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[Sex thread], toys, and rock'n'roll

s3xpanthers3xpanther Registered User new member
edited December 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
This is an alt because some people who know me in person can recognize my usual screen name.

For the last few months, I've been dating the most awesome girl I could've asked to catch.

We spent this whole past weekend weekend together and tried the nekkid-dance for the first time (together. She's tried twice before. I was 100% rookie). We knew to be patient and expect some awkwardness - since it was my first time, and she's never had a guy be able to penetrate her before. We had a great time, though we did run into a couple of challenges.

No surprise, we couldn't get penetration. Plenty of KY went on the outside of the the condom, but she's just too tight for me to fit for now (she was very snug around a single finger when I fingered her). So we just focused on some of the things we could enjoy, mainly using our hands, kissing and snuggling. I was able to get her to come 3 times, twice with fingers and once just by suck/nibbling on her neck and shoulder.

Second thing, she didn't get me off. She can easily get me hard and make me feel great, but I just didn't get all the way. I think I was totally unprepared to teach her what gets me going, and I was worried she would get bored or think I didn't find her attractive, so I gave up for the moment and just concentrated on enjoying what I could do for her. I told her about all this a little later and it's all good, we'll take more time and experiment more next time.

Which brings us to..
She's looking for something to help her loosen up a bit, and probably going to get this or something similar. Not knowing how well that will work, how long it will take, etc, we figure we might as well explore other possibilities. We'd like to try anal, but aren't sure how to get started. Maybe a toy to help get used to playing back there (any recommendations)? She seems a little less bold about it than me, though she's definitely interested, so I offered to let her try it on me first (the idea being, it seems like I could enjoy it, would give me an idea how it feels for her, would help give her that last boost of confidence that nothing's gonna break).

We'd like to hear from anybody who has experience in either of these areas, or anything else we should be thinking about.

60% of the time, works every time.
s3xpanther on

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    TalkaTalka Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I might suggest giving it a few more goes before you start purchasing anything. Anxiety can make her tight and you soft, so maybe a few more tries will make things feel more relaxed and it'll work out on its own with time.

    I had the same problem as you my first time (her third time, my first). But the fourth time or so we went at it things just started working.

    Talka on
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    THEPAIN73THEPAIN73 Shiny. Real shiny.Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Yeah I would say in this case practice makes perfect.

    Nobody's first time is great. I can almost promise that to you.

    Just do what feels comfortable to you and take it slow. And if she wants to cuddle before hand let her cuddle. It will ease the tension just that much more.

    And don't worry, finishing will happen. For both of you. And if you are lucky at the same time.

    All the best!

    THEPAIN73 on
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    MetalbourneMetalbourne Inside a cluster b personalityRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    The trick with anything is to start small and work your way up. On both accounts, keep using that finger of yours. Er, use the finger on the other hand for the butthole. Keep your fingernails short and well maintained.

    Personally, I like silicone toys. Anything phallic will do. I'd start with something smooth before moving on to anything bumpy or ridged.

    And some notes on the anus:
    "Way too much" is a safe amount of lube
    There's actually a second, involuntary set of muscles that are just past the sphincter. The pain that comes from anal is when these seize up from being violated. Two ways to get them to calm down is to push like you're pooping and to clench your butthole. Alternate back and forth. But if pain starts, stop for a minute and remove the toy. Remember to work slowly and don't push too hard.

    One last peice of trivia: Condoms are a barrier to pregnancy, infection, and one other thing: Poop.

    Metalbourne on
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    SporkedSporked Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    And poop definitely warrants a barrier. I mean, it might not, for some people, but take it from me, it's less gross to use a rubber.

    Sporked on
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    s3xpanthers3xpanther Registered User new member
    edited December 2009
    and we'll definitely be wanting that barrier against all three. Yeah, already with you there.

    Thanks for the encouragement everybody. I might be back in the next few weeks with an update, hopefully just to say "That was awesome, thanks again from both of us" ;)

    s3xpanther on
    60% of the time, works every time.
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    NateVaderNateVader Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I think if she's still too tight, then you need more foreplay. Eat her out til the cows come home. Toys could just end up being more intimidating, no matter how manageable they appear.

    I find the idea that you made her cum from sucking/nibbling on her neck a bit out there.

    I don't think she knows what an orgasm is. I may be wrong here but I doubt a certified virgin would cause 3 orgasms, one involving nothing but the neck/shoulder.

    Also I think you should avoid anal until you've got regular old vaginal sex down.

    NateVader on
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    HKPacman420HKPacman420 Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    NateVader wrote: »
    I think if she's still too tight, then you need more foreplay. Eat her out til the cows come home.

    Also I think you should avoid anal until you've got regular old vaginal sex down.


    You say she couldn't get you off, had you two tried oral? I'd much sooner suggest trying out 69'ing before anal sex.

    HKPacman420 on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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    MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Keep at it, buddy. Practice makes perfect. It sounds like you are a clear and open communicator and you care about her enjoyment and comfort - which is going to make you great at sex down the line. Don't jump to sexual aids just right yet, keep having fun and go slow (though it seems you already are doing that well).

    As anecdotal evidence, my current girlfriend seems to regrow her virginity if we don't have sex for a few days. She goes from comfortably snug to a chinese finger cuff death trap from hell.

    MegaMan001 on
    I am in the business of saving lives.
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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    If she's too tight for vanilla intercourse, put the idea of anal sex on the back burner. Really.

    Also, orgasm from kissing her neck? She might not have actually had an orgasm. That just seems exceptionally odd to me, especially if it wasn't the first one of the night.

    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    darkmayodarkmayo Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Figgy wrote: »
    If she's too tight for vanilla intercourse, put the idea of anal sex on the back burner. Really.

    Also, orgasm from kissing her neck? She might not have actually had an orgasm. That just seems exceptionally odd to me, especially if it wasn't the first one of the night.

    Yea I was thinking the same thing.

    darkmayo on
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    MegaMan001MegaMan001 CRNA Rochester, MNRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Hey, guys, how about instead of analyzing whether or not the young lad made a girl cum by nibbling on her neck we help him out with his actual problem?

    MegaMan001 on
    I am in the business of saving lives.
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    darkmayodarkmayo Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    MegaMan001 wrote: »
    Hey, guys, how about instead of analyzing whether or not the young lad made a girl cum by nibbling on her neck we help him out with his actual problem?

    If she has never really had an orgasm then I would say that I would be a problem, with very fun solutions.

    darkmayo on
    Switch SW-6182-1526-0041
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    FiggyFiggy Fighter of the night man Champion of the sunRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    MegaMan001 wrote: »
    Hey, guys, how about instead of analyzing whether or not the young lad made a girl cum by nibbling on her neck we help him out with his actual problem?

    Hey bud, we are.

    He wants to try anal but can't get his dick into her vagina. That's a hurdle.

    Also, suggesting that they are misinterpretting "orgasm" is helpful. He wants sex advice. This is sex advice.

    Figgy on
    XBL : Figment3 · SteamID : Figment
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    jeddy leejeddy lee Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Work your way from 1 to 2 fingers, and just be gentle at first.

    jeddy lee on
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    BelruelBelruel NARUTO FUCKS Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    darkmayo wrote: »
    Figgy wrote: »
    If she's too tight for vanilla intercourse, put the idea of anal sex on the back burner. Really.

    Also, orgasm from kissing her neck? She might not have actually had an orgasm. That just seems exceptionally odd to me, especially if it wasn't the first one of the night.

    Yea I was thinking the same thing.

    yeah, as a lady the neck thing makes me giggle and think she is giving you the old 'oh baby, so good, uh uh uh yeah!'

    stop expecting her to come loads of times. stop expecting her to come at all. work at it, but don't make her feel like she is obligated to. she is probably nervous and fakes it so that you won't feel bad.

    as for the too tight thing, as others have said, go slow, try oral, start with one finger and get her comfortable there, then two and so on. when you have two, open your fingers like they are a pair of scissors and a pair of legs walking slowly, and gently. do not stress her out, do NOT try anal until she is comfortable with vaginal. for someone who is still basically a virgin she will be so damn nervous and embarrassed.

    run your hands over her hips, stomach, shoulders, back gently in long stroking caresses, and show that you just love touching her, and it isn't all about her vagina/blatantly erogenous zones (even if her neck is an orgasm factory)

    just take it all slowly, don't pressure her about anything, and have fun.

    Belruel on
    vmn6rftb232b.png
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    Aurora BorealisAurora Borealis runs and runs and runs away BrooklynRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    This may be unhelpful but -my- neck? Total orgasm factory. It's possible. Maybe she's really into that twilight vampire shit or something. Who know what's going on in her head?

    The clit and the nipple do not hold all territory when it comes to erogenous zones. And it's a cliche, but the most sexual organ is indeed your brain. There's lots of different kind of orgasms too, especially for the ladies.

    I think you two should take turns showing each other how you masturbate. Watching your partner get themselves off is incredibly sexy and can be really educational.

    Aurora Borealis on
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    BelruelBelruel NARUTO FUCKS Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    true, but for a virgin giving another virgin (basically) multiple orgasms on their first go, and no penetration?

    i do agree with the mutual masturbation thing though, take notes (mentally haha).

    Belruel on
    vmn6rftb232b.png
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    s3xpanthers3xpanther Registered User new member
    edited December 2009
    Figgy wrote: »
    That just seems exceptionally odd to me, especially if it wasn't the first one of the night.

    My bad. There was a little more going on there, but I didn't figure that was an important detail. And, I don't feel like giving everything away. :winky:

    Belruel wrote: »
    stop expecting her to come loads of times.

    You're assuming I expected that. I didn't. You probably thought '3x' (which was over 2 nights) in my post went to my expectations, but actually I expected to have to take a lot longer learning and experimenting than I really did (yes, I can still do better, but the first time wasn't as elusive as I thought it would be). I just kissed, stroked, and touched in different places and responded to the feedback she gave me in movements and sounds.
    Belruel wrote: »
    run your hands over her hips, stomach, shoulders, back gently in long stroking caresses, and show that you just love touching her, and it isn't all about her vagina/blatantly erogenous zones (even if her neck is an orgasm factory)

    just take it all slowly, don't pressure her about anything, and have fun.

    Already done, will do again. :lol:

    Thanks for trying to help out, but your condescension does burn a little.

    s3xpanther on
    60% of the time, works every time.
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    radroadkillradroadkill MDRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I know when I first new to the whole sex deal something that helped was managing to have an orgasm prior to vaginal penetration.

    Giving oral a shot may be good or finding something else that helps.

    This may or may not work but most times the first... eh, few months, it wasn't the most comfortable sensation (although not unpleasant!) with the vaginal stuff but it got much better after a first orgasm and with time.

    radroadkill on
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    IkageIkage Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Alright since I'm a single finger kind of girl ( mainly sex toys for women scare the ever living hell out of me).

    For one I'm going to give you the signs of a real orgasm so you know when she's faking or not. Girls fake. 30% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. There's even a low percentage that can multi. Unless your doing what your doing and that's finger play. But she might be confusing her churning downstairs for an orgasm and that's not the case.
    But with orgasms usually her legs will tremble and she wont be able to stand for awhile due to the blood rush.

    Girls don't really know what an orgasm is until they have it, we just kind of guess until then. Then were like OHHHHHHH. A lot of us don't have this realization until we get a good expierenced man or jerk off a lot.

    Think of a clit like a girls dick, and like the vaginal mouth=a man's splayed open balls and now you'll understand where our sensitivity lies. We build up pressure and everything the same. But seriously we need that rubbing action down there just as much as men do.

    Sadly guys can get it up quicker then chicks, us women take like 10x more time. During that nibbling and sucking, we start to dilate and contract and get moist ( sometimes this can actually be painful for chicks if you tease her too long. It's our equivalent to blue ballin') this is the ideal time to try sticking anything in her. It sounds like her hymen isn't broken which can be incredibly difficult for anything to get into her. Because it will hurt like hell for the few first times.

    Though even with my hymen broken it still can be incredibly difficult, my interaction with males is like on a 3-4 month basis with my fiance. You can start small and work yourself up. Or you can just both bite the bullet and force it in. It will stretch. Women are made to stretch. Babies come out of us somehow.

    BUT she sounds like a slow and easy kind of girl. So I would go the slow route. But if you do get anything inside her DO NOT start pounding away like a madman. Let it settle and her get used to the form of it. Then go at her pace. Even ask her to help guide you with her hand so it feels like more of a team effort. If you do anything in the butt same principle.

    Though if you do it in the butt, do it in the shower. It's a very easy clean up for first timers. And if you have a deattachable shower head you can use on her. She will love you forever. You are guaranteed orgasms with that thing.

    Also about the her getting to know you. Make it a game. Say something that would get you going, then her turn. Then your turn and go back and forth. Not only you'll get to know her but she'll get to know you.

    Ikage on
    STRONGER THEN DIRT!! DIRT STRONG!
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    MimMim I prefer my lovers… dead.Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Ikage wrote: »
    But with orgasms usually her legs will tremble and she wont be able to stand for awhile due to the blood rush.

    I wouldn't say this was true for everyone. Orgasms are different for everyone. Sometimes my legs tremble but I'm not having an orgasm. Normally when I orgasm, my back arches. A true way to tell if she's orgasming is if you can feel her muscles in her vagina contracting. They're involuntairy. Beyond leg tremmbing and back arching, women (and men) display orgasms in different ways. Eyes rolling, giggling, etc. Muscle contractions of the involuntairy kind, I believe, cannot be faked.

    Also, sometimes you can have an orgasm but it not be as strong as other orgasms. One day I can have one and be like "Oh, that was nice" and other times I'll be like "OH MY FUCKING GOD, I NEED FIVE MINUTES. JESUS."

    Count on muscles, not on signs that can be faked.

    Happy humping! :winky:

    Mim on
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    thischickthischick Registered User new member
    edited December 2009
    I am the chick in question. I have had orgasms before, I have been giving them to myself for a few years now.

    I've already found the wonders of the shower head, but I like how your mind works :-)

    thischick on
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    retrovmretrovm Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Ikage wrote: »
    Girls don't really know what an orgasm is until they have it, we just kind of guess until then. Then were like OHHHHHHH. A lot of us don't have this realization until we get a good expierenced man or jerk off a lot.

    Think of a clit like a girls dick, and like the vaginal mouth=a man's splayed open balls and now you'll understand where our sensitivity lies. We build up pressure and everything the same. But seriously we need that rubbing action down there just as much as men do.

    Sadly guys can get it up quicker then chicks, us women take like 10x more time. During that nibbling and sucking, we start to dilate and contract and get moist ( sometimes this can actually be painful for chicks if you tease her too long. It's our equivalent to blue ballin') this is the ideal time to try sticking anything in her. It sounds like her hymen isn't broken which can be incredibly difficult for anything to get into her. Because it will hurt like hell for the few first times.

    BUT she sounds like a slow and easy kind of girl. So I would go the slow route. But if you do get anything inside her DO NOT start pounding away like a madman. Let it settle and her get used to the form of it. Then go at her pace. Even ask her to help guide you with her hand so it feels like more of a team effort. If you do anything in the butt same principle.

    Also about the her getting to know you. Make it a game. Say something that would get you going, then her turn. Then your turn and go back and forth. Not only you'll get to know her but she'll get to know you.



    pretty much all this. spot on!

    retrovm on
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    IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited December 2009
    If you already are in the habit of masturbation, then I'd recommend taking your sweet time and experimenting with penetration on your own. Mutual masturbation is fine and good too, but you may want to figure it out without any eyes on you at first. Familiarizing yourself with the sensation will help you relax, and you may be able to do that better if thats all your thinking about. Just because there's "no pressure" doesn't mean there's no subconscious tension.

    I have a vibrator that's tapered (which I wont recommend the particular one, as it just broke) but it was pretty helpful when I first started.

    Iruka on
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    SliderSlider Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    So, uh...wait, what? You couldn't ejaculate, because she was TOO tight!? What in the f*ck... I've never heard of this happening before.

    Slider on
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    IkageIkage Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Count on muscles, not on signs that can be faked.
    Okay this might be TMI
    Actually I can..contract my muscles like I'm having an orgasm without actually having an orgasm. You have to use a lot of your lower abdominal muscles and "pull upward/inward" but I can fake it like a pro.
    Also, sometimes you can have an orgasm but it not be as strong as other orgasms. One day I can have one and be like "Oh, that was nice" and other times I'll be like "OH MY FUCKING GOD, I NEED FIVE MINUTES. JESUS."

    Srsly I do agree with this ahahaha I hate the former days.
    I am the chick in question. I have had orgasms before, I have been giving them to myself for a few years now.
    Okay that's a good start then you know what he's doing right and ect! Also you might want to pick up books or just browse the store publically ( for a more naughty thrill of doing such things in public) on what might help you guys too. Researching together makes it exciting and a dirty secret bond you two can share.

    But again I would suggest starting slow and gentle. The starter kit seems a good way to go. Like Iruka said experiment on your own sometime. It might even be a nice surprise for him later down the line.

    And Slider I assume it's like the same with a chick doing a deathgrip on a handjob. And with that there is a lot of " resistance" for trying to squeeze in. And im not going to lie, painful for the chick. Only if you have a partner just rushing in to get his fix. And a girl tearing up is a bit of a turn off for some men.

    Ikage on
    STRONGER THEN DIRT!! DIRT STRONG!
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    Salvation122Salvation122 Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    The only worthwhile bit of sex advice I ever picked up from my youthful forays in reading Maxim: circular motions make everything better.

    Additionally, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Mr. Panther's own difficulties in orgasm are anxiety-related (not uncommon or surprising; it's often an issue for me the first time or two with a new girl as well.) Booze can help with that quite a bit, just remember not to overdo it. A good rule of thumb is to split a bottle of wine during the pre-:winky: phase of the date.

    Salvation122 on
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    VThornheartVThornheart Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    That's... unusual. The subject of the OP has apparently posted. Is that for real?

    Well, now that you're here, I guess we can give you advice directly?

    I suppose the primary question to start off with, now that you're here, would be: is your hymen still intact? If that's what's preventing penetration, it could be that your hymen is unusually thick and might need to be removed surgically. I'm no doctor though, just putting that possibility out there.

    If that's not it and it really is just due to tightness, I've heard that starting with an extremely small object and then moving on to progressively larger ones can "train" your muscles to loosen up. If I'm not mistaken, there's a set of medical devices (that are, in essence, dildos that go from extremely small to normal sized) that are used for just such a purpose.

    Anyways, don't know for sure if this'll help, but these are two possible solutions. I also agree with whoever said before that anal sex might not be a better alternative given the situation.

    VThornheart on
    3DS Friend Code: 1950-8938-9095
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    s3xpanthers3xpanther Registered User new member
    edited December 2009
    thischick wrote: »
    I am the chick in question.

    Yes, this is her.
    Slider wrote: »
    So, uh...wait, what? You couldn't ejaculate, because she was TOO tight!?

    No, no. Tab A did not fit into Slot B. This is an odd situation to find myself in, because I'm not gigantically-endowed.

    The real reason I didn't ejaculate was, I didn't realize I'd need to teach her different ways to drive me crazy. We've been talking about this and have some pretty good ideas. :winky:

    Also, I really appreciate that people are trying to cover all bases, but please leave off the faking/was it an orgasm discussion. She said they were, she seemed to be really into it each time, and most of all I believe if I wasn't getting it right she'd want to work with me and show me how to please her instead of faking to give me a quick ego boost.

    s3xpanther on
    60% of the time, works every time.
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    MimMim I prefer my lovers… dead.Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Ikage wrote: »
    Count on muscles, not on signs that can be faked.
    Okay this might be TMI
    Actually I can..contract my muscles like I'm having an orgasm without actually having an orgasm. You have to use a lot of your lower abdominal muscles and "pull upward/inward" but I can fake it like a pro.

    Really? Whooa, dude I could never be that good! I need to work on my kegels.

    Spoilered for TMI:
    Well, okay, if you can't count on contractions and you can't count on other signs that can be faked, how do we know someone really had an orgasm? OH WAIT, what about liquids? When I orgasm I tend to let a little bit more secretion come out like how a man would, but you know, without it being full of sperm.

    Mim on
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    Aurora BorealisAurora Borealis runs and runs and runs away BrooklynRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    to mim's TMI spoiler=

    That's awesome. Female ejaculation FTW!
    Except not everybody does that. Some girls can do it, but for many others it simply isn't possible, or only possible with a certain kind of stimulation. It is not the only kind of orgasm. I do for some varieties of orgasm but not for others. This what makes it so tricksy. Every girl is different. And at this point I am fully inclined to take thischick at her word. Especially since she's an experienced masturbator. (Good for you thischick!! Masturbation is awesome! Hooray hooray!!)

    But in any case, as the OP has pointed out this is somewhat off topic. Sorry bout the derail s3xpanther.

    I really feel like you are so on the right track here you maybe don't need us slovenly denizens of the interwebs to instruct you. Though there is a lot of good advice herein this thread, so maybe the world will become more learned anyway.

    The one thing I can think of that no one has mentioned yet is this. When I am tight or the guy is big, I find that going vaginally from behind is the very very best. I get lubed up and put a hand down there (hand also lubed) and help guide him in. For me it works best if I am lying all the way down on my stomach- the angle is not quite as good if I'm on my knees doggystyle. He's got a little further to go coz this makes for a longer contact area, and I feel like I have some more control because he's following my fingers. It only works if he is quite hard, a half staff man will slide out and that's awkward. But this method has served me well on many an occasion.

    Also for me at least that particular angle will cause him to hit some very good spots inside, pretty much guaranteed orgasm for me. The few times I've had simaltaneous orgasms (boy and girl at the same time is pretty rare in case you didn't know) it is almost always from that position.

    Er.. anyway, the point is that if you are only trying it from one position you should maybe mix it up a little. This method works for me. It might not for you. Coz every girl is different and all. But, you know, I thought I'd mention.

    Aurora Borealis on
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