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Asking out around people
Calcium
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I want to ask this girl out that works at a coffee shop but understandably she's always around coworkers.
Do I have to separate her or what?
Wait outside until she finishes work?
I can't help but feel the situation varies between putting her in an awkward position in front of her coworkers and putting on a seriously creepy stalker vibe as I watch from the doorway, waiting, oh yes she'll pass through eventually, quite so indeed.
So guys, what the fuck gives? Maybe I can beckon from a distance or something.
Do I have to separate her or what?
Wait outside until she finishes work?
I can't help but feel the situation varies between putting her in an awkward position in front of her coworkers and putting on a seriously creepy stalker vibe as I watch from the doorway, waiting, oh yes she'll pass through eventually, quite so indeed.
So guys, what the fuck gives? Maybe I can beckon from a distance or something.
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If you really want to do it, be easy going, just do it like it's the most natural thing in the world
Ask her out over the register, not in a hushed voice but a conversational one, crack a joke about "maybe not out to coffee" (because she works at a coffee shop see 8-)) and then should she reject you just laugh it off and crack a joke about it.
Then business as usual, it's only as awkward as you let it be.
Hopefully it doesn't end like my only Customer/Client date.
Don't ask her out for coffee.
EDIT: The Black Hunter would play this pretty much the same as me. Do eet.
The only redeeming part of this was the next time I saw her the topic of 300 came up (it was a cultural phenomenon at the time) and she said that she had really wanted to see it in Imax but she didn't have the money while it was playing! It felt like some form of retroactive vengeance but it was a pale consolation compared to what could have been.
Apparently canceling later when someone asks you out in a semi-public situation is letting you down easy; at least that is what I have been told since. Seems like a shit way of doing things though.
Pretty much every other encounter with her was awkward and I stopped going to that Borders.
Why don't you try telling her you'd like to get to know her/talk outside of the coffee shop, write your name and number on a piece of paper and ask her to give you a call if she's interested. You don't threaten her job because you initiated it, and you don't force her on the spot in front of coworkers and customers to say yes.
There are other coffee shops.
THIS, Definitely this!
Forget about this
just go for it
just remember, odds are against you, sucks if it doesn't work, but hell for something like this you'll be over it in a couple days
"Nah, thanks. So, got any weekend plans?"
"Nope, not really."
"Ah, want to do something sometime?"
"Oh, sure!" or "Oh, I've got a boyfriend... but thanks!"
I wouldn't read too much into the kindness that a female barista can show, but you'd know better than we do (subtle nuances, voice tone, etc)
I've never been great at asking anyone out, but don't stress too much about this one. Does she make your drink, or just ring you up? While she's making the drink is typically a good opportunity. Catch her during slow hours to make it easier to talk, or even during busy hours to elicit a quick and mostly risk-free response.
but most importantly remember there is no such thing as the perfect time
But as a sales person who mainly deals with the opposite sex, I'm mostly just flirty for ease.
Again, we can't know exactly how the barista treats the OP, and we can't tell if it's genuine or not... but I used to work for Starbucks... so my local Starbucks treats me very well. I'm very well known there for my history with the company
One of the female baristas is very open, talkative, and friendly with me. She seems quite interested, to be honest... but I went in one day and she was making plans with another one of the guys there. Not that it concerned me, I'm in a very happy relationship... but how people act in this sort of position is just their nature. There are very friendly people that work for these sorts of companies, and it doesn't always mean something. They see sometimes hundreds of customers per day, and part of the job is being warm and welcoming.
Like I said, it may be different with you, so I'd suggest just going for it and seeing what becomes of it. It's definetly not the end of the world if she says no, and it's likely she's been asked out before. No big deal. She isn't going to humiliate you or anything.
And I flirt back to get free coffee:winky:
That's probably the most brilliant idea. Especially considering she probably doesn't want to eat alone. I mean, I've done it several times this past year while studying and it did help the both of us. I wasn't interested in anything, I just needed a break and so did she. If anything, it's a nice way to gauge the person outside of their job because they tend to be more "real", if that makes sense. But I have a small population pool to sample from and gather a conclusion.
Anyone that knows how to stimulate my senses is attractive :winky:
And by senses I mean caffeine stimulating my - oh stop it, Caustic, it's not funny.
That way if she says no to the chat you could just pass it off as being friendly
2) I dont know... she seems pretty hyped to see me compared to anyone else. Then again, I dont think they get any regulars there besides me that are our age. I definitely haven't dismissed the friendly barista angle.
3) Yeah I was thinking if I showed up at a quiet moment I can go "So what are you doing Sunday? Want to catch a movie?" Or something like that.
Anything else, especially like making a whole thing of her answering IN FRONT OF PEOPLE, is not going to show her real feelings and/or make it awkward. Which could end up with you being led on as she says yes in front of people then cancels later.
So do the gentlemanly thing and don't put social pressure on her.
edit: Guys, he needs to be straight up but discreet. And don't infringe on her break time at work.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
As a barista and a bartender, I am SUPER friendly to pretty much everyone because I want their tips. Never take what a bartender/stripper/server is conveying to you literally.
Try to find some common ground when you two have a conversation and then work on it from that angle. Do you two actually talk about anything? Have common interests? Etc...
Asking her verbally, conversationally, and in a friendly sort of way strikes me as more comfortable from the receiving end.
But whatever you do, I would suggest doing it rather than not. Life is short and there are other coffee shops if things get awkward.
Yeah, but it's best to be sure there's some sort of chance of it actually happening rather than just diving in. I notice this attitude a lot on the boards "Just go for it, man!" and it's not a bad idea unless you have a modicum of self respect and don't enjoy creating horribly awkward situations. Some scouting of the situation and weighing the options is always the best course of action.
Well, of course it's good to be sure that there's some chance of it actually happening. In fact, it's not just good - it's absolutely critical. The OP said "she seems pretty hyped to see me compared to anyone else" which seems good enough to me that there's a chance.
If he plays his cards right and maximizes those chances, then something great could happen. The worst that could reasonably happen is pretty much what this guy said:
And if that's the absolute worst thing that could happen, it's only logical that he should go for it (so long as there's a reasonable chance of success, of course).
Yeah, but like has already been said, just because someone is nice to you, doesn't mean they want to go on a date with you. It's a person's job to be nice to people. Like I already said, don't read into it.
I've asked the OP twice if they have any actual rapport or conversation, but he seems to be disregarding that question. It's impossible to really tell if it's a good idea unless there's something more told about the situation. Just "She's really nice to me!" is not enough to go on.
that's why we call it the struggle, you're supposed to sweat
True enough, but we're trying to determine how. If he has some sort of common ground (haha, get it?) with her, that can help in how to go about it.
Is there something wrong with what I suggested? Just casually seeing if she'd like to sit and chat with you for a bit after she gets off work and using that as a springboard seems like a good idea to me
Ok, so when I was responding earlier, I was actually working at a coffee shop.
So, girl comes in. She'd been in last night too. Very attractive. I remembered her drink order from the night before, and we had a lengthy chat. It was completely natural. I initiated the conversation and we chatted for a good 30 minutes while she sat on the couch and I worked.
The OP doesn't need to say, "Hey, wanna sit down and chat?". If you're going to chat, it's going to happen naturally, not forced. If someone came up to me and said that, I'd think it was a little weird.
Otherwise, the reason I suggested it is because it can just be seen as a friendly thing to do
Plus if she seems like she doesn't want to hang out with you even a little bit off the clock, you can kind of use that to gauge whether or not she'll react positively to directly asking her out
Or I guess you could just do the Office Space thing, but that seems weirder to me
2) I've never met anyone who's done the slip of paper thing. At least not anyone who's gotten a date out of it.
3) I think Esh has a good point though, that she's just being nice and isn't interested. I've gone to that coffee shop for a while and she's only worked there a week or two, and we generally haven't had too much in the way of conversation, so Esh could very well be exactly on the mark. Having said that, I've missed a lot of opportunities with girls who would be interested in me at first, then due to my indecisiveness gotten bored and ended up with some other guy who'd ask them out almost immediately. The idea of sitting around wondering whether or not she likes me all that much while on the other side of the fence the exact same thing might be happening is a very frustrating thought.
4) She and everyone there close shop about 2 hours before I finish work. The after work things unfortunately probably not an option.
I'm still leaning towards seeing if I'm there at a quieter moment, then being casual about it. Maybe I should wait until I have a better rapport with her?
being denied a date doesn't mean you can never go within 10 feet of said person again, you know
I was partly joking
I'm just going to say "Go for it", even if I may not in your exact situation. If you strongly feel that she has a special attention to kindness to you, then there's nothing wrong with casually asking to do something.
Edit: I was in a similar situation, and probably more scared than you were. 5 years later in a great relationship with her.
She's not going anywhere. Try and make quick conversation at the register and build up from there. "How are you?", "Oh, good...blah blah blah.".
If you want your chances of her saying "Yes" to greatly improve, get to know her a little before just cold asking her out.
Yes, but if one can improves ones chances, I would say that's a much better game plan than just asking out someone you've never had a real conversation with. And no, the consequences are minimal, other than a sharp blow to the ego.
Most people are going to say "No" to a stranger asking them out of who they know nothing about.
But hey, not my life. Just going on years of experience of watching people get tragically shot down.
No, you're right.
But at the same time if you never ask nobody's ever going to say yes.
I think striking up a conversation about *whatever*, and saying, "My name's _____, here's my number. I think you're cool/funny/cute/smart/etc, maybe we can talk about *whatever* sometime" eliminates that burden of her having to commit to a date when you asked her at her place of work. By letting her decide to call you, you can actually gauge her interest because she'd be calling you when she's not working and you can find out if she really is into, not just being friendly. There's no date to commit to, and once you talk to this girl outside of work, you two can see if you actually have anything in common.