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Anxiety and Depression - How to get help
Yran
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm making this thread because I have no idea how to go about dealing with my anxiety and depression. I finally got my health benefits started in January from work, so I'm looking to put that into use, if applicable.
Anxiety:
The anxiety I feel in social situations is roughly exponential with the number of peers in a room. I feel comfortable around several friends, and I have no real trouble conversing(although this has always been a natural weak spot for me). When it gets to 6 or 7 people though, and doubly so if they are not close friends, my mind starts a sort of meltdown. I feel that I have nothing to add to any conversation, and often regret what few words I might offer. I feel that I get angry and frustrated against my will, and get more so when I fail to calm myself down and relax. If the social gathering is not a place I'm acquainted with and comfortable, I usually end up following a friend around for the duration of the night, rarely contributing anything and giving off vibes of, I can only imagine, "I fucking hate it here." Sometimes I will abandon this tactic entirely and screw around on my phone until everything dies down. If the gathering is at my place, I usually end up retreating to my room before the night is done.
I don't know if this is related, but I cannot stand loud (and my definition of loud has been labeled as "not that loud") music in social gatherings. I sometimes like pumping up the music in my car or alone, but in a setting where the focus is on enjoyment of being with friends, I feel like throwing the stereo against the wall and beating it apart.
I can only imagine this is unnerving to my acquaintances, but even for being the quiet guy, I rarely start conversations. Or at least, conversations of any worth at all. I could talk all day about a new game or what's going on in politics, but I have real trouble contributing to any conversation on a personal basis, and rarely (hm, never?) bring up conversations about my life--or life in general. Like, seriously, if I am in a car on a 40 minute drive with a friend, or even a family member, I don't talk until something is brought up. I will sit in the passenger seat, thinking, "This is fucked up. I'm fucked up. Talk about something. Say something that isn't retarded. Converse. This is what people do." The frustration and anxiety I feel when meeting new people I see as peers is comparable to how I feel in a job interview.
Depression:
I think it's fair to say I have been very depressed the last 5 years or so, basically since I got out of high school. Thinking of suicide has daily been on my mind, enough that I might call it more "fantasizing" than merely considering. More lately I think I've noticed moods. Some days I would randomly start out the morning chipper and feeling kind of good, even a little peppy. Later that same day, though, I will feel so much worse than usual. Enough that I might tear up on my lunch break or something, or even cry if I happen to be home.
Probably the most frustrating part is living in a college town and seeing all the happy couples, when I have never even held a girl's hand. My hormones frustrate and infuriate me so much I feel rage at displays of happiness or even casual affection. I know this is petty, but I can not control what wells up in me and I hate that I have never experienced love. Not even really in a familial sense, either--my family was never close.
I feel helpless. Everyone around me is growing as an individual, and Experiencing Life, while I think the only thread keeping me from suicide is that I could never put my mother (or younger siblings) through such a thing.
So how do I get help? For either issue? Anti-anxiety/depress meds? How does one get those? Therapy?
Anxiety:
The anxiety I feel in social situations is roughly exponential with the number of peers in a room. I feel comfortable around several friends, and I have no real trouble conversing(although this has always been a natural weak spot for me). When it gets to 6 or 7 people though, and doubly so if they are not close friends, my mind starts a sort of meltdown. I feel that I have nothing to add to any conversation, and often regret what few words I might offer. I feel that I get angry and frustrated against my will, and get more so when I fail to calm myself down and relax. If the social gathering is not a place I'm acquainted with and comfortable, I usually end up following a friend around for the duration of the night, rarely contributing anything and giving off vibes of, I can only imagine, "I fucking hate it here." Sometimes I will abandon this tactic entirely and screw around on my phone until everything dies down. If the gathering is at my place, I usually end up retreating to my room before the night is done.
I don't know if this is related, but I cannot stand loud (and my definition of loud has been labeled as "not that loud") music in social gatherings. I sometimes like pumping up the music in my car or alone, but in a setting where the focus is on enjoyment of being with friends, I feel like throwing the stereo against the wall and beating it apart.
I can only imagine this is unnerving to my acquaintances, but even for being the quiet guy, I rarely start conversations. Or at least, conversations of any worth at all. I could talk all day about a new game or what's going on in politics, but I have real trouble contributing to any conversation on a personal basis, and rarely (hm, never?) bring up conversations about my life--or life in general. Like, seriously, if I am in a car on a 40 minute drive with a friend, or even a family member, I don't talk until something is brought up. I will sit in the passenger seat, thinking, "This is fucked up. I'm fucked up. Talk about something. Say something that isn't retarded. Converse. This is what people do." The frustration and anxiety I feel when meeting new people I see as peers is comparable to how I feel in a job interview.
Depression:
I think it's fair to say I have been very depressed the last 5 years or so, basically since I got out of high school. Thinking of suicide has daily been on my mind, enough that I might call it more "fantasizing" than merely considering. More lately I think I've noticed moods. Some days I would randomly start out the morning chipper and feeling kind of good, even a little peppy. Later that same day, though, I will feel so much worse than usual. Enough that I might tear up on my lunch break or something, or even cry if I happen to be home.
Probably the most frustrating part is living in a college town and seeing all the happy couples, when I have never even held a girl's hand. My hormones frustrate and infuriate me so much I feel rage at displays of happiness or even casual affection. I know this is petty, but I can not control what wells up in me and I hate that I have never experienced love. Not even really in a familial sense, either--my family was never close.
I feel helpless. Everyone around me is growing as an individual, and Experiencing Life, while I think the only thread keeping me from suicide is that I could never put my mother (or younger siblings) through such a thing.
So how do I get help? For either issue? Anti-anxiety/depress meds? How does one get those? Therapy?
Yran on
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You should find some enlightening information there. If you need someone to talk to, PM me; don't kill yourself bro. Nobody wants that.
try and take it less seriously next time there's a large gathering. Stop caring about whether you're contributing enough to the conversation, but without withdrawing either mentally or literally.
As someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, the limed is the key to a lot of it. Getting there isn't easy and it generally requires support, therapy and time.
But really, when you accept yourself and your actions as acceptable, a lot of this fades.
I'd suggest at a minimum talking to a professional.
Get on your insurance company's website, or call the Customer Service number on the back of your insurance card. Look for counselors if you want therapy without having to consider medication, or psychiatrists if you want to look into taking something in the hopes of finding more immediate relief. Ideally, set up appointments with both as they work best in conjunction with each other. Hard to say if you really need to go on any anti-anxiety medication, but an anti-depressant definitely sounds like something you should be looking into based on what you've related here.
oh, let me read the first sentence of your post huh. look in the phone book for psychiatrists.
you likely should get medication. It's hard for me to tell how seriously you think about suicide. When you talk to someone that will be one of the first questions they ask though, and if/when you say "yes, i have suicidal thoughts" their reaction might be more serious than you thought. be honest, though.
We'll try to help you here, in the interim but you need a professional tomorrow. Please look for help.
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Almost every time I take a chance and go "Yes, I am going to my friend's party, there's only like 12 people, you know most of them, don't be a pussy, act natural, you will never get more comfortable unless you expose yourself more" I regret it intensely. I feel like there is almost a physical pressure on me the second I walk in the door, and I am just an irritable mess until I leave. I don't know if anger is the right word, I'm just so uncomfortable and irritated being around people--just being around them in a social setting, that is enough--that I feel... You know how you get when you are extremely impatient for something? Like quickquickquick what's taking so long are you fucking kidding me? I feel clouded and stupid, and I am unable to speak conversationally. My contributions are abrupt and my elaborations boring or inappropriate.
And thank you, Ketar, I will look into this.
I do think about it all the time, literally many times every day, but I do not think I could do it unless my mom died. I feel like an idiot 14 year old even talking about suicide, but I simply do not experience enough happiness to outweigh how sad and lonely I feel every day. I've never made friends on my own, and as all my current ones move away or move on with their lives, I can't help but feel alone and abandoned, though no fault of it is theirs. I've always considered myself a realist, though, and know there are bad times and good, and that my outlook and emotional states can be influenced by arbitrary chemicals in my brain.
The hippocampus is also affected by stress, and is related with depression and anxiety. This stress and anxiety causes what is called the "fight-or-flight" reaction in situations when it is not appropriate (as in, social situations). The fight-or-flight reaction is something that happens instinctually, so it's not easily stopped. It is a life-saving mechanism that when used by the body properly, can be very useful. However, in people who have an anxiety disorder, this reaction happens in the most inopportune times, and is often triggered by things that don't cause any real threat. Things like social situations, bright lights, crowded places, noises, or even very random things like spiders or peanut butter. CBT works for a whole spectrum of cognitive disorders, including generalized anxiety, social anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, and depression.
There are different aspects to CBT that help to calm you down when you are experiencing a panic attack. There are breathing exercises you can do to help yourself stay calm. It's hard to remember to do this, which is why you have to practise a lot before it starts to come naturally. Exercise and muscle relaxing techniques are also a really big part of CBT, as well as diet. It might seem silly that something so easy as eating can cause anxiety and depression, but it's true. Eat less sugar, less bread, and more protein and vegetables and you'll probably feel a big difference.
Another aspect is the writing exercises, which allow you to step back and analyze your thoughts, and really get to the bottom of why you might be feeling the way you do. This part helped me so much. I didn't realize how irrational I was being until I did this, because I've always thought of myself as a practical, rational person. After doing this I realized I was internalizing things, doing things like predicting what people where thinking of me. There is no way I can tell what someone else is thinking. Even if they seem like they're disapproving of me, I can't just automatically think they hate me. They might be having a bad day, or who knows what, and trying to guess at what exactly they are experiencing makes my anxiety worse. So, after realizing something like that...it all sort of slowed down, and I felt a lot more comfortable in social situations. When I feel depressed, I now have a completely different outlook on my depression, and it's a lot easier to step back and get myself out of a funk. I've started up a ton of hobbies which help me keep my mind off the bad stuff.
Good luck
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See a shrink.
Now.
I say this from the point of view of someone who has two relatives who are psychologists, and as someone who has been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety himself, and I mean this advice sincerely.
One thing I've found helps when I feel anxious is to repeat positive thoughts in my mind. It sounds silly, but it truly works(at least is has for me). Sometimes it can take longer than other times, but it doesn't hurt to try.
Someone else mentioned stop caring. This is good advice even if it sounds simple. Caring about what others think of us isn't as important as we think it is. Making sure you have the basics like hygiene and stuff down is good, but people don't really care about random people, which is what you are to most people.
I've found it can help to get comfortable in places where there are peers, by just sort of acting like where I am is a place I can consider my own, and within reason treat it like a place where it doesn't matter what I do or say. For example, at school I'll sit comfortably instead of tense like I have before, put my feet up if I can, stuff like that. Like it's my little space and I own it. Not in a stand offish way, but like you do when you're relaxing at home, just without forgetting the social things like no scratching or being too hunched over etc.
Therapy and Medication will be a lifesaver so you can live a normal and happy life.
GOGOGOGOgogogogogo. Do not stop. Do not pass go. Proceed directly to the Dr. Office
Anxiety meds are good for treating acute panic attacks and the like, it can help offer comfort just having them but therapy will really be what keeps you going, as long term xanax use isn't really a solution to the problem.
1) Many workplaces offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP's) that will help you to get therapy, marriage counseling, lawyer advice for free. There's usually information about this in your hiring packet or on your benefits website.
2) Your health care may offer a direct self-referral to a mental health professional, so you can make an appointment and pay your copay (whatever's printed on your card normally) you can see them as many times as you want. There will be a phone number for this on your health care card, or call the FAQ number on the same for more info.
3) You'll have to see your primary care doctor to get a referral. So you make an appointment with a dude, pay your copay, and he refers you to a therapist/counselor. As long as you stay in-network with the doctors you shouldn't be out an arm and a leg.
Things to note: most of the time, counselors and therapists won't prescribe anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication because they don't have the RX privileges. You'll have to work with your doctor and your therapist to find medication that works for you, but the counselor is much much much more important than the medication, if you decide to only pick one.
Good luck!
This is the part I need help with most. I go to Aetna's site, select my plan, and do the "Find a Doctor" deal, searching by Behavioral Health > Mental Health and locations within 15 miles of my zip code. It finds a dozen places, including the nearby hospital, but only a few list the services even close to what I think I'm looking for:
Adult Psychiatric Inpatient
Adult Psychiatric Intensive Outpatient
It's "Find a Doctor" but all it does is list the services, address, and their general phone number.
I don't have a Primary Care Doctor. I haven't been to the doc since I was 10--this is all so nebulous and confusing.
Do I just call this hospital number and go "Yeah... Um... Psychiatrist?"
Start here for behavioral health information: http://www.aetnabehavioralhealth.com/BH/ihtBH/r.WSABH000/st.51083/t.51083.html
Then here to learn about different kinds of professionals available to help you: http://www.aetnabehavioralhealth.com/BH/ihtBH/r.WSABH000/st.51083/t.51316.html
And then go here, enter your zip and a distance, select "Behavioral Health", "Behavioral Health Providers" and then look at your Aetna card to pick which particular plan you have: http://www.aetna.com/docfind/home.do?site_id=docfind&langpref=en&this_page=enter_welcome.jsp
Then, call the first five people that come up on the search. Or refine further if you're more comfortable with a male/female practitioner.
Thanks.
Whatever, I'm rambling. Either way, take care of yourself. It can definitely get better.
I do the search and it comes up with locations, not doctors. Should I be searching for Medical Providers > Primary Care Physicians? That comes up doctors, in categories "Family Practice" and "Internal Medicine".
Also, the behavioral site will not recognize the login I use for the Aetna site. Any time I try to look up information there, it brings me to the spanish login page after my credentials fail.
Edit: Another thing I'm concerned about is that I work 9-5 all weekdays--could I see a doctor or attend therapy outside of those hours?
In Aetna's DocFind you want to select Behavioral Health for Provider Category, and then Behavioral Health Providers for Provider Type. It sounds like you may be choosing something like Mental Health Facilities for that last one if you're getting nothing but locations rather than names.
After all the basics are filled in you can click on "More Options" under Search by Specialty, Name and Other Options. In the Specialty dropdown list that comes up you want Psychiatry, General to find a psychiatrist.
Your work schedule shouldn't be an issue, it just might take a little longer to find an opening or be able to schedule regularly if necessary. For example, the psychiatrist I work for sees patients from 9am-7pm M-F, and does some Saturday mornings for new patient evaluations. Saturdays usually book up 3-4 weeks in advance, and evening hours right now are booking up about 5 weeks ahead of time. We can usually get somebody in for an initial evaluation within 2 weeks though if they can take a little bit of time off during the day, and then get regular sessions scheduled later at more convenient times. So call around - don't just settle for what the first doctor you call has available if they don't have anything that works for you anytime soon.
If you keep going down the list and don't find anything convenient, well, bite the bullet and take a half day off if necessary or a long lunch if possible and call back the office that sounded most helpful/friendliest to schedule something.