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Keeping an old room locked at rent's place
Deusfaux
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Wanna see what people think of this one.
It's been a couple years since I stopped using it regularly, but I have my old room at mom's place still full of my things. To be clear, all my things at that house are in that room, and only my things. It's a bedroom in the finished basement. There are no appliances in there, nor does water run there. It is used purely for storage of my stuff at this point. I take what I can each time I go back and bring it where I live now. I want it all out.
I keep the room locked with a key, one I keep with me, one kept hidden at the house. I moved the key last time I was there a week ago, and now I have my mom calling me absolutely ballistic, that she doesn't have access to the room. I find it highly suspect she needs access already, so soon after I've left. She says a utilities guy needs to suss out the problem with their phone line by checking all the phone jacks in the entire house. I suggested he leave my room last, as chances are the jack in my room isn't the problem, esp as it hasn't been used in many many years and nothing has happened to it in just as long. If he still needs to check it, I would tell her where the key is and the guy would have access inside a minute.
She counters with saying (yelling) that it's her house. Also that if there was an emergency, she would need access.
I cannot think of a possible emergency that would require someone to access a dead room, that doesn't have running electronics or water to it. Moreover, she could always call me and I'd tell her where the key was. She could not provide a possible scenario that would require immediate access to my room.
She is threatening to break the door down now, which makes little sense to me, as that would be my suggestion for when and if there was "some emergency" and she couldn't get a hold of me. Why break it down now? Nobody needs access at this point in time. It seems to me that claiming "possible emergency" is a hair thin excuse of her's to demand anything unreasonable.
I think of the room as a storage unit. The owners of storage units do not get immediate key access to the locks on their customer's units. Perhaps they have the ability to break in, in event of emergency (perhaps not?), but they would presumably only do so in a possible emergency. Otherwise, customers have the right to protect their stuff and keep it private.
Other information that might be pertinent: Mom only lives there maybe half a week, herself. It's a three level house, 4 bedroom, 3 bath, etc. 1 and a 1/2 bedrooms are regularly used. There is a proper storage room, and several other rooms have stuff stored in them. When I was living there, she never had access to the room, and it was never an issue. I agree there is a statute of limitations on this, and I couldn't be expected to keep the room to myself for 10 years after leaving it. There are a number of high value things I wouldn't trust most people with in there, either for fear of theft or damage; hence why it's kept locked. My youngest sibling sometimes stays at the house, and he has a police record and history of theft and such with our family (kicked out some time ago).
So what do you think? Should a parent have free and unlimited access to their child's old room that contains only their child's things? Or do I have a reasonable expectation to privacy, providing access only in reasonable circumstances?
It's been a couple years since I stopped using it regularly, but I have my old room at mom's place still full of my things. To be clear, all my things at that house are in that room, and only my things. It's a bedroom in the finished basement. There are no appliances in there, nor does water run there. It is used purely for storage of my stuff at this point. I take what I can each time I go back and bring it where I live now. I want it all out.
I keep the room locked with a key, one I keep with me, one kept hidden at the house. I moved the key last time I was there a week ago, and now I have my mom calling me absolutely ballistic, that she doesn't have access to the room. I find it highly suspect she needs access already, so soon after I've left. She says a utilities guy needs to suss out the problem with their phone line by checking all the phone jacks in the entire house. I suggested he leave my room last, as chances are the jack in my room isn't the problem, esp as it hasn't been used in many many years and nothing has happened to it in just as long. If he still needs to check it, I would tell her where the key is and the guy would have access inside a minute.
She counters with saying (yelling) that it's her house. Also that if there was an emergency, she would need access.
I cannot think of a possible emergency that would require someone to access a dead room, that doesn't have running electronics or water to it. Moreover, she could always call me and I'd tell her where the key was. She could not provide a possible scenario that would require immediate access to my room.
She is threatening to break the door down now, which makes little sense to me, as that would be my suggestion for when and if there was "some emergency" and she couldn't get a hold of me. Why break it down now? Nobody needs access at this point in time. It seems to me that claiming "possible emergency" is a hair thin excuse of her's to demand anything unreasonable.
I think of the room as a storage unit. The owners of storage units do not get immediate key access to the locks on their customer's units. Perhaps they have the ability to break in, in event of emergency (perhaps not?), but they would presumably only do so in a possible emergency. Otherwise, customers have the right to protect their stuff and keep it private.
Other information that might be pertinent: Mom only lives there maybe half a week, herself. It's a three level house, 4 bedroom, 3 bath, etc. 1 and a 1/2 bedrooms are regularly used. There is a proper storage room, and several other rooms have stuff stored in them. When I was living there, she never had access to the room, and it was never an issue. I agree there is a statute of limitations on this, and I couldn't be expected to keep the room to myself for 10 years after leaving it. There are a number of high value things I wouldn't trust most people with in there, either for fear of theft or damage; hence why it's kept locked. My youngest sibling sometimes stays at the house, and he has a police record and history of theft and such with our family (kicked out some time ago).
So what do you think? Should a parent have free and unlimited access to their child's old room that contains only their child's things? Or do I have a reasonable expectation to privacy, providing access only in reasonable circumstances?
Deusfaux on
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if i was the parent i would've kicked in the door and charged you for the damage.... next step would've included tossing all your stuff into the street. your mom is being really nice here by asking you for the key.
You pay money for a storage unit though. Rent one and get your shit out of there if it's such a big deal.
Nope. Still her house. You haven't signed any sort of contract have you?
ARE you paying her for it?
Do you pay her anything? Doesn't sound like it. Move your shit, or give her the key.
You still don't get to hide the key without telling her where it is.
*this* This is the goal. To get it all out. But in the process of doing so, is there not a reasonable expectation to keep it locked up until that's accomplished?
How long do you think someone has to do that?
I can think of plenty of reasons why having a room in my house that I literally could not enter without breaking down the door would be a bad idea. Pest control, to utilities issues, to IT'S MY FUCKING HOUSE and no silly goose is going to tell me what rooms I can and can't go into.
If you were my kid, I'd be telling you that if you think that room is a storage unit, you have a week to get your shit out and into a real storage unit or it's going out on the lawn. Seriously. You are 100% wrong on this.
...about 24 hours.
There is nothing reasonable about locking a bunch of shit in a room of a house you don't own or live in and not giving the owner a key or any way to get in there.
This is not necessarily true.
Edit: On the original topic though, if you have no contract with her you can't keep her out for any reason.
chair to Creation and then suplex the Void.
I'll just respond to this one - because landlords do have good reasons for access, and they're legally obligated to provide them, and you let them in / they let themselves in at an established/agreed time. Mom wants access 24/7 and doesn't have a good reason beyond apparently that it's her house. ANYWAYS:
I made some good headway last time I was there, but it sounds like I should get back ASAP and just get it all out and to a real storage facility where they'll leave my things alone. Kinda sucks it's such a rush, when there's a nice room there not being used. If I had more time there, it'd be done by now. Not easy to pack up several years worth of stuff. It's not fine china, but a lot of little collectibles.
"Mom wants access 24/7 and doesn't have a good reason beyond apparently that it's her house."
She doesn't need any more reason than that, not sure how this isn't getting through to you. Some day when the training wheels come off and you're a responsible adult you're gonna look back and say "man, I was a stupid little shit back then wasn't I?"
Except that this does not apply in any way. You've not paid your mother at all. There's no contract involved. She has a right to have access to something she owns - a room in her own house.
You're an adult. You have no right to that room in any way and the fact that all your stuff is there already doesn't wash. I'm also going to reiterate that "doesn't have a good reason beyond apparently that it's her house" is bullshit. It is her house (right?) and that is a good reason. If you want your stuff to be secure and away from tampering, you move it to somewhere that is contractually yours.
You are taking advantage of your mother, here.
EDIT: I don't think anyone's advocating her breaking your stuff. However, she is not at all responsible for it; you are. If it's on the street next time you visit, tough shit. You didn't care enough to rent storage.
@gamefacts - Totally and utterly true gaming facts on the regular!
It's an incredible lack of respect. If your shit is out on the curb tomorrow, I'm not going to feel sorry for you.
A. I'm not a home owner; it doesn't mean much to someone who's merely been a room owner.
B. She has always owned the home, and I've always owned the room. It's not unreasonable to want to keep the status quo for an (ideally) short period of time during transition when the ownership of the room is being passed. ie, she didn't have access when I lived there, and she will in the end, but while I was getting things out I felt she should not.
Really this thread's key issue is how long does someone have to move their stuff out, before home owner has access to it. Some people think you don't get any time. Okay.
Anyways she has key knowledge again, with the reiteration that she'll tell me in advance of going in if she ever goes in. Both of our uneasiness is addressed
and the utilities guy did his job without needing to go in. Part of this problem here was that she called me while I was in bed and started yelling at me/making threats, hoping I'd suddenly becoming enlightened as to her position. No so effective as a level-headed conversation about it.
However, if you're asking legally? I don't know, but you don't live there anymore, and the only reason it's still there is that she's nice enough to let you use your room for storage? You have until she says it has to be out, and if that's five minutes form now, sucks to be you. You might be able to try and take things after that to small claims court, but I really don't know how it'd all work out.
If my memory of daytime TV is reliable, these are exactly the sorts of issues you see showing up on Judge Judy.
You still aren't getting this are you?
It's not being used by her because you fucking locked her out of it
Silly goose. You haven't owned anything connected to that house.
Sorry to break it to you.
maybe I won't get it till I own a home and put kids in it
Your silly gooseness is making my head hurt. Give her a key now and get your stuff out.
You're wrong.
1. Give her a copy of the key.
2. Set an agreement with her for when your stuff will be gone.
3. Get your stuff gone.
the fuck is wrong with you
You don't own that room.
You never did.
You say that she shouldn't have the expectation of access to the room simply because it is hers, but at the same time you think it is fine to deny her access simply because you think it is yours.
Bottom-line is, it's not your room and you should be thankful she's allowing you to keep stuff there.
Unless you were paying rent when you were a toddler, you never owned that room. Your mom was letting you stay in there for free, you may have owned some items inside it, you might have called it "your room," but she owned the house and therefore owned the room.
Hey guess what dude, wherever you live now, when you move out, they aren't gonna be cool with you leaving your shit behind and taking your sweet time relocating it. It has nothing to do with the fact that at one time you lived there or that the homeowner is your, it has to do with the fact that you no longer live there now and you need to take your crap with you or come to an agreement ahead of time.
^to fellow above: I've never left anything behind when moving around apartments and the like. Not even food/trash.
If it's valuable to you, get it out right now and put it somewhere where you have a right to keep it.
Christ man, you think your mom is going to smash your stuff or something?
You are wrong. Everyone else in this thread is right.
Your sense of entitlement is gross.