[Social Anxiety] How Can I Make New Friends and Start Dating?

Hexmage-PA

I'm 21 years old, and I've never been in a relationship with a girl that has lasted more than a week. I really regret that I never dated a girl in high school, and now I'm in a situation where I don't know how I could even introduce myself to one that I found attractive. I've also lost touch with a lot of my friends, and now don't have many people around to hang-out with.

I'm living in Athens, GA, which is a college town. The University of Georgia is here, and there are a lot of people my age around. The thing is that I don't go to UGA; I go to another much, much smaller school with a much, much smaller number of students. I'm also not really into the bar scene, and I don't know if I would have anything in common with the people who go to such places regularly, anyhow.

It also doesn't help that I have an anxiety disorder in general, and that until just a month or so ago I hadn't had much social interaction at all with nearly anyone. I feel nervous in social situations in general; in fact, even the thought of trying to talk to someone I knew from high school but haven't talked to in a while is nerve-wracking. I've actually been seeing a psychiatrist about my anxiety, but due to lack of social contact I haven't really had many chances to work through it.

I feel like I having a greater chance of reconnecting socially now that I've moved into a house with one of my friends from high school and two other guys. I feel like I've already wasted a lot of time as it is, and I don't want to miss-out on much more.

Simpsonia

I may catch a bit of flak on these forums for saying it, but I think the old axiom of 'fake it till you make it' is probably the best advice. Just force yourself into social situations, especially with the opposite sex, until you start feeling comfortable. And don't doubt yourself, you will start to feel comfortable, you just need to keep with it. And the last bit of advice is to not rely on your roomates/friends from high school. Meet new people, make your own friends. Force yourself if you have to, but in the end you'll be better off.

Perpetual

Hexmage-PA wrote: »

I really regret that I never dated a girl in high school

Trust me, there is nothing to regret. It's high school.

now I'm in a situation where I don't know how I could even introduce myself to one that I found attractive

How about just "Hi, my name is"?

Social interactions are just like anything else: you get better by doing them. There is no shortcut. No magic tricks. Just step out of your comfort zone, and little by little you will improve.

nuka

I'm pretty shy so making friends can sometimes be a little difficult.

I crack jokes. The more jokes I make with someone the easier I find it to be to talk to them.

Flay

I have a social anxiety disorder also, but I'm gradually improving simply by making myself test the social waters, so to speak.

I don't really like bars and/or nightclubs, since they make me feel extremely uncomfortable, but there are plenty of other kinds of social activities out there. You might want to join a college club (I don't know how it is in America, but at my uni you don't even have to be a student to be able to join) or take some interesting night classes or something. You'll be around people with similar interests to you, and it'll help you strike up a few conversations.

Best of luck to you.

SwashbucklerXX

College clubs are a great idea. It's easier to talk to new people in a more controlled social situation where you already have something in common than approaching a stranger on the street or at a party (something that can be daunting to a lot of people who don't have social anxiety).

Speaking of controlled situations, nothing wrong with getting to know your classmates at your smaller school, either. Make an effort to chat with them before/after class.

Underdog

And don't fear failure. It'll happen because you're new to the whole process. Focus on the small victories like you approached someone and said hello or you made a joke that made someone laugh. Build on that and stay positive.

Hey Ashtray

Hexmage-PA wrote: »

I feel like I having a greater chance of reconnecting socially now that I've moved into a house with one of my friends from high school and two other guys. I feel like I've already wasted a lot of time as it is, and I don't want to miss-out on much more.

This is the best. You meet a lot of great people this way, and encourage your buddies to throw parties. Then, just be relaxed. I've been finding that talking less is a great way to get other people to talk more, and when that happens they usually have a good impression of you, haha.

AlyceInWonderland

I used to be cripplingly shy. It was a big problem. I ended up turning that around and becoming pretty darn social by forcing my self into situations that I normally wouldn't. I got a job that had me deal with people constantly. Instead of staying inside, I went out. instead of doing my own thing in Highschool like I usually would, I went out of my way to talk to people outside of my social group. Did the same thing in college.
I made friends with people from these very forums, and went and met them in person.

Just put yourself out there.

Also, don't feel bad about not dating in highschool. I didn't, and I'm actually really thankful that I didn't have to deal with all that highschool bullshit. That's basically what it is. Bullshit.

Apogee

I agree with the general sentiment - learn by doing. Don't worry about failure, there are so people in even small communities that there may as well be infinite.

I'm assuming you're in university? If so, go with the flow. Look for clubs that suit your interests, and meet new people. Go to parties it at all possible; random face to face meetings will teach you how to speak to new people real fast. And, given the age, liquid courage is always handy in moderation. A little alcohol will loosen up your nervs; a lot will make you a moron, so be careful.

I'm speaking from experience here, as I switched universities after my first year and thus had to start from scratch, without even the benefit of a frosh week to meet people. I waited a year to finally go out and make friends, and there was really no reason not to. Nerves are just nerves, fear is the mind-killer :P.

DiscoZombie

As for meeting women, online dating can be much easier for us shy folk. you don't have to worry about striking out in person.

Did your psychiatrist prescribe anything for your anxiety? have you seen the PATV episode about Mike and Jerry and Lexipro?