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Girlfriend freaking out over nothing
jungleroomx
It's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovelsRegistered User regular
It's never too many graves, it's always not enough shovelsRegistered User regular
So the other day I was goin through my phone. I noticed all the old pictures I had from the previous phone on there in a different folder, so I start goin through them. One of them was a picture of Jaime Koeppe in a bikini, a picture I've probably had on my card for several months before I even met this girl.
She starts gettin all freaked out over it, even goes so far as to post something on Facebook comparing the picture to something her other boyfriend did, which was cheat on her, although she doesn't name names or address anything specifically. It's all vague.
So I ask her about the Facebook thing, she says she doesn't remember (bullshit, she remembers everything), and shes been acting standoffish about the whole deal.
Am I nuts? I'm considering two courses of action here, but I'm just tryin to get the opinion of people who aren't within my group of friends and co workers.
She starts gettin all freaked out over it, even goes so far as to post something on Facebook comparing the picture to something her other boyfriend did, which was cheat on her, although she doesn't name names or address anything specifically. It's all vague.
So I ask her about the Facebook thing, she says she doesn't remember (bullshit, she remembers everything), and shes been acting standoffish about the whole deal.
Am I nuts? I'm considering two courses of action here, but I'm just tryin to get the opinion of people who aren't within my group of friends and co workers.
jungleroomx on
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If she's like this all the time, though, then you need to have a serious discussion with her, because major insecurity and over the top jealousy can easily ruin the entire relationship.
Talk to her about it, apologise and make her understand that you feel she overreacted (which should garner an apology from her too).
She didn't ask, but she's been doing continuous guilt trips since.
I told her it was old, its not even someone I could possibly ever meet, and no bueno.
It IS an isolated incident, but I'm not going to apologize for having a sex drive before we met.
At worst she could perceive it as some sort of pornography, but then I think that leads into a conversation with her about pornography overall.
Putting someone in a 'gotcha!' is probably not the best way to curry favor with someone when they are in a semi paranoid state. Nobody likes feeling like a hypocrite.
Just talk to her. Ask her about what happened to her before. Really it just seems like you need to have a long conversation in which you talk frankly about it. If shes not willing to do that, then you know you have larger problems!
Man, my ex had pics on her facebook of her and her ex's. People I know she fucked (hell, now I'm one of them). It's really not that big a deal. People have a history and holding it against them is immature. Holding people's non-existant fictional fantasy history against them is batshit loco.
Also, "someone cheated on me" in flimsy at best for this kind of thing. If it was a pic of you at a party with some woman giving you a lap dance it might be one thing, but a random picture of an attractive celebrity? That's pretty damned insecure.
Also you haven't really said what your reaction was initially, or what she said at first. Does she know who that girl is? Did she ask you to take it off your phone and did you comply? I mean, it's one thing if it bothers her and she lets you know that in a mature way, and you respond in a mature way, but it sounds like all parties (especially her) are overreacting.
She sounds pretty high-maintenance if she's going to freak out over something like that on a phone. Don't let it get to you (which you did), and look into dating a girl who's cool with stuff like that. It will make your life easier.
I'd advise against this, the first part is baseless assumption (although probably just a joke) and the second part will do nothing good. If you end up dropping your current girl everytime a bump comes up in the relationship you're going to be a lonely guy.
Though it is just a celebrity.
3DS FC: 5343-7720-0490
This.
She sounds pretty insane if she's making such a big deal about having the picture of a celebrity on your phone.
Some people may disagree with this, but I'd just ignore her attitude about this whole ordeal. There isn't anything you can do to convince her to not be insecure - she has baggage from her past relationship, and the only way she'll get over it is with time.
Sorry, but you're completely wrong. Not every relationship is worth salvaging. Believe it or not, there are plenty of normal, non-insane girls out there. There is nothing wrong with ending a relationship and seeking out one that will be less stressful.
Besides, if she is making a big deal out of a picture of a celebrity on his cell phone, then who knows what else she will go apeshit on in the future.
If your girlfriend was sick, would you be like "olol nothing I can do, it'll just take time to get over!" or would you try to make her feel better, maybe make her some chicken noodle soup or offer a back rub? Personally I'd do the latter, and really the insecurity thing is the same way, only it's a sickness of her mind. She's got to get over it, and yes, time will heal it on its own, but you can take care of her and make it easier for her.
You call it a bump in the road, I call it a warning sign of things to come.
She sounds immature and insecure. I feel bad for any guy that's going to be brow beaten and put in the doghouse over a picture of a girl in a bikini.
There's this personal skill that some have, it's called "empathy", it really really helps in situations like these. Also it helps to realize that, hey, no one is perfect.
Guess what, relationships aren't perfect right off the bat, you WILL run into issues. Like Sipex said, that's a GREAT way to end up alone.
edit: I agree with you guys if this remains a persistent problem, but we have no indication of that. Also you guys are saying "DUMP HER NOW!" when you've gotten 2 posts and a couple of paragraphs from the OP. Give her a chance, jeez.
Ryan Reynolds. Every girl I know thinks he as good as it gets. So does nearly every guy I know too.
Not he. She. She is the one making a big deal out of this.
I disagree with the second paragraph. Honestly, the suggestion that not attempting to salvage every relationship will make you end up alone is pure retardedness. And in this particular case, it is really, really bad advice. She is projecting her insecurities and the problems of her past relationship on the current one. This is very unfair for the guy and hints that there are problems rooted deeper in her psyche, namely lack of trust and a willingness to be overly-controlling.
The OP is asking if he's nuts. No, he's not nuts. She's nuts. What do you do with girls who are nuts? Ignore their bullshit and try to kid yourself into thinking it's going to work, or look for a girl that's not as much of a hassle. If that means being single, so be it.
You and Sipex say being single like it's having AIDS.
I agree that you shouldn't go through hell and back for a relationship unless you're absolutely sure it's worth it, but I also think you shouldn't give up at the very first sign of trouble.
edit: It's one thing to be single because you really can't find anyone. It's another thing to be single because you deal with confrontation and issues the way a cockroach deals with sudden light. You should probably learn the difference, RocketSauce.
Yeah, honestly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. You should not put up with people's bullshit just because you want your Facebook status to be "in a relationship".
My way of giving her another chance would be to ignore the issue.
And it's not like the OP didn't try to talk to her. He asked her about it (after she made the issue semi-public on Facebook, by the way, which is a big no-no), and she first lied and then got all passive aggressive.
I'm not saying burn the witch. I just dislike the fact that in these types of threads there seems to be an overwhelming tendency to cut girls slack when it comes to things like this, and instead "talk to her". Guess what: you can't solve every problem by talking, especially if those problems are psychologically rooted.
edit: Well damn, I guess the entire field of psychology is worthless then, amirite?!
I am not telling him to dump her. I am telling him to ignore her stupid childish tantrums. Adults don't behave that way.
o_O
Psychology cannot solve every problem either.
And unless the OP is a trained psychologist or psychiatrist, then this doesn't apply at all. So don't derail the conversation.
My wife keeps magazines with hot guys on the cover, some of them are even ones I bought for myself, but she takes them. If she started a thread talking about how RocketSauce is freaking out over hot celebrities on magazines, you'd be asking what the fuck my problem was, and what a psycho I am. There'd be 4 or 5 pages of people saying "dump him" because that's controlling, insecure, and immature behavior.
If this was porn, I could kinda understand. But it isn't. It's so not even close to that it's silly. It's silly that he felt bad enough to start a thread about it, and it's silly that she's behaving the way she is.
I'm usually pretty reserved on the "dump the motherfucker" chants, but this just seems too childish. Why would you want to subject yourself to more of this?
Listen, I already said I don't advocate the guy bending over and taking it but really, he's stated this is a one time thing (ie: the first time she's done anything like this) so telling him to drop her right off the bat is bad practice. There is no confirmation that this will be consistant behavior.
I am in no way advocating that he stay with his girl if she persists with this sort of attitude but really, he should talk to her first. I understand you're probably irked that I redded your advice rocket but it's true in this case.
Also, protein, you limed rocket's advice so you are advocating that he should dump her now unless I misunderstood.
I'm just a snarky person in general, don't take anything I said as irksome toward you. I'm comfortable with someone having a different opinion than myself. I'm not so much advocating dumping the girl over this, as assessing his situation and if this is a pattern of behavior he wants to continue to subject himself to.
Remember, the picture itself is not the important thing right now; remaining autonomous is. It is not healthy for you to be in a relationship where your SO flips out about something like this.
Also, Protein, what do you mean? The system is Green = Agree/Like, Red = Disagree/Dislike. Did you just feel that you needed to defend rocket's opinion?
I am more leaning towards liking/agreeing with his opinion than disliking/disagreeing with it, so I changed it from red to lime. Dumping her right away would not be my choice, were I the OP, but at the same time it doesn't strike me as such a bad idea.
Throw in some insecurities about her appearance or whatever as well.
People are complicated. Dismissing her as some sort of insane drama queen doesn't seem very helpful.
I lived for a year with someone who did that. I was often in trouble and wasn't entirely sure why I was in trouble. I got in trouble for doing good things, now and then. Expecting people to read your mind or intuitively fulfill needs that they don't even know you have is fucked up, and no way to have a relationship.
Even if we ignore whether or not it's justified to have a problem with some random pic on a person's phone, clearly she wasn't able to articulate the problem at the time. Fair enough, it's not always easy to do in the heat of the moment. But after some time has passed (enough time for guilt trips, plural), it's still an issue. That's not a sign of compromise, understanding or communication. It's self centered bullshit.
Of note; I'm not trying to villify this person, nor am I hopping on the "dump her" bandwagon. I'm aware that plenty of people lack the insight or ability to distance themselves from their actions, but I can see where this is sending up huge red flags for people. After what I went through last year, this would be a gigantic red flag for me; not just that she's flipping out over something that at a glance appears to be pretty insignificant, but that her communication style is so poor.
Now, some of them might see this as her overreacting. Hell, she might have a reputation for it. Others might not be quite so understanding, especially those friends inclined to side with her.
That's some high school level bullshit. Talking with friends about personal issues is understandable. Airing dirty laundry for the world to see... not so much.
Still, this is a first time offense and it doesn't seem the OP has gotten the proper chance to talk to her about it so I'm still going to advocate: push a bit on getting this talked about and don't let her convince you that you're at fault.
On the facebook "she doesn't remember" deal, it probably was her but there's still room for doubt. The only situation I could see is if she has friends who she tells that have access to her facebook page.
Although, if this is true she'll have no problem making a public retraction about it, right?
She has a picture of one of her soap stars on the wall. Not only that, but she met him in person and hes got her cradled in her arms.
My reaction was essentially: "Are you seriously doing this? You got that guy on the wall."
She tells me its not the same thing.
We've been goin out over a year and she always does this jealous shit, whether its old friends on Facebook ("So, who's blahblahblah" is a frequent question) or what have you. Its been bearable, but this latest thing is too much.
Yes, she found her ex boyfriend was cheating on her through old pics and the like, but I'm not. I definitely don't know Jaime Koeppe in person.
Worst yet, the pic was sort of a joke, being sent around with the header "Best ass beating you'd ever get." or something like that. Here's the image for...uh... reference.
We're not shy in our sexual lives, and we've watched porn together (sometimes its her idea).
So, the idea that I should feel bad about this is sort of infuriating me. She's not talking about the Facebook post, but this has given me a pretty bad vibe and I'm probably not letting go of the subject until we have a pretty frank discussion about this. The old "I was just kidding" bullshit isn't going to work, either.