a friend of mine is a prick

mr-razzcocks

Ok, this needs a little bit of explanation.

There's this guy I hang out with. We've been good friends for more than half our lives, since the beginning of secondary school. He's always been VERY peculliar. I kind of admired him for the most part, just doing what he felt without caring what people thought. However, in the last few months, things have taken a bit of a turn.

At Christmas, he went out with another friend of ours who got really drunk, and they couldn't get a taxi, so he left the drunk friend in the middle of Ashton, drunk and unconscious, and went home himself. Anybody who knows Manchester at all probably knows that Ashton isn't the most pleasant place. It was a total dick move, and when we heard about it we made it very clear to him that we didn't think much of it.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. We went out to a house party with another friend of ours, who also got really drunk. We went to get a taxi, but none of the drivers would let us get drunk friend in, so I said we should find somewhere we could go to get out of the cold and hang around until drunk friend sobered up a bit. We ended up practically carrying him to the train station and hanging out there for a few hours. During this time, dick friend tried to steal drunk friend's wallet, kept whining about how we should just leave drunk friend in the station on his own and go out drinking with the money in his wallet, and at one point, kicked the poor unconscious guy hard enough for him to roll over and belt his head on the floor. By the end of the night, his behaviour was so out of line that I ended up getting a little bit hands on with him and sort of hurt him. We haven't really spoken since that night.

Now, last night, another friend of mine phones me and tells me that he's had to tell dick friend to back off sending really graphic messages of a sexual nature to his girlfriend. The guy hardly knows her and she's getting really creeped out by the whole thing. Anyway, the girl's boyfriend sends him a message telling him to back off, all he gets is a message back saying 'lol'.

Put simply, the guy is on thin fucking ice with a lot of the people we know, and it honestly does not seem as if he even realises that this is not how you behave around people. He really is a really sound guy, but sometimes he acts as if he has no moral compass whatsoever.

The real question I'm asking is, are there, like, mental conditions that could cause an otherwise decent guy to behave this way? Or does it sound to you like he really just is a jerk?

Raneados

is he usually drunk when he does these things

i mean, does he act like this when sober?

bowen

He could have a mental condition. But it sounds to me like he's just being a goose.

Stop hanging around with him, block his number. That's what I would do, but I don't like wasting my time with geese because I just don't have the time to waste. So your mileage may vary with that.

mr-razzcocks

Well, the messages he was sending were done when he was sober, and the girl in question is not the only girl he's sent this sort of thing to. The other stuff was when he's been a bit tipsy, but he doesn't drink that much himself and really doesn't get proper drunk. When he's been pulled up on the stuff while he's been sober, he either says 'lol' (seriously), or just acts like he doesn't care.

Really, I don't think he is a dick, but his behaviour is getting out of hand.

He also has a tendency to start shit with the various chavs and thugs who hang out in Manchester on the weekend nights, which anybody with even the slightest sense of self preservation doesn't do.

Raneados

have you talked to him when he and you are sober about this?

sit him down, talk like an adult, don't yell, don't offer ultimatums yet, just be like
"hey... steve... you know how you were being a dick before? You need to stop, man"

make sure he realizes you're being serious and not kidding

Raneados

okay if he's picking fights and not caring about other people when sober then yeah he has some problems

especially if these actions are new

something has changed in his life to make him act differently, whether it's a home situation, brain problem, etc

how old is he?

bowen

You don't have to defend him, if you don't think he's a dick that's fine. I, however, see him as a huge raging goose. You may be able to help him, but these are the sorts of things that need more than just one person in on it. Otherwise you're going to tire yourself out and just make yourself miserable.

Chances are though, he probably doesn't want to change, or won't change, unless everyone around him tells him he's being a dick.

mr-razzcocks

Raneados wrote: »

okay if he's picking fights and not caring about other people when sober then yeah he has some problems

especially if these actions are new

something has changed in his life to make him act differently, whether it's a home situation, brain problem, etc

how old is he?

he's a similar age to me, early twenties, i couldn't tell you exactly. 23 maybe?

i did wonder if he had problems at home, but he's always talked to me about it in the past. this seems to have been a very sudden change with no segue whatsoever.

PirateJon

You can't fix people that don't want to fix themselves. Tell him he's acting too fucked up and if he doesn't stop you're done with him. Then it's his call and you can move on.

Usagi

Yeah, that's going a bit beyond just being a jerk. If your friend's girlfriend is really freaked out she might want to speak with the police, I know they take harassment via texts pretty seriously if you can establish a pattern - especially if she's asked him to stop and he hasn't complied.

My suggestion is to have the serious "stop this shit" conversation, an if he blows you off then cut him out of your life.

Captain Vash

Do not make excuses for this guy.
Regardless of the reason, the actions you've described are pretty inexcusably ridiculous.

Why would you even want to know someone who is going to kick you and steal your wallet when you're down?

Natsus

His behavior is inexcusable.

You say he's on thin ice, but I would say that he is long past it. I'm actually more concerned about him wanting to steal your friend's wallet and kicking him than him texting your friend's girlfriend.

I don't want to make the connection as I don't know him, but his extreme lack of empathy makes me think that there's something really wrong with him and I would literally not trust my life around this person.

As dramatic as that sounds, I think that it's best to cut ties with him. All of you.

Cowardly

I can't think of any mental illness that makes you act like that, there just doesn't seem to be any reason behind it other than him being a silly goose to start with.

I also wouldn't be calling him my "friend", if he's stealing wallets, beating drunks and pissing off girlfrends, I'd suggest washing your hands of him before he gets you in trouble.

How long will it be before he abandons you in the middle of nowhere?

Dr. Frenchenstein

Some people are just a-holes, there's not always an underlying cause. Some of this guys actions seem pretty self destructive, whether burning friendships or starting fights. He very well might have some psychological issues going on. That's not your job to sauce out though. I'd say have the "knock it off" conversation, if it continues. Tell him to piss off. I'm pretty notorious for making excuses for my friends' behavior, but it's never as bad as this kid. They are usually quick to apologize as well. considering you had to rough him up to stop him from rolling his own drunk friend, it doesn't seem he's got much to offer as a person.
t. cowardly - especially if he's picking fights with Chav's, i'm not an englander, but from what i hear that's a good way to get stabbed. I'd stand with a friend in a legit fight, but if they start it for no reason, i'm just as likely to headbutt them as anyone else.

Grislo

Unless you feel that you really need this guy in your life, I'd just stop spending time with him. Do you feel that you have to rescue him, or something to that effect?

If a friend/acquaintance of mine did what you describe in the train station story, we wouldn't be hanging out anymore.

.Tripwire.

If this guy doesn't get the boot, maybe at least warn your friends to stop getting so drunk in bad neighbourhoods that they pass out and even a cab won't take them home? Because that is giving this prick-friend a level of trust he doesn't deserve. And is probably good advice regardless.

mr-razzcocks

I've had a chat with a couple of our close friends, and I think we're going to let him know that his behaviour is unacceptable and that it needs to stop. If it doesn't, then there doesn't seem to be much else we can do. Thanks for your advice, folks.

Ryna

PirateJon wrote: »

Tell him he's acting too fucked up and if he doesn't stop you're done with him. Then it's his call and you can move on.

yep

BlindZenDriver

I'd say there certainly could medical reasons for his behavior. Advising him to speak to a doctor may be a good idea.

Reverend_Chaos

It sounds to me like he is probably depressed - and this is likely his self-destructive response to depression.

I would have an intervention of sorts, and just tell him straight up that this isn't cool. Then try to get to the root cause. If that doesn't work, it's time for some tough love.

Dark_Side

Any dude who thinks it's a good idea to steal a drunk friend's wallet, go drinking with the money, and ditch the poor drunk in the train station by himself, is not someone you should be wasting your time with. Some people are just self centered buttholes sadly, not much you can do about it.

At a minimum I would stop socially drinking with him, because you sure as hell can't trust the dude not to ditch your ass or steal your money if you get too drunk.

Liquid Hellz

Steroids or any other drug use recently? Some of that stuff can cause mood swings/attitude changes pretty fast.