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Girl Questions
Katchem_ash
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There is this girl I work with and I asked her out to lunch on Friday. She already had plans to go with some friends from her previous job so she said that she would get back to me on when she could go.
I normally talk to her through email or when I am working togeather with her on some projects. I don't even know what she thinks of me. Any help on how to ask her this? Also should I continue to wait or is she avoiding me?
I normally talk to her through email or when I am working togeather with her on some projects. I don't even know what she thinks of me. Any help on how to ask her this? Also should I continue to wait or is she avoiding me?
Katchem_ash on
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But how do I know she said no? Thats the thing I am trying to get at. I mean I don't want to build my hopes up and come crashing down on me.
I guess the only answer is to wait.
Wait good.
I'd say give her a week or so, then bring it up in a "Hey, still want to get lunch sometime?" way. If you get another "Oh, I'm busy" it's definitely a no, and you're not seen as a creepy dude breathing down her neck.
I know waiting is the answer, but I guess I kinda new of this. I mean I am 23 years old and never been on a date once. I guess thats kind of sad but High School was where everyone made fun of me and college I was known as the anime guy. I never really had the chance.
Also do I need to do anything special on my lunch with the girl or on future dates? The low down is that on my desk at work, I have 8 anime posters (Tasteful, Safe for work) and figures (Also Safe for work) displayed. She commented that I was a total Otaku (Which I am and have been since Highschool) and she was a former Otaku awell.
Do I need to bring this up on our lunch or just act normal? I can talk normally as well, though I stend to stammer sometimes when in stressful situations. My co-workers describe me as a happy-go-lucky guy, which I sort of agree.
Well, maybe in a passing kind of way
Ask her what she was into, talk about what you were into. Debate and discuss. It'll be fun. You might find you have a lot in common.
Ah thanks for the tipe. That might actually work.
Also would it matter that when I asked her out, I told her that I have never done this before and this was a first time for me to ask a girl out? I mean would she be creeped by that?
Believe me, I've been down this road. Either she meant yes but hold off until she got back to you, or no.
probably. Try asking her out without stating that it's an "official" date. If you keep that in mind you'll be more relaxed when asking and more relaxed on the date
Edit:
Is there any hope of waiting anymore or should I forget about this since I obviously made some mistakes?
You thought you should get a girlfriend cos you're 23. Man are you going into this with the wrong attitude. For God's sake don't tell her that.
That said, everyone makes mistakes somewhere in every relationship. Doesn't mean you should cut and run. Who knows, she might be swayed by such stumbles. Leave the door open, but by all means look elesewhere.
No I am not getting a girlfriend because I am 23. I just feel werid, never having one before. I don't know, I guess I wanted someone there. I don't know could be that I wanted someone to talk to openly without the "friend" status. Openly talk about things I like. I guess thats the wrong attitude as well.
I really do like the girl, it seems she could be a nice person to have as a girlfriend since I rarely meet someone of the opposite sex who was into what I am into. But running after her would be werid I agree.
I guess I just wait a week or so and if nothing happens, I will know my answer. I could ask agian like you guys suggested, but I wonder if it will do me any good? Oh well.
It appears as if you have somethings in common, and you should try to use that to an extent. Try to use the common ground topics to get yourself comfortable talking to her, but don't use it as a crutch. On the date you'll be nervous and probably stammer a bit, but just relax and speak slowly. Also since you asked her out, you should probably pay...just a thought.
That's really all I have for now, good luck.
Yeah, I guess I will take my chance and see it though. If nothing happens I will now know what not to do.
Just be yourself, don't be an asshat and show a little confidence in yourself, really, it's all you can do.
*fake edit:
No matter what, do not talk about lolicon or equally retarded subjects.
Worked for me at least.
Going out with girls you don't like sounds werid to me. I mean what about thier feelings?
Not if you treat them repectfully and show them a good time. Dating's not all about finding 'the one', and in the process of dating random girls you might actually ask out Ms. Perfect. Besides girls have friends who are girls and although it might not work out between you and her, if you're a gentleman she 'might just have someone you'd like to meet' one day.
Yah, but asking someone out who you don't like is just plain mean.
It's like -"hay grrrrl! I like you a lot!"
"you do, I-I-I always liked y-y-you a lot too. :oops: "
-"Actually, I was only using you to gain experience, I think I just dinged a level, ima portal back to trainer now, kk bye!"
"what, but? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. /wrist"
If you wanna get more comfortable around girls, become friends with one!
I guess my main questions here is where do I actually see girls that I can ask out? In the workplace? Clubs? Where?
Normally, I am not into the whole club thing since I don't drink so I am actually at a loss as to where to start from? I could ask a couple of people around the workplace that I think are cute, but honestly, I need alot of help in this area.
Edit:
More towards the OP in my topic. Is it weird that she said "Thanks for inviting me though?". I can't seem to make heads or tails out of this situation. Damn my ability not to understand.
I don't advocate asking out women you hate, but if you're at work, and talk to someone who doesn't immediately offend your sensibilities, why not ask them out and get to know them better? I did this with someone who I worked with, it didn't work out, but I had an awesome time and so did she. I didn't go in thinking I was going to marry her and buy a house, but you'll never know unless you make the effort.
Clubs suck unless you just want to find a fuckbuddy. They're loud, people are drinking or worse, and except for the rare case, any decent girl there automatically thinks a dude that approaches them is out to get into their pants.
Work's good. You already have something in common, something to talk about, and most of the time you can think of a reason to initiate contact.
You need to understand that you will be rejected. Sometimes it'll be the 'Oh, I think I'm busy that night', sometimes it will be, 'There's no way I'd go out with you. If you ever talk to me again I'll scream you freak', most likely it'll be something in between. Just be yourself don't overthink things and relax.
Some people will tell you not to ask out girls from work, but that's really up to you. It has it's drawbacks, but it could also not be nearly the drawback that people make it out to be.
It's all up to you.
This is a problem for multiple reasons, the biggest being expectations. You already are to some extent invested in this person, The worst thing about dating is it has nothing to do with what you want. It has everything to do with making Them want you. So the first thing you need to do, is stop thinking about her and about this lunch date as much as you are. Lets say for now that she was infact "just busy" and that she or you bring it up again and you go out on this thing. Because of you liking this girl (I'm going to say a good amount cause you've taken the time to even post about this) this is probably how its going to go.
1. You show up early because you don't want to be late
2. Because you show up early you spend alot of time sitting around thinking alone.
3. You get nervous. Nervous in proportion to your (desire to succeed * wait time)/(experience in dating) yes this is a scientifically proven theorum, don't argue, and don't ask the units of measure.
4. You start to go over a list of things you want to bring up, perhaps even say them in your head to see if it sounds right.
5. She gets here you stumble around with your words because of (3) that you have a hard time interacting.
6a. If your lucky she is really into you and any massive screwups through the encounter are forgiven immediately, (This does infact happen, but is very rare, don't depend on the Dumb Luck principle)
6b. If she just wanted to get to know you, or didn't have an inclination one way or the other. The fact that you are behaving different than usual due to (3) will most likely turn her off.
6c. If this was a pity date or a "just friends" date for her, your pretty much screwed unless you score huge points in the making her laugh, or physically attractive sector. However don't fret, even Bad experience is experience, it will help you next time to avoid (3).
Someone mentioned confidence, and they are 100% correct. For whatever reason, people of the female persuasion tend to be attracted to it. Why do you think gigantic assholes meet so many women, and have such good luck with them? Its not because of their assholeishness, generally speaking this is an undesirable trait. The reason is: Assholes Usually also contain high amounts of sulfuric-confidence (look it up on the periodic table of awesome). This element is the key ingredient to not being self concious, and can result in trace amounts of notcaringaboutotherpeople-oxide. These two combined allow you to ask people out and be self affirmed when they say "Yes", and most importantly, think that there is something wrong with the person they asked out if they receive a "No". The reason why confidence and not caring about other people is important is because there are ALOT of other people out there. This however is a double edged sword, more on that later.
Stories are important. We all like stories, be it from TV, books, movies, online comics whatever. Short and interesting stories are good at starting up a real conversation (and by real conversation I mean prompts the girl to start talking for 5-10 minutes so you don't have to talk, well more than the occasional "yea", or "definitely", or "thats too funny". Being completely silent will eventually make them go silent and that just sucks). The bottom line is, the Best scenario is when you can get them talking endlessly, and you from time to time interupt with a funny comment, or agree with them about "how rediculous so and so, or that situation was. Wow what a jerk that guy was." You may, if you feel so inclined attempt to go onto a long story of your own or a tangent, but do so at your own risk, long stories/tangents have the risk of being long and boring, unlike short stories which might bore her, but at least they are short, so you can move on with little damage.
Do not be over complimentative. If you see some cloths peice on here that does look nice by all means say so, but don't drone on about it, its a 2 second "I think that looks nice" Infact, thats a good way to put it, you don't even have to say What you think looks nice, don't worry they probably have put Way more thought into their outfit than you ever will, they will come up with something that looks nice on them for you. Do not use this manuver when staring at her chests, or ass, as this will most likely backfire. Generally speaking Save this for a second date, the first one is primarily about getting through it without making yourself look like a train wreck.
Be semi-honest. Anyone who tells you to be completely honest is a fool, same goes for anyone who tells you to lie through your teeth. Both will backfire horribly eventually. You want to sound like your interested in her without saying your absolutely engrossed with her, or that your happyness is dependant upon this date going well. "I wanted to get to know you" or "you seemed really nice" are exceptable substitutions for "I wanted to get to bone you" or "you seem like you'd be really nice naked." These and similar substitutions from what you are thinking are particularly important due to the fact that this is a co-worker, and we are going to try to avoid you getting sued.
So with these tools in hand lets go over the date again.
1. You show up On Time or Late, because you want to make the impression that you have a busy and important life, you can't be sitting around waiting for her to show up. (if your going to be more than 5 minutes late, or are driving in circles to waste time so that you will be more than 5 minutes late, it IS a good idea to call and say something like "oh hey I'm sorry I was a little busy so I'm going to be a few minutes late" or the good old "man traffic sucks, i'm at a dead stop at the moment, hopefully I'll get there soon. You wouldn't beleive it, a whale Beached itself on the road yea I know, its crazy. I realize I'm no where near an ocean, it must have jumped out of the water" or something to that extent. Remember, redicoulous lies are funny, and perfectly acceptable, but the point is notifying your lateness before you are late makes it seem like your responsible, and respectfull of "feelings" which again are good things.
2. Because you are on time or late, the girl might have to sit alone for a few minutes, giving them time to get nervous. Which usually makes them talk more.
3. You get nervous. Nervous in proportion to your (desire to succeed * wait time)/(experience in dating) Nervousness is unavoidable at your level of experience, because your desire to succeed at this point will most likely outweigh your experience, but on the up side you have cut down on your wait time, which will make this less.
4. You didn't have the time to sit around and overthink what you want to say, which in turn allows you to just say what your thinking for instance "hello" works.
5. After hello, small talk about work is probably a good idea, any short stories that you think might catch her interest or get her to talk. Or if you went with the whale creating traffic lie, this is a good time to continue that lie and make it even more outrageous, how you had to cut a tunnel through the beast with your leatherman for people to drive through. Or most likely its better to go a route that doesn't hurt the animal, or how you were able to throw it back into the ocean. Again the end goal/trick here is to get her talking. There is always the failsafe Q/A section. Take turns asking questions about one another. (you ask a question, she answers, then you answer your own question, then its her turn to ask a question) as stupid as this sounds, its simple and if you can't possibly start up anything else, almost everyone likes it. asking a stupid easy question to start is good, but get progressively weirder (steer clear from sexual questions, unless She gives you a sexual question first, in which case "hey you started it" can always excuse you from asking if she has had sex with animals before) because weird is funny.
6a. If your lucky she is really into you and any massive screwups through the encounter are forgiven immediately, (This does infact happen, but is very rare, don't depend on the Dumb Luck principle)
6b. If she just wanted to get to know you, or didn't have an inclination one way or the other results in the experience depending on how much fun they had. A good indicator of this, is How much fun did YOU have. If you felt like awkward crap the entire time, chances are she didn't have a super-awesome time either.
6c. If this was a pity date or a "just friends" date for her, your pretty much screwed unless you score huge points in the making her laugh, or physically attractive sector. However don't fret, even Bad experience is experience, it will help you next time to avoid (3).
There you have it, one last thing to mention. This world is a huge god damn place, and there are a metric ton (probably filled with shit, or a Shit-Ton if you will) of people in it. Think back to your high school and college experiences how many in that small group of people did you actually develop a friendship with. (granted if you haven't got a girlfriend by now, you probably didn't try that hard, remember, its not because you suck or whatever, its usually because you didn't try. See: why assholes do well.) Now that you say well man I wouldn't even want 1/10th of the people I knew in high school as friends. Great, cause people haven't changed. Out of the 1/10th of people you don't find repulsive an even smaller number are actually compatible with your personality. So you need to plug at the grindstone till you find one that you can deal with. So don't worry if it doesn't work out its not even that they suck or you suck, just that you both suck together. And finding out who you don't like is the only real way to make progress towards finding someone you do.
If you can sift through most of the sarcasm there are a couple good suggestions in there. The biggest being go and have fun, who cares what happens your not dieing tomorrow (I don't think) so you have plenty of time to do it again, and you Should do it again.
Good luck!
http://www.darknessdescending.com
Also, I've never been good at asking for a girl's number because I think I'll come off creepy. In a bid to sound confident/not-creepy, I've given my number a couple of times but that probably comes off as arrogant, so I don't know what you guys think about all that.
http://www.darknessdescending.com
They're actually pretty good. At least the advice he gives you is the obvious that you always find here, and it seems to me the OP needs some of those lessons.
However there is a problem. The girl works close to me on the same floor and a few steps away from me. Me going there or her going there isn't really a matter of point, since obviously (at least in my mind) we will be going togeather. Although at this point I know diddly sqaut about girls thinking so this might not be correct.
The main reason why I didn't date anyone is College was simply because none of the girls had any brains in them. Yes, like every male I have physical desires, but I really want someone to mentally connect to who can atleast connect to me on some level. I guess being shy and not doing anything also contributed to my lack of dating.
In the end, I am looking for someone who is a reflection of me but I guess I live in the fantasy world and not in the real one.
This is shit that came from a bull. I would like someone who is absolutely gorgeous, plays videogames, doesn't talk on the phone, and is interested in all the things I am.
Take this as you will, but the real problem is here.
There are plenty of people who say "she isn't inteligent enough" or "her boobs aren't big enough" or "I only like girls with mutant-three legs", they are all good excuses for you to stay safe at your desk, or at the bar, or in the grocery store and not have to get up and say "hello".
Now don't get me wrong, Bravo for taking the initiative to ask her out, I agree that you should wait a little while, and then ask politely (as if your interested but it didn't really matter That much to you) if she would like to go out in the near future (in a week or so after the initial asking). If she comes to you before you have to ask again, thats a good thing, and if you wait a week you don't seem desperate (so you don't look silly at the office).
My point is regardless of if This particular adventure works out or not you need to take more chances with women. Some "stupid" women can be alot of fun to talk with, theres nothing wrong with being dumb from time to time. And if you find someone dumb that you go out on 2 dates with at the end of which you can't stand... well "I'm sorry I just don't think we are working out." or whichever one you go with.
I think your putting women on a Monsterous pedistal that you couldn't possibly climb up. They are just people. Some of them are going to annoy the snot out of you. Some will be complete bitches and wont even talk to you. None of that matters cause even if you do get 10 seconds of embarassment for asking one out. Who gives a shit, oh look theres another one right here!
Look at each attempt to go on a date, and each date itself as a way to get better for someone that you actually will mesh with. Hell I use some previous bad dates as jokes for new dates.
For example. I went out with this girl who worked in cancer research, so naturally I asked "well what specifically do you do there." So she starts talking about how her job is to introduce cancer cells into rats, so that they can try different drugs on them and see if any of them work. To which, braniac that I am I immediately replied "Wait wait. So what your telling me is that your a Rat Murderer?" Oh man was that funny. I think however by the massive frown that appeared on her face, that she disagreed. The important thing was I thought it was funny, and now I have a great story to tell people about how stupid I can be.
No one is going to teach you better about how to be comfortable and have fun around someone your interested in than yourself. And if your going to screw up, do so having fun, it makes it alot less of a horrible experience.
So again, good job getting the guts to initiate. See if this pans out, good luck, if it doesn't Screw her, do it again till you find someone. Just keep in mind, unless your Super fucking lucky, it WILL take alot of mistakes and time.
http://www.darknessdescending.com
Limed for truth, but this comes with experience. For starters this is a really difficult mentality to put themselves in because they haven't experienced it first-hand. It's only after dating a lot of girls that people realize, "holy shit, most girls out there actually have serious problems/imperfections. they aren't as perfect as I think them to be when I first see them" and their perception of the whole "dating" thing changes and they realize dating's true purpose: to filter people out to find those that are compatible.
It's funny because this is the opposite of what you said above, but it's also extremely true. Looking for imperfections and using them as an excuse to not ask the girl out is in fact your subconscious trying to convince you to stay in your comfort zone. In this case it is doing it by setting standards that are unreasonably high.
I wish everyone would expose themselves to David D. (actually no, that would mean more competition for me
David D teaches you how to fish, whereas most advice on H/A is about feeding you fish for a day.
In the workplace is good, but you have to be careful because you don't want to endanger your job and a lot of people keep their personal life at home.
Clubs are good for trolling, practicing talking to a girl (yeah you need practice), and working on some dance moves. Unfortunately, a lot of girls go to clubs with guys or with a group (in this second case you need wingmen of the group will pull her out of your grasp), and the few lonely ones already know guys want to get in her pants, so you have to be fresh and original in your approach. She may just be there to get laid and she may be picky, so keep it casual and relax. If you don't drink, that's actually a good thing. Some poor dear may need a ride home one night and you may wind up in her bed, hey it's happened.
This may sound a bit odd, but a great place to meet women is doing volunteer work like at your local Golden Harvest Food Bank, The Boys & Girls Club, or a local charity drive. Why? The pressure from work is missing, they usually don't have a lot of friends also volunteering there, they like to meet new people, and they don't automatically think you're trying to get in their pants: as a bonus you look like a decent guy and you get to do something good for others.
Having female friends is another great way to meet women. Every female friend you have will know someone that's perfect for you or after awhile she may become interested in you. Don't get your hopes up, friends first, but a lot of friends tend to stay just friends.
Don't read too much into what she says, when it comes to dating the most successful men never do and it'll drive you crazy. It's one of the strange laws that work for men. Unfortunately, when you've been in a relationship a while, you'll have too. UGH. They become very subtle.
1. Grabbing lunch together is a nice way to open conversation and it's a deal sealer after you've had a few nights out together. If you want a date, plan for the night. Go out to dinner, a full belly especially with a rich chocolatey desert puts women in mind of love, happiness, and comfort and looking at you, she'll associate those feelings with you. Take a chance to relax and talk, because this is where it's key. Ask about her, listen a lot. Keep details about yourself short and sweet. We're all a bit nerdcore and even if you share interests in anime, avoid nerd subjects.
Going to the movies is the old standby, but you can't talk and your seats are angled straight at the screen, so save this for the last of the date or for a later date if you're not sure/comfortable holding hands, sliding your arm around her.
2. Activities are nice, especially if you can build up a very light sweat. This will help release some pheromones and build up attraction. A nice walk is a chance to talk and brush up against each other. (This is mainly just something to try down the road)
3. To quote Boiler Room. "Act as if..." Act as if you are hot shit. Act as if you have a 10" d****. Act as if everything just slides off your back, that nothing getts to you. Act as if you've dated a milliion times, nothing but supermodels. Don't be an ass. Keep a calm, cool reserve, and keep smiling. Confidence.
4. Date some chicks that you aren't attached to. They don't have to be ugly, but you don't want to swing for the fences your first time at bat. Get some experience, find out what they're like, practice talking and listening. Then start talking to hotter chicks and ones you care about, get used to them. Failure is no big deal, you've got the rest of your life. Benjamin Franklin tried 2000 times to invent the lightbulb, he said "I didn't fail 1999 times, I discovered 1999 ways to not invent the lightbulb." Experience.
5. Make it exciting to be around you. When you go out, have activities planned or know the area so you can be spontaneous and surprise her. If you know her, think of something she'd like to do in case she comes over to your house. She might like anime, but she won't want to watch it for 8 hours straight. Keep your house clean and hide embarrassing things, you know what I mean. Learn to cook, have good music ready, somehing. Be prepared and make it fun.
6. Find a way to give out your phone number. Women hang on to everything and you never know when you'll get a call because she got dumped and she's all alone. If you've called her once, wait on her to call you.
7. Do not obsess over any girl or anything she says. There are too many out there. Women outnumber us like 3 to 1. At colleges especially they outnumber us.
I think that about covers it. Oh yeah, stay in shape. Anybody can get a woman, but they all would prefer it if you were lean and good looking.
A little trick:
Instead of saying, "can I have your number?"
Say, "Let's exchange numbers."
And then, without waiting for her reply, take out a piece of paper and a pen, write yours on it, and hand it to her.
Email works too. It's more low-commitment than phone, and girls are more likely to give you their email addresses, as well as to respond.
Is it wrong for me to talk to her doing this waiting period? We occasionally have talk through email, little stuff and mostly she asked me if I got the lastest systems and what type of games I play. Is this bad or good?
And that is the way to do it, actually. Ege's got it right.
I've always liked the idea of business cards and I tried it for a while. It was quick and I had this sweet little case for them, but then I realized that was a bit too yuppie for me, so I quit.
I hate e-mails actually, low-commitment, but low contact.
My buddy uses them though and he's a bit of a player, keeps a dozen girls going at a time, only gives out his number after he's used his computer to filter out those he's not interested in. Gives him a good chance to find out a lot about them and see if they match what he's looking for.
Relax, guy. No chick is worth worrying over, if you're still in the pre dating phase there is always another, better girl out there.
That second part is tricky. If you've asked her out already and you're still waiting on a response, but she's already sent you an e-mail about games then you most likely have already gotten your answer, you're stuck in the friend zone for now.
If you haven't received anything from her, don't send her anything else, just sit back and wait.
Remember, a watched pot never boils. (ok, so it does, but until we get to the good part, we have better things to do, ok? ok.)
If she has already sent you an e-mail, there are 3 ways to proceed:
1.) Admit defeat in this battle, but don't give up the war. Stay as a friend, but start working on your game in the mean time.
2.) Ask her again. NOT RECCOMMENDED. Wait a while and then ask again. Give it a lot of time and make your intentions clear when you do. You're asking her out, not carpooling to lunch. NIGHT DATE!
3.) Give up and start looking elsewhere, but keep her as a friend because she might have an even hotter friend that you'll be more interested in.
http://www.darknessdescending.com
However being declined a second time due to "busyness" is a good sign that shes probably not into you and you should move on to free range women.
http://www.darknessdescending.com
Then when the conversation gets to movies that are about to come out or just came out say "Oh hey have you seen previews for that movie coming out this Friday? Pan's Labyrinth? Looks pretty good. If they show interest in the movie then say, "Well I was planning on seeing it Friday, if you want you're more then welcome to come along."
If they say no or "maybe, but let me think about it" say, "Ok.... but when I come in monday (assuming you work with them) and you hear how good the movie was don't blame me." and smile. and then move along with the conversation seemlessly like it wasnt a big deal that she said no or maybe, because really it wasn't by talking about another movie like how spider-man 3 looks good or bad from the trailer. and let it lie.
If they say yeah, sure. Then they obviously don't think you're creepy and this is a good time to say. "Sweet, I'll check the showtimes when I get home. Maybe I should get your number so I can get ahold of you?"
IF they don't show interest in the movie at all then just continue the conversation.
When you're firming up which showtime to catch and if it starts or ends anytime around a mealtime (pretty much a yes) then ask if they wanted to grab a bite to eat before the movie. If the movie gets OUT around dinner time or late dinner to where you know they havent eaten then just wait until you walk out of the movie and ask if they wanted to grab a bite. That way if they say yes at this point you know you didn't scare them off quite yet.
The key with these things is at first to appear that its no big deal and you're day is going to be awesome whether or not they say yes or no. Once you're on a date with them its still not a HUGE deal but you can do little things to be a gentlemen and sweet like opening her car door for her to get in. Guys open doors all the time for girls but seldom cardoors. When getting out don't open it for her unless you end up over there on her side and she still hasn't done it herself.
Theres a ton more I could say but at some point you just got to feel how they're responding to you and act appropriately.
"Let's do lunch!"
"Sure, okay."
"Awesome, I can't wait to eventually have sex with you!"
The secret to going out is to well... go out. I think it might be short for 'going out to explore the world together.' as that's usually the best kind of going out. Pick a new place, and comment on it as you experience it. If you're compatible, you'll see a lot of things in the same way, and be given the chance to discuss differences. You want something interesting without being too engaging - as already mentioned, movies are probably the least social thing two people can do together. The focus should be lightly on each other, not a shared point of focus between the two.
I'm not much for tricks, people are who they are, and personality altering advice is short term at best. However, it may help to think of your personality as your wardrobe. You have daily clothes, work clothes, nice clothes, and laundry day clothes. Wear something appropriate. You can't put on something you don't have, but if you've noticed something looks good on you, don't be afraid to wear it with pride.