences assignment is supposed to go in. I will do almost anything to avoid doing this work. It makes me think I am crazy because the one thing I need to do is the last thing I feel like doing, as if I want to put myself into a last minute panic just to not get put on academic probation.
Beyond that fact that I can't seem to concentrate on doing school work, I'm also gigantic. In high school I was overweight, I probably weigh 250 pounds but I was very active in football and track and other activities, so while I was overweight I wasn't ridiculously so. Then came college – the fast food, the $5 pizza pies (with delivery!), the easy mac, the dining hall food, the hot dogs and the ramen (separately thankfully) when I couldn't afford much else. That and almost no activity in three years of college helped me balloon, and it only got worse when I left. I would bounce back and forth depending on if I felt like I had any hope of escaping my home town ever again. Maybe I'd meet a girl I was interested in and drop a lot of weight, maybe another guy would ask her out before I could get the courage and I'd put it all back on. Then one day I stopped trying at all and ballooned to a point where I'm lucky I can still move around at all.
So I go to a trainer 3 days a week now, and that has made me feel a lot better, but obviously it doesn't combat the number of calories I'm taking in. I spent a little over a year doing really well (I thought) on weight loss, but only lost like 60 pounds ("only 60 pounds" gives you an idea of how bad off I am), and have managed to gain most of it back recently because I again started to feel down about things, and because I'm compulsive about eating. I think about food and it just gnaws on me until I go get Wendys or a pizza or something.
I'm also a fairly gigantic World of Warcraft addict (5 years and going!). Other than sometimes playing XBOX Live Arcade games or League of Legends with my IRL friends who have moved away, this is pretty much my only contact with people outside my family other than the couple people I see at my personal trainer's gym and the people I see at work (who I am friendly with, but even after 5 years don't consider close friends). I don't want to quit WoW, as it is literally like 90% of my social interaction. I don't mind cutting back on it, and indeed have when I felt I could be doing other things. I have a 3 night a week raid schedule, so it is pretty manageable.
I have all kinds of issues I'd like to deal with, but the nature and combination of the issues make it hard for me to deal with them. I think I should probably seek professional help, but I look at the list of like 12 nearby psychologists my insurance gives me and feel kind of overwhelmed, so I never call. I have trouble imagining confiding in a stranger (and yet I am posting here…).
I've also become more antisocial, but only in physical situations; I don't have a problem interacting with people online. My assumption is it is a self-confidence thing stemming from my weight and how much I dislike the way I look at this point. I didn't used to be antisocial; though I never wanted to go to parties or things like that I always went to concerts, now I feel anxious even thinking of going to one.
So to summarize:
Bad Things:
Good things:
I've tried reading self help books, I've tried adding all sorts of self-help sites to my RSS reader, I've tried various strategies but I really think what I need is professional help. Would a psychologist be a good start? My mother thinks I'm depressed, but her and my sister are on so much medication they could start a pharmacy and I don't want that, plus I don't feel suicidal or anything like that, and I don't have breakdowns really – I just have compulsion problems, and anxiety.
What have others found that has helped them?
Thanks for your time!
This is going to be a fairly long and winding post about all the things that are wrong with me in the hope that there are people on this forum with problems similar to mine that managed to make it through to the other side.
I'm 27 years old and still live at home, having moved back 5 years ago after 3 unsuccessful years at college because I didn't really know what I wanted to do. I've worked consistently since I got home, starting as a tech at a computer company and now as a Network Administrator at a local school district. I make $43,000 a year, so I'm not a bum, but I know I could be doing much more. My problem is in order to move up, I know I really should get a college degree – it would make it so much easier. And I am currently trying to do that at an online school. My problem is that, for as long as I can remember now, I've been unable to motivate myself to do any serious schoolwork, especially work outside my major.
I actually don't know that I've ever really been able to do school work, I mean I know I did three years of college and my grades in classes about things I enjoyed (anthropology, writing courses, a handful of others) were pretty good but at some point I just stopped being able to function when it comes to school work. It is like I have some kind of mental block. Right now for instance, I am writing this post in the instance of Word my pathetically simple Natural Sciences assignment is supposed to go in. I will do almost anything to avoid doing this work. It makes me think I am crazy because the one thing I need to do is the last thing I feel like doing, as if I want to put myself into a last minute panic just to not get put on academic probation.
Beyond that fact that I can't seem to concentrate on doing school work, I'm also gigantic. In high school I was overweight, I probably weigh 250 pounds but I was very active in football and track and other activities, so while I was overweight I wasn't ridiculously so. Then came college – the fast food, the $5 pizza pies (with delivery!), the easy mac, the dining hall food, the hot dogs and the ramen (separately thankfully) when I couldn't afford much else. That and almost no activity in three years of college helped me balloon, and it only got worse when I left. I would bounce back and forth depending on if I felt like I had any hope of escaping my home town ever again. Maybe I'd meet a girl I was interested in and drop a lot of weight, maybe another guy would ask her out before I could get the courage and I'd put it all back on. Then one day I stopped trying at all and ballooned to a point where I'm lucky I can still move around at all.
So I go to a trainer 3 days a week now, and that has made me feel a lot better, but obviously it doesn't combat the number of calories I'm taking in. I spent a little over a year doing really well (I thought) on weight loss, but only lost like 60 pounds ("only 60 pounds" gives you an idea of how bad off I am), and have managed to gain most of it back recently because I again started to feel down about things, and because I'm compulsive about eating. I think about food and it just gnaws on me until I go get Wendys or a pizza or something.
I'm also a fairly gigantic World of Warcraft addict (5 years and going!). Other than sometimes playing XBOX Live Arcade games or League of Legends with my IRL friends who have moved away, this is pretty much my only contact with people outside my family other than the couple people I see at my personal trainer's gym and the people I see at work (who I am friendly with, but even after 5 years don't consider close friends). I don't want to quit WoW, as it is literally like 90% of my social interaction. I don't mind cutting back on it, and indeed have when I felt I could be doing other things. I have a 3 night a week raid schedule, so it is pretty manageable.
I have all kinds of issues I'd like to deal with, but the nature and combination of the issues make it hard for me to deal with them. I think I should probably seek professional help, but I look at the list of like 12 nearby psychologists my insurance gives me and feel kind of overwhelmed, so I never call. I have trouble imagining confiding in a stranger (and yet I am posting here…).
I've also become more antisocial, but only in physical situations; I don't have a problem interacting with people online. My assumption is it is a self-confidence thing stemming from my weight and how much I dislike the way I look at this point. I didn't used to be antisocial; though I never wanted to go to parties or things like that I always went to concerts, now I feel anxious even thinking of going to one.
So to summarize:
Bad Things:
- Overweight
- Won't focus on school work
- Can't stop myself from eating fast food crap. I succeed for months at a time and then mess up and its back to once a day fast food.
- Anxious in social situations
- Job doesn't pay enough for all the work I do
Good things:
- Still alive
- Can still move around surprisingly well (In good shape for a fat guy?)
- Have a job, and it does have health benefits and is enough to pay my bills.
I've tried reading self help books, I've tried adding all sorts of self-help sites to my RSS reader, I've tried various strategies but I really think what I need is professional help. Would a psychologist be a good start? My mother thinks I'm depressed, but her and my sister are on so much medication they could start a pharmacy and I don't want that, plus I don't feel suicidal or anything like that, and I don't have breakdowns really – I just have compulsion problems, and anxiety.
What have others found that has helped them?
Thanks for your time!
GerardO on
0
Posts
2. Stop playing WoW. Completely.
3. Go see a psychiatrist.
3. Why are you living with your parents if you make $40k+ a year?
It also helps me to plan everything in advance. Get a little appointment book and write down when things are due, or when you have to be somewhere. Then work backwards, and give yourself time for each day to get some of it done. So if something is due Friday, I give myself, say, Tuesday and Wednesday to work on it (Thursday is a buffer in case it takes longer than I imagined). When I'm working on something, I limit my internet access as much as possible. If you can't disconnect from the internet entirely with the work you do, you can use a Firefox extension like LeechBlock. Block any sites you enjoy.
Some people find that limiting the breadth of what you do each day might be helpful if possible. Try working on assignments for only one class a day. And if there's any way of breaking up your work into discreet chunks, that always helps.
Your other problems sound like they are mostly under control. You've got a personal trainer, you just need to do what he tells you. And the money you make is okay. Living on your own might motivate you to take care of yourself a little better.
Also, why don't you just drop WoW? Almost any hobby will give you more in return, and you can still play other games, just ones that demand less of your time.
I think about this but then I think of the people I know who don't play video games, and all they do is watch TV. Which seems way worse to me than playing video games. I need something to do for fun don't I?
Also, the video games don't make me eat. And I'm not playing the video games when I'm supposed to be doing my schoolwork - I'm darting around the web or youtube like an idiot. I have a game machine, it gets turned off when I'm supposed to be doing schoolwork. I'm more interested in why I'm avoiding the work, and why when I do sit down to do it I feel so overwhelmed even though it is relatively simple work.
I also want to understand why I used to have such an easy time doing other things I like. I used to write (hardware reviews, some DVD reviews) and do other things I liked, then in 2002 or so I just stopped and started to try to buy things I thought would make me feel fulfilled, but nothing did. I feel like something changed, like I somehow changed, but I don't understand what did it. I feel like a whole different person then I did back then, and the change happened before WoW, when I was just playing the occasional game of Starcraft or CS. I think of friends I had back then, new friends who I had met in college, and the memories of hanging out with them feel completely alien to me. It is difficult to explain.
LeechBlock sounds great. Maybe I'll start to take my laptop somewhere else to do my work, even just into the dining room. I wish I'd thought of that, it seems so obvious.
And my fear is that if I quit WoW, I will literally sit in my room alone doing nothing and talking to no one. I'm terrified of that.
Yeah I guess I really need to bite the bullet on that. I have 4 names in my area I've narrowed it down to, just going to go alphabetically. I wish I could find more information than a name and an age. Reviews or something. Thought about Angie's list but don't want to pay just to find out theres no information on these 4 doctors.
Get rid of the video games. Especially World of Warcraft.
Stay with the trainer. Do cardio.
You won't, that's just the insidious spectre of WoW clouding your mind. It will not let you go easily.
I used to play a lot too when I was in high school, about as often as you seem to. School and WoW and sleep and school and WoW and sleep and school and WoW and WoW and WoW and school.
And then one day I just said "fuck it", sharded every non-equipped piece of gear I had and gave away everything except the gear my characters were wearing, then I sold my account for some nice moolah.
And then days later I was already doing the things I didn't know I wanted to be doing when I was still playing WoW. I was spending more time with people, which led to them knowing me better and spending more time with me. I actually kept up contact with people instead of only existing between 8am and 3pm.
Think about it. You need social interaction. Losing the great body-image-equalizer that is WoW won't reduce the need for social interaction. In fact this need and the amount of time you will free up will both tremendously help you become who you want to be. You won't be able to hide your body from people behind a computer so you'll have to adjust your habits to be more in line with what you actually want to achieve. WoW is not getting you anywhere near that, it's just giving you an excuse to label time spent sitting on your ass accomplishing nothing as "not a complete waste".
Good luck, comrade.
I did the exact same thing. I was in the #1 raiding guild on my server pre-BC. 7 days a week of raiding. All the raid dungeons, all the world bosses, and one day I woke up and just didn't want to play anymore. Sold my account. I've gone back at each expansion to check it out, levelled up, did the raid content, then quit (I've levelled waaaay too many Rogues to 60-70-80). Now that I'm back in college I won't ever touch it again. I know how addicting it can get for me.
I plan on checking out FFXIV and The Secret World when they come out, but only playing casually. I've been able to do that with every other MMO except WoW. Something about that game...
weight gain and compulsive eating,
withdrawal from society.
It does sound like depression. Go talk to a doctor. You may want to just get on anti-depressants while you're in school, or you may want to see about some kind of therapy. Stick with the exercise, it helps.
As a side note, 60 pounds in a year is pretty healthy weight loss.
As you go through your day you should question everything you are doing. It will help you discover who you REALLY want to be. You can't justify doing your homework, or not eating fast food, or not playing wow? Maybe you don't WANT to be different.
Everything in your post, except maybe depression?, is up to you to change. Take action or don't.
Talk to someone about it even if it just a doctor to start. I know it is not easy, but some simple excercise like walking every day and cutting out the junk food will have you feeling worlds better both about yourself and from a physical standpoint. Its a tough cycle to break... for me I had to move somewhere where I was forced to walk and junk food was simply unavailable but I feel about a million times better. Doctors, even here, tried to get me onto xanax when I was going through some tough times but I refused it and took it upon myself to surround myself with circumstances and physical life changes that made me feel better in general. That makes me sound like an alternative medicine loonie, so I'll admit that I did get onto xanax at one point,but felt so horrible while taking them (in that I felt drugged and not myself) that I tried to get off. Take a community college photography course, then start walking around with your camera looking for beauty in the world and trying to capture it. Its a great mental thing and gets you moving with a purpose, which is so much better than "excercising."
Again Im no medical expert so you should talk to one.
PSN - sumowot
Seriously, 5 pounds a month is about ideal weight loss. You really don't want to do it any faster unless you are under medical supervision while you are doing it. It's way too easy to become undernourished while losing weight too fast.
You didn't put all of that weight ON in a year, why do you think it should all come OFF in a year? (insert rant about "miracle diet" commercials and "biggest loser" reality television) Plus, if you lose it at a reasonable pace, it's not going to come back as fast if you slip.
And yeah, you've definitely got all of the signs that you're at least moderately depressed.
Like others have said, keep up the exercise. That's one of the best ways to deal with mild depression, and even less mild cases can be helped to some extent by it.
If you're worried about being railroaded to medication, see a psychologist rather than a psychiatrist. The difference is, the psychologist CANNOT prescribe medication, and will be more focused on dealing with your problems without it. If they really think it's bad enough that you need medication, they'll refer you to a psychiatrist, but that will be a last resort, and they'll send you to someone they trust. (I can never remember which is which myself, I had to look it up to make sure I didn't have it backwards.)
I'll also echo the advice that if you don't "click" with the first doctor, don't give up. You may want to give it a couple of sessions to be sure, but then if it doesn't feel right, try another. Different people respond well to different methods / personalities / etc. Don't just give up because the first one doesn't seem to be helping.
I didn't mention in my previous post, but after quitting WoW and becoming much less sedentary as a result, I lost a lot of weight that I'd had since childhood.
Everyone faces self control problems. I don't want to speak for anyone else here but I can certainly relate to this quote, and not just in terms of food.
Maybe start a log that you keep each day. Some things you might want to include are:
Waking time spent away from computer
Time spent exercising
Time spent on schoolwork
Time spent socializing
A record of what you ate for each meal
Anything interesting that happened
How you feel about the events of the day
Doing this puts your feelings down on paper and lets you recall them reliably instead of relying on nebulous memories. It will help very much with the "once is ok" sort of business because you'll see how often you are doing the things that are ok to do only once. It may make you feel a little bad about yourself at first because you're not exactly in a good place with respect to any of those. That's perfectly alright though, because from what you've posted I can see you don't really have any problems acknowledging and accepting these things about yourself. That bad feeling will be a driving force for improvement, and that improvement in turn will lead to a sense of accomplishment and ability which will lead to more improvement. And it's all documented, so in a few months' time you can look back and see how far you've come.
As far as the schoolwork thing goes - I have trouble concentrating overall, and I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a kid. I grew out of the hyperactivity but never the problems paying attention, or focusing. I should have mentioned that. I don't know if this is just a continuation of the problems I had as a kid or what.
Thanks everyone for your replies, I really appreciate it. I'm glad I posted.
It's not as though you need to pick one or the other. I don't play video games, I don't watch TV, and I don't surf the web much. I know lots of other people who do the same. Yet, I still have lots of fun.
The reason 90% of your social interaction comes from WoW is because you spend so much time on it. If you stop playing it you'll be forced to get it elsewhere. It won't happen magically - YOU will need to be the one to do it. I'm speaking from experience. I used to get most of my social interaction from EverQuest back in the dark ages. Once I finally quit it just happened naturally that all of my social interaction came in real life (it actually made me discover that I'm a very social person). It doesn't happen overnight, but it won't happen at all if you keep playing WoW.
I think getting rid of WoW will be a GREAT first step. Once you see the myriad benefits that brings to you I think that the next steps will be more clear to you. If you're anything like me this is probably the last thing you want to hear, but you will thank yourself afterwards.
There is also the option of taking some legal, well-researched, non-abusable, non-habit-forming supplements/nootropics to help you along while you work up some momentum. I know you're hesitant to take pills for your (semi-)depression but the things I am about to mention don't alter your mood significantly, are reasonably cheap, and increase positive brain function (especially in people whose said functions are somehow impaired, such as with ADHD or Alzheimer's).
I'm just mentioning something that helped me, and by no means am I implying that these things will fix all of your problems. Should you follow my advice you will need to make conscious assessments and choices about your use of such substances because even though they don't cause physical dependency, you don't want to start relying on them outright. Imagine a person who, in order to get some extra energy in the morning, begins drinking coffee. If they aren't reasonably careful, they may grow to depend on coffee and be useless without it.
Please do your own research about these, especially Piracetam and Adrafinil. I am only bringing them to your attention and it is up to you to decide if they are something you want to look into.
What I take twice daily:
There's also modafinil/adrafinil as an option for an on-demand concentration booster that isn't an addictive, overly stimulating or abusable drug like ritalin or adderall can be. It's only prescribed for narcolepsy in the US, but I have heard that it is easy enough to get legally though I don't know the specifics. This is not something to be used with regularity but only for times when it is really needed (like right now, what with exam time for me at least). With the exception of *finil, these are all non-prescription supplements most of which I get from bodybuilding.com along with other things.
This is a list of things that I take, not a list of things you should take. I'm not saying these things are right for you but they are something you should know about and make your own decision regarding whether or not you can use them in a way that helps you. Drugs are not a solution. They are indeed a crutch, but so are crutches and look how useful those are to people who have trouble walking (at least until they get better).
Just mentioning this because being independent can be one of the best things for you.
As far as what you can do to help yourself, a lot of people have made good suggestions. I'll try to make a few suggestions as well - but feel free to decide what you like best. Not every solution works for everyone, and the one who knows you best is you.
For starters, I would recommend taking a cooking class. You mention that you get cravings, and will go get fast food because you get hungry. I'm sure you know fast food isn't necessarily all that healthy. There are a lot of quick meals that you can make yourself that will be better for you than going out for fast food, and they'll probably taste better too. There are probably lots of cooking classes offered in your community - pick something that appeals to you, and sign up. You can talk to the instructor about trying to eat healthier, and he/she can probably make some suggestions throughout the class that will help you still make delicious food, but with recipe alterations for lower fat or less sugar.
I would definitely keep up with your personal trainer. I know you may be saying "I have a long way to go," but come on. You lost 60 pounds. There are people who would be thrilled to lose twenty, or ten, or even five pounds. Look at what you've done, and be proud of yourself. Keep up the good work.
As far as WoW goes, there are a couple different ways to cut back if you want. A few people have mentioned just quitting, which you may or may not want to do. If you really don't want to quit entirely, you can still scale back the amount of time you spend playing to make time for other things. One way to do that would just be to drop all alts - pick one character, play that character. Let the rest of them go. If that wouldn't help the situation, you could try the time-limit method. When I was little, my brother and I were allowed X hours of computer/video game time per week. We kept a list, "logged in" every time we played a game, and once our hours were up, we were done for the week. Decide what you think is a reasonable amount of time to be spending on MMOs and stick to it. You can also scale back by cutting out some of your raids or raid groups (like that one group who's always late, etc). A lot of MMO players will readily admit that there are parts of the game that they find incredibly frustrating and not at all fun - games are supposed to be fun. Slice out the parts you don't like, and do something else with your time.
Moving out might also be a good idea, but I would be cautious about that until you really get in the habit of cooking for yourself. If moving into an apartment just means you're going to eat all fast food, it might not actually be the best choice for you.
As far as your schoolwork - decide what you like. You might find out that what you actually want to major in is something that you weren't originally considering. Step back and consider it - maybe one of the reasons you're having trouble is that you're not all that interested in what you're doing. If you do like what you're doing, then you'll just have to figure out how to make yourself buckle down. See if you can find a study group you like - even in an online course, you could all meet on IRC and work on assignments together. That might help keep you on-task and focused.
Do you remember what he said about fast food? How he would scale back but then it would become 2 burgers, then 3, etc.? I think the same thing would happen with WoW. Just one more raid, just one more heroic, just one more daily.
Quitting WoW cold turkey, unless circumstances will simply not let you play, is very, very, very difficult without some kind of support system in place, i.e.; something else to do with All. That. Time. Something that you either enjoy enough to reliably do on your own, or spending time with other people you like, reliably and often. If you play for the social aspect of the game, then you basically NEED to spend a lot of time with other people out in reality to fill that gap. The playtime controls are really good at setting limits (as long as you can resist changing them when it's inconvenient), just explain to people that you DC at x time cause you have shit to do and let that be that. This is the 2nd best way to make sure you can get to sleep on time, if that's an issue. The best way involves a woman asking you to come to bed, but, baby steps.
Especially in your situation, quitting is going to be stupidly hard unless you can replace the social aspect. Which you really need to do. Introverts with self confidence issues are total suckers for WoW surrogate social interaction, because it really is easier. Being around actual people, at least for me, is physically tiring, wow interaction is less so. So it sucks, but you have to start replacing that wow time with face time. Start small, go find a coffee shop (sans wifi if possible these days) and go read. Just get more used to being around people. Even this little bit can help tons, at first. But if you decide to quit wow, and you have to want it to do it alone, you NEED to start doing something else to get the social fix. Personal anecdote under the spoiler.
I don't have a desire to quit WoW entirely, but I would like to cut back my time. I've thought about the parental controls in the past, so I think I'll do that and see how it works out.
I really like the cooking class suggestion - one of the primary reasons I don't want to move out is I feel like I'll just live on take out, and thats just a recipe for further weight gain. Also, I make $43,000 a year but have a fair amount of debt (student loans mostly despite having not finished college yet) and with the cost of the trainer ($300 a month or so) it would make living on my own difficult. I would like to start saving some of the money I do have though, so when I get back out on my own I have a bit of a reserve.
And thanks for the link to the Concentration thread as well as all that information - I'll try to go over it one I give my science coursework another shot tonight.
I'll let you guys know how it goes, me upstairs on the laptop with LeechBlock installed and wow deleted from my laptops drive.
Also, I get you about eating out when you have to rely on yourself to cook. I just recently moved out myself, and was worried about the exact same thing. But you know what? I'm actually eating much healthier right now that I been in a while, simply due to a combination of counting my calories again (Sparkpeople.com is great for this as is dailyplate.com) and knowing exactly what I'm eating and how much.
More than that, I find it really fulfilling to cook something that actually taste good, and is healthy. It encourages me to try and find new recipes and to keep cooking.
I'm guessing that you rely on your parents for most shopping and cooking. Offer to help. Really, short of cooking lessons getting together cooking is an awesome way to grow a friendship with someone. If you know anyone as a casual friend and you know they cook, Ask them if you could buy the ingredients and have them walk you through a recipe they know. I bonded with my friends a lot by cooking and eating together, its sort of magic.
It'll be hard to reduce WoW time if you don't have many friends close to you IRL. If you only see those people in one context (work, the gym) there really isn't alot of chance for those friendships to grow. There's a low risk factor in asking someone you chat with casually at the gym if they ever wanted to take a cooking class and you were thinking about taking one yourself for healthy recipe ideas.
As for the trainer, $300 a month is actually on the low end of the spectrum. Works out to about $25 a session. Its a lot more than a gym but the fact there is a person waiting for me makes me not want to skip it, and I don't get the chance to be lazy. I'm going to try to work in more cardio. Exercise bikes don't work for me, I'd love to get a real bike but the ones I've seen that hold bigger people are hugely expensive. So I am getting a punching bag, which my trainer tells me if you circle the bag and really stick to it is excellent cardio.
I also set up the parental controls on WoW. We'll see if I stick with it. Monday nights are a no wow night since Tuesdays are when my schoolwork is "due" (though that is mostly flexible). I setup an old laptop with just firefox office and Windows 7 to take somewhere not-distracting and do my work. We'll see how it goes. Thanks again for all the suggestions.
You talk clean and bomb hospitals, so I speak with the foulest mouth possible
As long as you're stuck in a routine you won't change. The path of least resistance is the one most people take. As humans we are averse to effort.
Getting hobbies that aren't videogames and cultivating a social life that is not WoW are big, important steps, and they are important because they will change your routine and thus, your perspective.
1) Quit WoW. Vend all of your items. Delete your characters. Delete the game from your computer. Shred the CDs. Black out and throw away the CD Key so you can't use it anymore. Cancel your subscription. The more artificial barriers you put in place between yourself and playing the game, the better.
2) Write a nice forum post to your guildmates about how you are leaving, and why. The writing isn't for them (although the courtesy is nice). The writing is for you. The first step to altering behavior is recognizing the behavior you want to change. The second step is committing to it. Writing down exactly what you are doing (quitting WoW) and why is a great way for you to make a public commitment while helping to integrate and rationalize the change in behavior to yourself. Why do you think companies have those, "Tell us why you love the ShamWOW!" contests?
Do this for everything you want to set a long-term goal for. "I will lose weight. This is why I want to do it." Etc. Make a promise, write it down, and tell someone about it. It doesn't guarantee success, but it helps.
2) You are not a failure. You have a job, which in this economy, is a great thing. You have actually managed to obtain some responsibility in this job, which proves you aren't an idiot, have a modicum of social skills, and have displayed the ability not to piss off or freak out other people over a relatively long period of time. You are going to the gym regularly. You recognize that you want to change your life, and are trying to work towards that change. These are all good things. Recognize that you are not starting from Ground Zero and trying to build yourself up. You already have a good platform to build from, and you should take credit for that (might want to high-five your parents while you're at it).
3) Life isn't about big decisions and epic travels through arduous quests. It's about setting long-term goals, and making good short-term decisions along the way. Want to lose weight? Go to the gym. (Grats on that, BTW!) Every time you are supposed to go to the gym, and you go to the gym, you are making a good short-term decision towards your long-term goal. Every time you choose what to eat, you can choose between something that is productive, neutral, or negative. It is the accumulation of those decisions which gets you to your destination - not a sudden magical drop in weight after 5 years of toil with no gains. So those small decisions, like not going to the gym, eating a full pizza, getting those extra fries - that's what will hurt you in the long run, and those are easy choices. You aren't choosing who to marry or what kind of house to get. You're choosing what to eat for one meal. So don't get the fucking fries. Learn to recognize it, make the correct decisions, and reap the long-term rewards.
4) So after setting your long-term goals, write down a list of specific behaviors and choices you want to make towards those goals. Repeat those behaviors. Constantly. Your eye is on the goal, but all you need to do to obtain the goal is choose and behave accordingly. Things will fall into place. Life is also about preparation, and constantly working towards those goals is what is preparing you for the moment the opportunity comes. Sometimes that opportunity is a set date, like college admissions. Sometimes the opportunity is a complete unknown, like when you meet your soul-mate. But if you aren't prepared, and you haven't worked toward the goal and made those small steps along the way, you won't get there unless Dumbledore shows up and magics it the fuck on top of you.
5) If you feel that concentration is an issue for you, then go ahead and see a therapist. They can provide a proper diagnosis and maybe even help you out with all of these other issues you seem to be having. But in all honesty, from what you've said your problems don't seem too significant. You can concentrate enough on work to finish tasks and hold down a job, and you had to learn stuff in order to obtain the skills to do the job. That indicates the problem is more about the subject and your approach, rather than an actual psychological issue. But hey, someone who can interact with you and is trained in that sort of thing is probably better to get an answer from than the rest of us. There's an old story in psychology circles about how the best predictor of future success in children is their ability to wait 5 minutes for two pieces of candy, rather than get one piece of candy right away.
6) Hopefully some inspiration: I was basically addicted to WoW for something like 2 years after I graduated from college. One day, much like you, I decided that enough was enough and I basically quit cold turkey. I managed to find a job, moved out of my mom's house, and have reacquainted myself with old friends (and built new friendships along the way). My employer thought enough of me to send me to Australia after two years and two promotions, and I am currently working through a 6-month secondment in the Melbourne office. Yesterday, they asked me if I wanted to stay for the full year. My life isn't all sunshine and rainbows (like you, I'm on the long path towards not being overweight), but you can build a lot of confidence when you make some real choices and decide to move on with your life. It's a virtuous circle, and in the long run you'll be happier. If you wouldn't let someone else talk shit about you and hold you down, why would you do it to yourself? And seriously, I have no temptation whatsoever to ever play WoW again. I screwed around with it on a friend's computer one time last year, and I was bored out of my fucking mind. The whole thing felt like a huge waste of time - one giant negative choice, if there ever was one.
"I have a 3 night a week raid schedule, so it is pretty manageable."
I used to have a 3 night a week raid schedule in high school too, so I know how full of bullshit this sentence here is. Even if you do actually only log on 3 times a week, you're still probably playing over 15 hours on raiding alone.
If for none of the other excellent reasons to cut WoW out of your life that I'm sure others have written over and over, that is 15 hours a week that you could be using to grind rep and get dem phat loots in real life and make yourself a better person.
You need to completely quit WoW cold turkey. Your insistence on not wanting to quit but just "playing a little less" and now setting up parental controls so you can keep playing is just evidence of how dependent you are on something that is empty and detrimental to your life. Don't put the parental controls on and "see how that goes for a while", quit completely and see how that goes for a while. I can virtually guarantee with distance from the game that your connection towards it will weaken.
Pop in to a bookstore, or even onto Amazon, and order a few cookbooks. Cookbooks seem to be losing popularity these days, but they are absolutely full of wonderful ideas. As cheesy as it sounds, I'd fully recommend Gordon Ramsay's "Fast Food," and "Healthy Appetite" for starters. Both of them are absolutely brimming with fast, healthy food ideas.
Also, to avoid the desire to eat fast food, you could do what I did: every Sunday I used to pull out a bunch of cookbooks, find some recipes that I hadn't tried but looked delicious, went out, bought the ingredients, and then made a different dish every day of the week. It's a lot of fun, plus you get to eat delicious food. Really, the best way to get away from fast foods is to spend one day a week (or two days a week - I usually go Sundays and Wednesdays now, sometimes Sundays and Thursdays) planning ahead, and getting all the ingredients organized and ready. That way, when you come home from work you can have some delicious food ready in 20-30 minutes (about the same time it takes to order a pizza) without too much effort. Because, if you're anything like me, most days you don't want to spend mountains of time after work cooking.
And if you are looking to cut down on WoW, you could always prepare some more intricate meals on the days you need to do raids. Working in the kitchen means you're not on a raid, and it's teaching you a wonderful skill. Hell, you could always host a few dinner parties once you're comfortable cooking. Nothing quite brings people together like good food, and perhaps a couple cocktails.
As for not being able to focus on schoolwork:
Definitely get away from distractions. I am the exact same way, if I'm on my computer I just can't get work done. The internet is too much fun. Pop into a library or something, where there is nothing to get distracted by, and try to work there.
If you want, you can try drinking some coffee before/while you study. I read somewhere that it acts like Ritalin, although not as strong, in that it allows people to focus better. There could very well have been glaring errors with the study that I read, however, so take that with a grain of salt, and if anyone provides even the slightest shred of evidence to the contrary, take their advice over mine in this matter.
If you're still having problems paying attention, it could very well be the ADD, in which case don't be afraid to talk to a doctor and see if you can get a prescription for Ritalin or somesuch - I have a friend with the worst case of ADHD I've ever seen. He's a blast to hang out with when he doesn't take his meds, but there is no way in hell he'd be able to function as a student without them. He is currently finishing up his dentistry degree. Basically what I'm saying is that if you find yourself, even in a distraction free zone like a library, unable to study or do homework, visit a doctor and see if you can get or need a prescription for Ritalin, or one of its counterparts. Take one half an hour before it's homework time, and then get to work. There is no shame whatsoever in needing prescription medication to get past something like ADD, as I've seen firsthand what it can do to a person's ability to study. Definitely see if you can get by without it, first, of course.
I didn't quite WoW, and I'm actually pretty glad because the friends I have there were some of the best support I had outside my family. I play a lot less now. I saw a Psychiatrist (I was terrified of them, because I was depressed. Nice catch-22.) but reading all of Gabe's stuff on how it helped him finally pushed me to go. I'm looking at getting weight loss surgery now, have a meeting tonight with the surgeon. I'm already down 38 pounds without that, but have a ways to go (I'm blogging it all at http://losingjeff.com). I just finished a semester at school, the first one in which I'm not cramming to fit my stuff under the deadline. I feel much, much better. I wanted to come back and thank everyone for their advice, and to tell anyone who is thinking of getting professional help but is worried about the evil monsters medicine might put inside their ear canals or whatever to PLEASE FUCKING DO IT the only thing I regret is not finding a doctor like 6 years and 300 pounds ago.
First thing I thought of when I read the OP. 40k a year is plenty to live comfortably on your own, and believe it or not that alone will do wonders for how you feel about yourself.
Goatbert, have you considered joining a LARP (live action roleplaying) troupe? You get all the fun of WOW but with face-to-face socialising and real exercise.
What was your secret to concentrating on your studies in the end?
I feel like everything stemmed from getting help with depression, personally. When you don't care about much of anything it is hard to get motivated.