A thread on shitty days and tough decisions

bwaniebwanie Posting into the voidRegistered User regular
edited June 2010 in Singularity Engine++
Hey guys,


My wife had her 15th week ultrasound today. Tomorrow she'll be undergoing AFT because some very heavy indicators of Downs/Edwards/Turners were established. Pretty bummed out about all that, the missus is in shambles and i'm left wondering where to go from here.

I always considered abortion a valid option when dealing with these kind of situations. Funny how that's not such an easy decision to make when it's you making it. Not that there's a lot of doubt as to what we'll do, but it's not a clean getaway for my conscience, you know?

Tell me your thoughts and help me put some perspective on this. Or post some puppies because i am sadfacing pretty hard right here.


Oh and if you've had a particularly rough day yourself, i guess here is a good a place as any to let it all out.

Yh6tI4T.jpg
bwanie on
«1345

Posts

  • TLHTLH Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Man, hope you feel better bwanie.

    TLH on
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    remember you're there in an advisory position to her decision

    that is tough as hell, though

    adorable-puppies.jpg

    MrMonroe on
  • Viscount IslandsViscount Islands [INSERT SoKo HERE] Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    cute_polar_bear.jpg

    Viscount Islands on
    I want to do with you
    What spring does with the cherry trees.
  • FedoraFedora Registered User
    edited May 2010
    brograbs.jpg

    Fedora on
  • Dead LegendDead Legend Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    that's mighty unfortunate, bwanie

    hope everything works out though, and sorry ya'll gotta go through a situation like that

    Dead Legend on
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  • Baroque And RollBaroque And Roll Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Someone call JoeUser. We need red pandas stat!

    I'm really sorry to hear about your hardship, bwanie. That's fucked as hell, man.

    Baroque And Roll on
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  • CogliostroCogliostro Marginal Opinions Spring, TXRegistered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I'm really sorry about all that, dude. My adopted baby sister had Downs... if you have any questions, I'm here to answer them.

    :( *huge megahugs*

    Cogliostro on
  • Viscount IslandsViscount Islands [INSERT SoKo HERE] Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    And yeah, I don't really want to give you my thoughts because this is one of those things where I know my opinion is utterly useless and completely lacking in perspective.

    Viscount Islands on
    I want to do with you
    What spring does with the cherry trees.
  • bwaniebwanie Posting into the void Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    to Mr monroe: we consider it our decision and hold the same opinion. But, ofcourse she would have the final say were we to differ in our opinons.

    It's just that i'd never expected this need to rationalize it.

    It's weird man.

    bwanie on
    Yh6tI4T.jpg
  • M.D.M.D. and then what happens? Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Dang dude, hugs from me

    M.D. on
  • ThatDudeOverThereThatDudeOverThere Clock King Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    damn, dude

    hugs

    ThatDudeOverThere on
  • bwaniebwanie Posting into the void Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    thx people you're all swell.

    But, it seems nobody is willing to touch this with a thirty foot pole. Have i found SE's weakspot? Don't make me go to H&A this is sad enough as it is.

    (just kidding this is such a shitty topic i know it's just holy interbnal conflict batman)

    bwanie on
    Yh6tI4T.jpg
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User
    edited May 2010
    Damn bwanie, you're living one of my worst fears.

    Brograbs to you

    all you can really do is what your heart tells you.

    Staleghoti on
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  • bosleybosley Registered User
    edited May 2010
    bwanie wrote: »
    thx people you're all swell.

    But, it seems nobody is willing to touch this with a thirty foot pole. Have i found SE's weakspot? Don't make me go to H&A this is sad enough as it is.

    (just kidding this is such a shitty topic i know it's just holy interbnal conflict batman)

    My heart goes out to you man.



    But if you want senseless brutality, I could always post a pic of a great big coathanger.






    On the real, though, thats a shit situation.

    bosley on
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  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Damn, that sucks man.

    Hunter on
  • Viscount IslandsViscount Islands [INSERT SoKo HERE] Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Remember the sage words of our future president Sarah Palin.

    Viscount Islands on
    I want to do with you
    What spring does with the cherry trees.
  • Centipede DamascusCentipede Damascus Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Man, I can't even imagine being in your situation. It's such an extremely personal decision, I wouldn't pretend to think I'd know what I would do in your shoes.

    Centipede Damascus on
  • bwaniebwanie Posting into the void Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    first thing that popped into my head?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6lY8UmMIUY

    bwanie on
    Yh6tI4T.jpg
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Remember the sage words of our future president Sarah Palin.

    The dinosaurs didn't exist?

    Hunter on
  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Well obviously, children with downs syndrome can lead happy and healthy lives. The flip-side, of course, is that it takes a tremendous amount of work on behalf of the parents, to the point where some of their goals might be a bit sidelined.

    And like you said, ideally you have a thought in your head about what you would do in a situation, but it's completely different when you're in that situation.

    Meissnerd on
    do not ask for whom the snerd tolls
  • Magus`Magus` Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Well, if you wanna go about it logically, you should think about it like this -

    A child with Down's will not necessarily be mentally retarded (even if it is common). This means there is a chance he or she can lead a relatively normal life.

    The other two issues seem to be more severe (physically).

    The question I pose to you is are you willing to deal with the worse case scenario? I'm not saying this as a judgment call or to say that you SHOULD BE, merely how you feel about it. There is a good chance that if your child suffers from any of these syndromes you will be required to do a lot of extra work (on top of what is already a difficult thing to do, in most cases) that can put a strain on many things - including your relationship.

    If it was up to me, and the chance was high, I think abortion is a logical answer. Of course, logic is not something that is easily used in a case like this where emotions run high and attachments may already exist. One thing is for certain though is the longer you wait the harder it is.

    Sadly, there is no 100% right answer here, but I will say you shouldn't feel bad for any decision you make.

    Magus` on
  • bosleybosley Registered User
    edited May 2010
    I think there's a kid with downs on that show Secret Life of the American Teenager.


    Or Degrassi, or something.

    bosley on
    YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE SIG
  • RuckusRuckus Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Remember the sage words of our future president Sarah Palin.

    I don't know how the observability of north-east Asia from your domicile has any impact on the current predicament.

    Ruckus on
    Raneados wrote: »
    so what SPECIFICALLY is the problem with my hole?
  • The Far SideThe Far Side __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2010
    Remember the sage words of our future president Sarah Palin.

    its funny because this is gonna happen.

    The Far Side on
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Meissnerd wrote: »
    Well obviously, children with downs syndrome can lead happy and healthy lives. The flip-side, of course, is that it takes a tremendous amount of work on behalf of the parents, to the point where some of their goals might be a bit sidelined.

    And like you said, ideally you have a thought in your head about what you would do in a situation, but it's completely different when you're in that situation.

    Most people are used to seeing people with Downs Syndrome that are highly functional. On TV shows and stuff it looks like no big deal.

    People with Downs who are very low functioning are difficult to witness. Very sad.

    Hunter on
  • FirmSkaterFirmSkater Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I can't say I have any experience in this kind of thing, its a really difficult and personal decision. As hard as its going to be on you remember that it will probably be twice as difficult on your wife.

    Keep your head up man.

    FirmSkater on
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  • Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    well, just talk to the wife i guess

    kill that baby or don't but i guess you gotta have you a serious talk

    Calamity Jane on
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  • MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    I agree with Magus. Taking a reckoning of what you are truly ready for would be a good first step.

    Meissnerd on
    do not ask for whom the snerd tolls
  • Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Remember the sage words of our future president Sarah Palin.

    its funny because this is gonna happen.

    nice hyperbole

    Calamity Jane on
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  • Ruby RhodRuby Rhod Multipass!Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Man, I don't even know what I would do in your shoes.

    Ruby Rhod on
  • bwaniebwanie Posting into the void Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    oh i forgot, heavy mongoloid is pretty much best-case scenario at this point. like 80 % of the 50% chance that it' s indeed a deficiency. 20% it's like some really unfortunate creature.

    bwanie on
    Yh6tI4T.jpg
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User
    edited May 2010
    Least they can find Downs in the womb.

    I'm not sure but I don't think that's the case with Autism.

    Just, normal normal normal, kid hits 3, BAM-RETARDBABY!

    Staleghoti on
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  • Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    i can't decide what's worse, personally

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  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User
    edited May 2010
    Hey Bwanie, are you wealthy?

    Cause I think that's a big factor when raising a kid in that sort of situation

    Staleghoti on
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  • bwaniebwanie Posting into the void Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    i am dutch

    healthcare takes care of a lot. poor people can do it. i'm moderately well off myself.

    it's the other price that can be to steep. which i think it is for us.

    bwanie on
    Yh6tI4T.jpg
  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User
    edited May 2010
    oh I thought you were in the states.

    Welp good luck in whatever decision you make!

    [obvious]Raising it will require a Vulcan amount of patience[/obvious]

    Staleghoti on
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  • bosleybosley Registered User
    edited May 2010
    Remember the sage words of our future president Sarah Palin.

    its funny because this is gonna happen.




    PALIN/RAPTOR JESUS 2012

    bosley on
    YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE SIG
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    Staleghoti wrote: »
    Least they can find Downs in the womb.

    I'm not sure but I don't think that's the case with Autism.

    Just, normal normal normal, kid hits 3, BAM-RETARDBABY!

    It's the vaccines, and being exposed to Jenny McCarthy.

    Hunter on
  • Calamity JaneCalamity Jane That Wrong Love Registered User regular
    edited May 2010
    jesus fucking christ

    alright teefs you got me. that guy agrees with you

    Calamity Jane on
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  • StaleghotiStaleghoti Registered User
    edited May 2010
    I thought it had something to do with milk

    Staleghoti on
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