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I can't escape from my ex!
Ginzue
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I live on a very small island in the San Juans in Washintion state. I am a senior in highschool, and in a graduation class of under 20 students. Its SMALL here. , We have no other close friends really, and is the reason we were friends and dated in the first place.
My problem is that I used to live in a city and date, and when things went bad and I had my heart broken for whatever reason, I would cut off contact with the girl and I would just be peachy a few weeks later.
Well, now that I live on this island, I can't avoid her at all. We went out for 3 months, and have liked each other 6 months prior to that. We met romantically in japan blah blah, and the relationship ended because she didn't approve of some of my past relationships, and couldent' get over her ex. She obsessed over him when we were going out, and I just couldn't take it anymore, so it ended. I loved her, and it makes it hard.
There is NO way I can cut her out of my life, and its hell on me because in a small community, I have to deal with her, and her parents on a regular basis. Shes in all my classes, and I'm in constant contact with her. Oh but wait, it gets worse.
I have a best friend, its her.
I lost a lot of friends due to the relationship as well, as shes very straight edge, and I was very alternative. So I don't have a lot of friends to turn to.
We have been best friends for almost a year and that never changed, but now that we have broken up, I just can't do it. She seems fine with it, because she has someone to obsess over. I don't, I just have an ex I'm stil having feelings for, and the many fish in the sea rebound route just isn't there, since this island is so fucking small.
So what can I do? I talk to her daily because shes my best friend, but I really just want to cut her out of my life all together, but I am incapable of doing such.
TL:DR
Can't get over GF cuz' I'm on a small island and can't avoid seeing her daily.
What can I do H/A? I am beyond lost.
edit: fixed :P
My problem is that I used to live in a city and date, and when things went bad and I had my heart broken for whatever reason, I would cut off contact with the girl and I would just be peachy a few weeks later.
Well, now that I live on this island, I can't avoid her at all. We went out for 3 months, and have liked each other 6 months prior to that. We met romantically in japan blah blah, and the relationship ended because she didn't approve of some of my past relationships, and couldent' get over her ex. She obsessed over him when we were going out, and I just couldn't take it anymore, so it ended. I loved her, and it makes it hard.
There is NO way I can cut her out of my life, and its hell on me because in a small community, I have to deal with her, and her parents on a regular basis. Shes in all my classes, and I'm in constant contact with her. Oh but wait, it gets worse.
I have a best friend, its her.
I lost a lot of friends due to the relationship as well, as shes very straight edge, and I was very alternative. So I don't have a lot of friends to turn to.
We have been best friends for almost a year and that never changed, but now that we have broken up, I just can't do it. She seems fine with it, because she has someone to obsess over. I don't, I just have an ex I'm stil having feelings for, and the many fish in the sea rebound route just isn't there, since this island is so fucking small.
So what can I do? I talk to her daily because shes my best friend, but I really just want to cut her out of my life all together, but I am incapable of doing such.
TL:DR
Can't get over GF cuz' I'm on a small island and can't avoid seeing her daily.
What can I do H/A? I am beyond lost.
edit: fixed :P
Ginzue!
Ginzue on
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Posts
Simply put - you're going to need to grow a pair, recognize that you're not together romantically anymore, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends. In fact, this may be a good challenge to become a bit more mature about relationships in general. In addition you can practice something I like to refer to as 'dealing with your problems' and not 'running away from them' like you said you've done with past breakups.
I'm sorry, I know you said you were 'wise beyond your years' - but if you can't get over a chick after three months of dating in high school then you need to take another look at what you define as being 'mature beyond your years'.
It seems to me that if you were both as mature and all growed up as you say, then this shouldn't be an issue.
Suck it up. Grow a pair.
Why don't you take the time to learn something new? A hobby, a new language, give yourself a project so you'll be busy. Because at this moment, what you need to do is get over here, and it seems to me you should be seeking solitude while you heal your HP, so to speak.
Old flames may not be the best to call, but old friends are almost always receptive. Give some of them a call, hang out. Build those friendships back up. It wasn't that long ago (less than a year), and you can catch up. Make sure you explain that this relationship is the reason you got distant in the first place, and that you really need to stop neglecting your friends. Tell them that; it'll make them feel better, and more receptive to your invitations.
Avoidance appears to be impossible, and so you are apparently faced with a difficult task. To seek your way around the situation would be in error, as it surrounds you. So my advice to you is look within.
Decide where your boundaries are, what you will share of yourself, and what you will withhold. Stand firm in your own beliefs, and don't let the enemy take ground they have not rightfully and honourably earned.
Find a goal or skill you wish to learn, something as personal and difficult as your situation, and pursue that goal wholeheartedly. Nothing is as powerful as a man who is focused on one desire. Through pursuit of your own goal, you become the leader in the situation, and your path will be clear. The actions of others will seem like minor obsticles, and by staying true to your own values and beliefs, others will learn to respect and acknowledge that you are a person of substance.
Because you are the leader with a clear direction, they will attune themselves to you. Mediocre people will find thier whims and desires unable to affect you, and more often than not align themselves to support you on your way. People instinctivly react to people filled with purpose, and as long as that purpose is beneficial and true, they will not be able to do anything but fufill the need you require of them in your life.
Be polite and gracious at all times. Stay away from harsh attitudes and harsh words to get your way, but be firm when you feel your set boundaries being comprimised. In all things be fair and good, and your community will come to respect you as a good man, regardless of what others think or say against you.
When one is finds thier own path, and walks it with firm resolution, one soons discovers there is nothing else of consequence. Look within, and find your path. It is waiting there for you to take it.
My only question is, how do I deal with the fact that she still really wants to be my friend, and still talks about how we may get back togeather for valitines day (my birthday?). It seems like I can't get out of a loop of thing girl pulling me back in, and I can't bring myself to resisit, because in my heart I want to make it work. One part out of the realisation that there is no one else for me on this island (sadly not an exagaration), and I'm stuck here for another year, and the other half that I simply miss her. Any advice here?