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Somewhat of a strange situation with my girl.
Zephos
Climbin in yo ski lifts, snatchin your people up.MichiganRegistered User regular
Climbin in yo ski lifts, snatchin your people up.MichiganRegistered User regular
Okay so hears the deal.
girlfriend of almost 2 wonderful years decides on a random night out with a couple friends that she wants to go to Vegas, she offhandedly tells me via text and i kinda chalk it off to drunken shenanigans.
Well bout a week later she just texts me again from her work saying "its official, I'm going to Vegas!"
she had her friends book the trip with her and all wham bam just like that.
I'm a little... perturbed over the whole thing. I wouldn't have been able to go (money is hard to come by being unemployed) nor would I have really even wanted to go. However the fact that she just kinda planned it all and BANG is prepared to drop potentially over 800 on the trip has me a bit miffed.
Its not that i would have told her that she couldn't go, thats not the type of guy i am, but it just... i guess hurts that she was all gung ho without even hardly consulting me other than a "we're kinda tipsy and planning a trip to vegas."
so yeah, maybe there is a way i can vent my frustrations to her without just sounding all pissy about how i'm not going.
girlfriend of almost 2 wonderful years decides on a random night out with a couple friends that she wants to go to Vegas, she offhandedly tells me via text and i kinda chalk it off to drunken shenanigans.
Well bout a week later she just texts me again from her work saying "its official, I'm going to Vegas!"
she had her friends book the trip with her and all wham bam just like that.
I'm a little... perturbed over the whole thing. I wouldn't have been able to go (money is hard to come by being unemployed) nor would I have really even wanted to go. However the fact that she just kinda planned it all and BANG is prepared to drop potentially over 800 on the trip has me a bit miffed.
Its not that i would have told her that she couldn't go, thats not the type of guy i am, but it just... i guess hurts that she was all gung ho without even hardly consulting me other than a "we're kinda tipsy and planning a trip to vegas."
so yeah, maybe there is a way i can vent my frustrations to her without just sounding all pissy about how i'm not going.
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Is it mainly that she's doing something without you, or?
It sucks that you're unemployed and can't go with her but that's life.
This is still true even if she did go about organising it in what you feel is a bit of an inconsiderate manner.
You are being ridiculous. Stop being ridiculous and find something else to do with yourself while she's gone.
I would not vent these frustrations to her at all. There is no good way to do it that doesn't make you sound really lame. If you do all you're really doing is trying to make her feel bad about a trip she's spent a lot of money on to spend time with her friends, which she is clearly looking forward to a great deal.
Also, that last bit there kind of makes it sound like you totally would have given her permission if she'd asked and you're hurt that she didn't come to you for it. If that is any part at all of the conversation you want to have with her about this or the reason you're hurt, I really suggest you work this out quietly on your own without involving her.
You don't live together.
You don't share finances.
She is going on a trip for a few days with some girlfriends.
What the fuck is the problem? Are you suggesting that your girlfriend (of two years) should have to consult you before planning/booking a trip with her friends? Are you suggesting that you should have had the chance to go with her, and.. her girlfriends? Are you simply a controlling, jealous silly goose who doesn't trust his girlfriend to leave the zip code for a weekend?
Really, you need to give your head a shake and respect and trust your significant other. This has nothing to do with you, and she is not required to ask your permission or discuss simple travel plans.
Hell, she even mentioned in passing that she was thinking of going, and then *gasp* she booked the trip! Whether or not she was drunk the first time she mentioned wanting to go is of no relevance. You aren't her father, you aren't her husband, and you're coming off as a complete douche by stomping your feet and complaining that she is going to Vegas without your "consultation."
stop being so damn silly about this, why can't she go on a fun trip, she's young and has the money to (i assume?).
making a fuss or even talking to her about this in any way other than 'sounds like fun babe, i'll miss you, bring me back something!' is a way to make yourself not have a girlfriend anymore.
Even the best case scenario about bringing this up to her is that he ruins the trip for her. Good job, boyfriend!
Seriously, don't bring this up. No matter how you broche the topic, she is going to feel guilty about going and it's going to ruin a trip that she is obviously stoked for.
Suck it up.
I went to Vegas when I was 21. I saw some titties, had a few drinks, gambled a little, but nothing crazy happened, like, Hangover.
Your girlfriend will probably do the same, maybe go to a few clubs and dance a little. If you don't like that, then you could always break up with her.
I, sort of, understand what you might be experiencing. I mean, I would automatically translate a trip to Vegas as some sort of desire to go "wild" without the constraints of being in a relationship or having you around. That would, obviously, hurt your feelings.
I don't know, man. Women are weird.
And that insecurity is a result of a lack of trust.
Get over it. They don't want to go to Vegas because it's "away from our boyfriends." They want to go to Vegas because it's Vegas.
so are dudes. my boyfriend went to vegas with his dad and older half brother, i told him that they were going to try and make him go to see titties, he scoffed and said no way, i just gave him a look.
he calls me in the middle of the day once to tell me that yes, his dad and brother had guilted him into going to a topless pool and he felt gross seeing all the old gross dudes eyeballing the few girls there so he left his dad/brother there and was was walking back to the hotel. i laughed my ass off and told him that now he had to have the image of that old guy with a boner for the rest of his life, along with the titties.
but there aren't cock-out pools in vegas, plus it is winter, so i think you'll be okay.
to most people, especially groups of girls, going to vegas means some good cheap food, staying in a nice hotel, gambling a little, doing some shopping, maybe seeing a show, and walking down the strip.
There are additional reasons the OP might have trouble with this. If he's unemployed he might be feeling a bit lonely and/or bored. Maybe even depressed. This event would amplify those feelings, reminding him just how little he has going on, and throwing the additional feeling that his GF is neglecting him. While he suffers, she celebrates.
Finally, if he is an insecure person (or has reason for insecurity), the whole 'Vegas' thing can be cause for alarm. I don't know his GF, or how 'wild' she can get, or how flirty, whatever. I can trust my wife completely. But maybe he can't trust his GF - he knows how she might behave in this scenario.
Seriously, that aside: They're not married, they don't share expenses, it's not unreasonable to go on a trip spontaneously. Please don't encourage people being silly geese if you are a silly goose yourself.
And she shouldn't have fun because he doesn't have a job? COME ON!
She might just want a trip to vegas.
Or she might know that the way she announced it will bother you and the outcome she wants could be any number of potential scenarios:
Maybe she's hoping to start an argument that she can use as a basis for your breakup.
Maybe she's doing it to make you jealous and motivate you to get a job.
Maybe she wants you to be assertive and say something.
Instead of wondering, you could just find out by asking her why she suddenly decided to go to vegas without you.
Actually, that is widespread misconception on what codependency actually is. Codependency generally applies to a single side of a relationship, and requires self-harm for the benefit of the other, as a means to an end. A couple that are close, with lives completely intertwined is not [likely] an example of codependency. A woman that self-sacrifices her own well being or safety for the perceived betterment of her partner is an example of someone that is codependent. Specific examples would be: giving all her money to him, giving up her family or friends at his wish (or perceived wish), changing religion or values, putting herself or people she cares about in physical danger.
Some relationships are tight. Some are loose. Some relationships have the members maintain very independent and separate lives. Others lose all aspect of individuality. Neither relationship format is (necessarily) bad, and neither denotes an illness or syndrome that needs to be recovered from.
Edit: I'm not saying she shouldn't go. I'm saying I understand why the OP might feel bad. At most, maybe I think she should have talked a bit more with him, if he's in a vulnerable state. It never hurts to try to have consideration for your partner.
I don't mean to be harsh, but if you're really feeling bad about this - it sounds like there are some insecurities. I mean, many people have them while in relationships. It comes down to how you deal with them.
His lack of a job might factor into that.
Good point. The way she informed him did seem a bit odd.
However, she's just going to have some fun with her GF, nothing to be bummed about. If the situation were reversed, and a friend of yours suddenly came up to you and said, "Jim's mom broke her leg, so I've got an extra ticket to the <insert out of town sports event of your choosing> if you pitch in for gas, Jim said you can stay in his booked hotel room for free!" Would you say "I need to talk to <GF> about it?" Or would you (knowing you can afford it) jump at the opportunity, and call your GF and tell her how excited you are to be going?
It sucks being left out, but you really don't want to do Vegas with a bunch of girls, like Ceres said, do you really want to spend 45 minutes in the Birks store while they look at jewelery? (Apologies to women that don't do that, I know I'm generalizing)
I am still a little miffed over the whole situation but instead of playing the harping boyfriend i'd much rather be the supporting kind.
I'm not even worried about her going all crazy in vegas, she really isn't that type of girl, shes going with a couple whom are mutual friends and i know them pretty good as well.
and as i said before its not like i was mad because she didnt get my permission, and she is more than welcome to spend her money as she pleases, something about it just rubbed me the wrong way.
At least she didn't text you from mexico.
It's often said that people are jealous because they see themselves doing that what they fear the other could do if they were in the same situation..
Edit: And this was said to me by an ex who cheated on me, so I guess she proved her point? :P
How old are you now, 25?
gg.
Still, you don't have the money to go, and she knows this. From her perspective, it's better not to ask you to go than to ask you only so you have to be potentially embarrassed and say, "I don't have the money."
There are a million and one reasons a girl might take a random trip like this so don't be too worried about it.