yet another comic...

WickedChicken

although this time the subject matter is pretty different... mountain biking.
My wife and I recently put our minds together and came up with a concept for a MTB-related comic strip. If you aren't a mountain biker you may not really give a damn about the content of the strip but we'd still appreciate some feedback on our initial efforts.
This is our first attempt at anything like this and it was done 100% start to finish with a Wacom tablet.

With the first strip the layout isn't optimal but i'm really happy with the content:


On the 2nd strip I think the layout is definitely improved although I don't think the content is quite as good but it does a good job of representing the archetype.


And here's a quick sketch of one of the key characters that hasn't been introduced yet


Let us know what you think.

-Kit
WickedChickenz Studio

Bearcat

A cycling comic?
Hmm, different at least.

Greatnation

I suggest you pickup Scott McClouds Understand Comics and Making Comics.
]

Prospicience

I really don't know what's going on in these.

Edit: The idea is pretty cool but, could be better executed. I just can't tell what's going on.

WickedChicken

Bearcat wrote:

A cycling comic?
Hmm, different at least.

Yeah, aside from being computer geeks we're both very avid mountain bikers. Actually most mountain bikers are tech geeks at some level or another.

WickedChicken

Prospicience wrote:

I really don't know what's going on in these.

Edit: The idea is pretty cool but, could be better executed. I just can't tell what's going on.

fair enough. Part of it is definitely the composition but it's also one of those things that if you aren't familiar with the culture it won't make much sense.

Paul Carbonella

Why Comic Sans?

WHHHHYYYYY?

MagicToaster

WickedChicken wrote:

it's also one of those things that if you aren't familiar with the culture it won't make much sense.

I don't know how many ppl are into mountain biking that would also like to read this comic book... however, there might be more ppl into reading comic books that might pass this over because they don't get the jokes.

Make it more understandable to us non-mountain bikers.

Heck, if it was me making the comic. I'd do about some girl that's just getting into biking. This way I'd be able to explain all the do's and dont's of biking, while mountain girl gets into all sorts of sexy adventures.

"Oh, Ranger Roy!"

You have to admit, it's more interesting than a flat tire.

WickedChicken

MagicToaster wrote:

WickedChicken wrote:

it's also one of those things that if you aren't familiar with the culture it won't make much sense.

I don't know how many ppl are into mountain biking that would also like to read this comic book... however, there might be more ppl into reading comic books that might pass this over because they don't get the jokes.

Make it more understandable to us non-mountain bikers.

Heck, if it was me making the comic. I'd do about some girl that's just getting into biking. This way I'd be able to explain all the do's and dont's of biking, while mountain girl gets into all sorts of sexy adventures.

"Oh, Ranger Roy!"

You have to admit, it's more interesting than a flat tire.

Well, just to clarify, it's not a comic book, it's a web comic and it makes it home on our site which is mostly mountain-bike related. It's aimed squarely at mountain bikers so I wasn't expecting the crowd here to really get the content as it plays on a lot of the stereotypes and archetypes that exist within the mountain-biking community. We were more interested in feedback about the art style and layout as neither of us have ever tried writing comics (either print or web) before.

So far the mountainbikers who have seen them really like them so I know we aren't off too far off the mark.

Kinda like Penny-arcade and ctrlaltdel are aimed at people who play video games and know something about gaming culture. Should they alter the whole concept and make it about some dude just getting into games so that everyone gets the jokes?

WickedChicken

Greatnation wrote:

I suggest you pickup Scott McClouds Understand Comics and Making Comics.
]

I'll check those out. This is definitely a new medium for us.

Grim Outlook

that kid's neck is like a brontosaurus'.

is he related E.T.?

(ohms)Crunchy

Grim Outlook wrote:

that kid's neck is like a brontosaurus'.

is he related E.T.?

Don't make fun of his deformity. :P

Lly

The concept is ok, but god the art is bad. I realise you've tried to make it "stylised" to the extreme, presumaby to cover up a lack of fundamental drawing ability, but it really doesn't work. You need to know the rules before you can break them. Learn the basics, pleaselearn anatomy, practice practice practice, and THEN make a comic.

WickedChicken

Grim Outlook wrote:

that kid's neck is like a brontosaurus'.

is he related E.T.?

Hehe, no, but it is an intentional look.

falconire

The art style is different but I think you pull it off pretty well. I'm going to suggest using word balloons to make it look more professional and cleaner and also to use less open place in each panel unless you're going for an empty feeling. Also, try coming up with an organized format for the strip like the stand three or four panels or even the six panel strip. Again, it will look better.

As for the humor, and I do mnt bike occasionally, I don't really get it but that's just me. The art reminds me of the Aeon Flux cartoon a little.

CatnipCat

Talking animals? Now that's just absurd.

Grifter

Read some Radical Rick. It's the best biker comic ever made.

WickedChicken

falconire wrote:

The art style is different but I think you pull it off pretty well. I'm going to suggest using word balloons to make it look more professional and cleaner and also to use less open place in each panel unless you're going for an empty feeling. Also, try coming up with an organized format for the strip like the stand three or four panels or even the six panel strip. Again, it will look better.

As for the humor, and I do mnt bike occasionally, I don't really get it but that's just me. The art reminds me of the Aeon Flux cartoon a little.

Hadn't given word balloons much thought but we'll give that a shot.

The first strip kind of came together almost by mistake and the layout/composition definitely suffered. The 2nd one I felt was pulled together a little bit better but definitely far from perfect. Figure over the course of the next few strips we'll concentrate more on the layout and making things tighter. Whether or not we'll settle on a standard layout for our strips is unknown at this point but who knows. To me it feels more natural to let the concept drive the panel count instead of having the panel count drive the concept but like I said, we're new at this so who knows what will happen down the road. The current strip is actually 7 panels and so far I'm liking the layout but I doubt we could manage to fit many others into the layout.

It's not quite finished yet but here's the latest one:

DMAC

I don't get it.

-SPI-

AMOEBA ATTACK!

But seriously, what is that in the background? It's just this random glistening blobby thing.

Spilltoy

The thousands of characters in that last strip confuse me spectacularly.

The One 52

Oh, -SPI-!

BahamutZERO

Haha, for some reason I was trying to read the panels backwards, wapanese-style. It makes a lot more sense reading it in the right order.

SkyGheNe

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

WastingPenguins

BahamutZERO wrote:

Haha, for some reason I was trying to read the panels backwards, wapanese-style. It makes a lot more sense reading it in the right order.

Ahaha, something must be wrong with me because for some reason I was trying to do the exact same thing.

Godfather

Man, those bikers have some really developed calf muscles. It's just that every other character is of a walking stick build save for that.

They've gotta have one hell of a kick.

Fibretip

no offense, but is the entire series going to be centered around the same injoke that "guys who race racing bikes are losers"? once or twice it could be amusing if used correctly, but if that's going to be the punchline of every strip... i'd suggest some hard thought over whether it's worth your time.

my favourite panel so far is the "heads up" one in the root drop comic. It works as a style, simple yet kind of realistic, and actually has a very smooth feel to the lines that look like you know what you're doing, unlike some of the others. The ones with faces in just dont' work for me, and in some the anatomy really jarrs me out of it completely. Also.. why are you drawing so many different styles of face? everyone seems to have an individual eye style etc which makes it look pretty messy sometimes.

Hellbound 17 1/2

I think that the problem I have with this comic is the same problem I have with a lot of in-group-geared comics. You're focusing entirely too much on unique knowledge shared by the in-group (mountain bikers), and not enough on what makes a comic truly entertaining. You mention that you want to make this kinda like a gamer comic - funny to a specific audience. However, look at a lot of gamer comics. A lot really aren't any good. So many rely on obscure video game references and have nothing else to offer. For example, I read the worst comic the other day that also happened to reference the Konami code. Did the reference save the otherwise bad comic? No. It was still pretty bad. The point I'm trying to make is that you need to rely on something more than mountain biking references to make this comic work. The biking culture references should support something more substantial in the comic. So far, what you're doing is not working for me.

JCM

I must not be a biker, because I didnt find that funny

Although I feel laughing at SPI´s AMOEBA ATTACK!!! one

Stupid Mr Whoopsie Name

DMAC wrote:

I don't get it.

People in training don't do shit. Obviously.

I think I've been in training all my life. :?

benz0rs

WastingPenguins wrote:

BahamutZERO wrote:

Haha, for some reason I was trying to read the panels backwards, wapanese-style. It makes a lot more sense reading it in the right order.

Ahaha, something must be wrong with me because for some reason I was trying to do the exact same thing.

I don't know. I read it both ways and they're equally sensible to me.

i don't get it.

the lines could be cleaner. It looks like flashmx and you just draw, so there isn't much consistency within the lines. looks kinda sloppy.
and inthe 2nd comic, his neck is awkwardly long.. and his calves are so big, you create a new medical term for that muscle: cows.