A different sort of girl problem

altoptimus

Hey all, I am finding myself in a somewhat weird situation and need a bit of advice.

Last spring I was dumped by a woman I thought I would marry. It took a long long LONG time but I have finally moved past it. During this time I have gotten myself in shape and improved other aspects of my life. I was very conscious to be mindful that even though she isn't in my life anymore it didn't mean that her reasons were completely without merit. That being said with these improvements and just being happier now I am starting to get more attention from women again. My problem is that I am not nearly the same person towards a new relationship as I used to be. The previous woman was my first serious girlfriend and from the start I gave it my all.

But now I find myself going on dates with women that although I am attracted, I don't care the same way I did before. Like I am worried that the prior relationship jaded me to where I am not putting in the same effort as I had in the past. Maybe that is natural but I really do not like it. I used to be the most romantic guy you could meet and now I just am not. I mean I still can show a woman a good time but I don't do nearly what I used to do. Its not even a conscious thing I just don't care the same way. Is this a natural thing or something I will snap out of? Is there someway to go back to how I used to be? If so how?

Any suggestions are welcome.

Thanks

urahonky

It's natural. Maybe the women you went on a date with weren't what you you were looking for in a partner. Don't fret about it. If you said it's been like 4 years then MAYBE I'd worry about it. But it happens.

Single life isn't as easy as going out, finding someone, then you hear wedding bells. Just take your time and let the pieces fall as they may.

adytum

Sounds pretty normal to me. After every heartbreak I've become more jaded and less likely to care about the next one.

Still happens, though, but eventually you'll meet someone that's great enough to get you past it.

It's just one of the hazards of dating.

AyeJaye

altoptimus wrote: »

Hey all, I am finding myself in a somewhat weird situation and need a bit of advice.

Last spring I was dumped by a woman I thought I would marry. It took a long long LONG time but I have finally moved past it. During this time I have gotten myself in shape and improved other aspects of my life. I was very conscious to be mindful that even though she isn't in my life anymore it didn't mean that her reasons were completely without merit. That being said with these improvements and just being happier now I am starting to get more attention from women again. My problem is that I am not nearly the same person towards a new relationship as I used to be. The previous woman was my first serious girlfriend and from the start I gave it my all.

But now I find myself going on dates with women that although I am attracted, I don't care the same way I did before. Like I am worried that the prior relationship jaded me to where I am not putting in the same effort as I had in the past. Maybe that is natural but I really do not like it. I used to be the most romantic guy you could meet and now I just am not. I mean I still can show a woman a good time but I don't do nearly what I used to do. Its not even a conscious thing I just don't care the same way. Is this a natural thing or something I will snap out of? Is there someway to go back to how I used to be? If so how?

Any suggestions are welcome.

Thanks

I remember how hard I fell for my first serious girlfriend even before the first date. It ended badly and I've never had the same sort of attraction right off the bat. I think it's just a natural part of life that people become more careful about who they fall in love with.

Nappuccino

Yeah...

And besides, its much better for the feeling of love and attraction to grow over time than flare up in one giant ball of infatuation. As they say, those that burn brightest burn out the fastest (though it is not quite the same, it fits within this context as well)

In other words, don't worry if you don't suddenly have this amazing attraction for the lady- if you have a nice time, go on a few more dates and see if your feelings change over time. If they do that's great! If they don't well, it wasn't meant to be.

Casual

adytum wrote: »

Sounds pretty normal to me. After every heartbreak I've become more jaded and less likely to care about the next one.

Still happens, though, but eventually you'll meet someone that's great enough to get you past it.

It's just one of the hazards of dating.

This. It's not necessarily a bad thing either, wearing your heart on your sleeve isn't the best way to go through life.

altoptimus

Fair enough, I have talked to my father and friends about it today and they said about the same as yall said. I am just gonna roll with it and see what happens.

/thread