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Staying at a Lady Friend's House
Golden Leg
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Over the past year-and-a-half or so I seem to have hit it off with one of my old high school friends from Minnesota. We liked each other in high school, but never acted on anything. I went to college in Colorado, she to Wisconsin. Through an unlikely series of events we started chatting and e-mailing each other regularly. I took a trip to Minnesota last May and visited her and other friends. Over the past seven months, we've started calling each other in addition to chatting and e-mailing regularly.
Now, I'm taking a trip to Minnesota soon. She has invited me to stay at her place for a couple of days. I accepted.
I'm not sure how to approach the situation. We really like each other. I don't know what her thoughts are, but I'm afraid I'm in with love her. She once stated she didn't think long distance relationships could work, so I don't want to disturb her by professing my love. Do I go this time expected anything or just let things happen as they will? We haven't done anything very physical, so far we've just reveled in the ecstasy of our conversations. I'm not sure if she's just being friendly or wants to escalate things.
Please still my beating heart.
Now, I'm taking a trip to Minnesota soon. She has invited me to stay at her place for a couple of days. I accepted.
I'm not sure how to approach the situation. We really like each other. I don't know what her thoughts are, but I'm afraid I'm in with love her. She once stated she didn't think long distance relationships could work, so I don't want to disturb her by professing my love. Do I go this time expected anything or just let things happen as they will? We haven't done anything very physical, so far we've just reveled in the ecstasy of our conversations. I'm not sure if she's just being friendly or wants to escalate things.
Please still my beating heart.
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Be polite, cheerfully offer to sleep on the couch, don't assume/expect anything more than good conversation.
I'm positive she'll "break the ice" and give you more than a few hints as to her intentions (if any).
If she's truly unreadable after a day or two, honestly is always the best policy.
Just tell her point-blank that you've really enjoyed the time spent communicating with her, and you'd be genuinely interested if she was at all into developing/expanding your relationship beyond emails.
Good luck!
That could mean a lot of things. I'm terrible at reading physical interest.
But I think those assumptions go beyond this trip, too. Just because something more might happen doesn't mean she's interested in a relationship with you. Conversely, even if nothing happens and you just couch surf and enjoy her conversation, that doesn't mean things can't develop long-distance in the future.
You're the guest, so you should match her behavior and be a good guest. Probably the only bad thing to do is obsess over it.
Otherwise, yeah, what the folks above said.
If you're on the couch and she says "you can sleep in here (ie, her room) if you like" then that's a pretty strong signal. One which I have, in the past, missed.
Gentlemanly persuasions be dammed, sir, press home the advantage.
Oh come on! Damnit man, that is a fairly obvious sign!
Unless of course it was some retardedly awkward phone call (a recording of which would have been priceless)...
I wouldn't mention anything until stuff happens - which it appears from that dialogue, it should! - then you need to be somewhat (but not creepily "I love you for ever and ever") honest and say that you really like her and don't know what to do, because you understand her feelings about the distance thing.
Leave it hanging, then she can at that point volunteer information either saying "no wait, we can working something out!!" or "yeah its not going to work, but I really like you too etc etc".
Go and have fun, but don't go dropping the L word. Just because she says she is attracted to you and wants to hang out with you doesn't mean she loves you. You're only going to creep her out acting like that.
See what I did there? Where ever she tells you to put it. :winky: Gawd, I'm a laff riot!
Other than that, don't expect any declarations of love. Hopefully it will lead to something, but it may not, and you need to be ready for both.
Emotions are a strange thing... and I cant tell you what you feel. I would focus on getting to know her at this point, take things slowly. Rushing into things will lead into something thats bound to burn out fast.
This is good advice which I edited into bad advice.
Sounds like a booty call to me though, play it cool but be aware of any obvious hints she drops, like if she says she likes your body and invites you to stay at her house for a few days.
As far as telling her you love her, that's a bit heavy unless you spend the entire time staring into each other's eyes in a state of bliss. Feel free to profess your desire to see her again and explain how much fun you had.
I'm going to go with infatuation.
Why are you so hooked on whether or not you "love" this girl?
Just go stay at her place and see what develops. Stop wondering if you love her or not, because that will come if it comes. Relax.
There's enough people espousing caution in this thread already so...
sounds like a round-trip ticket to bonersville
I wouldn't expect a relationship out of it. A fling, maybe.
Anyway, these things are always tricky. Are you going to be drinking? Do you want to have sex? What do you want out of seeing her?
The feelings of love you have are nice or whatever, but I really don't seriously see a long term relationship working. Are you going to move? Is she? I mean, if it's a 'I'ma marry you' love and she has it too, awesome. try and make it work but you have to get there emotionally first. And if it doesn't work, man oh man is it ugly!
There's lots of different ways to try and pull this off. You could get drunk and try something sexual or profess your undying love. This way it could just be blamed on being drunk. I've had something like that happen. 'Oops, i got drunk and tried to fuck you/marry you even though we're just friends. It didn't work but I was drunk so it's okay, I won't do it again.' It's an excuse if things go south quick. I've both done it and had it done to me. I ended up sleeping with a friend under similar conditions as yours. She came and visited me, got drunk, then initiated sex. She wasn't planning on sex, it just happened. I've also been in the situation where there's obvious like but no sex happens. Sharing a bed or just a nice make out session.
After reading and thinking a little more, and reading your posts again and again, I'm going to strongly go with be cool and casual. I think this might be laying the groundwork for a possible long distance booty call with a slight to small chance of feelings getting involved. It may just be a 'hangout and have a good time with' call though. I still get made fun of by a friend/exgf for bringing condoms to a 'hangout with me' call. If you wanna find out really quickly, try and fuck one of her friends. That might end badly though.
I would go and have a good time. Expect nothing but don't be scared to initiate something if you got that feeling that it'll work. It seems like ya'll discussing physical attraction in a very low key manner, which is a good sign. She may like you, as you're doing a lot of talking to each other, and is probably a little bit curious sexually.
Take her out and treat it like a date. Tell her it's a date. Hold the door, pay for dinner, tell her that the earrings and perfume she is wearing is nice. I don't think you're going to get laid. You might be able to sleep in the same bed. There might be kissing. Sex...idk. Please don't tell her that you love her. Shit man. This is complicated. If she had somebody else closer, she wouldn't be messing with you. You might be a 'hold me over till I can find something else' guy. Again, do not tell this girl you love her. She told you she doesn't want a long distance relationship. Do not tell a woman who just wants to fuck that you love her. You will not have sex.
I'm in a kinda relationship that's long distance(4.5 hours) but not really cause we don't want a long distance relationship. We just like each other, definitely like fuckin each other, but trying to tie down to somebody that isn't there is too hard. You need to be able to fall asleep next to each other every once in awhile.
Here's my advice but I'm not too sure that it's applicable to this situation. I don't think you're there yet:
You said you really like her but you don't know her thoughts. You could just ask her. Take her ass on a date. Movie and dinner with drinks afterward. Maybe dance. The secret to being a white guy dancing at a bar is to just stand there and bop your head, moving your body in time with the music. I would tell her how I felt and how I find myself attracted to her. Don't be all crazy with the love shit yet. You're laying groundwork. Talk about distance and how it can really strain a relationship, especially one that's just starting. Not being able to kiss the person you
I don't know how far away she is but if you can see each other every few weeks, it might work. Be prepared for it to end at any moment though. When you're gone, she's free.
Limed for truth. Very obvious signals dude. Just exercise caution.
This is also one I've missed in the past. Don't be like us!
Throw it in, she wants it.