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New Webcomic - Original Gamers

ogmasterogmaster Registered User regular
edited December 2009 in Artist's Corner
When Original-Gamer redesigned the site, we also started up the comics. I'd like to get some opinions, hopefully not painful just fair, about the comic. It's in the very rough stages but I have some ideas with the comic. And it does work similar to other webcomics:

comic2.jpg

Thanks in advance for those that go easy on me.

O.G. = Original Gamer
Visit my blog for review, videos, and video games news,
www.original-gamer.com
ogmaster on

Posts

  • MaydayMayday Cutting edge goblin tech Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Are you the artist behind this?

    Mayday on
  • ogmasterogmaster Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    No. I run the site and come up with the stories. The artist is Eagle Bear who works on various local manga.

    ogmaster on
    O.G. = Original Gamer
    Visit my blog for review, videos, and video games news,
    www.original-gamer.com
  • Stupid Mr Whoopsie NameStupid Mr Whoopsie Name Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited December 2009
    Tell Eagle Bear I think his comic needs work.

    Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name on
  • ScosglenScosglen Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    It seems like this is something you decided to add to the site on a whim when you redesigned it, because everybody loves webcomics right? How hard could it be!

    Because that's about how serious it looks like you guys are about making a web comic worth looking at.

    My completely unsarcastic best advice is to stop wasting time on a comics feature and focus on the news/blog features to make your website not a pointless redundancy of kotaku, 1up and cheapassgamer.

    Scosglen on
  • iglidanteiglidante Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Yeah...I'm really not feeling this, OG. Art-wise, it looks like a parody of a webcomic on Encyclopedia Dramatica - MS-Paint wiggles and very little going on. In the last panel, the artist (confusingly, even) shrunk down the black guy's head and drew a body with thicker lines, but didn't do the same for the white guy (he's redrawn entirely). No expressions.

    ...and honestly, the writing needs some work too, man. Especially that last panel. The punchline (final speech bubble) is a mess. It doesn't even read smoothly.

    iglidante on
  • Con-ArtistCon-Artist MichiganianRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Yeah, sadly - the comic itself doesn't read as professional or even particularly edgy enough to make it something that will stand out. I'll agree - work on the writing and the content for the site. Right now, if you release things at a sub-par standard, that will be the initial impression folks who visit your site will receive - and the initial judgment that they'll make is "don't take this guy seriously".

    You have a lot of click-through videos and reviews... enough to keep a reader clicking for a while. Focus where your content is and fine-tune your web-site so its a bit more visually appealing and you'll be off to a better start, trust me.

    (Also - take the extra .com out of the link in your sig)

    Con-Artist on
  • Spectre-xSpectre-x Rating: AWESOME YESRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    ogmaster wrote: »
    No. I run the site and come up with the stories. The artist is Eagle Bear who works on various local manga.

    Does Eagle Bear live in Japan?

    Spectre-x on
  • CrowlestonCrowleston Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Eagle Bear didn't even draw the man in the yellow shirt for this strip, he just pulled it from the previous comic. THERE'S SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON AROUND HERE... I'd like to talk to this Eagle Bear. He's hurting your reputation OG.

    Crowleston on
    useless but necessary objects of society.
  • MaydayMayday Cutting edge goblin tech Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Uh, yeah, that person in the last panel looks like traced from Checkerboard Nightmare.

    Edit: scratch that, it even looks copypasta.

    Mayday on
  • LexxyLexxy Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    The writing isn't completely terrible, and the idea behind the comic (at least this one in particular) is pretty decent, but the art is basically godawful. If it all looked like the little yellow shirt guy in the last panel, and each panel were drawn individually, and the speech bubbles were anti-aliased, and the font weren't some variant of comic-sans, it would be much less unfortunate. But right now it's just so bad I can't even enjoy it ironically.

    If you're going to make a web comic, either go all out or go home. No copypasta. No gradient fill background. No head-shot only frames. A comic of such poor caliber is going to hurt your image, not help it.

    Lexxy on
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    if you run the site and write the stories, then this is not the right forum for you to be posting in
    this is a forum where we give constructive feedback to artists looking to improve their work
    if you want to get feedback on writing, i'd suggest writer's block
    if you want feedback on the art in this comic, i suggest telling eagle bear to come over here and post stuff him/herself so we can give him/her some crits.

    beavotron on
  • MustangMustang Arbiter of Unpopular Opinions Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    The writing isn't completely terrible

    I'm going to have to disagree with you there Lex, I think it falls woefully short of where a good comic should be. The idea has potential but it was so woefully executed that it has no hope of drawing a laugh.

    Mustang on
  • FletcherFletcher Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    the writing isn't fantastic, but at least there are jokes in there! however, comics about the hype surrounding star wars: the force unleashed probably would have been more appropriate before it was released more than a year ago

    i think from a writing perspective you need to focus on making the jokes relevant to recent new stories/announcements; i'd imagine the sort of people that scour your site for news are probably aware that your star wars comic is ridiculously dated.

    from a visual standpoint, things are pretty dire to be honest

    the combination of completely copy-pasted art, cheesy gradient background, awful punctuation and strange text placement (which also makes your writing look worse) all make the whole thing look painfully amateur

    frankly i think you need to either tell eaglebear to step his game up, or find someone else to draw the comic

    Fletcher on
  • ogmasterogmaster Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Well it's some harsh comments but hey that's why I brought it here.

    Here's a little background on everything. Earlier this year I seeked out an artist and found a kid that came up with a good look. He came up with a look that I liked and he was up for it. Well real life got in the way and he quit. A guy on my site invited me to a local Manga group that are independent artists coming together to make some manga and share ideas. I went there in hopes to find an artist and Eagle Bear decided to join up. My idea was for him to take these characters, which I love, and kind of make them his own. So yeah it's rough looking and the jokes are outdated but we're going through some of the strips I had already created so that we can get our flow going in order to make the process somewhat automated.

    Here's the last one we did:

    comic3.jpg

    By all means, the more info the better because while everything else on the site I am an expert on, this is the one where I'm still in the dark about.

    ogmaster on
    O.G. = Original Gamer
    Visit my blog for review, videos, and video games news,
    www.original-gamer.com
  • Spectre-xSpectre-x Rating: AWESOME YESRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    It's still jsut a bunch of generic cut-and-paste bullshit, and Eagle Bear still isn't around to benefit from our criticism. I'm having doubts you even want to improve.

    Spectre-x on
  • iglidanteiglidante Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Even if nothing else were fixed, can you at least work on the text bubbles and font? They're atrocious. What is EB using to lay these out?

    iglidante on
  • bebarcebebarce Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I do not draw well. At most i'm probably just as good as Eagle Bear, but you'll note that i'm not saying the words "I'm not a good artist." It would imply some form of craft.

    Now while the rules state that we shouldn't just tell a person their art is terrible, because it is not a proper critique, you are coming in as a website owner and are in a sense dissassociated with the art. Therefore my critique can be disassociated with the artist.

    I am a bit of a business man however. And so since the artist is unavailable for critique, I can critique your decision to pursue this comic.

    Don't.

    Or at least drastically reconsider your intentions with the site. If you plan on tackling all thing "gamer" related than you will be hobbling the rest of your site which seems of a decent quality design to an "artist" that is not of a calibur worth supporting.

    As the others have pointed out, he is using cheap tricks to produce bad art that is unappealing in every sense. The lack of effort on his part will eventually relate to a lack of effort on your part. While I understand that you may not have much to offer an artist (which most likely is nothing other than the possibility of publicity) it doesn't mean you should sell the rest of your site short.

    Until you find a better artist my recommendation is that you remove the feature.

    As for artistic commentry it's pretty much been mentioned, but your artist has locked himself into 4 panels, but is only actually drawing one. Why? Is he pressed for time? Have you guarenteed daily delivery or the browsers get their internet dollars back?

    Lets see the original artists designs. Do Harlem and Dude look at all better? Is their apartment situated in an amorphous blue heaven that descends into pure white joy? Else why the repeated blue to white gradiant other than the fact that he has no ability or time to attempt a background and is using a photoshop gradient to "flare that bitch up".

    What sold you on this story, that you are so dedicated to the characters of homoerotic black guy, or dude in yellow shirt and khakis. Is there a tragic backstory that we are unaware of? Is there anything that dissassociates them from the now common template of every gamer comic of "here is two guys and they like to play video games." Or is the humor found in a sarcasm that transcends our understanding. That these characters are so awful and stereotypical that it is itself the punchline.

    When your artist is cutting and pasting please ask him to at the very least "Cut" closer to the outline, as you can still see the blue halo around Dudes head as he moved him further down the gradiant.

    Also Dude appears to have an elbow in the middle of his forearm. This might be an affect caused by the lasers shooting out of his computer screen.

    bebarce on
  • Faded_SneakersFaded_Sneakers City of AngelsRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    The main issue for me is the context of where the comic is bing displayed.

    I would expect to see a comic like this on Comic Genesis or Drunk Duck or some other Free web comic hosting site.

    For a site that is trying to generate views and attract consumers I would expect something more polished. Not just regarding the artwork but also when it comes to something as simple as gutters and word baloons.

    I only mention this because expectation is often the fundemental factor when it comes to satisfaction. If a potential consumer goes in expecting an 8 or 9 and ultimately finds a 6, even though a 6 isnt necessarily bad their expectations are not met and they will leave your site unsatisfied.

    You mention you know this comic is in the rough stages of development so I would probably suggest not putting it in the site until you have the rough edges ironed out and can present something that will help sell your site and keep people around.

    Faded_Sneakers on
    Instagram: fadedsneakers
  • chewiechewie Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    MyEyes.gif

    chewie on
  • Spectre-xSpectre-x Rating: AWESOME YESRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I've missed this place.

    Spectre-x on
  • FugitiveFugitive Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    Oh hey, it's Chewie

    Fugitive on
  • iglidanteiglidante Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    And what's up with the speech balloons in the first comic ending in a hard right edge, cutting off the text? How does that even happen? It's...odd.

    iglidante on
  • DelzhandDelzhand Hard to miss. Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    iglidante wrote: »
    How does that even happen?

    Lack of effort. Which happens to be a key indicator of how much someone wants to improve. If you can't bother to fix the easy technical stuff, how can we think for a moment that the guy doing this wants to improve the things that require talent and practice?

    Delzhand on
  • amateurhouramateurhour One day I'll be professionalhour The woods somewhere in TennesseeRegistered User regular
    edited December 2009
    ogmaster, your sig link goes to www.original-gamer.com.com

    just fyi

    amateurhour on
    are YOU on the beer list?
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited December 2009
    I'm locking this thread because as I said before, this is a place for artists to come get constructive feedback

    you are not the artist
    so nothing we have to offer you here is going to be of any benefit to you as the writer of the comic.

    if you want feedback on writing, go to the writer's block subforum
    if you want feedback on art, get eagle bear to join the forums and make a thread, and we can help him or her
    but really, this isn't the place to post this sort of thing unless you're the artist looking to improve.

    best of luck

    beavotron on
This discussion has been closed.