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Do I have to go out?
Fizban140
Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
Registered User, __BANNED USERS regular
Besides work, gym and to eat I really have not left my room to do anything in over a month. I feel like I am wasting my time going out and I never really have a good time here anyways. Everyone drinks too much, the horrible music is always too loud (have to yell over it, throat is always soar the next day) and I don't really enjoy anything about it.
Instead I stay in my room, read, play Peggle, watch DVDs, study math and workout. I think this is a much better way to spend my time, but is it bad to stay in so much? I really just do not enjoy going out that much and I do not really have any friends here that share my interests enough that I would just want to hang out with them.
Instead I stay in my room, read, play Peggle, watch DVDs, study math and workout. I think this is a much better way to spend my time, but is it bad to stay in so much? I really just do not enjoy going out that much and I do not really have any friends here that share my interests enough that I would just want to hang out with them.
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I'd imagine most people here will probably say, "yes, you need to go out more". However, since I find myself in a near exact situation to you (I'd rather stay in and read books, play Mass effect 2, and watch Netflix), I can't really say that to you without being hypocritical.
It sounds like you are in college still, so you should have ample social opportunities around you. I barely left my room in college because I was playing WoW - and it's one decision I've regretted since. I can also say, that if you don't like going to bars or clubs (inferring from lack of interest in the 'going out' example above), that your opportunity for social interaction with like minded people outside of work drops dramatically once you graduate. You should take advantage of your current situation while you can. The only friends I still have are the ones I met in middle school - I don't hang out with any of my college acquaintances.
I am in the military, most people are idiots which I hate to admit.
I doubt anyone will think you're weird if you stay in. Staying inside all the time isn't necessarily a good idea in the long run, though, because ultimately humans are social animals. It becomes very difficult to connect with people if you get very adapted to being on your own. Try to find friends that do share your interests, or hell at least take daily long walks; just observing people can be enough to maintain a modicum of contact with the rest of the human race.
Play with me on Steam
If you don't like it, you don't like it.
Some people are just homebodies. More power to them. Some people will think you are weird, but who cares?
On the other hand, there are other things to do than bars and clubs. Try looking on www.meetup.com for things you might want to try. Running groups, Roleplaying groups, comics discussion groups, dog lovers groups... etc. etc.
oftentimes going out for me is going to some random concert or eating with friends
Comparatively, I enjoy myself a lot more in a quiet pub with a few drinks and good company then I ever could in a loud nightclub with cheap spirits on-tap. This isn't true of everybody, and I respect that some people do enjoy that environment and type of socialising.
However, the reason you aren't enjoying going out is probably because you're going out to the wrong places with the wrong people.
Like the fella above me, my bar hopping life has pretty much become me going to nice and quiet bars with friends to have a good conversation. I'm sure with a little looking around you and any entourage could find a suitable place. One I really like is an Irish Pub. Gets loud on a Friday night, but pretty much any other time of the week it is quaint and a good place to grab a pint.
I'd say you should still go out once in a while just to make a bit of effort to get out of your room. If you just stay inside all the time your social skills are just going to suffer more for it in the long run making it harder to meet new people/keep the friends you do have.
I'm pretty much the same. Friends and co-workers invite me to go out with them but most of the time I just don't care to go because I know it will mostly be awful. I second the suggestion that you don't have to go to clubs to go out, but if you find that nothing holds your interest then so be it, stay at home and do something that you know will be fun for you.
I see your location listed as Korea. Go find some local culture to take in. You might not think it's a big deal now, but I look back at my time overseas and was glad I checked out some of the foreign culture while I had the chance.
There are a lot of people in the military. Maybe they're not all silly geese?
Not forcing yourself to do stuff you don't want to do is fine, living in social isolation is a potential problem.
The thing is, though (and people will likely disagree with me on this) humans are social creatures. We're pretty much wired to need at least a little bit of human interaction to keep us on an even keel. Does that mean you have to be going out every evening? Hell no. Sometimes there's nothing better than crashing on the couch, tossing in a few DVDs and just having a nice, quiet evening to yourself. But I would recommend ensuring that you're getting at least some social interaction. Join a club for something you enjoy. Volunteer - that's one of the best ways to meet people. You don't even need to go out - have a couple of friends over for a games night or something.
Just don't completely isolate yourself.
At the same time, leaving your apartment/hanging out with people is good. Find people that also don't like going to bars and go out without going to bars. Go find some fun little quiet restaurants, or places to hike, or just hang out with other people with similar feelings to you. Sitting in a room watching movies or playing video games is a perfectly valid form of socializing.
So I read your first post and thought "Meh w/e this guy just doesn't get along with a lot of his coworkers and random people floating around the base he's at." Then I read this pity party bullshit and I'd just like to say that actions like this are pretty fucked up. Yeah you're in the slums about not being happy in Korea but then you do pretty douchey stuff that fucks with other people (the internet stunt) and that shit just isn't cool.
Korea can be like an extended deployment for some folks, I know how it feels to be isolated socially in the military atmosphere because I've been deployed, and been in the same situation. However, don't go around acting like a douche just because you don't wanna go out and do stuff with everyone else.
If you really would rather spend all of your time working out and hanging out in your room then great, do that. When you first sergeant or supervisor asks what's going on just explain you'd rather do your own thing and that you're fine. Just do what makes you happy despite the social stigma of not being a partying maniac in Korea.
There's got to be someone that'd join you for food, or movies, or gaming every once in a while nearby... doesn't there?
I'm gonna go with the ol' jack-ass line of, if you can't find anything to do, you're not looking hard enough.
Politely decline, and do your own thing.
And apologize to that girl.
She has her own room with all her stuff and she has been here not even a quarter of the time I have. She also works inside and works 8 hour days. I know none of that justifies it but that is how I feel right now.
Not to mention the fact that you're complaining about petty shit like work hours and where others get to work. I'm guessing you're in the Air Force and if the attitude serves me correctly you're probably a misplaced Security Forces member. She's probably Comm/finance/medical or one of the other plethora of jobs in the military that has a pretty "chill" atmosphere. Your attitude is pretty disturbing. You sound detached and bothered. You're calling out to a group of random internet peoples because you feel like if you make a comment to anyone in your chain of command that you'll be ridiculed. If you are having some problems and the folks here on PA aren't doing you any justice (which it sounds like we aren't) then you should probably go seek help somewhere like the chaplains office, or your first sergeant. I've been in long enough to have been bored to death by briefings of suicide awareness and Airmen/Junior Enlisted having a hard time dealing with life in the military.
Fiz, in my honest opinion you need to go talk to someone about whatever is bothering you. I suggest the chaplain because of the confidentiality they can ensure. Not trying to be a dick, but I'm just telling you what this sounds like from an outsiders perspective and a fellow service members point of view.
You would be well served by having a psychiatric assessment to ensure that there isn't a deeper problem here, like depression.
Knowing that you have someone to talk to face to face would help this, which is why I suggest making even one friend or acquaintance that you could have a meal with, or go to the gym together with, or whatever.
I take issue with this statement, but this is not the place for it.
Make the appointment. You're not wrong to not care about that girl (really, so not a big deal, shit happens although you should apologise for the sake of manners), but you're self-isolating and statistically that puts you, as a young dude, in a high-risk category for mental health problems. Depression is normal when people are isolated; we all need social contact whether we particularly enjoy it at the time or not.
The good news is that its probably circumstantial - you're in a foreign place and stuck with a bunch of people you don't really get along with, and on top of that you seem to feel relatively worse off than some of the people around you, and discontent is a major stressor. Once you're in a situation where that's no longer the case - maybe you finish your deployment, maybe you meet some nicer people, maybe you teach yourself to stop negatively comparing your situation to everyone else's - things will very likely improve for you.
However, if you stay in this situation long enough without making efforts to deal with these feelings, you can get into the habit of thinking negatively, and that's when depression can really set in and be hard to break. A decent therapist will help you break that cycle and give you skills to cope with your life better - usually by something called cognitive behavioural therapy. Don't let them just shove you on to the drugs first off, try talking therapy.
It's too broad. Intro/extroversion is, I believe, a bell curve, and like all bell curves there will be people at either extreme. However, for all but that extreme actively trying to avoid interaction 100% of the time is a sign of something wrong.
I've been trying to look for new social hobbies lately but I run into a catch-22. I hate going out and doing anything fun by myself but I have no one to go out with so I don't go anywhere. Like if I go out alone I get bored and feel awkward and I leave. I'm not exactly shy or scared of people but I don't go out of my way chat someone up.
Other thing is though I am happy with being at home getting video games, watching netflix and surfing the internet. Like I feel pretty good having all my nice stuff but then when those boredom lulls come around...
But yeah pretty big introvert here who also agrees that some social interaction is good and needed to keep a somewhat healthy life.