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Girl, one im completely confused by.
Apolloh
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So someone told me to post this in this section of the forum, so here it goes.
I met this girl, we'll call her Kelsey, around of November of last year. We met at a party, i hit on her roommate, and failed; her roommate hated the shit out of me. From that party up until around...the middle of Feb. id say, we didn't talk much. I ran into her randomyl one day in February and we hit it off, talking about the olympics at the time, etc. ; whatever caught our fancy. I got her phone number, and added her on facebook and we began to talk more often.
So around the first week of March i decided to ask her out on a date to which she said yes. Date happened, went smashingly, and it was very obvious we liked one another. The Saturday after the date, she calls me up around midnight, drunk at a party and wants to hang out back at the dorms when i get back from the party im at. Im thinking to myself, boom goes the dynamite right? Well we get back to my place and begin to get somewhere, and she stops herself in the middle and says that shes too drunk too be sleeping with me at the time. I try and charm her back into bed, but she puts her top back on and leaves; not on a negative note by any means, i walk her back to her dorm upstairs and she gives me a great kiss goodnight.
So i had some respect for her, that she wasnt willing for her first time with me to be drunk. However, that same night, she told me while drunk that she wasnt interested in a relationship, and more of a friends with benefits type situation. Im not one to really complain about these sorts of things, but i had begun to actually like the girl, so i was semi-dissappointed.
I texted her more over the next week, and it seemed like her opinion was shifting of me. She enjoyed talking to me over text message, and when we ran into each other she was very pleasant, but almost at every turn something prevented us from hanging out again. For a full week she didnt want/was too busy to hang out with me at the time and i grew frustrated with her. So the Saturday after we hooked up i texted back and forth with her from a fraternity around campus wondering why she was being so stubborn with me, and why she didnt want to see me much anymore (with the help of alcohol of course). SHe responded wondering why i was getting so frustrated, and that she wasnt trying to blow me off, she had just been incredibly busy that week. She said that if she actually didnt want to hang out with me anymore, she would just tell me straight up like she does to other guys (which i have verified actually did happen to her ex before me).
SO basically i overreacted, and it takes about a full week before we hang out again. I talk to her roommate wondering whats up, and her roommate has nothing but hate for me so she tells me nothing and to fuck off basically. I talk to Kelsey, and she becomes flirtatious again, and we decide to hang out on Sunday. I tell her when we hang out that i wasnt trying to be clingy, and that i understood she wasnt looking for a relationship etc. So she responds by saying, listen, lets hang out tonight, give me a call.
So yesterday night, i call her, and she comes downstairs, but her roommate trails her along in a blatant attempt to cockblock me ( Kelsey even later revealed that her roommate tried to prevent her from coming downstairs). And we sit and chat for a bit, and her roommate awkwardly stands there saying nothing for the entire time. I eventually say that i was hoping to talk to Kelsey personally, and that i wasnt trying to be rude but i wanted to get a word in. Kelseys roommate hangs around for a few minutes saying that shes just going to awkwardly stand there for just a few more seconds, and then begins to slowly drift out of the room hoping that Kelsey will follow her. Kelsey didnt do it, and so she storms upstairs and angrily types a status on facebook saying how mad she is about what just happened.
Kelsey and i hook up a little bit, but midway through, she says that she thinks she should go, giggling the whole time, trying to get me to convince her to stay. But she goes eventually. Before she leaves, i tell her that i dont know how to feel about her, and that until i actually get some sort of basis for how we felt about each other id go back home for spring break and wrack my brain all week til i came back. That plus i told her that id probably think about her regardless. She told me she liked me alot, that her indecisiveness wasnt based on other guys in her life, that we should just be friends, or that i was trying to make something that wasnt there between us. So i asked her to give me something on good faith, and i leaned in and gave her a pretty fantastic kiss, probably the best one ive gotten from her. And she left.
TL; DR: I met a girl at a party, we went on a good date, she blew me off for a week, but then came over and showed me that she wasnt going to listen to her roommates opinion of me, and is obviously still attracted to me.
My question is, what do i do here, is her indecisiveness showing something here, that shes leaving herself open to other men, and using me as a safety net? Does that kiss before she left last night mean jack shit or was she actually showing me that she cared about me when i told her how i felt, and asked her to give me something on good faith?
She doesnt seem like the type to sleep around. Seeing as a guy she likes and has told upon repetition that shes attracted to, she hasnt even slept with yet, and its been nearly a month.
I met this girl, we'll call her Kelsey, around of November of last year. We met at a party, i hit on her roommate, and failed; her roommate hated the shit out of me. From that party up until around...the middle of Feb. id say, we didn't talk much. I ran into her randomyl one day in February and we hit it off, talking about the olympics at the time, etc. ; whatever caught our fancy. I got her phone number, and added her on facebook and we began to talk more often.
So around the first week of March i decided to ask her out on a date to which she said yes. Date happened, went smashingly, and it was very obvious we liked one another. The Saturday after the date, she calls me up around midnight, drunk at a party and wants to hang out back at the dorms when i get back from the party im at. Im thinking to myself, boom goes the dynamite right? Well we get back to my place and begin to get somewhere, and she stops herself in the middle and says that shes too drunk too be sleeping with me at the time. I try and charm her back into bed, but she puts her top back on and leaves; not on a negative note by any means, i walk her back to her dorm upstairs and she gives me a great kiss goodnight.
So i had some respect for her, that she wasnt willing for her first time with me to be drunk. However, that same night, she told me while drunk that she wasnt interested in a relationship, and more of a friends with benefits type situation. Im not one to really complain about these sorts of things, but i had begun to actually like the girl, so i was semi-dissappointed.
I texted her more over the next week, and it seemed like her opinion was shifting of me. She enjoyed talking to me over text message, and when we ran into each other she was very pleasant, but almost at every turn something prevented us from hanging out again. For a full week she didnt want/was too busy to hang out with me at the time and i grew frustrated with her. So the Saturday after we hooked up i texted back and forth with her from a fraternity around campus wondering why she was being so stubborn with me, and why she didnt want to see me much anymore (with the help of alcohol of course). SHe responded wondering why i was getting so frustrated, and that she wasnt trying to blow me off, she had just been incredibly busy that week. She said that if she actually didnt want to hang out with me anymore, she would just tell me straight up like she does to other guys (which i have verified actually did happen to her ex before me).
SO basically i overreacted, and it takes about a full week before we hang out again. I talk to her roommate wondering whats up, and her roommate has nothing but hate for me so she tells me nothing and to fuck off basically. I talk to Kelsey, and she becomes flirtatious again, and we decide to hang out on Sunday. I tell her when we hang out that i wasnt trying to be clingy, and that i understood she wasnt looking for a relationship etc. So she responds by saying, listen, lets hang out tonight, give me a call.
So yesterday night, i call her, and she comes downstairs, but her roommate trails her along in a blatant attempt to cockblock me ( Kelsey even later revealed that her roommate tried to prevent her from coming downstairs). And we sit and chat for a bit, and her roommate awkwardly stands there saying nothing for the entire time. I eventually say that i was hoping to talk to Kelsey personally, and that i wasnt trying to be rude but i wanted to get a word in. Kelseys roommate hangs around for a few minutes saying that shes just going to awkwardly stand there for just a few more seconds, and then begins to slowly drift out of the room hoping that Kelsey will follow her. Kelsey didnt do it, and so she storms upstairs and angrily types a status on facebook saying how mad she is about what just happened.
Kelsey and i hook up a little bit, but midway through, she says that she thinks she should go, giggling the whole time, trying to get me to convince her to stay. But she goes eventually. Before she leaves, i tell her that i dont know how to feel about her, and that until i actually get some sort of basis for how we felt about each other id go back home for spring break and wrack my brain all week til i came back. That plus i told her that id probably think about her regardless. She told me she liked me alot, that her indecisiveness wasnt based on other guys in her life, that we should just be friends, or that i was trying to make something that wasnt there between us. So i asked her to give me something on good faith, and i leaned in and gave her a pretty fantastic kiss, probably the best one ive gotten from her. And she left.
TL; DR: I met a girl at a party, we went on a good date, she blew me off for a week, but then came over and showed me that she wasnt going to listen to her roommates opinion of me, and is obviously still attracted to me.
My question is, what do i do here, is her indecisiveness showing something here, that shes leaving herself open to other men, and using me as a safety net? Does that kiss before she left last night mean jack shit or was she actually showing me that she cared about me when i told her how i felt, and asked her to give me something on good faith?
She doesnt seem like the type to sleep around. Seeing as a guy she likes and has told upon repetition that shes attracted to, she hasnt even slept with yet, and its been nearly a month.
XBLGT:Banzeye SC2: Apollo.394
Apolloh on
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The red part? Stop doing shit like that.
As for the girl part. Eh, she seems like too much trouble.
Also, when a drunk girl tells you she's too drunk to keep going, you should probably lay off, this is how rumors get started and things get way out of control. Just a tip.
I'm beginning to get an idea of why the girl's roommate doesn't like the OP. He comes off really sleazy. :?
It seems like she knows exactly what she wants, has even spelled it out for you, but you aren't hearing it. She's been pretty patient too.
Here's what you do: Don't fuck up a good thing by attaching labels and feelings to it, enjoy your time with this girl for what it is. She wants something convenient with a friend she really likes and trusts, but doesn't want a committed relationship. If something more eventually comes of it, that's great, but that shouldn't be your prime concern since it doesn't appear to be hers.
If that isn't what YOU want, I'd recommend distancing yourself for a time to clear your head before you laden the friendship with needless drama.
Good luck all the same.
There is nothing you can do about this except MAYBE apologize, you know, for decency's sake, and then leave her alone, move on and never do that ever again.
Drop her from your scope, and if she wants a relationship, just calmly tell her its in her court now.
OP, it sounds like she was still trying to be friends with you, which is funny because it sounds like every single time she's said no to you you've chosen not to respect her on her word the first time. If you continue along those lines, you probably won't even get friends.
Im reading this as: wasnt based on other guys, being friends, or making it seem there was something. She wants more than friendship, possibly.
Words like those are really dangerous. You need to watch what you say, silly goose.
It's very relevant. His actions towards her and her roommate are a very possible reason he's having issues.
You think it's ok for him to keep pressing a girl for sex when she's said no and she's drunk just because she's being a "cocktease"?
Yes we are.
Its disastrously silly-goose to try and get a girl to sleep with you when shes drunk and has already said no.
Just don't do it. Its incredibly slimey.
In bedroom she says she changed her mind, boy tries to make sure. shes says no, its dropped.
Execute the OP.
He's not saying that anyway, we weren't there, and I don't get the impression that OP was in high school educational film sexual pressuring mode here, still that is fairly dicey territory to get into, and it is a fine line between charming/flirting and getting your ass thrown in jail. But multiple people have told him that's bad now anyway.
As to the situation you outlined OP, there are parts of it that really scream to me that she's just playing with you. But I don't know, your best option is to let her come to you. Make an initial call, throw out a line, and if she bites take it, but if you feel like you're getting blown off, then move on to the next girl, it's college after all, there are millions of them.
Hey changing the situation makes the situation sound better! Thats amazing. Heres what he actually said:
Thats not trying to make sure of her decision, thats just flat out trying to change her decision when shes drunk and has said no.
DO NOT DO THIS. IT IS WRONG.
And she never said she wanted to be just friends, i may have worded it wrong: when i asked her why she was being unresponsive at times, i asked her if it was because she wanted just to be friends, she said no.
So i didnt get why she wanted to leave honestly. She was comfortable enough to make out with me and do random stuff yesterday, but she left in the middle. I asked her a bunch of questions as to why (other guys etc) and she responded with "i dont know" alot.
Help me decipher.
Bunch of helpful posts though guys. Hope you guys dont think i tried to sexually assault this girl.
XBLGT:Banzeye SC2: Apollo.394
WHAT?! What does that even mean? Along with the much discussed red part, you really need to check your attitude towards women, and the way you talk to them in a public forum outside of your frat house.
You're acting like a crazy person with this girl. You hook up with her on Saturday, then harass her for the next week and explode on her the next Saturday for not hanging out with you again? Finally you get a chance to see her - turn it completely into a hook-up, and then pour your heart out to her because you can't bear to be without her over spring break?
What have you done to show her you're not just using her for sex? that you're a stand-up guy who isn't going to push her to the side after you've gotten what you wanted?
Ultimately, you need to grow up a little bit. It's obvious from your post that you're a little immature and don't know how to treat women properly. What does being drunk at a frat house have to do with texting her? Why would you need alcohol to have a normal conversation with her? How's she supposed to feel about you texting only when you're hammered?
Besides, i got frustated that Saturday night because i had been blown off on consecutive occassions. I didnt use profanity or be generally disrespectful towards her, it was basically just a big "What gives?".
And ive done alot to show her im a standup guy, ive asked her out on a second date and she replied with "No committed relationship lol." And ive respected that, i havent been going up to her every day begging for her to accept a date.
XBLGT:Banzeye SC2: Apollo.394
Here's the thing, you have no reason to be upset with her. She doesn't belong to you and has zero obligation to you. She can blow you off as much as she wants, it's your own fault for hanging around like a silly goose. You do need to grow up a little as has been previously stated.
Why are you so hung up on her?
Because she's rejecting him. :P
Ah, so youre saying because we're not in a committed relationship she doesn't owe me jack. And basically i ruined a possibly good thing because i encroached on her space when i had absolutely no reason to.
And thats an excellent question Dibs.
XBLGT:Banzeye SC2: Apollo.394
What? Surely someone might be upset at another for being a flake? He likes said girl and girl ignores/distances herself from him, yet simultaneously continues hanging out and "hooking up". That sounds like a logical reason to me, even if the reason for her actions is pretty clear.
The reason being, I assume, that she is unclear on her own feeling regarding the subject and is waiting to see how they develop.
XBLGT:Banzeye SC2: Apollo.394
He can be upset, but he has no right to take that out on her.
I have a feeling there's a lot not being said here. OP seems a little oblivious.
I'd think you were pretty sleazy and I'd tell her to stay away from you. Exactly what her roommate is doing.
Edited for politeness.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
What needs to be filled in?
And to the person that said that i wasnt drunk, i was pretty much there. So its not like i was taking advantage of her, she removed the top herself and then decided against sleeping with me.
Theres alot of assumptions going on so maybe there is more i need to tell but im not quite sure what else.
XBLGT:Banzeye SC2: Apollo.394
I'm not trying to be mean, but it seems like you're actually reading the advice in this thread so I wanted to point this out to you.
These two statements, taken together, engender a tremendous double standard on your part. You wanted to have sex, and tried to convince her to do so, but then say that you have "some" respect for her since she turned you down.
If she had sex with you, would you still have had respect for her? The implication is that you wouldn't. Would you have had respect for yourself? Why is it ok for you to want to have sex with her, but she needs to refuse in order to earn your respect?
Also, for the love of god, please don't ever use the phrase "boom goes the dynamite" in this context ever again. Not even in your internal monologue.
I know you're not trying to be mean.
Anyways, i already had respect for her before that Saturday. I took her out on a date two nights before hoping to make headway into a relationship, i wanted to get to know her as a person, not just some friend i wanted to sleep with on occasion. The reason why i mentioned that bit the next day after she turned me down was because it showed self control on her part, especially under the influence of alcohol. Its not often i meet people (guys and girls) who have much self control when theyre drunk whatsoever.
Alot of the reason why i texted her and got so frustrated was because i thought that i had shown her respect, and she wasnt paying it back by blowing me off and then keeping me subsequently on the hook. I found out through other people that its not how she operates at all, which is why i met up with her yesterday morning for breakfast and apologized for the fact that i was being a jackass.
Far as i know shes accepted it. But what i dont know is how she really feels about me.
XBLGT:Banzeye SC2: Apollo.394
I would give the same advice to the OP. Relax. Women change their minds; so do men. Find someone else and stop worrying about what she's thinking because it doesn't matter. What's done is done, let it go.
Does it really matter? Do you want to chase a girl that either a) Is not into you, b) Likes you but likes fucking with your feelings equally, or c) Likes you and is oblivious to your feelings?
From what I've read it's probably A. Just let it go, stop dwelling on this girl, there's lots of other nice ones out there with whom you won't have to guess and agonize yourself over how they feel about you. Look forward, go forward, leave this shit behind.
You're way over thinking this. Just back off and put the ball in her court.
2 drunk people having sex does not make the guy a rapist and the girl a delicate little flower who was taken advantage of and had no control over the situation. Him being flirty or erm "seductive" to try and get her back into bed is not pressuring her into sex.
Anyway, she doesn't have to hang out with you, but she also shouldn't be stringing you along the way she obviously has been. It is common decency. If she isn't really interested she should say so, but at the same time you are stupid if you continue to play some kind of game on only her terms. I just don't understand why you'd waste your time.
Your first two paragraphs show you clearly haven't read anything anyone said about that particular situation at all.
The third is fairly spot on.
Calling him sleazy, skeezy and any other variant of unsafe for drunk girls to be around is apparently just fine, especially if you read a paragraph on the situation. I believe you were the very first to make this assertion.
Good point.
Leave it behind, and if shes into me, then i'll be able to play the game on my terms instead of fighting myself over this.
XBLGT:Banzeye SC2: Apollo.394
Also, take it from a guy who has seen it first-hand - when a girl says no, just stop whatever it is you're doing. Avoid any ambiguity in those situations, because the consequences can be serious. Yeah, maybe it's a double-standard, maybe it's not fair, maybe she's just playing around, and maybe rainbows shit unicorns. None of that is really relevant. The risk:reward on this one is blatantly obvious. You are clearly not trying to rape women left and right, so just learn from this one. You can already see how people on the boards are reacting to your offhand comment. Imagine how, say, her brother might feel if he saw what you were doing. Grats on the life lesson.
BOOM goes the dynamite indeed.
Play it cool, sharp shooter, and for GODS SAKE dont act like you need her.
indifference makes the beast go wild