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So it's come to this: video game escorts. The site somehow hasn't died yet.
cloudeagle
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
If you're on this forum, you're well aware that stereotypes against gamers continue to exist. Awkward, sexist, doesn't know what to do around women. As gaming continues to evolve and become more accepted by the masses, these stereotypes continue to fade.
...that is, until the announcement of Gamecrush, which is so utterly embarrassing it should erase a good decade or so of progress.
What is Gamecrush? Well, it's a place where Players pay money to play video games with PlayDates. PlayDates get paid to do this thing and are, of course, chicks. There are apparently 1,200 to choose from (found via Craigslist) when it launches this week. Sadly I'm not making this up.
According to IGN, which of course lapped this up like a kitten on milk:
Does it get worse? Oh my yes.
Riiiight. And when you pay that $300 to an escort from the back pages of the alternative magazine, you don't pay for sex, but what the two of you choose to do is up to you.
By the way, this thing is going to turn into a generator of Z-grade female gaming celebrities. How? By careful, text-only interviews with the girls to determine how intelligent, insightful and witty they are, as well as how well they represent gaming as a whole.
....haha! I am of course kidding.
Naturally IGN, with their high journalistic standards, exposes this for the degrading experience it is.
http://xboxlive.ign.com/articles/107/1079073p1.html
Wheeee! Finally, the dreams of geeks can come true! Or they can exchange money for shame, whichever. The site is apparently www.gamecrush.com, though it's not up yet.
...that is, until the announcement of Gamecrush, which is so utterly embarrassing it should erase a good decade or so of progress.
What is Gamecrush? Well, it's a place where Players pay money to play video games with PlayDates. PlayDates get paid to do this thing and are, of course, chicks. There are apparently 1,200 to choose from (found via Craigslist) when it launches this week. Sadly I'm not making this up.
According to IGN, which of course lapped this up like a kitten on milk:
Guys can browse PlayDate profiles (there are currently around 1,200), view photos, and even chat with girls for free. Publicityhazard's turn ons include vibrating controllers, for instance, and is turned off by three red lights. Once you find a gal you fancy you send her a game invite and if she accepts you get six to ten minutes of one-on-one gaming time. PlayDates have the ability to block any guy they want for any reason. When the service launches tomorrow it will only support the Xbox 360 and a few casual games hosted on the GameCrush website, but there are plans to add PlayStation 3, Wii, and World of Warcraft support as soon as possible.
Does it get worse? Oh my yes.
It's not an explicitly explicit service, but PlayDates set their gaming mood to either "flirty" or "dirty." What the two of you chat about is entirely up to you. Signing up is free, but you must purchase credits in order to get your game on. For $8.25 you get 500 credits, which is enough for one game (400 credits) and a 100 credit tip at the end. An Xbox Live game will last 10 minutes, while a casual Flash game will get you six minutes of face time with your PlayDate. That's literal face time, because you can video chat with your lady while playing a casual Flash game. Again, what goes on in that video chat is up to you and your PlayDate. GameCrush says it modeled its pricing structure after the cost of buying a girl a drink at a bar. In a bar, you're basically buying the opportunity to chat a girl up. GameCrush is hoping players will look at their service the same way.
Riiiight. And when you pay that $300 to an escort from the back pages of the alternative magazine, you don't pay for sex, but what the two of you choose to do is up to you.
By the way, this thing is going to turn into a generator of Z-grade female gaming celebrities. How? By careful, text-only interviews with the girls to determine how intelligent, insightful and witty they are, as well as how well they represent gaming as a whole.
....haha! I am of course kidding.
After a session you can rate your PlayDate on her hotness, gaming skill, and flirtiness. The highest-rated girls will receive preferred placement on the site. GameCrush is assembling a team of its most highly regarded PlayDates called JaneCrush, which should be similar to Ubisoft's Fragdolls. Members of JaneCrush will generate content for the site like blogs and editorials. GameCrush wants to turn its most popular girls into gaming stars.
Naturally IGN, with their high journalistic standards, exposes this for the degrading experience it is.
During an early demo of the service I played a couple casual games with PlayDate Ambibambi23. She was a nice girl (and totally kicked my ass in both pool and Battleship, btw) but her boyfriend was hanging out behind her and she made mention of him a couple times. Her game mood is set to "flirty," but there was zero flirting going on. I can imagine some guys might be disappointed if they paid to play with a girl, only to hear her go on and on about her boyfriend -- and even have to see the guy during a video chat. I gave Ambibambi23 high marks for her gaming skill but dinged her for her lack of flirtiness.
http://xboxlive.ign.com/articles/107/1079073p1.html
Wheeee! Finally, the dreams of geeks can come true! Or they can exchange money for shame, whichever. The site is apparently www.gamecrush.com, though it's not up yet.
Switch: 3947-4890-9293
cloudeagle on
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Posts
16X Combo
You like that don't you
Give it to me on Hard difficulty
Unf unf unf unf
That does not change the fact that I am dumbfounded by what I'm reading.
I suppose if I don't use a webcam I can pretend to be a girl.
All my reviews will come back, "sounds like doctor girlfriend"
All I hope is that this makes Live a safer place for normal women, as maybe, just maybe, weirdos will migrate to a service where someone giggles politely instead of muting them.
Then, if you preorder your video game escort, you'll get a text message saying when you can go pick her up
And the next day Jimmy's planet was destroyed by aliens. Can you guess which planet Jimmy's was?
IT WAS EARTH!
DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ROBOTS!
My Backloggery
and you wake up afterward with a massive headache and all of your DLC is missing from your HD.
You think that's ugly
Wait until you see the used gaming escort section GameStop is already planning
Also your xbox is in a tub of ice.
*FACEPALM HARDER*
Snowballs in peril! Action/Puzzle = Snowball's Chance E1 (it's free now!)
EDIT: On a slightly more serious note, don't they already have host clubs in Japan to specifically do this kind of thing? The otaku-oriented gothic loli maids and all that?
Not as bad as the weirdo stuff on the planned service on the PSN. I hear that one'll be based out of Japan.
It hurts.
omfg
Edit: Of course someone already made this joke.
i can think of a few
"pathetic"
"revolting"
You talk clean and bomb hospitals, so I speak with the foulest mouth possible
/hooker
:winky:
I kinda of want to give it a try... purposefully continue to lose against the whore *cough* I mean girl gamer, and then go fuckin nuts. Start screaming at her and accuse her of cheating, then rage-quit.
If I do do this (if me and my friends get drunk enough) I'll be sure to post it on these forums so that all can enjoy.
I can guarantee we're gonna see allot of similar pranks and I can't wait!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAySB7-Mzqo
Can't wait till the girls meet this guy!
Image by Sharpwriter on deviantart.com
Seriously preview picture guy, no wonder you have to play Battleship with women online
You're lamer than Franklin Roosevelt
Man, if I could order Pizza's whilst playing PSN or XBL, that would be awesome
Shit, I'd be happy with just being able to get my laundry done or my bills sent off while playing
How was this NOT thought of before?
The money this makes will be criminal.
3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
Yes, even play video games
Oh my god how depraved
Chris Tucker in drag.
Chris Tucker in drag yelling "Whats wrong with youuuuu!" when you connect.
3DS: 1521-4165-5907
PS3: KayleSolo
Live: Kayle Solo
WiiU: KayleSolo
You talk clean and bomb hospitals, so I speak with the foulest mouth possible
All it did was open the website. I'll admit that I would have used this feature had it literally let you order from in game. I don't think it's reaching to assume people who play(ed) EQ probably liked to order pizza. Assuming people on XBL need girlfriends is a bit more ridiculous.
Actually it probably isn't, but it's still a stupid and demeaning service.
Now I'm going to ask you some questions... and I want to have them answered immediately
Who is your daddy and what does he do