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Help being social
Breadbird
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Hello, I am 27 years old, and I am a nerd. I suck at making friends, or finding people that I can just hang out with. I think part of it is that I give off the whole gamer geek vibe, and it just doesn't fly with most people. I've tried hitting up the local comic book shop for their Magic the Gathering Drafts, but still find myself feeling like the old guy. Any advice for finding people around my age to socialize with? (Part of the reason I have come to this forum as well)
Breadbird on
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Just don't let people get away with bullshit like that, call them out on it. I am pretty unabashedly nerdy and I have plenty of friends; your friends don't have to share all of your interests. Just make sure you don't talk about Dragon Age in front of a bunch of people you're out at a bar with who don't even know what an RPG is :P
Also, go to a PAX. For serious. You'll meet plenty of people there your age that love the same things you do. I'm also going to second meetup.com, it's fantastic for meeting people. I would stay away from CCGs at your local game store since those tend to be populated by mostly younger kids, as you noticed. Instead, look for flyers for a Dungeons and Dragons group or a board gaming club that meets on weekends or something. Those are loads of fun and usually have older people in them that you can relate to better.
Good luck!
You will be more likely to see older players at sanctioned tournaments, PTQs etc. Try going there and establishing where/when they play. The shopkeeper should also know if there are any gaming groups in the area as they most likely buy from him if not play there as much.
Otherwise, Spawnbroker is pretty much spot on, colour me unsurprised.
*I have no actual idea how old he is, but now I think about it probably 50s - his son (who also drafted with us) is at college now having grown into a solid player instead of the only guy I've ever seen with 13 rares in a draft deck.
Accept invitations. If people at work go drinking afterwards, a friend of a friend has a birthday, your friends are going so where, someone hosts a party in your building, and they ask you (even if it's an indirect or open invitation), you go. The worst that can happen is that it's totally not your crowd, and you excuse your way out of it after an hour.
Try to join something new that interests you. A class, a hobby, a sport, doesn't really matter. The other people there share at least one interest with you, they're as new to the situation as you, and much more open. Try to make at least casual contact in the first 1-2 lessons, sit together at a table discussing what happened during breaks, see if you can share e-mail / facebook stuff.
From what you describe, just try to limit gaming as a conversation topic. It's annoying to hear people talk a lot about something that doesn't interest you, and people usually send pretty strong signals to change the subject. A good basis for conversation is just following the news, pick up on quirkier stories, though you may want to avoid (national) politics / religion unless you are sure people are somewhat near you on opinions.
For instance, I game, and I have two friends that do within a larger group of people. So when we're hanging out, sometimes we huddle to discuss gaming stuff, but in the group at large, we talk about other stuff. How your life's going, your schooling / work, movies you saw, books you read, that impressed you (or that were so horrible that you want to warn other people).
Yeah, this. From what I can tell the biggest thing working against nerds in social situations is obliviousness to other people's disinterest. If people aren't biting on your topic, switch it up, or let them introduce one. Also, you're probably into movies and music, right? Those media are older than games, so pretty much everyone can identify with them.
I met a lot of good friends at a Japanese class I used to to take. We'd crack jokes in class and then hang out afterwards. Put yourself in the spot where you interact with the person you want to befriend regularly, this way you get to know them and they get to know you.
Also, socializing is a learned skill, the more you do it, the better you'll be.
Good luck!
Ventura county.
And to everyone else, thanks. I try not to just have video games be the only thing I talk about. I definately want to hit up PAX west, but haven't been able to find any information stating when it is. I'll check out that meet up web site too.
And also, if any of you guys want to chat, I'm down.