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My Roommate Is Fucking Ridiculous
INeedNoSalt
with blood on my teethRegistered User regular
with blood on my teethRegistered User regular
And not in a fun way, either.
This only started about a week ago but it's already driving me insane.
My roommate and I don't get along. We don't like each other (or anyway, I don't like him, I assume he doesn't like me because we never, ever communicate; one or two sentences every few days, like, and it's usually "Can you see the clock?" or something like that.)
The point is.
Okay.
I'm having trouble formulating this because I am basically seeing red.
We don't get along and we share a one-room dorm and it's mostly cool I guess, or anyway, it was for most of the first semester. Our room is kind of partitioned so it's not too bad to be in the room at the same time or whatever.
HOWEVER
About last week, his sleep schedule went way the fuck out whack. The same thing happened around finals time last semester, but... this isn't finals time. He started going out at night and staying out all night. Okay, that's cool, I don't give a shit what he's doing with his free time, etc.
The issue is that this has resulting in my roommate having a sleep schedule that looks like: go to sleep at 2 pm. wake up at 10 pm, leave. repeat.
i have to live in this room, of course, and my innate sense of decency says that if someone is sleeping in a room, i shouldn't be in that room making noise.
but my computer is in that room. all of my things are in that room. if i want to make food, i have to do it in that room. if i want a soda, it's in that room. if i want to watch television or play videogames ... and so on.
basically, i'm in this position where, during prime living hours, ie, 2 in the afternoon until 10 at night or so, i can't access my shit without waking up my roommate. what the fuck do i do in this situation?
i feel like telling him "get the fuck onto a normal sleep schedule" isn't an option, and i've hung around in the room before after he's gone to sleep but i feel like it's really rude of me to stay in the room and make noise etc (my computer itself likes to run its fans really loudly whenever i do anything, for example), and eventually i end up driving myself off
wtf do i doooo
This only started about a week ago but it's already driving me insane.
My roommate and I don't get along. We don't like each other (or anyway, I don't like him, I assume he doesn't like me because we never, ever communicate; one or two sentences every few days, like, and it's usually "Can you see the clock?" or something like that.)
The point is.
Okay.
I'm having trouble formulating this because I am basically seeing red.
We don't get along and we share a one-room dorm and it's mostly cool I guess, or anyway, it was for most of the first semester. Our room is kind of partitioned so it's not too bad to be in the room at the same time or whatever.
HOWEVER
About last week, his sleep schedule went way the fuck out whack. The same thing happened around finals time last semester, but... this isn't finals time. He started going out at night and staying out all night. Okay, that's cool, I don't give a shit what he's doing with his free time, etc.
The issue is that this has resulting in my roommate having a sleep schedule that looks like: go to sleep at 2 pm. wake up at 10 pm, leave. repeat.
i have to live in this room, of course, and my innate sense of decency says that if someone is sleeping in a room, i shouldn't be in that room making noise.
but my computer is in that room. all of my things are in that room. if i want to make food, i have to do it in that room. if i want a soda, it's in that room. if i want to watch television or play videogames ... and so on.
basically, i'm in this position where, during prime living hours, ie, 2 in the afternoon until 10 at night or so, i can't access my shit without waking up my roommate. what the fuck do i do in this situation?
i feel like telling him "get the fuck onto a normal sleep schedule" isn't an option, and i've hung around in the room before after he's gone to sleep but i feel like it's really rude of me to stay in the room and make noise etc (my computer itself likes to run its fans really loudly whenever i do anything, for example), and eventually i end up driving myself off
wtf do i doooo
INeedNoSalt on
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I understand you want to be polite and be a respectful roommate, but you can't let his nightlife change how you live.
The above post is right, just do what you want to do. Try to be respectful but honestly it's not your fault he stays out all night.
Edit: you did say dorm, so do as you do.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
Worrying about whether or not you can use your computer in your own room is more awkward. A moment of awkwardness from speaking a few sentence is nothing compared to that.
Furthermore, you're not helping yourself by playing things passive. That behavior only encourages people to take liberties at your expense.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
Simply ask something like "hey dude, I'm not to loud when you're sleeping am I?" and surely he'll answer back "n'ah" or some such. Take the conversation from there.
I don't see the issue here, just stop adjusting your behavior to his schedule.
Not to sound harsh but others have been saying you shouldn't be changing what you're doing to accomodate your roommate if he's choosing to do what he does. I wouldn't go out of your way to be loud or rude or anything but do what you want. If he makes a comment or something I'd maybe bring up the subject that you're trying to be respectful but he needs to return it in kind by realizing that you live on a normal timetable and have every right to do what you want during those hours considering that it is time alloted in a dorm to allow certain noise levels, etc. and that you're willing to compromise but only to a certain extent as it's a shared dorm thereby meaning he can't dictate what goes on all the time as there are two occupants.
Since it's obvious that internet strangers can't come over and set your roommate straight, you're not asking for help or advice, you're trying to get people to reassure you that your viewpoint on the situation with your roommate is the correct one. You've already decided that your roommate is in the wrong, so now the only thing left is to talk to him.
You fucking live with the guy, you should be mature enough to be capable of having a conversation with him.
He hasn't said you're too loud, or that you should leave. Your sense of decency should tell you to put on headphones so you can listen to music or TV (because that's what you should do in such close living arrangements even if dude's awake).
So just go back to acting normally. Maybe be in the habit of opening the door of the microwave at :01 so it doesn't beep him awake.
This is a guy who complains that I move around too much at night though (another earlier incident.) Also woke me up once to tell me that I was snoring and it was annoying him (he snores like he's trying to inhale syrup through his nose.)
To the silly goose who said "HURF DURF DON'T MAKE A THREAD", honestly, that's a pretty useless post, and I was looking for help and the reassurance that yes, it's perfectly reasonable for me to stay in my room when this guy is sleeping at 4 in the afternoon was, get this, helpful.
This might have been good information for you to, I don't know, put in the op?
Sack up and use your room the way you are supposed to, and if he has any issues than you guys can have a conversation about them.
Like normal fucking people.
I think the conversation should precede him deciding he has an issue. It'll be harder to reason with him if he's sleepy and/or indignant. Also, if the OP is as passive as he seems, he'd benefit from having the chance to rehearse his side of the conversation before he actually has it.
If he waits for the roommate to bring it up, he'll probably react the same way he did before, by doing what he can to avoid another confrontation, even at his own expense.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
It sounds like you probably need to talk with the dorm admin folks and look into getting him into a single or getting you into a new room. If the sleep schedule thing is irreconcilable that's probably the only option.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
It just seems so weird to me that there are people on the planet who are afraid to have a conversation with someone. Generally, with issues like this, the other party has no idea they are causing any problems.
But really all you need to do is just doing your own thing. Just go about your day as normal, it is his fault he is asleep at 5pm. If he complains, tell him he can start sleeping like a regular person.
It would be one thing if it was just once or twice, then you should probably be quiet. But if it is all the time you can't let it disrupt your life that much. Just do your thing
But the friends I have are not the kind of people I'm going to be like, "Hey, dude, my roommates sleeping habits have been really troubling me the last week" so much as "man my roommate is fucking stupid"
It's only a few more months, at least.
That and moving is a lot harder than having a conversation. Putting up with it for several months instead of having a conversation is also ridiculous!
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
https://medium.com/@alascii
Seriously, this guy doesn't sound bad at all. Go into your room during the day. Be courteous. If he bitches, then talk to him, but really, you are completely overreacting to this. Welcome to living with another human being; we all have quirks. I'm sure you do, too. This is really such a tiny thing, that I hate to think how you're going to deal with it if you ever have to live with someone who is actually a troublesome roommate.
He could just as easily end up with someone awesome.
I'd rather spend a couple days trying to improve my living situation than sitting around being annoyed and too lazy to do anything about it.
I dunno, maybe I imagine a dorm room as something other than what it really is. I imagine having to move maybe 3 boxes and a suitcase or something. Can a person really have that much stuff in one of those places?
Anyways, either way, OP, I hope everything works out for you. I'm sure if you just talk to the guy in a non-confrontational way to just explain your situation it'll help quite a bit too. He sounds like a fairly reasonable guy mostly, maybe just a little stressed out or something.
This right here is the God damn truth Salt. I wish any of my past room mates were your room mate. I would happily kill all of them to have your room mate now just to see what it was like to have a room mate that didn't watch massive amounts of hardcore porn out in the open or leave a couple dozen bags of trash waiting to be discovered upon them one day disappearing.
This is not a massive issue. In fact, in the OP you said so yourself that it's your sense of politeness that's creating the issue. Get over that, and if he actually does end up disturbed, talk to him about it.
When I dormed I lived with 6 passive aggressive women. I'd take your roommate ANY day.
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My first semester in college was the first and last time I lived with a random roommate. She was very nice, and we got along well... at first. She was from the city, and she needed noise 24/7, and she needed it loud. I am not exaggerating. She would not go to sleep unless the TV was on at a volume I wouldn't even consider during the day. When the TV wasn't on she was blasting music. Even her screensaver made noise, so if she was out of the room I couldn't get rid of it without turning off her computer. This was in a dorm room that was roughly 10x16 with no divider between living spaces. I was going nuts, and she wouldn't be talked out of it. I never slept. We liked each other otherwise, but there was no compromising. We tried the RA thing and nothing. I had to get up early for class, one she was in and always skipped.
Finally one night about 3-4 weeks before the end of the term we got in this huge fight because I had a test in the morning and it was 1am and she was still running the TV and pounding on her keyboard with the light on and after asking several times, politely, that she turn things off so I could go to my fucking class, and being told that she just wanted to finish the movie (that started 15 minutes ago), and trying to sleep in the hallway, and trying to find someone else down the hall who would let me sleep there, and all of those things failing, I walked in and turned off the TV and told her that I was going to bed.
She was SO MAD. She yelled at me. I yelled at her. We yelled at each other. I got bored of yelling, and she kept going and going and banging on things until she worked herself into getting physically ill and collapsing (she had a heart condition). Someone heard the commotion, came over, and called emergency services at my roommate's request. They came and took her on a stretcher while I sat quietly on my bed. By 2:30am they wheeled her out, and I slept.
She blamed the whole thing on me, but she stayed with a friend most of the rest of the term, and I got to sleep, so I really didn't care what she said.
Talk to your roommate. If that doesn't work, talk to your RA. Do the whole mediation thing. Or live with it, but if you don't even try to talk to him about it you can't really continue to blame him for what he does, because chances are he's not a mind reader and he doesn't know what he's doing. He seems pretty upfront about what bugs him about you. Just return the favor. So far you haven't mentioned anything that can't most likely be talked through, and you haven't even tried.
I mean, really...he knows most people don't sleep from 2pm to 10pm, and he should also expect that sharing a dorm means his roomie will be in the room during the day. Don't stress too much about it. If you wake him, remind him that you live there too and you're being pretty reasonable noise-wise, but it's ridiculous for him to expect you not to be there just so he can sleep (if he even makes such an assertion). Good luck.
Whenever I get woken up in the middle of the day, it's like I knew it was coming. I grog through the interruption and then crash back to sleep. Point being, it would take him being an incredibly dull-witted person to not realize the usual hours the rest of the world operates at.
Then you said he woke you up because you were snoring. I don't know, maybe it's just me but that seems like a real dick move. So if he approaches you about your activities, like typing or cooking, I would say to, in a friendly manner, suggest a sleeping mask + earplugs, or ask if he's ever tried them. They often easily lock down people who are light sleepers.
In the end though, I think it's up to the person with uncommon preferences to be the one who bends further backwards to facilitate them, so even if he confronts you, don't worry about seeming inconsiderate. From what you're telling us, you're not.
Or vomit all over the coffee table, and refuse to clean it up, stating "It was your booze that I drank, so you deal with it".. o_O
My thinking is that he'll only be able to switch with people who are themselves immersed in roommate conflicts, and that pool of applicants carries a higher rate of dysfunction than the general population.
Also, odds are that the other people who are looking to switch are doing so for larger problems than this.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
Thanatos definitely has a point here; and from your OP, the issues that you have can easily be resolved by discussing them rationally with your roommate- yes, you're angry, but a huge part of this is that you're angry because you feel that you're being more considerate to him than he deserves. He's probably got no clue about any of this, as you didn't bring it up, but instead have discussed it at great length with your friends, and us, strangers on the internet (yes, although we're your friends as well), whilst the one person that you can talk to about it, who can actually do something about it is left in the dark.
Your OP comes off as extremely immature in its tone, since the only solutions you propose involve confrontation, which will a) generate more ill-feeling than is already there, and b) solve nothing.
It will definitely help if you take a step back and look at this in a rational manner, then sit your roommate down and talk about it. Or you could just continue to give each other the silent treatment, like children. Who knows, maybe the guy is just shy?
You can even start off with something like, 'hey man, sorry if i've been disturbing you during the day when i'm doing my stuff- i'm trying to keep it down cos you're sleeping and all', then maybe even ask him if this is just a temporary change in routine that he's been having- maybe you might even find some common ground, like if he finds it hard to do his studies during the day, or whatever, you could try and help him synchronise better.
Obviously, he might just be an inconsiderate asshole, but to let it build up in your mind, without finding out what the whole situation is, is just going to lead to it being blown up out of all proportion. Hope that you can work it out, though- best of luck.
Your odds of getting an awesome roommate are lowered considerably.