How to respond to bad news...

Disrupter

Hey everyone. Ive always wondered how to respond to people when they break bad news that they are currently experiencing. For example, a friend/former co-worker of mine just responded to an email I wrote.

He answered my question and then ended it by revealing that his grandma died and hed be out of town.

I have no idea how to respond other then "Im sorry for your loss." But i dont know if i should put that in the end of the response, or the beginning.

Similar circumstance, my boss sent out a department wide email explaining hed be out of town for a few days because a close family friend had passed. I did not know how to respond, so I simply didnt.

How do you respond to these circumstances? Sorry for your loss is fine, but by itself it doesnt hold up much. "Sorry for your loss, your family will be in my thoughts" seems more appropriate, but it also is sort of "yeah right, you dont even know my family...screw off"

Basically im socially retarded when it comes to responding to others' loss. Help me.

PirateJon

Sorry for your loss is fine, but by itself it doesnt hold up much.

It's a standard convention for telling people that you are human and that you empathize with their situation. Don't read more into it.

Disrupter

Right, but my point is, when theres other business at hand, how do I address it.

Sorry for your loss. Anyway, blah blah blah blah business blah blah.

or...


Blah blah blah blah buisness blah blah.
Oh btw, sorry for your loss.

Both seem...cold.

Further more, an email by itself stating "sorry for you loss." all by its lonesome seems like it does more harm then good.

Killgrimage

Actually, I thought the bits of "your family will be in my thoughts" was really nice. just because you don't know them doesn't mean you can't think about them and feel sympathetic to their sad news. And yes, since they are coworkers and not people who you closely know (YMMV) they aren't expecting a lot of significant sympathy back, except for maybe a card or something, and the understanding that they may not be that chipper when they get back from the funeral.

Yeah, IMO "in my thoughts" is perfectly appropriate.

Edit: Ah, I see. I guess I wouldn't be contacting them with that stuff right then? I dunno, but if that happened to my boss/coworker, I would just say "sorry for your loss" and then not bother them with work stuff because I know *I* wouldn't be in the right frame of mind to be helping anyone at that moment. However, if they explicitly ask work related questions in the email, I would address those first, then at the end say "sorry for your loss."

Disrupter

I guess thats the issue. If I actually was close to this person, I would probably know how to naturally respond. But since my only natural response is "dude that sucks, im sorry" anything beyond that seems forced and fake.

But I suppose being a little fake doesnt hurt anyone.

Deebaser

From: Deebaser
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 5:07 PM
To: guy at work
Subject: Re: boring work stuff

Hey Guy,

I'm sorry to hear that about your grandma. I'll work on the quarterly R.O.F.L. while I await your numbers.

Thanks,
Dee



From: guy at work
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 5:00 PM
To: Deebaser
Subject: boring work stuff

Dee,

I'll be out of the office tomorrow, because my grandma Totez died
I'll have the ready tuesday.

-guy at work

Deebaser

Basically, don't force tears or awkwared conversation. "Dude, sorry to hear that" is fine. I wouldn't ask them for anything in the next email, but I would tell them what I'll be doing so that it doesn't seem as awkward.

twmjr

Disrupter wrote: »

Right, but my point is, when theres other business at hand, how do I address it.

Sorry for your loss. Anyway, blah blah blah blah business blah blah.

or...


Blah blah blah blah buisness blah blah.
Oh btw, sorry for your loss.

Both seem...cold.

Further more, an email by itself stating "sorry for you loss." all by its lonesome seems like it does more harm then good.

Can it wait??

Perhaps the best route is to say you're sorry for his loss/thoughts are with you or whatever and simply say that that the two of you can catch up on whatever business is left to handle on Tuesday.

VisionOfClarity

twmjr wrote: »

Disrupter wrote: »

Right, but my point is, when theres other business at hand, how do I address it.

Sorry for your loss. Anyway, blah blah blah blah business blah blah.

or...


Blah blah blah blah buisness blah blah.
Oh btw, sorry for your loss.

Both seem...cold.

Further more, an email by itself stating "sorry for you loss." all by its lonesome seems like it does more harm then good.

Can it wait??

Perhaps the best route is to say you're sorry for his loss/thoughts are with you or whatever and simply say that that the two of you can catch up on whatever business is left to handle on Tuesday.

I like this option.

Eat it You Nasty Pig.

I usually go with "I'm sorry to hear that," and then add sympathetic words after that as appropriate (because I am a robot incapable of real human emotion.) e.g. "I'm sorry to hear that, Bob. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help while you're away."

"Sorry to hear that" is a great expression because with the proper inflection it can be used for almost anything. House burned down? "Man, I'm sorry to hear that." Crappy day at the office? "Sorry to hear that, bro."

Dog

Dyscord wrote: »

I usually go with "I'm sorry to hear that," and then add sympathetic words after that as appropriate (because I am a robot incapable of real human emotion.) e.g. "I'm sorry to hear that, Bob. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help while you're away."