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A Relationship Thread (back from the dead)
Waffles or whatever
Previously known as, I shit you not, "Waffen"Registered User regular
Previously known as, I shit you not, "Waffen"Registered User regular
Old Information.
Edit : Back from the Dead
Going to resurrect this one because its been an on going pattern and I want it to stop now.
Anyway, shes started up this flirt game again. Only now my question is reversed. What's a proper way to tell her to fuck off? I'm not interested in her games.
The Situation
I've been "test driving" the ROTC Car at my school now for a few semesters now. As always doing the programs on the side leads you to meeting people. There's a cadet that's doing the program with me that always has been "over friendly". The first time I met her it was a bit rocky for me because I took her over friendliness as flirting, therefore I distanced myself from her because I was already dating someone at the time. We ended up not really talking to each other for the rest of the school year
Later in the 09 year when I missed a semester of school for training purposes she started to call/text me wondering when I'd be back to school. When I got back to school we talked a little bit, nothing else. We ended up being in the same ROTC Class together for a day. That is, until the Major asked if anyone wanted to transfer to the 1300-1400 class because he only had four students in the class. I volunteered because it was convenient for me. Which to my surprise she looked horribly disappointed. The following week she apparently decided to transfer to the class as well.
After the move in to my class we began to just chit chat a lot. One day I told her about my "big date" that was occuring that week. She tried to pull off the "I like being single card. Bachlorette for life". Later that week the date went to hell. The girl had a stomach ache and the next morning I get text bombed with a "I feel bad for stringing you along. I'm already seeing someone" to which I was devastated. The ROTC chick was on facebook later that day and messaged me asking how the date went and I told her what happened. She felt bad and invited me to hang out with her later that night. At that point we hung out and talked for non-stop for at least six hours. Then when the "date" girl called me asking if I wanted to hang out with her army friend and her. The ROTC girl took it extremely personal and made me promise her I wouldn't hang with the girl, her words being "I don't want to see you get hurt"
Fast Forwarding. Ever since that night we've been really over friendly to each other (Almost like a brother/sister bond) I find myself playing pranks on her and getting the friendly :"love tap" from her. Lately though shes been getting a little flirty. She hinted that she wanted me to be her date to the military ball, but when I jokingly asked she did a "You said that, not me." Shes also been bringing up the "Hanging out with other guys" to see if it sparks jealously in me as well. (Which I think she has noticed it gets my attention)
Then a week ago she came to me complaining how she can't find a "Mr. Right" that accepts her for who she is (Being athletic, adventerous, etc) and how it drives her nuts that most of the guys she talks to are intimidated at her physique. It also makes her upset that most guys try to "trophy girl friend". I ended up comforting her to make her feel better.
On Friday when a few friends and I were eating she walked into the dining center and she asked if she could eat with my friends and I. As we were eating we were doing the joking around part, then out of nowhere shes staring at me and says "You know, you have very beautiful eyes. I wish I had eyes like yours". This one sentence killed the mood for me. The last time I heard a girl say this to me ended up being my first girl friend, which brought back memories because it was an abusive relationship (Her being abusive to me) and caused me to freeze up. My best friend who knew all about the first gf ended up bailing me out.
Later that night my friends who were present at lunch were telling me that shes interested in me and that the eye comment was the evidence of that. I played it off as a "Nah, its just her personality type. She comes on strong and is very friendly. My friend's girl friend responded "The eyes are the designated no touch zone in a friendship. The only ones who cross it are those who are interested in you" Though at this point it has me questioning whether if she does actually like me or not.
All weekend I've just been contemplating what if's about the comment. I know we're really good friends. I've questioned whether shes liked me or not at times, but decided not to chase that issue. I guess I'm just trying to get input from the forums on what to do. I guess I do kinda like her, but the decision to either push or leave it be is starting to stress me out.
Guess I'm asking what do all of you think of this.
I've been "test driving" the ROTC Car at my school now for a few semesters now. As always doing the programs on the side leads you to meeting people. There's a cadet that's doing the program with me that always has been "over friendly". The first time I met her it was a bit rocky for me because I took her over friendliness as flirting, therefore I distanced myself from her because I was already dating someone at the time. We ended up not really talking to each other for the rest of the school year
Later in the 09 year when I missed a semester of school for training purposes she started to call/text me wondering when I'd be back to school. When I got back to school we talked a little bit, nothing else. We ended up being in the same ROTC Class together for a day. That is, until the Major asked if anyone wanted to transfer to the 1300-1400 class because he only had four students in the class. I volunteered because it was convenient for me. Which to my surprise she looked horribly disappointed. The following week she apparently decided to transfer to the class as well.
After the move in to my class we began to just chit chat a lot. One day I told her about my "big date" that was occuring that week. She tried to pull off the "I like being single card. Bachlorette for life". Later that week the date went to hell. The girl had a stomach ache and the next morning I get text bombed with a "I feel bad for stringing you along. I'm already seeing someone" to which I was devastated. The ROTC chick was on facebook later that day and messaged me asking how the date went and I told her what happened. She felt bad and invited me to hang out with her later that night. At that point we hung out and talked for non-stop for at least six hours. Then when the "date" girl called me asking if I wanted to hang out with her army friend and her. The ROTC girl took it extremely personal and made me promise her I wouldn't hang with the girl, her words being "I don't want to see you get hurt"
Fast Forwarding. Ever since that night we've been really over friendly to each other (Almost like a brother/sister bond) I find myself playing pranks on her and getting the friendly :"love tap" from her. Lately though shes been getting a little flirty. She hinted that she wanted me to be her date to the military ball, but when I jokingly asked she did a "You said that, not me." Shes also been bringing up the "Hanging out with other guys" to see if it sparks jealously in me as well. (Which I think she has noticed it gets my attention)
Then a week ago she came to me complaining how she can't find a "Mr. Right" that accepts her for who she is (Being athletic, adventerous, etc) and how it drives her nuts that most of the guys she talks to are intimidated at her physique. It also makes her upset that most guys try to "trophy girl friend". I ended up comforting her to make her feel better.
On Friday when a few friends and I were eating she walked into the dining center and she asked if she could eat with my friends and I. As we were eating we were doing the joking around part, then out of nowhere shes staring at me and says "You know, you have very beautiful eyes. I wish I had eyes like yours". This one sentence killed the mood for me. The last time I heard a girl say this to me ended up being my first girl friend, which brought back memories because it was an abusive relationship (Her being abusive to me) and caused me to freeze up. My best friend who knew all about the first gf ended up bailing me out.
Later that night my friends who were present at lunch were telling me that shes interested in me and that the eye comment was the evidence of that. I played it off as a "Nah, its just her personality type. She comes on strong and is very friendly. My friend's girl friend responded "The eyes are the designated no touch zone in a friendship. The only ones who cross it are those who are interested in you" Though at this point it has me questioning whether if she does actually like me or not.
All weekend I've just been contemplating what if's about the comment. I know we're really good friends. I've questioned whether shes liked me or not at times, but decided not to chase that issue. I guess I'm just trying to get input from the forums on what to do. I guess I do kinda like her, but the decision to either push or leave it be is starting to stress me out.
Guess I'm asking what do all of you think of this.
Edit : Back from the Dead
Going to resurrect this one because its been an on going pattern and I want it to stop now.
Anyway, shes started up this flirt game again. Only now my question is reversed. What's a proper way to tell her to fuck off? I'm not interested in her games.
Waffles or whatever on
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This sentence here is where I get the conflict at. Part of me indeed does think she likes me. However, that "realistic" side is trying to tell me that we're just friends. Then again, maybe its because I haven't had very good luck lately with women. I keep mistaking friendships as likes.
I kinda am. I do think she is a beautiful girl, but I'd rather get to know her more before charging in.
Because the impression I get is that she likes you.
I noticed she kinda acts like this around a lot of people. Though there are the exceptions. Such as my friend who has a huge thing for her at the moment, but he has no chance at all.
How much more, exactly, do you need to get to know her before you start going out on dates with her? It sounds like you already know her a hell of a lot better than I've ever known any girl I've ever taken out on dates.
Hint: taken out on dates; not dated
From what you described it's a no-brainer that she's interested. That "talking for 6 hours straight" bit usually happens on dates, and before you know it you're getting kicked out of the restaurant you went to eat at around 6 PM.
Seriously, get on with it.
...
That's the part I should've posted. Its not always the best idea to date someone within ROTC because it can be seen as "unprofessional". Plus should we have a bad falling out I have to be in her presence for the next two years.
just fucking go for it.
she likes you a hell of a lot.
Ask her out on a date, not more skirting the issue, she wants you pretty damn bad
In my Det we had several...instances. Most worked out fine, one did not. As in up in flames did not. The rest of us were mature about it though, and handled it well.
Our Cadre really couldn't have cared less. Some Cadre are totally by the book though.
Go for it man.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Don't Penguin this, bro
A few guys did hit it on the head that at this poin.t I've convinced myself that shes totally into me, and that I've only looked at the signs of her liking me. Its important to note that shes super friendly like this around other guys too. Shes a big flirt, though she doesn't realize it a lot. Regardless though, I'll either meet up with her tomorrow or on Tuesday for sure. At that point I'll try to bait the answer out of her to see where we are at. I'll post the outcome in the next few days. Though I've already accepted defeat at this point that we're just going to be friends because the flirtiness is just her personality type.
I went back and forth with a girl like you're describing early last year. Actually we had been going back and forth for a few years. She's flirty with everyone, and we would flirt, but whenever I tried to take it to the next level she would back off a little.
Fast-forward to February of last year and she calls me one night and point-blank asked me why we never tried dating.
You should really be blunt. If she says no... no harm, no foul.
Ask her out. It sounds like you get along. Dating doesn't mean you have to marry her. That she complimented your eyes doesn't mean she's your abusive ex all over again. Ask her out and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.
This.
Baiting her is gonna be awkward.
Are you into this girl? If yes, then talk to her. If no, then talk to her. If you're into her, then you may wait too long and she'll find interest else where.
No. No. No. No. Don't do that, that's stupid. That is the stupidest.
I'm going to tell you a little story about my girlfriend and I started dating. We both worked at a bookstore together and quickly found that we had a knack for making the other laugh. I started taking my lunches at the same time as hers. In my past, I'd fucked myself over by overanalyzing "what love really is" so I wasn't looking for a girlfriend or a boyfriend at that point, and she'd said that her last relationships meant she wasn't ready to date any time soon.
One day, one the bus on the way home, a couple of months of flirting between us, this conversationg followed.
Her: "You know, I think I'm ready to start dating again.
Me: "That's good!"
Her: ... "Yeah, if only a nice guy would ask me out."
At this point, because I am the opposite of smooth or confident, I said to myself: you know, there is just a slight chance she's talking about me, but I can't be sure ( <- sign #1 that I am a silly goose), so I'll be coy and see if she's interested in me in a way that won't leave me open to rejection ( <- sign #2 that I am an Ancient Silly Goose, with a breath weapon and reach). So I say...
Me: "Are you taking applications?" ( <- Behold the sign of the All Goosen, Sillier of Worlds and despair!)
She must have really liked me, because she didn't immediately slap the shit out of me, pants me and make fun of my tiny prick in front of the afternoon commuters around us. Which I would have richly deserved for being a complete idiotgoose.
(Edit: Although I did get a pretty awesome story out of it, so there's something.)
Ask her. The fuck. Out. She will not reject you. She wants you to ask her out so that she doesn't have to ask you. I know you're gonna be all "but I can't be sure, the signs, they are hazy" but no. Just no. They're not. Hell, I guarantee that when you start dating (as soon as you ask her out) one of the first conversations you two are going to have is "how could I have been such a silly goose for missinterpreting all those obvious, obvious signals." I could bet money on this.
Also, in case you're all, "I'm not sure if I like like her", some unsolicited advice. You don't need to be in love with someone to date them. Chemistry, attraction, whatever. A spark. That's all the prerequisite you need. I didn't say "I love you" to my girlfriend for a year, because I wasn't sure for a year. I didn't say it until I was sure. I made it very clear that I had a great time spending time with her, that I'd never had more fulfilling conversations and discussions, and that she made my pants go crazy. Dating is a fine way to find out if you're in love, it's not a follow up.
I don't think it could be more clear from what you wrote that she wants to go out with you.
Inc. Disappointment tomorrow!
Fixed it for you. :winky:
Overall, the high school esque drama just made me not care anymore. I think its time for me to take a break from the dating game for awhile. Its literally been this pattern for almost a year now. I'm pretty much burnt out.
Sounds like the latter to me. Sorry, man.
Is "the cadet" her?
Damn man. Feel free to think I'm a total dumbass if you don't already. If by any chance we ever meet, I totally owe you a refreshing beverage of your choice.
I figured its her personality type. Shes always flirty with a lot of guys. The letter also hinted at that shes the type of person that thinks when a guy talks to her they are interested in her. Come to think of it, not once did I actually ever hit on her or show her that I was interested. I mean sure, I did jokes and pranks, but that's just me being me. Never did I compliment her, show interest, or make an effort to chase after her. I technically lost nothing on this one.
Yep
And donate that drink to my lonely desperate friend whose trying to sleep with her. :P
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Well, I'm glad that's how you feel man, and you're not, "Mysticjuicer I will internetfight you!" Seriously though, props on dealing with this silly goosery with the utmost tact and composure. Better luck next time, eh?
I'd rather donate you a pair of ear plugs, for use whether he succeeds and bitches to you about the epic level bullshit that will result, or if he fails and bitches at you about how nothing ever works for him. ;-)
That said, like you've already realized, sounds like this girl's probably more trouble than she's worth. Even if she does like you, if she's going to make your life annoying before you're even dating, it's a bad sign. Ball's in her court as far as I'm concerned.
And by larger picture I mean renewing WoW and getting fat epics. (Just kidding)
Haha! You're my favourite internet person of the day, sir.
Yeah, this has been my experience with pretty much every female in the Army ever
Which is pretty much why I don't date girls in the military; either they're fat, or ugly, or both, or holllllllllly shit so much drama
Funny story
So my old roommate was stationed in Korea. In Korea, a female arrived at his unit. (Rent Note: Korea is basically a sausage fest, because most units deployed there are combat units, especially the closer you go to the DMZ (which, since you're not allowed to leave the forts at or near the DMZ, means you're stuck in a shitty post all day with no female interaction))
Thus it was somewhat of an event when an extremely attractive, flirty female E-1 named Markum arrived at his post
She left Korea four months later an E-4. Promotable. Also pregnant
Turns out she was sleeping with a COL for those four months and thus pretty much got to keep her rank and transferred out of Korea in exchange for her silence
As my roommate continued, Markum was pretty much a legend on the post; I mean she turned "getting around" into an art form
So I asked the obvious question
"Did you sleep with her?"
"Oh no. Oh god no.", he replied
"Why?"
"Because..." he responded
Because...once he was reading in the common room of his barracks (Rent Note: Because of space, in Korea basically an entire unit lives in one building. The ground floor is usually reserved for a bigass "common" room that has like a TV and a fireplace, also where PT formations are usually held when it's too cold outside, which it frequently is. The upper floors are where all the rooms are)
Anyways, he's reading when a guy in his unit runs up to him
"<Old Roommate>, you gotta come upstairs!" the guy yells
So he rushes upstairs, expecting to find some drunk guy doing something stupid (this frequently is the case) or something, rushes to the open door, looks inside, and in his own words sees "the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life"
It was Markum, getting boned by five dudes. At the same time
Worst part?
There was a line, at least ten people long, outside the door waiting their turn. That's why the dude in his unit was calling him upstairs- not to look at the craziness, but to get him a good spot in line
....
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's why I don't date girls in the military
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As a 12 year Veteran, I agree. Power corrupts.
When I was enlisted, my wise, old Platoon Sergeant straight up told us "Do not date female Soldiers."
Other reasons why:
-It is not worth the drama if it's a bad breakup and she decides to get vengeful and start lying to your chain of command.
-Many people join the Army, myself included, to get away from bad situations. Therefore, a lot of of the pretty female Soldiers come from really, really bad backgrounds with a disproportionatly large number being victims of sexual abuse and the issues that go with that; you pay for her uncle diddling her when she was 13.
-With deployments being the way they are, even if everything is cool between you guys, it's possible that you won't see each other for 2 years at a time; she goes across the pond the same time you're getting back. If she's hot, she will get hit on non-stop while you're gone.
The only good Army marriages I've seen have been between older Soldiers; once they're past the hornball stage of their 20s. Other than that, frankly, the lesbians and/or older, less-attractive are the most well-adjusted female Soldiers I've seen. They don't expect to be treated like princesses and actually do their job like true equals instead of crying/flirting/complaining to get out of work or intentionally getting pregnant to get out of deployments.
Margaret Thatcher
That's not really the lesson I'd take from it, but yeah, seeing a porno manifest itself in real life is probably pretty surreal.
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