The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
Please vote in the Forum Structure Poll. Polling will close at 2PM EST on January 21, 2025.
I think my maid stole something from me and I really want it back
Zoolander
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Kind of a new situation for me and I could use some help thinking through this one. So I'm living in a 3rd world country in a house provided by my company. In addition to the house, there's a maid who comes during business hours and a cook that comes just before lunch/dinner.
To keep it short, I think I left behind a gold necklace of mine in my room and the maid stole it. The necklace has a lot of sentimental value for me and I really want it back. Theft is pretty common in this country and in fact our previous maid was fired for stealing a DVD player, among many other incidents. I suspect the current maid because she's the only one who would go into my room and I'm 99% sure I left the necklace lying around in the room (yeah I know, stupid me). I asked her about it and she said no, she didn't see it.
I am not sure the best way to try to get it back. Going to the authorities will probably be worse than useless in this country. Going to my company will just get her fired and not achieve my primary objective of getting the necklace back. What I am thinking of is to offer a financial reward for getting it back. I am thinking of telling the maid directly that I'll offer such-and-such money if I get it back, no questions asked, eyes closed. Is this a feasible idea? How do I phrase it so that she is willing (if she does indeed have it) to come clean and give me back the necklace?
To keep it short, I think I left behind a gold necklace of mine in my room and the maid stole it. The necklace has a lot of sentimental value for me and I really want it back. Theft is pretty common in this country and in fact our previous maid was fired for stealing a DVD player, among many other incidents. I suspect the current maid because she's the only one who would go into my room and I'm 99% sure I left the necklace lying around in the room (yeah I know, stupid me). I asked her about it and she said no, she didn't see it.
I am not sure the best way to try to get it back. Going to the authorities will probably be worse than useless in this country. Going to my company will just get her fired and not achieve my primary objective of getting the necklace back. What I am thinking of is to offer a financial reward for getting it back. I am thinking of telling the maid directly that I'll offer such-and-such money if I get it back, no questions asked, eyes closed. Is this a feasible idea? How do I phrase it so that she is willing (if she does indeed have it) to come clean and give me back the necklace?
Zoolander on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
You may just have to suck this up and just report it. Though, are you absolutely positive it was her?
This, if you can make the maid think she can get away with returning it you're good.
Battle.net: Fireflash#1425
Steam Friend code: 45386507
But at that point he's gambling that the effort it would take her to get a new job is greater than the value of the necklace.
The thing is, he's not 100% sure. He's not even positive he left it in his room.
That's great, it gives her a way of returning it without admitting guilt. Also if it is just lost she knows to look for it.
Then get a safe for your jewellery.
Yeah, this. The necklace is probably worth 3 or 4 months salary for her and I am sure she would just rather lose the job and get another one. Lots of expat houses here to clean. My only hope is that if I offer her about that same amount for the necklace, she might be tempted to take it instead of the hassle of trying to sell it off. The big problem is the whole getting her to trust me that I won't turn her in as the thief afterwards. But I see no other way of trying to get it back, so I feel I have to give it a shot. There is always the chance that she doesn't give it back or truly doesn't have it, but from my logic, that's the chance I have to take.
And if she did take it but gave it back, I wouldn't report her, truthfully. I can see how someone in her position could see the necklace as the solution to a lot of their problems, and the impulse must be pretty strong to take it. My only hope is that the impulse for the same amount of money in cold hard cash is even stronger. I'd just hand her the money, be more careful about locking my shit up and get the fuck out of this place as soon as I am able.
*I AM NOT SERIOUS
"But yeah, it was pretty precious to me. Heck, I think it might have been the cook/cleaner but I'd hate to make accusations... Let me know if you see anything, I'll even reward you $X if you happen to find it."
Remember that people are innocent until proven beyond reasonable doubt that they are guilty. This requires either evidence or witnesses.
As such I echo others who have suggested against blaming her directly. Ask her if she can look around for it because you seem to have misplaced it. You can explain its sentimental value or even exaggerate it.
This.
They will think they can just steal what they want and you can pay them.
Satans..... hints.....
I agree, if you find out she did steal it and pay her off for it there is no way you can continue using her as your maid. You are giving her no reason not to steal (the only consequences are positive). In fact you would kind of be sending the signal you expect that they will steal from you, you don't mind, and as long as she cleans your house you can pay her off every once and a while without it being a big deal.
And I don't know what country you are in, but in most places (hell anywhere) the embarassment from admitting guilt pretty much guarantees that they won't return it.
So yeah, I think what you are doing is probably the best option. Maybe get a local friend to tell them that you lost it and are offering a reward so they can try to do it and make it seem like not a big deal, because nothing sounds casual in broken master to servant english.
failing this: find out where the pawn shops and gold dealer street is and just buy it back in a month or so. You'll probably pay much less than it is worth.
https://medium.com/@alascii
Won't really help now, but fuck all that noise, you're better off without them.
No, that is only true in America.
What you need to do, is go to your maid and tell her it's over. Tell her you have proof she stole the necklace from your room. Perhaps you can set up a hidden camera and record her cleaning the room a bit one day. Then you can show her a short clip of her cleaning the room on your phone and tell her you've been recording her all the time, and you have her stealing the necklace on video. Tell her you have the video saved on your computer and at a remote backup site.
Tell her then, if she doesn't give it back you will go to the authorities and she will face legal action, and probably be thrown into a jail. Tell her the necklace was worth a vast amount of money, vast enough to be a serious crime. You will give them the evidence, and it will be done.
However, she can save herself from all this if she just gives the necklace back now, and then tell her she can resign quietly from the job with no further troubles.
If she doesn't give it back, then she probably didn't steal it. Or she stole it and sold it already.
If however she didn't actually steal it and you do all this then you will be a dick.
Whatever you do, do it quickly before she pawns it off.
This is super goosery. Do not do this.
I was going to say "he watches too much tv" but then I realized that that plan wouldn't have even worked in a sitcom.
But maybe the OP can set up a trap involving a fan, a net, and some roller skates.
Nono, the sitcom way is to have the OP go to the maid's house, break in, get stuck on the balcony or under a bed or something and eventually come clean because she/he gets caught or can't stand to be under the bed while the maid gets it on with her hubby.
Then either the OP will:
1) Talk to the maid and have a heartfelt talk to talk where the OP learns the maid's true intentions (probably something involving her kids) and gets the necklace back.
2) Get arrested with consequences that don't carry over to the next episode and have his/her snide friends tell him/her 'I told you so'. Then the necklace turns up in an obvious place and the OP is an ass.
https://medium.com/@alascii
Because if the maid didn't do it then it makes the OP out to be an ass and possibly gets the maid fired for something she didn't actually do.
Or maybe the maid goes to her bosses and says the OP is threatening her and the OP gets fired.
yeah uh not every country is america. The maid can't 'go to her boss' and complain. I'm not saying it isn't a potentially dickish thing to do, which should be taken into account. It might actually work however.
https://medium.com/@alascii
If the maid's boss is the same as the OPs boss then I assume they hold american ideals (as it sounds like the OP is placed in said country by an american company, could be wrong). Even then, the concept of getting threatened by your customer isn't serious business only in the US.
Still, going your route runs significant risk of bad things happening, especially if you're wrong but also if the maid doesn't care, doesn't have law enforcement that cares or doesn't believe the OP.
The bribe route prevents no negative risk if the OP is wrong. If the maid doesn't have the necklace and never had it then nothing happens, no consequences for those who don't deserve them.
Just because being proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt is one of those high ideals that we imperialistic americans believe everyone has the inalienable right to, doesn't mean that people should be at least a little bit ethical and not start up a witch hunt, complete with fabricated evidence and damned if you do, damned if you don't trials in order to find some stolen merchandise.
This continued throughout my childhood. Oh, and I never intentionally hid things to try and get my dad to pay me to find it, because I'm actually not a horrible person.
I think you're probably on to something with offering a reward. The incentive for her to steal something was money - she's already demonstrated that money is a potent motivator.
Of course, as others have suggested, I would STRONGLY recommend telling her, "Hey, remember that gold necklace that I lost? Look, it is really important to me because [insert why this is important; be sincere]. I know it's somewhere in this house but I can't find it. I've looked all over and, ugh, I just can't seem to find it. Can you please help me look for it? I'll give you a $400 bonus if you find it." [Or however much it's worth to you]
It covers you two ways: First, if you actually lost it - like legitimately lost it somewhere in the house - then you'll have her help in finding it, and like I said money is a great motivator. If she really did steal it, and she's capable of getting it back, she should return it, because the value of the reward greatly outweighs the theft in terms of dollars.
Then after she finds it or not, you give her the money or not, and fire her for stealing from you.
Then you do your own cleaning from now on, or lock up your valuables. (Or both.)
She hasn't demonstrated jack shit. We don't even know if she's actually guilty of stealing. Frankly it's pretty insane to assume that in the absence of any evidence.
That's true. We don't know for sure if she is stealing or not. I probably should have said "If she did steal from you, then she's demonstrated that money was a potent motivator."
But, Protien Shakes, if you read through my post to the end, you'll find that my suggestion is still good regardless of whether she stole it or he lost it.
I was framing my own suggestions to him as if he was correct - that she most likely stole from him. (She was the only one with access to his room, and he is certain that it was in there, etc.) If I were in his shoes, that's what I would do.
Yes. The jewelry could be lying behind a dresser. It could have been stolen by a skilled burglar (one that is more interested in grabbing stuff and getting away than making a big mess). It could have been taken by a kleptomaniac friend. Without proof, accusations are pointless.
If other things keep disappearing, there is reason for getting a new maid.
Though, regardless, if you're sure she stole it, you don't have to put her on trial to fire her. If I thought someone was stealing from me, I would absolutely fire them, even if I had zero hard evidence. Innocent until proven guilty is something for a court of law, not in your own home where you don't have DAs, cops, and forensic specialists working for you.
Let's say she did take it.
Why would she trust the OP not to tell the boss if she returned it?