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What does christmas mean to you?
chuckleberryfinn
IrelandRegistered User regular
IrelandRegistered User regular
Last night my child looked up at me and said, "Uncle Martin?" He didn't know I was his father, and I didn't know for sure, either; I just assumed I was. I'd had his mother so many times, and in so many different ways, the odds were with me.
Anyway, he looked up at me and said, "What does Christmas mean to you?"
And I said, "Lemuel, Christmas is a time for giving, a time for receiving, a time for eggnog and rum... A time for cutting down trees, and hanging plastic doo-dads on them, and watching them die slowly in your livingroom, catch fire and burn down your house and all your possessions. It's a time for buying things that haven't sold all year long, wrapping them up in shiny paper, and giving them to your friends, who return them and find out you got it on sale, and they can only exchange them for things of equal value, like charcoal bricquets or matchbooks with other people's names on them. A time for giving your wife that special coat she always wanted. Those seals didn't need their fur anyway. What do they want it for? They're dead, already.
"It's a time for eggnog and brandy, and driving home on icy streets, accidentally nudging the car next to you off the bridge... into the frozen river... watching the car sink... seeing the bubbles float up under the water.
"It's a time to sip an eggnog martini, and think about the poor, and talk of feeding the naked and clothing the hungry. A time to get Christmas cards from all your friends at Consolidated and Allied and Acme. A time for seeing all those happy children sitting on Santa's lap at Toyland, thinking to yourself, 'Hmmm... Maybe I'l be a Santa next year. Twelve years old is not so far from eighteen. Maybe I should be laying a little groundwork for the future.'
"It's a time for parties at the office with eggnog and vodka, telling your boss what you really think of him... while he gets a perfect Xerox of your wife's rear end.
"A time for sitting by the hearth, sipping eggnog and tequila with your feet up on a burning log, and realizing that Uncle Walt has been in your garage for forty-five minutes with the car running, and you say to yourself, 'Damn, Uncle Walt, you were supposed to bring me back more egg nog.'
"And that, Lemuel, is what Christmas means to me."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXN72rbXAr0
One of the funniest Christmas songs going.
Anyway, he looked up at me and said, "What does Christmas mean to you?"
And I said, "Lemuel, Christmas is a time for giving, a time for receiving, a time for eggnog and rum... A time for cutting down trees, and hanging plastic doo-dads on them, and watching them die slowly in your livingroom, catch fire and burn down your house and all your possessions. It's a time for buying things that haven't sold all year long, wrapping them up in shiny paper, and giving them to your friends, who return them and find out you got it on sale, and they can only exchange them for things of equal value, like charcoal bricquets or matchbooks with other people's names on them. A time for giving your wife that special coat she always wanted. Those seals didn't need their fur anyway. What do they want it for? They're dead, already.
"It's a time for eggnog and brandy, and driving home on icy streets, accidentally nudging the car next to you off the bridge... into the frozen river... watching the car sink... seeing the bubbles float up under the water.
"It's a time to sip an eggnog martini, and think about the poor, and talk of feeding the naked and clothing the hungry. A time to get Christmas cards from all your friends at Consolidated and Allied and Acme. A time for seeing all those happy children sitting on Santa's lap at Toyland, thinking to yourself, 'Hmmm... Maybe I'l be a Santa next year. Twelve years old is not so far from eighteen. Maybe I should be laying a little groundwork for the future.'
"It's a time for parties at the office with eggnog and vodka, telling your boss what you really think of him... while he gets a perfect Xerox of your wife's rear end.
"A time for sitting by the hearth, sipping eggnog and tequila with your feet up on a burning log, and realizing that Uncle Walt has been in your garage for forty-five minutes with the car running, and you say to yourself, 'Damn, Uncle Walt, you were supposed to bring me back more egg nog.'
"And that, Lemuel, is what Christmas means to me."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXN72rbXAr0
One of the funniest Christmas songs going.
No Protoss players were underpowered during this post.
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hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
the day you killed our lord
Oh! it also reaffirms my contempt for the western world.
good thing christmas is also celebrated in the east
only enhanced by the holidays
fuck them
A roman did it
hey satan...: thinkgeek amazon My post |
eggs and bacon breakfast, sometimes waffles also. always with orange juice.
cleaning up the wrapping paper afterward
going to the movies in the evening.
PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
Why stop at the western world?