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how do you find friends...
chasmosis
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
So I'm a mid 30's geek. Married (happily) 2 1/2 kids. Live 20 min S of St. Louis metro area.
Grew up in Rural SE MO, pre-internet. Fairly introverted. Don't Care much about what other folks think usually. Don't like crowds or bars. I drink some but not much.
These days I'm a computer guy, System Admin, at a fair sized company. Pretty good at my job. Have a number of work friends.
Really very few friends outside of work and none local.
Don't like sports. I like geek stuff: computer games (even though I don't play a lot), science fiction, PA, PVP. Never played D&D but I had a bunch of the manuals when I was a kid (can't remember the edition). Wouldn't mind getting involved in a weekly or once every 2 week game night but no idea how to find a group.
I've tried surfing the web for ??? and haven't found anything promising, considered CraigsList but not really that interested in getting propositioned for gay sex (not that there's anything wrong with that).
So how do you find friends (in the real world)?
Grew up in Rural SE MO, pre-internet. Fairly introverted. Don't Care much about what other folks think usually. Don't like crowds or bars. I drink some but not much.
These days I'm a computer guy, System Admin, at a fair sized company. Pretty good at my job. Have a number of work friends.
Really very few friends outside of work and none local.
Don't like sports. I like geek stuff: computer games (even though I don't play a lot), science fiction, PA, PVP. Never played D&D but I had a bunch of the manuals when I was a kid (can't remember the edition). Wouldn't mind getting involved in a weekly or once every 2 week game night but no idea how to find a group.
I've tried surfing the web for ??? and haven't found anything promising, considered CraigsList but not really that interested in getting propositioned for gay sex (not that there's anything wrong with that).
So how do you find friends (in the real world)?
chasmosis on
0
Posts
Join clubs, go do stuff, get out more.
It's not a trite answer it's really how people interact. Take me for example. I'm on staff with some local sci-fi and anime conventions, volunteer to build sets at a community theater, go to ren faires, and go shooting at the range every now and then. You get out, you meet people with similar interests, so on and so forth.
Don't be afraid to be the new face in the room.
You're near St Louis... I know there's some sci-fi clubs there, a costume club (SLCG, which ran Costume Con 25), kawakon, and probably some nice games stores that have tourneys.
One of the best ways to meet people in the fandom community is to find that one game store that has a ton of scenery for tabletop gaming; the one with lots of tables and really sells more pop then game stuff. There seems to be one in every major city. That's where you find the people who know people. Hang out, watch some games, maybe join in (but don't let them talk you into buying an army, you'll fall into their hobbies and trust me table top gaming is an EXPENSIVE hobby... even compared to shooting; even with $1 .223 bullets guns are still a cheaper hobby then games workshop figs).
That's how you meet people. Get out and do stuff you haven't tried before with people you don't know yet.
What you don't want to do however is rely on one-time events. Conventions themselves are bad social settings when you don't know anybody. You want activities that involve repeated exposure to the same people... like volunteering for example.
Edit: how far are you wanting to go? I grew up 20 minutes east of STL (in Illinois) and could probably put you in touch with gamers there, but that might be a bit of a drive for you.
For D&D though you could cruise your local comic shop for groups or check meetup.com. There are non gay sex related things on craigslist but it really depends on where you live.
I googled it
Fair enough. Guess its a defense mechanism. I guess even the statement itself is a defense type thing. So if I'm being honest if I didn't care what other thought, wouldn't be asking here.
I guess more realistically, the world is so full of people so different then myself that would never be interested is ANYTHING I'm interested in and that I'll never need to see other than momentary contact in public that I don't care about what those kinds of folks think.
I do in fact care what a community I'm involved with thinks.
Thanks for the direction to meetup (and to the other responder for the link to stl d&d meetup). That wasn't something I'd even thought of.
I won't bring your wife into this. Chances are some random slimeball will start hitting on your wife.
Also, your wife might have second thoughts about your marriage due to your lack of social skills.
Uh, what the fuck? This is sexist as hell. Wow... just wow.
Your wife isn't some object that requires your protection. She is a person. Therefore, she can probably deal with those "slimeballs" if they hit on her.
Not trying to start anything, but I never imply that his wife requires protection in such a case. I'm just suggest that it might happen.
She might reject the advances, or she might welcome it. It is worth the gamble?
I hope this doesn't come off as me assuming you are a cold person. I was very antisocial, previously, and still consider myself a fair amount introverted. I'm pretty nice though, and just made a conscious effort to let that show more. Took my headphones off, smiled at people more, engaged more conversations. At this point, I only have a few friends who are totally invested and interested in the same stuff. You may be sort of surprised who you relate too, if you open up.
There is no gamble. His wife being in random harmless social situations is not a gamble. Thats goosery to suggest, there's nothing in the thread that calls for it as a warning.
Yeah man, just keep her locked up indoors away from other people, since you never know when she may get hit on.
I suggest a burkha.
And shackles, also a cat'0'nine tails for good measure.
OP - GothicLargo said what I would have. Try something you don't ever do like habitat for humanity or a food kitchen. Also, meetup.com is very relevant.
But seriously, even if you can't find people in your area with similar interests, you could always try to develop other interests.
Try new things. Retry things you've tried in the past but didn't like, it's entirely possible you might like them a second go around.
As another introvert, I can tell you that to find friends, no matter what environment you meet people in, you are going to have step outside of your comfort zone, maybe quite a long way outside of that zone. You have to ask people questions, smile, and genuinely be interested in them in order to connect with folks.
I think this is very important. Some may disagree, but one-off events usually aren't enough time to make a new friend. And if you hang around one person hoping to force a friendship, that's ultra creepy...
Invite someone to come do something with you.
but they're listening to every word I say
Ahhh, should have been more specific. Really don't care to watch or discuss at length professional sports on TV. Just doesn't interest me.
As far as playing sports, I'm not against it, just bad at it. I like to swim and go fishing (bad at fishing but I like to do it). Usually fishing from a boat not from shore so it has its built in isolation there
I appreciate everyones honest input.
So badly want to crawl back into my hole (cronic lurker).
The last group of friends that I met was in a class. We'd get together every saturday with a common interest, and spend 3 hours together, friendship and strange adventures followed.
I highly suggest to join a club or a class.
I've met a ton of people taking classes, but unless you're talking about adult ed you're going to have to sit around a LOT of very whiny kids.
You can find clubs out there for anything, and if you can't find what you're looking for, make it.