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Forced to choose sides [wall of text]
Jeice
regular
regular
Yay, my first girl thread >.<"
K, so I met this girl about a year ago. She was cool, attractive and I guess I kind of liked her. But she had a boyfriend, so I was content with just being good friends with her (I don't know if I'm really telling the truth here, but at the very least, I'd like to think that I just like her as a friend). I introduced her to one of my best friends and they got along great. They became really good friends and I was really jealous of them. They would always hang out together, but she would never hang out with me unless I was with my friend. Even when playing games online, she would only play with me if my friend was there. That always pissed me off. Eventually, we just became casual acquaintances. This didn't affect my relationship with my best friend, me and him are still great buds, just mine and her relationship. I told him a couple of times that it would piss me off that she would never hang out with me, but he's really stupid when it comes to those kinds of things and I guess it never hit him that it actually pissed me off.
When she broke up with her boyfriend, she wanted to go for my friend, but he was never interested in her. He told me that 10% of the reason why he never liked her was because of me and the other 90% was because she wasn't his type. I believe that he was lying and that it was actually 99% because of me. But, I constantly told him that I didn't like her and that he should go for her and that all I wanted was just to be friends with her. I guess he finally went for her, but things didn't go so well between them. I don't know what happened but my friend was seriously hurt emotionally by her. He asked me what he needed to do to move on, and I told him that objectively speaking, that if she was any other girl, I'd break off all contact with her, forget about her and move on. I stressed the fact that that was my opinion if I was a non-biased 3rd party. But, I also told him that I wasn't non-biased, I didn't really want him to break off all contact because I still wanted to be friends with her. He didn't want to break off contact with her either, so he asked me to do it. I was hesitant, but, I saw how much he was hurting (apparently, it was the 3rd time she hurt him) so I broke his and my contact with her. Not knowing what happened, I chose my best friends side. I didn't even know that they were together, my friend kept everything a secret from me. But, it didn't matter to me what happened, all I knew was that she hurt him, so I chose his side and we both decided to move on and forget about her.
She doesn't know I knew anything that was happening between them, (and, I really don't know anything aside from the fact that it ended badly for my friend). So, when she came to me asking why I was ignoring her, I didn't tell her anything and just kept on ignoring her. But now, apparently they're friends again. I didn't know that they were friends again, my friend never told me, and the only reason I know now was that I saw it randomly on his facebook wall that they are friends again. The girl's been angry at me and asking me why I am ignoring her for no reason (from her point of view it would seem like I ignored her for no reason) and I don't know what to say. Right now, I'm confused and pissed off. But, I don't know what I'm pissed off at. I don't know if I'm pissed off at the fact that I feel betrayed because we both decided to move on and yet he went back to her. I don't know if it's the fact that he didn't tell me about it. Or if it's the fact that I threw away my personal feelings and chose his side. Or if it's the simple fact that I, no matter how much I try to convince myself and others otherwise, that I do like her and it's pissing me off the fact that she's pissed off at me for ignoring her and she doesn't know why.
Wow, what a fucking wall of text. I guess, if nothing else, writing this out calmed me down a little.
tl;dr My 2 friends hooked up, it didn't go well, I chose one person's side, but now they're friends again and it's awkward between me and the person's side I didn't choose and now I don't know what to do.
K, so I met this girl about a year ago. She was cool, attractive and I guess I kind of liked her. But she had a boyfriend, so I was content with just being good friends with her (I don't know if I'm really telling the truth here, but at the very least, I'd like to think that I just like her as a friend). I introduced her to one of my best friends and they got along great. They became really good friends and I was really jealous of them. They would always hang out together, but she would never hang out with me unless I was with my friend. Even when playing games online, she would only play with me if my friend was there. That always pissed me off. Eventually, we just became casual acquaintances. This didn't affect my relationship with my best friend, me and him are still great buds, just mine and her relationship. I told him a couple of times that it would piss me off that she would never hang out with me, but he's really stupid when it comes to those kinds of things and I guess it never hit him that it actually pissed me off.
When she broke up with her boyfriend, she wanted to go for my friend, but he was never interested in her. He told me that 10% of the reason why he never liked her was because of me and the other 90% was because she wasn't his type. I believe that he was lying and that it was actually 99% because of me. But, I constantly told him that I didn't like her and that he should go for her and that all I wanted was just to be friends with her. I guess he finally went for her, but things didn't go so well between them. I don't know what happened but my friend was seriously hurt emotionally by her. He asked me what he needed to do to move on, and I told him that objectively speaking, that if she was any other girl, I'd break off all contact with her, forget about her and move on. I stressed the fact that that was my opinion if I was a non-biased 3rd party. But, I also told him that I wasn't non-biased, I didn't really want him to break off all contact because I still wanted to be friends with her. He didn't want to break off contact with her either, so he asked me to do it. I was hesitant, but, I saw how much he was hurting (apparently, it was the 3rd time she hurt him) so I broke his and my contact with her. Not knowing what happened, I chose my best friends side. I didn't even know that they were together, my friend kept everything a secret from me. But, it didn't matter to me what happened, all I knew was that she hurt him, so I chose his side and we both decided to move on and forget about her.
She doesn't know I knew anything that was happening between them, (and, I really don't know anything aside from the fact that it ended badly for my friend). So, when she came to me asking why I was ignoring her, I didn't tell her anything and just kept on ignoring her. But now, apparently they're friends again. I didn't know that they were friends again, my friend never told me, and the only reason I know now was that I saw it randomly on his facebook wall that they are friends again. The girl's been angry at me and asking me why I am ignoring her for no reason (from her point of view it would seem like I ignored her for no reason) and I don't know what to say. Right now, I'm confused and pissed off. But, I don't know what I'm pissed off at. I don't know if I'm pissed off at the fact that I feel betrayed because we both decided to move on and yet he went back to her. I don't know if it's the fact that he didn't tell me about it. Or if it's the fact that I threw away my personal feelings and chose his side. Or if it's the simple fact that I, no matter how much I try to convince myself and others otherwise, that I do like her and it's pissing me off the fact that she's pissed off at me for ignoring her and she doesn't know why.
Wow, what a fucking wall of text. I guess, if nothing else, writing this out calmed me down a little.
tl;dr My 2 friends hooked up, it didn't go well, I chose one person's side, but now they're friends again and it's awkward between me and the person's side I didn't choose and now I don't know what to do.
Jeice on
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Posts
Oh, and your best friend was a giant pussy for making you cut off contact with her for him, and a giant dick for negating that arrangement without talking to you. I don't know what you get when you cross a giant pussy and a giant dick, but it isn't pretty and it would piss me off. If you're worried about his reaction to what will come out because of your heart to heart with the girl, I guess you could talk to him first.
Also, jealousy is a useless and petty emotion. You need to get over whatever issues you still have vis-a-vis this girl liking your friend more than you. Especially when you were the one who introduced them and you encouraged him to hook up with her. It happens all the time so the best policy is to go with the flow.
Above all, TALK. Ya'll three are pretty fucked up right here so if you are going to get this straightened out you are going to need to communicate.
I mean, come on dude, Bro's before Ho's.
Tell your friend that he shouldn't break a pact you made that makes you look like a dick. Tell the girl that you had some feelings for her, didn't think it would work out and it made you a little akward around her. Then tell her if you still want to be friends or not and go from there.
Your buddy did make some terrible moves, tough.
If you really think of him as a close important friend, talk it out, communication needs to happen.
if not, ditch him, he seems happy enough to throw you to the wolves.
That's the logical set of events imo - but the logical choice isn't always the easiest.
jeice- tell her what happened. 'my friend came to me and said he was hurting from you and needed to heal. he asked for my help in getting him some distance to heal, and i helped him get it. i am sorry if i offended you in the process, and he seems to have fixed things with you anyways, so my reasons for avoiding you are no longer viable, how have you been?'
and talk to your guy-friend, find out why he is friends with her again when he begged you not to be.
In short. Cut out the girl and try and repair your relationship with your best friend, regardless of what he has "done" to you.
Going forward though, I'd recommend straight up honesty with both people about your actions and how you feel about it, being prepared for the possibility that you might've burned that bridge.
is a retard
a lying god damn retard
You can choose to tell her what happened to the very likely detriment of your friendship with the friend, or you can just continue ignoring her.
You could also start hanging out with whoever your second best friend is instead
And if any social situation occurs when it would just be the 3 of you, sack it off and go hang out with other people. I'm going to assume you have other friends. Your friend made his choice, now he can fucking deal with you not being around so much.
I'd say to her, listen, all I know is you guys had a thing and it ended badly. The best thing to do in those situations is to not be around the person, so when he asked me to break contact with you I did, he's my best friend. Glad to see you guys are talking again, sorry to have put you through that.