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Letting go of the small things?
Rhino
TheRhinLOLRegistered User regular
TheRhinLOLRegistered User regular
I get frustrated (and mad) a lot about small stupid stuff. Just minor every day annoyances like having work schedule re-arranged at last minute or stock broker not getting back to me after emailing and calling him 5 times.
Most of the time it's just small stuff that, while annoying and frustrating, doesn't really matter much in the grand scheme of things.
Sometimes I just keep thinking about it, getting more pissed off and it's hard to just let go of it and relax. For example, I'm trying to do math now and I love math, but keep thinking about a stupid thing at work and just getting pissed off about it; which interferes with my ability (and enjoyment) of my studies.
How do I let go of these thoughts and just relax?
Most of the time it's just small stuff that, while annoying and frustrating, doesn't really matter much in the grand scheme of things.
Sometimes I just keep thinking about it, getting more pissed off and it's hard to just let go of it and relax. For example, I'm trying to do math now and I love math, but keep thinking about a stupid thing at work and just getting pissed off about it; which interferes with my ability (and enjoyment) of my studies.
How do I let go of these thoughts and just relax?
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Personally, this is what I'm doing: When I start to feel riled up I sit back and write down what I'm getting pissed about... and I ask myself "Is this seriously going to matter, next week, next month, next year??"
I'm journaling out all the bad negative crap and keeping track of things that I accomplish that I'm happy or proud about that WILL matter next week, month, year.
Maybe some of that would help you?
Steam: badger2d
This post contains a hell of a lot of wisdom. Life and happiness are a lot simpler than they feel sometimes. Just like Badger, I've found short of any major disasters in your life which will obviously get you down, irritability is usually a big sign that you're just not taking care of yourself properly.
I recommend starting jogging (if you don't already), but that's just personal preference, it's not innately superior to any other form of exercise, but it's always easy, available and effective.
Make sure you're eating healthy. There are threads upon threads around here on how to do that, but a good place to start is to cook for yourself a little more.
And sleep enough, obviously!
If you're already doing all this, and feel fit and healthy, then it's a lot harder to give good advice. A bit of positive thinking as suggested by Susan will help though. Breathing techniques actually do work by the way. If you feel yourself getting riled up, force yourself to do 10 deep breaths - it honest to god helps.
Good luck with any changes you think you can make.
The reason this is useful is that, imo, fears are much easier to deal with than anger. Being angry at traffic is pointless, there's no one to blame and it's kind of nebulous where the anger comes from to start with. But the fear of being late can be handled with a simple 'eh, they can wait another 10 minutes' or 'I'll give em a call and let em know I'm stuck.' It might have a macho aspect to it, being angry at traffic is normal but no one would ever admit to having a fear of lateness.
Also, I find that writing out my frustrations in the form of a letter, really getting into the meat of what is irritating or frustrating me, and then destroying that letter really helps. YMMV
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For food, I stay away from sugar and alcohol. I'm eating clean, mostly vegetables, high fiber and lean protein.
I get 7.5 hours a sleep a night, I sleep well.
Sometimes "walking it off" helps; other times it just makes it worse. Depends on how worked up I am about it and how long I can walk for. Walking for 5 minutes when I'm pissed off just makes me more pissed off. Running hard (sprints) for an 20+ minutes seems to claim me down. It depends on how much it wears me out I guess?
Working out (strength training) tends to work me into a rageful fury if I'm already mad about something.
It makes me more confrontational and easier to go off the handle.
Yeah, I can think of many times I've been just sick to my stomach stressed out all day about something that just seemed determined to crush me and after going for a good run, it was still a concern but I was able to accept that I'd cope with it and I could take my mind off it. It really helps you deal with the stress and put things in perspective.
Life's too fucking short.
Of course, you drink and run so really the fact that you're even standing at the end is something special.
Though, I will agree with the exercise thing. I get all manner of worked up over stupid shit, much to the chagrin of my girl who tends to be a target or at least collateral damage. Not very fair of me.
So I started taking a martial art. I beat the hell out of things 3 days a week and leave myself so physically exhausted that yea...I'm usually good.
If that doesn't work, just trying slowing your pace down. You love math. Focus on the math. Sit down and do your best to devote your full attention to the problem at hand. If you're solving complex math problems there's a good chance you have the mental capacity to just see through your own bullshit. Hell, the fact that you posted this thread is enough of an indication that you're self aware of the problem. Just...focus on keeping cool and you should be pretty good to go.
Granted it's a rare time when I get stressed or upset, but on those events that it does happen, exercise (even the smallest amount) does help.
Listen to your ipod/CD player/whatever and just go.
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That's a fantastic idea, Zip! When I was doing aikido twice a week it was great, especially because there was an equal focus between matwork and meditation. Nothing like throwing somebody around for a couple hours to work out aggression, and the meditation really helped me to be able to focus past the things that were going crazy around me.
edit: so I kept reading and learned that the OP does indeed exercise and is still struggling with the anger. It might behoove you to visit a doctor and see if your thyroid or blood sugar or other possibly mood-affecting chemicals are out of whack.
The bottom line is acceptance.
Accept the situation
OK. My schedule has been changed without notice.
and Spend your energy proactively
I will ask management from now on to give me more notice for schedule changes
Be aware of how much energy you spend re-imagining the past
"Management is so stupid for doing this, I can't believe it! I've worked so hard for them and they don't even respect me enough to give me decent notice!"
What's done is done, you can't change it. Look forward
"I need to call my friends and tell them I can't meet with them Saturday now because of my schedule change. I've asked management to refrain from doing this again, and my friends will understand it was out of my hands."
When I mention "un-met need," I mean how you really feel - what is really making you upset.
When my friend doesn't call me back? I judge that they are dumb and unorganized to justify the situation, when I really just want them to acknowledge that I mean enough to them to simply call me back.
Taking it one step further, maybe this friend never calls people back. Since I can't change people, I need to first understand what is really going on, and either need to accept that this is who they are (and stop taking it personally) or find a new friend.
Hope this makes sense and helps.
Well, that was only with my group not when I go out for a solo run. And I don't even run with them anymore since beer really aggravates my acid reflux.