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Pre-mature ejaculation, anyone had this problem?
altgasm
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Yes this is an alt, some of my friends post here.
So, yeah. I had a girlfriend for about 2 years in high school, we had sex a lot, it was great, no problems.
Got to college, since then I've had sex with two girls, and pretty much every time I came incredibly early. Like, oh we are just getting started having sex this is coo - oh, sorry. The second girl I really liked, had sex with her like 5 or 6 times, every time except one I came way too early. The other girl I had sex with three times, once I didn't cum early, and it was because the condom was really tight. I even got to have sex with my ex once and instead of this passionate, I missed you so much love making, I came early.
So, now, I've had all these really bad experiences with sex, in a row. The second girl was basically just like, "So, I want to fuck you, what is wrong with you? Why can't you fuck me." So now, whenever I start being physical with a girl, the first feeling I get is one of incredible apprehension. I can just feel this incredible nervousness in my chest, I can't relax at all, I just get insanely worried about it. Even imagining it kind of gives me that feeling.
I think this was caused by how much I used to masturbate, but I doubt I was that much off the charts, I'm probably pretty normal.
So now, I'm not an ugly guy, I'm pretty cool, in college, and these girls want to fuck me, and basically I turn them down because I don't want to spend all this time building it up and then get back to their place and cum in like thirty seconds.
I just don't know what to do. Even just thinking about this problem gets me incredibly apprehensive, I feel like if I even imagine having sex with a girl, the emotion that I'm really feeling isn't lust or desire, but worrying about cumming. I feel that if I let go of that nervousness, then I'll cum.
Honestly I'm just totally fucking lost. It's really bad. I feel like I'm kind of scarred honestly. I had this super hot girl last year ready to have sex with me and I just came early every time, like 6 times or so over a period of two weeks and it was incredibly awkward and basically ruined anything that could have happened between us. My ex that I'm still really into and I got caught up in a moment of passion and bam, I ruined it. This girl I've been kind of seeing keeps inviting me to crash at her place and I've basically just been turning her down.
So yeah, now I just have no idea what to do. Do I stop masturbating? Keep masturbating but try and train myself to last longer that way? Think about having sex with girls to try and allow myself to be relaxed when it happens? Totally shut it out of my mind? Keep having sex with girls and just keep cumming early, and deal with it?
Honestly if any guy here has had this problem and has gotten over it I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO HEAR ANYTHING THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. PLEASE.
Thanks guys, I'll really take any advice I can get. I'll try anything.
So, yeah. I had a girlfriend for about 2 years in high school, we had sex a lot, it was great, no problems.
Got to college, since then I've had sex with two girls, and pretty much every time I came incredibly early. Like, oh we are just getting started having sex this is coo - oh, sorry. The second girl I really liked, had sex with her like 5 or 6 times, every time except one I came way too early. The other girl I had sex with three times, once I didn't cum early, and it was because the condom was really tight. I even got to have sex with my ex once and instead of this passionate, I missed you so much love making, I came early.
So, now, I've had all these really bad experiences with sex, in a row. The second girl was basically just like, "So, I want to fuck you, what is wrong with you? Why can't you fuck me." So now, whenever I start being physical with a girl, the first feeling I get is one of incredible apprehension. I can just feel this incredible nervousness in my chest, I can't relax at all, I just get insanely worried about it. Even imagining it kind of gives me that feeling.
I think this was caused by how much I used to masturbate, but I doubt I was that much off the charts, I'm probably pretty normal.
So now, I'm not an ugly guy, I'm pretty cool, in college, and these girls want to fuck me, and basically I turn them down because I don't want to spend all this time building it up and then get back to their place and cum in like thirty seconds.
I just don't know what to do. Even just thinking about this problem gets me incredibly apprehensive, I feel like if I even imagine having sex with a girl, the emotion that I'm really feeling isn't lust or desire, but worrying about cumming. I feel that if I let go of that nervousness, then I'll cum.
Honestly I'm just totally fucking lost. It's really bad. I feel like I'm kind of scarred honestly. I had this super hot girl last year ready to have sex with me and I just came early every time, like 6 times or so over a period of two weeks and it was incredibly awkward and basically ruined anything that could have happened between us. My ex that I'm still really into and I got caught up in a moment of passion and bam, I ruined it. This girl I've been kind of seeing keeps inviting me to crash at her place and I've basically just been turning her down.
So yeah, now I just have no idea what to do. Do I stop masturbating? Keep masturbating but try and train myself to last longer that way? Think about having sex with girls to try and allow myself to be relaxed when it happens? Totally shut it out of my mind? Keep having sex with girls and just keep cumming early, and deal with it?
Honestly if any guy here has had this problem and has gotten over it I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO HEAR ANYTHING THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY. PLEASE.
Thanks guys, I'll really take any advice I can get. I'll try anything.
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Otherwise, switch up positions as much as you can, dont be afraid to stop and take a break and go back to kissing, that kind of thing.
Just throwing out suggestions here.
Odds are it is anxiety and you need affirmation that it is OK. However, that might not be the case.
I used to have problems where I would last one or two minutes but I am fairly sure it was anxiety at the time.
It helped me to masturbate before a date or a night when I knew I might get some.
This can be difficult to diagnose.
I'd say this is your problem. Just relax and enjoy the moment. Considering you haven't actually had sex that many times (now, this is coming from a guy who's had none, so don't take that the wrong way) you still haven't gotten used to it- it sounds like that is why you're so nervous.
Now, you're focusing on your problem to such a degree that you're actually exacerbating the situation. You seem to be doing a sort of "self fulfilling prophecy" thing at the moment; you're worried you won't last long so, of course, you don't last long.
That said, this isn't something to beat your self up about, getting stressed out is not the solution. Just take some breathers and positive attitude with you and you'll be fine. You may still do your thing early but you have options. 1) go down on her- you finished, let her finish too and 2) get yourself going again. Typically the second time you should last longer.
thirdly, just explain to the girl and if she's understanding, she's a keeper. If she's not, then you probably don't want to be with her in the first place.
How would you like it if a girl you were could only have sex for two minutes or so leaving you unsatisfied every time? Don't turn this around on the girl if she's not having any of it.
EDIT: But, OP. Just relax, maybe wear thicker condoms, and most importantly get her off first before you even think about having intercourse with her.
Also, what everyone else has said. Just relax, masturbate before a date if there's a chance for sex, and get her off in other ways.
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What?
No, i mean explain that you are having premature ejaculation problems, and a history of them. Its not the girls fault but if you tell her about your past then you two could work through it. If she has a problem with it and gets upset at him for it or whatever, then its her loss- I mean, as much as sex is about both partners, if she doesn't care about him she's being selfish. And that is not someone you want to be your partner. You want someone who is understanding and wanting to help you through your issues like this.
Obviously he should want her to be fullfilled andsatisfied but if that's all she wants and doesn't care about his problems then she isn't someone he should be with.
Some people don't feel like taking the time to work through things like that. That doesn't make them bad people, they just have other priorities in life. It doesn't sound like the OP is doing much of anything at all to satisfy his partners at all, otherwise they wouldn't be leaving him left and right.
And I would agree- Which Is why I said this:
And I'm saying that these girls are not being selfish because the OP is not doing his duty in bed. They have every right to leave him. He sounds like the one who isn't a keeper.
EDIT: I guess I'm confused, because if you agree with me, you wouldn't have even said that about the girls.
This came up in one lecture or another earlier this year. This is basically your best bet.
I'm saying that, if he wants to work through his problem he'll probably need an understanding girl to help him with it. That doesn't mean she can't leave because he's not doing his part :P
It's called "foreplay", not "postplay".
Also, no girl is going to think you have stamina when you cum in two minutes or less. I'm pretty sure most guys can go twice in a matter of 15 to 30 minutes.
Get her on up to where she's already climaxing, then go ahead and stick it in and do your two minutes thing, she'll be so happy about her orgasm she'll never know the difference.
Don't really know why more than this needs to be said.
Question: Is your orgasm pleasurable? Is it a regular orgasm, just earlier than you expect it? The reason I ask is I have heard of people who "orgasm", as in jizz and go limp, without the orgasmic feeling, just a regular boring feeling. If you get pleasure from it, and she gets off as well, before-hand preferably, then just relax, you'll start to get more comfortable and last longer.
Step 1: Foreplay, get her off
Step 2: Relax, and have some sex
Step 3: Post-play/foreplay for round 2
Repeat steps 2 and 3 as desired.
Yeah dude I can totally see it working
"Yeah, sorry about that... you see, every single girl I've fucked so far, I've come early. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just that I sleep with really hot girls, you know? But hey that just means you're hot too!!"
but they're listening to every word I say
Or, you could explain it in a rational and mature manner. Like, I don't know, an adult.
Numbing condoms are so full of fail.
OP were you wearing rubbers with your long term girlfriend? When I first started doing the horizontal mambo with my first girlfriend I was quick on the trigger. I wrote it all off to inexperience and nervousness, but eventually I came to realize it was at least partially because the off-the-rack jimmy hats were way too tight.
Getting ones that fit properly was a godsend as far as duration goes.
OP, it sounds like you're just interested in short-term, physically charged relationships here. All power to you, but it's definately your nerves that are making you cum early. Lighten up, relax, and have fun. If you're nervous about cumming early, you're going to cum early.
It's kind of annoying advice, because I'm sure you've already thought of that.
Seems like this would be found in a girl who's understanding, not necessarily a soul mate, just a mature girl.
Either:
Nip to the bathroom and crack one out just before
Go down on her and masturbate, make sure you're hard again by the time she comes. Go nuts.
Fuck her twice
You will get mad endurance second time round. You will get mad props for being awesome. She will tell all her friends. They will all want on some of that. You will be balls deep in great sex.
In a less macho tone, have you tried various positions, girl on top is often less directly stimulating for a guy, you might have some more luck there. Maybe 'get into your groove' and then try switching it up a bit.
I don't really get all the hate for explaining things like a rational adult. You all do know that women can be rational, reasonable people, right? OP, seriously, if you're lookin' for more serious love...don't be afraid to sit down and talk it out with your future girlfriend when you're comfortable enough to. If my boyfriend had this issue I'd be like "really? Ok. Well, let's work around it." It doesn't really seem like a relationship killer to me at all.
The other advice in the thread sounds good too, as far as less stimulating positions, etc. etc.
I'm not talking whips and spikes though, try a bit and see if it helps at all (I bite my arm or she scratches my back), escalate if you need to. Don't need to draw blood, just need to get your mind off of it.
Have you also tried thinking about something completely non-sexy? Try everything, boring, exciting, disgusting and see what works for you.
Also, high five for getting laid.
Seriously.
This is actually some pretty good advice - THC makes girls horny as hell, and dulls down men's sex drives.
Eh, doesn't always work that way, it personally makes me super sleepy and the last thing I want to do is have sex.
Also, noting this for everyone exclaiming "Oh duh just get her off through other means BEFORE the sex". There are a lot of girls who will not get off through fingers or oral or whatever. Sex is sometimes the golden egg.
OP, don't let this whole situation get to you, it WILL make it worse. I think you have two choices here;
Find a girl who does understand, and work with her to get you over your mental and physical hump so sex isn't so intimidating. You really might just need a lot of practice to make you used to the feeling of sex, and you'll hopefully get more lasting ability that way.
Alternatively, have the sex with these girls that you want to, do what you can to make it good, and over time get experience that way for the same hopeful results as the first option.
I personally think your issue is rather normal, and you just need to get desensitized to the sensations of sex to keep yourself going longer.
I think that's the real ticket. If you're with these girls on an emotional level then a good one will work with you. If you're just with them to get off, then whats the issue?
A rather larger majority of girls have a much harder time getting off through just penetration. Clitoral stimulation is the number one way. Why do you think when watching porn, most girls are rubbing and not penetrating when masturbating? This also comes from talking to my friends, 99% of whom are female. Penetration is the least likely way to get the woman off.
Man, don't do this.
You should never have to cut off your enjoyment just for the sake of staying longer. I think what's happening here is that you're focusing too much on the intercourse part of the encounter...which, I guess is what everyone else is saying too. You gotta relax, and that means not caring. Just focus on doing stuff for her, hope that she focuses on doing stuff for you, and eventually it should all come naturally.
e: Also do not forget that a vagina is designed quite specifically to coax a penis into orgasm just as efficiently as possible, so you're kind of fighting an uphill battle here.
Very true. In fact, something like 99% of the nerve endings in a woman's genitals are bundled up in her clitoris and around the first inch or so of her vaginal opening. I'm pretty sure we have a thread on this (tips and tricks?) somewhere...I'm gonna go look.
e: Okay I'm pretty sure it's this one. I only skimmed the first page though so I may be mistaken.
I meant to say, that sex plus clitoral stimulation=orgasm. Don't get me wrong, oral and finger play is great for warming up and I do love it to bits, but does it really surprise you to think that girls would then WANT the intercourse portion as well?
I know, personal opinion and all that, but as far as I go, if my BF made a habit of just hitting me with foreplay and than NOT getting to the penis sexing, I'd be frustrated. Why? Because as I said, clit+sexing=good times for me.
I mean, my point was really to elaborate on the constant repeated claim I see on here that seems to be that girls just LOVE the oral and it's all about "getting her off beforehand." That isn't going to work for every girl. You might not be able to get her off that way. She might WANT TO BE SCREWED and will wonder why after all that hard work you're now giving her a minute or two of railing.
I feel shocked that I have to even explain this.
What are you feeling shocked about? We already told the OP to make sure he gets the girl off (and seriously, I've never been down on a girl who I couldn't get off that way) and then do his thing. His "thing" in general lasts only a split second, so what pleasure is the girl going to derive from that anyway? If he wants he can explain before hand about his issue and maybe the girl will understand. If she is the kind of girl who really NEEDS the penetration (and it is a great thing I'm sure), then her and the OP are obviously not compatible.
The end result is that in the long run the OP needs to work on his stamina (relaxing, jerking off beforehand, kegels, whatever) more than anything. Ultimately that's what's going to undo him. This is his problem, not the girl's. She shouldn't have to lift a finger to help him out.
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Esh I think for the most part we agree and are saying the same thing. My issue is more rooted in the general feeling I pick up on in these threads and others about sex that seem to imply that oral and foreplay are all a girl needs/wants and that penetration isn't the big deal. I disagree on that portion, and as I suggested to the OP as you did, he does need to find a way to build up stamina somehow.
Yes, I think an understanding lady friend would be the better solution, since she will hand in hand give him the practice and experience as well as remove the stress he associates with sex performance.
As a side note, I doubt I'm in the minority when it comes to enjoying oral/foreplay but not getting off on it.
No one is saying that that is all she needs. We're just saying it's a pretty damn sure bet to deliver it since the OP can't satisfy in the actual act.
Also whacking it before you go out will help. Though to be honest I have the opposite problem, I need to build supplies for a few days before I'm on the job. Anyway good luck dude, sex is a headfuck when you're in your teens/early 20's. I'd tell you to relax but we both know that's not going to work.
Also, and this is important, if you feel comfortable enough with a girl and she doesn't seem like a total bitch, talk to her about it and get some techniques going that work fopr both of you. Seriously most relationships are total fuck ups because the guy and girl can't get over themselves long enough to just talk about what's going on in their heads.
EDIT: Oh and sex is different for everyone, so y'know don't take everything as gospel here. The talking bit is the most important and finding out what you both like and dislike.
and also I didn't realise I had repeated pretty well much everyone what had already said. Consider me redundant. :oops:
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