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Met girl from facebook, a few questions. [UPDATE: moar questions]
billwill
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
UPDATED 6/1/10 8:23PM PACIFIC TIME
So, I don't know if most of you remember, but I made a thread roughly a week ago about a girl I met on Facebook. Long story short, I initiated things and we met a few days after I made that thread.
Things are going great so far. It was awkward for maybe two seconds, and then it passed and we were able to speak easily. We've seen each other three times total, and the last time (last night) we kissed for the first time (last night was the first proper date, I'd say).
There are a few things, however, that I'm curious about. Mind you, I'm not intending to let any of these things get in the way, but my mind can't help but wander and examine the possibilities. Here they are:
1) She is very short. I am very tall. As in, she is 4'11 and I am 6'4. It made the first kiss slightly difficult, as I had to stoop real low and she had to stand on her tippy toes. Any tips on how to get around this? We made holding hands work, but it involves her almost keeping her elbow at a ninety degree angle.
2) She is conservative. I am slightly more open minded. I mean, I'm not trying to knock her intelligence or anything (she did graduate valedictorian). It's just that her views are pretty entrenched, and while I like to think mine are more open, they're probably just as closed off as hers. So far this hasn't provided any issue with our conversations online or in person (we just don't talk about politics), but will this eventually come to a head later on? Or have others had experience with this and had it work out ok?
EDIT: 3) I don't know how I forgot this one. She and her family are insanely religious. Church every Sunday, etcetc. I'm not, at all. I am "the poor man's atheist". Again, haven't had any issues about this either, but just curious as to whether they might manifest as time goes on.
Again, I know I'm just overthinking things. Writing it out has helped me realize that. But I typed it out, so I figure I might as well get some advice out of it.
Thanks!
UPDATE:
I might as well ask a few more idiotic questions too.
1) Is there any way to better prepare for sex? Because while I'm pretty sure she wants to wait, I'm not 100% sure, and a few things have crossed my mind. Basically I masturbate a lot. Like once a day (sometimes more). I swear to you I'm not addicted...I don't cancel hanging out with friends or anything just to do it, and I don't let it interfere with my life. I'm not compulsive with looking at porn either. I just do it when I'm bored, and because it feels good (duh). The reason I bring this is up is, I've read about having an iron grip or something like that, which makes me used to a certain amount of pressure. But I don't know if I'm doing it too hard, because I've never experienced the real thing, sooo....yeah. Another worry is speed. Any time you see sex in a movie, or even some of the amateur vids I used to watch in high school, they always go relatively fast. I don't. I'd say I stroke pretty slow, actually. Do women need fast stimulation or is this okay and normal? One more thing: is my rate of masturbation normal or freakish? I've had people I know make comments about doing it once every week or two.
I'm also worried about taking someone's virginity. My penis is average size (relatively thick), but since she's so small, does that make her vagina proportionately small as well? I don't want to hurt her. And I know it sounds so ridiculously silly to bring up sex this early on, but my friend recently took his girlfriends virginity, and he said even though he was gentle she cried. Which has made me worried, especially since this is the first relationship I've been in in quite some time.
Lastly, and this is going to sound even more ridiculous, but I've actually wondered about this before I even started talking to this girl: Are conservative/religious girls more conservative in bed usually, or are those two parts of life generally unrelated?
I feel like an idiot typing these things, but I'm pretty sure we all have minds that wander. I'm just stupid enough to share it. Don't worry, I'm not some overanalzying freak, though it may seem like that. I just decided to ask everything I've been wondering about for a long time now. As I said before, this is all just pure, unadulterated curiosity.
So, I don't know if most of you remember, but I made a thread roughly a week ago about a girl I met on Facebook. Long story short, I initiated things and we met a few days after I made that thread.
Things are going great so far. It was awkward for maybe two seconds, and then it passed and we were able to speak easily. We've seen each other three times total, and the last time (last night) we kissed for the first time (last night was the first proper date, I'd say).
There are a few things, however, that I'm curious about. Mind you, I'm not intending to let any of these things get in the way, but my mind can't help but wander and examine the possibilities. Here they are:
1) She is very short. I am very tall. As in, she is 4'11 and I am 6'4. It made the first kiss slightly difficult, as I had to stoop real low and she had to stand on her tippy toes. Any tips on how to get around this? We made holding hands work, but it involves her almost keeping her elbow at a ninety degree angle.
2) She is conservative. I am slightly more open minded. I mean, I'm not trying to knock her intelligence or anything (she did graduate valedictorian). It's just that her views are pretty entrenched, and while I like to think mine are more open, they're probably just as closed off as hers. So far this hasn't provided any issue with our conversations online or in person (we just don't talk about politics), but will this eventually come to a head later on? Or have others had experience with this and had it work out ok?
EDIT: 3) I don't know how I forgot this one. She and her family are insanely religious. Church every Sunday, etcetc. I'm not, at all. I am "the poor man's atheist". Again, haven't had any issues about this either, but just curious as to whether they might manifest as time goes on.
Again, I know I'm just overthinking things. Writing it out has helped me realize that. But I typed it out, so I figure I might as well get some advice out of it.
Thanks!
UPDATE:
I might as well ask a few more idiotic questions too.
1) Is there any way to better prepare for sex? Because while I'm pretty sure she wants to wait, I'm not 100% sure, and a few things have crossed my mind. Basically I masturbate a lot. Like once a day (sometimes more). I swear to you I'm not addicted...I don't cancel hanging out with friends or anything just to do it, and I don't let it interfere with my life. I'm not compulsive with looking at porn either. I just do it when I'm bored, and because it feels good (duh). The reason I bring this is up is, I've read about having an iron grip or something like that, which makes me used to a certain amount of pressure. But I don't know if I'm doing it too hard, because I've never experienced the real thing, sooo....yeah. Another worry is speed. Any time you see sex in a movie, or even some of the amateur vids I used to watch in high school, they always go relatively fast. I don't. I'd say I stroke pretty slow, actually. Do women need fast stimulation or is this okay and normal? One more thing: is my rate of masturbation normal or freakish? I've had people I know make comments about doing it once every week or two.
I'm also worried about taking someone's virginity. My penis is average size (relatively thick), but since she's so small, does that make her vagina proportionately small as well? I don't want to hurt her. And I know it sounds so ridiculously silly to bring up sex this early on, but my friend recently took his girlfriends virginity, and he said even though he was gentle she cried. Which has made me worried, especially since this is the first relationship I've been in in quite some time.
Lastly, and this is going to sound even more ridiculous, but I've actually wondered about this before I even started talking to this girl: Are conservative/religious girls more conservative in bed usually, or are those two parts of life generally unrelated?
I feel like an idiot typing these things, but I'm pretty sure we all have minds that wander. I'm just stupid enough to share it. Don't worry, I'm not some overanalzying freak, though it may seem like that. I just decided to ask everything I've been wondering about for a long time now. As I said before, this is all just pure, unadulterated curiosity.
I hate you and you hate me.
billwill on
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Well, if it were me in this situation, it would depend what "conservative" means. If it involves homophobia at all, I'd kick her to the curb because that shit's just inexcusable. It it means "votes conservative because she's fiscally conservative", that's something else again.
But to be honest, "conservative" combined with "insanely religious" awakens ZWOOP ZWOOP warning bells to me. (Sidenote: To me "insanely religious" means more than "goes to church every Sunday." More like "drags religion into everything, often in a really offensive or annoying way".)
(Out of curiosity, are you in high school? I'm wondering because of the valedictorian remark.)
Personally, I would look for other fish in the sea, fish who aren't insanely religious.
We had a decent relationship, and it worked for a long time, until I found out she had lied and not even mentioned me to her parents after a year and a half, all because she didn't think they'd like her dating a white guy (her family is east indian).
Height, different points of view, etc. won't really hurt the relationship. If you both keep an open mind if you start talking about one of the things that you don't agree on, rather than getting offensive or defensive about it, it can work out. Hope you all the best.
She's not homophobic. Again, we haven't talked about it much, but I believe she is against same-sex marriage. As for insanely religious, I just mean God and religion are very important to her. I don't think she's ever brought it up. And it's very strange, because she is so sweet and nice that the conservative mindset just doesn't fit. I'm betting a lot of it comes from her family (her dad's license plate is TEANE1).
I'm entering sophomore year of college, and she just graduated high school.
EDIT: Esh, I am going to let it continue on. I can't stop myself from analyzing these things though, unfortunately. I wish I could.
Aethos, that is heartening to know that the height difference is workable. For some reason that's the biggest thing I was worried about.
Height is no big deal, you become accustomed to it. In fact, I pick my finacee up now. being 4'5", and me being 6'4" makes it kinda fun...>!
and btw, Love trumps politics.
As Gleve implied, the height differences will take away from some possible sexual positions, but her being so tiny also adds ease to others. Give-and-take.
Yeah, I do need to sit down and get a firm understanding of her stance on things. I'll probably wait a bit until I hate that talk, though. I do know, however, that she is a virgin, and I happen to be a virgin too. I'm fine with waiting if that's what she wants.
Then thats the correct approach. So long as you are prepared to wait if she so chooses, you wont become one of "Those guys" who are only interested in one thing.
Also, I'm a virgin, and am waiting to marry before she and I have sex, so I wasn't actually referring to sexual positions before, more the whole kissing thing. (to be honest with you, at 6'4", I'm guessing your strong enough to lift her? Once the relationship has progressed, and she trusts you, try picking her up to give her a kiss. Nothing fancy, just a straight lift up to your height. You'd be suprised how much a girl likes being shown how strong you are in a non-threatening way.... : ))
just know that holding hands will be difficult and that everything else (physically) isn't really a problem
I think couples with extreme height differences are cute!
If you're both young, it's quite possible you're a sort of rebellion for her, and that her rebellious nature, and your relationship, will pass.
I would definitely include "Where do you see this going?" in your talk with her.
As an aside, what is up with all these tall dudes dating these really short girls. Stop taking them, us shorter dudes need someone who won't feel insecure about their height with us.
Easy tiger! "The rules"? True Christianity has no rules, only ideals to be living by! But I digress....
*Ahem*
TALL GUYS RULE!!! and short chicks drool.....:winky:
As for the rest, up to you. See how things go, they made fade into insignificance, they may not.
it's not a big deal. you get around it very quickly (in terms of kissing, intimate cuddling, sex, etc). very soon you'll figure out what works and what doesn't. it's not a problem.
I disagree.
Bible's pretty clear on unequally yoked marriages, and for very good reasons in my (now atheist) opinion. Most of them have to do with raising kids, but the world perspective of someone who is seriously Christian versus someone who isn't is bound to differ on a host of issues.
Also everyone saying their version is "True" is one of the things that make religion so goddamn retarded.
We use her car! She steps into the door well if I'm too tired to lift her....
not wanting to wait till marriage to have sex does not make you one of "those guys". Please don't be one of "those guys" who is waiting until marriage and thinks that somehow makes him a better person because of it.
A healthy relationship should have a healthy sex life. Waiting until marriage is a personal choice but it is not better in any way than not waiting.
Wait for issues to become issues instead of making them issues before they are issues.
https://medium.com/@alascii
Read the whole sentence in context. Not knowing what she wants from the relationship might make him seem like one of those guys if he chooses to leave her because of her choices. I didn't attack anyone, please dont attack me.
:? conservatives are all heartless monsters, am i rite
It really depends on how much these issues mean to both of you. You're never going to find someone that you agree with 100% on everything. If either of you get really caught up in politics, you're probably going to have problems. If your involvement with politics is pretty much just going to vote, you can probably live with each other. If she feels it's her duty to convert you, you're probably going to have problems. If she's fine with going to church on Sunday while you sit in your boxers and watch football, you can probably live with each other.
But really, you should just take it easy, play it by ear, and see how it goes.
The Bible isn't the be-all and end-all for Christian religions, despite the way some Christian sects claim it is. Some Christians put more stock in the Bible than others. This doesn't make the Bible-thumpers "more Christian", since Christian just means "believing in Christ".
1) She's short so you're going to have to deal with stooping down to kiss her or find a height neutral place to make out (ie: sitting).
2) Does the conservatism clash radically with you? If it's just something you noticed it might not be an issue at all. Just keep dating, have intelligent discussions, if you two clash then you clash, it's really too early to tell how this will affect you. In addition I'd not worry about it too much, you both are starting to mature into adulthood, your values (and hers) could and probably will change radically.
3) At this point religion isn't a relevant if you don't care and she doesn't care, she doesn't mention it to you and isn't trying to force it upon you and likewise you (I hope) aren't trying to force your views upon her. Just remember, you should never have to go to church if you don't want to, she should never have to quit if she doesn't want to. Be responsible and talk about the religion differences at points where it's relevant (ie: How to raise the kids for example)
It works out.
Really, you just have to be willing to make things work. Yes, it is easier to marry somebody who shares a lot of your views, especially when children are involved. If you share opposing views and they are very important to both of you, the only thing you can do is inform your children when they come of age and allow them to decide for themselves. Anything else is unfair, both to your potential future-kids and your spouse. This means realizing that your kids may end up being religious and being okay with that. Similarly, she needs to realize that your kids may decide that church is not for them. If it's going to make you or her resentful, then you may want to consider A) not having kids, or
Of course, if you both don't want kids in the first place, or you can both easily get over the other person's differences, none of this advice is relevant. Really, everybody in the thread is right; if it becomes an issue, deal with it then. Until then... enjoy being in a new relationship while it lasts!
As for everything else, you met this girl in person less than one week ago. You should obviously get to know her better, and you can easily find out her views on these things by talking to her, but if you sit her down and ask her where she sees this relationship going a few days after meeting her for the first time you're going to come off as being loony.
In the other thread you mentioned that you'd been talking to her for a year... it seems like you should have a feel for some of this stuff, at least.
If you are both reasonable people and able and willing to compromise, it shouldn't really matter if one of you is religious and the other isn't or what your political views are, especially in the short term. My husband and I are pretty different; it can be done. Just don't cling to her with the secret hope that her beliefs will change if you aren't comfortable with them. It is extremely difficult to change that about a person, so if you come to a point where you realize you aren't comfortable, it might be best to move on. Unless you reach that point, it will probably be fine.
PSN: Beltaine-77 | Steam: beltane77 | Battle.net BadHaggis#1433
And relax, I'm not considering dumping her or whatever because of these differences. As I stated in the first post, it's just curiosity. Hell, even if most of you said it doesn't usually work out, I'd still try with her.
I might as well ask a few more idiotic questions too.
1) Is there any way to better prepare for sex? Because while I'm pretty sure she wants to wait, I'm not 100% sure, and a few things have crossed my mind. Basically I masturbate a lot. Like once a day (sometimes more). I swear to you I'm not addicted...I don't cancel hanging out with friends or anything just to do it, and I don't let it interfere with my life. I'm not compulsive with looking at porn either. I just do it when I'm bored, and because it feels good (duh). The reason I bring this is up is, I've read about having an iron grip or something like that, which makes me used to a certain amount of pressure. But I don't know if I'm doing it too hard, because I've never experienced the real thing, sooo....yeah. Another worry is speed. Any time you see sex in a movie, or even some of the amateur vids I used to watch in high school, they always go relatively fast. I don't. I'd say I stroke pretty slow, actually. Do women need fast stimulation or is this okay and normal? One more thing: is my rate of masturbation normal or freakish? I've had people I know make comments about doing it once every week or two.
I'm also worried about taking someone's virginity. My penis is average size (relatively thick), but since she's so small, does that make her vagina proportionately small as well? I don't want to hurt her. And I know it sounds so ridiculously silly to bring up sex this early on, but my friend recently took his girlfriends virginity, and he said even though he was gentle she cried. Which has made me worried, especially since this is the first relationship I've been in in quite some time.
Lastly, and this is going to sound even more ridiculous, but I've actually wondered about this before I even started talking to this girl: Are conservative/religious girls more conservative in bed usually, or are those two parts of life generally unrelated?
I feel like an idiot typing these things, but I'm pretty sure we all have minds that wander. I'm just stupid enough to share it. Don't worry, I'm not some overanalzying freak, though it may seem like that. I just decided to ask everything I've been wondering about for a long time now. As I said before, this is all just pure, unadulterated curiosity.
Ahh. Anynomity rocks
everyone's pretty well covered the height difference thing. you'll get used to it. make use of your environment!
as far as the conservative/religious thing goes, my SO is slightly more conservative and definitely more religious than I am and we can talk about politics fine. I find that on the whole our intentions/ideas are largely the same but we disagree on policy and stuff like that. it just makes for interesting conversation and helps us understand where the other is coming from, it's never turned into an actual fight. I actually really like talking to him about politics. re: religion - he gets that my views on god are a lot more nebulous than his and is cool with it. but really, as everyone's said, talk to her, these are not dealbreakers by any means.
If you are that concerned you can try masturbating with a looser grip than usual. And don't worry about speed at all for now - if it's her first time, she's going to want you to go slow.
it doesn't make her necessarily smaller. it's different for every woman - some may experience a lot of pain and others don't at all. If you're worried about hurting her, lube, foreplay, and go slow. and, again, talk to her about all of this.
well. I'm going to defer to every-person-is-different here. and also state the obvious, which is if she's the save it till marriage type there are obviously some things she will not be up for!
another thing i've wondered about is shaving. should i not do it? would she probably do it? i mean, is shaving a pretty standard thing among women or not? what about guys? I used to think it was more rare until I talked to a few women friends, and the were like OMG OF COURSE I SHAVE!!!11!
Uhh... just do it as gently as you can and see if you still get off. There's a big gap between regular masturbation and the iron grip.
Odds are you're not going to be worrying about getting her off via penetration. And porn is usually stupid fast (and it's not like amateurs aren't going to be affected by the awareness that they're on camera.)
Normal.
There's no real way to know this until you try. She's not going to dump you because your penis hurt her.
Conservative girls are fucking nuts in bed.
Practically speaking, an unshaved man causes less trouble than an unshaved woman, for hopefully obvious reasons. Realistically speaking, it doesn't make a big difference either way and mostly comes down to personal preference. She's not going to grimace when you drop your pants, but don't be offended if she suggests a trim.
it's cute
My wife is 5'2" and I'm 6'3"
She tippy toes sometimes, other times I'll bend my knees a bit. Or she uses one of her little stools that are all around the house.
I think that's the big piece of advice to all of your questions, just follow your instincts, and you'll know if it's working or not!
Oh and that reminds me. You asked how to be prepared for sex. Buy condoms and lube. Know how to put one on.