I'm too horny.
There are too many sexy girls around me.
So I've been married for 2 years and we have a 2 month old daughter. My wife turns me on just fine but there's so many other girls around me also turning me on with their tight little bodies.
I'll also mention I'm living in China. Girls here have a tendency to be super sexy and keep that super sexiness well into their 40's. Their bodies are commonly very well shaped, with perky breasts and slim waists. Mainland Chinese girls rarely have saggy tits, bad nipples, or fat, though some can have no-butts.
I'm in an epicenter of sexiness. I work in kindergartens where the majority of staff are young, fit girls constantly leaning over so I perv at their cleavage and asses.
Then I run a daycare/teaching business with my wife where she likes to hire young, fit girls that constantly lean over so I look at their cleavage and asses.
Then the majority of the parents of the kids at our business are super sexy, so I look at their boobs and asses.
Then every one of my wife's friends is also sexy so I look at their boobs and asses. Like every time we go to meet some old friend of hers the girl turns out super sexy wearing some super sexy tight dress and smiling at me, making me think of pounding her vag.
At one job where I work part-time the school gave me the 2 sexiest girls available as assistants! And they're very friendly with each other to the point of touching each other when they get close lgiving me threesome fantasies, and yes they lean over a lot so I look at their boobs and asses. In fact the one that is my current main assistant has a class A butt and I can see her undies through her tight white pants.
I let her walk a bit ahead of me going up stairs :P
This is a very frustrating situation I'm in here. My libido wants to fuck the shit out of so many of these girls but my heart and rationality want this nonsense to stop.
What to do!?
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Also, learn how to not sound completely creepy when talking about women.
I never thought it could happen to me....
seriously tho, you need to tone it down, as for suggestions.. jerk off more? fuck your wife more?
If you are worried about temptation try dont try to blatantly stare. Look the other way.
Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
Assuming you are an actual person with an actual problem, maybe talk to someone about this? Like a professional?
As your two posts are mostly centered around China, and the hot women there, maybe move somewhere else?
It's really hard to take this at all seriously.
I'm actually highly moralistic. I'm very friendly, helpful, courteous, and kind.
Most people just don't say exactly what they do in these situations. How can you avoid looking at cleavage or a girl's ass when she leans over? Eyes are magnetically drawn usually.
This is straight up nasty truth and I am frustrated by it. My sexual desire wants to "fuck the shit out of girls" is a physical feeling expressed in its most carnal and truthful way.
When I actually do have sex I'm not a "hard-pounder" anyway.
Currently I'm 29 and I remember when I was in my early twenties i'd have other male friends talk about this same sort of problem to me. At the time I did not check out so many sexy girls (though living in Canada I was attracted to very few; i generally don't get aroused by white girls) so my friends would ask me "How can you not be thinking of banging girls all the time?"
I've never been pushy at trying to get girls to have sex. I've often passed on opportunities that others told me I was fucking stupid to pass up because I don't want to push girls, use them, or hurt them. I mean literally having girls on my bed, or even once saying "GOD I WANT TO FUCK", and not doing a thing about it.
I'm very attracted to female beauty and sex appeal. Always have been since I was 12. Only now I'm in a place where a large quantity of girls are actually sexy to me.
Being around attractive members of the opposite sex is not a rare thing.
Being aroused by the above is not a rare thing.
Dismissing offers from other women is not a rare thing.
You are not a special little snowflake.
You are not in an epicenter of sexiness.
Fantasies are fine - if your fantasies are occupying too much of your time, either find better ways to occupy your mind or seek some professional help. Acting on those fantasies is not fine until the point where you have left your wife.
Then stop that - if you joke about women in this way, you'll think about women more in this way.
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That's great that that's how you and your brother talk about girls, but that's not how you should speak about anyone in a public forum. I don't even talk about girls with my guy friends that graphically.
Do you think you're going to cheat?
Yes? Get help.
No? Take your urges home and deal with them there.
Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
It's a good thing you're so noble otherwise you'd come off as a silly goose.
Oh, wait, that's not at all true. You can say you're not creepy all you want, but the way you talk about other human beings says otherwise.
I think a big step in the right direction would be to stop talking about women as if they were objects to either protect with your manly nobleness or use for sex. In either case you're talking as if they are below you. I think if you were to just force yourself to not "joke around" like this it'll start setting your brain in the right groove. It's a small thing to solve your problem but it's a first step, and anyway you won't sound like such a silly goose afterwards.
My brother and I have the same tendency to notice sexy Chinese girls as we both lived here for a while. We don't actually talk about sex-acts, just the bodies.
The odds of me actually cheating are very small. I've always had good control over habits, addictions, and compulsions throughout my life. I'm not worried about that.
I'm just annoyed by noticing these girls often and getting a surge of libido.
I think part of it has to do with this place. It seems the majority of foreigners here turn into sex-addicts and users of girls.
I know so many people that have had good relationships with girls that are still super sexy yet they wind up cheating because so much more ass is available and interested in foreign dick.
Honestly you'd have to live here a while as a foreign male to understand the phenomenon.
I have always been steadfastly against the ideas of multiple partners or cheating.
The fact that it has taken me 5 years to get to this point should show I'm a commendably strong individual :P
But I'm human, very heterosexual, and have always had a strong libido. Though in the past it just meant I liked to masturbate a lot since I don't like the hassle of more than one girlfriend/wife.
Honestly, I sympathize. I feel that way a lot. But you have a child, and you do not want to screw things up for her if you can avoid it.
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Ok I didn't get my intention across here with the initial ppst.
1. I only joke about this stuff with my brother whom I don't see often. Its a running thing we talk about, I don't do it anywhere else or even in very graphic detail; though he can. I don't even use words like vag, fuck, etc in any conversation at all, including with him.
2. It is possible to respect people as individuals apart from the sexual desires induced by their physical form. That's whats going on here. I don't disrespect these people, treat them any differently, or look down upon them as people.
3. I posted that way as a means to explicitly emphasize the strength of the hormonal surges. The urge is to "pound a vag."
Emphasizing the strong libido.
Lets try not to use words that can have varying relative meaning like creep. Is a creep a guy who just looks but never says anything? looks sometimes? Find ways to touch girls hair when they aren't looking? Talk constantly about banging the shit out of some girls cunt?
The way that you're speaking about woman is disrespectful to the women and to your wife. You sound like a sleazeball, and you seriously need to dial it back.
You can say that you're "typically honorable" or "commendably strong" all you want; nobody here believes you, because you seem like a whole lot of words that I'm not allowed to say. You don't sound honorable, or commendably strong. You sound like a child.
Whenever you catch yourself thinking or talking anywhere near the way you have been in this thread, say to yourself, "I'm a married man and one who probably doesn't want to come off for the rest of his life like a cocksure misogynist, cut that out." Eventually, you can learn to be the sort of guy who treats women with maybe even a modicum of respect.
This is not a separate issue from your cheating worries. You need to learn to look at an attractive woman without jumping to a place where all you can thinking about is "pounding the shit out of them." Talk begets schemata, and it sounds like you've got a schema that needs some serious adjustment -- for your sake, for your wife's sake, and for the sake of every woman you come in contact with.
Seriously. Tone it down. You're not garnering any sympathy with the way you talk.
You don't talk about sex acts with your brother, yet the way you talk here is how you talk with your brother, and you sure are talking about sex acts A LOT here.
And the majority of foreigners in China turn into sex-addicts? What are you talking about?
EDIT: In every thing you post you're contradicting yourself. Step back. Take a look at yourself and what you're saying from the outside, and spend some quality time thinking about it.
And if you don't normally talk this way, why are you talking that way here?
You have a serious problem with objectifying women. That is not a characteristic of a "moralistic" person. You haven't acted out your fantasies yet, good for you. They're still clearly causing huge problems for you. Get professional help and stop treating women (these are your COWORKERS not prostitutes) like your little lust objects. The language you use is frankly disturbing.
But yeah, I understand where you're coming from, so I must reiterate that you should not underestimate the power of language. Words dictate action, in more ways than one.
Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
Alternatively;
Tell your wife and the mother of your child and exactly what you just told us. Pick a neutral time and place.
That'll grow you up some, guy.
We're mostly men here on PA, I guess- but we're not by that virtue going to be cheering you on or rooting for you in your 'epicentre of sexiness.'
Sez you! It's the year of the tiger, so go get 'em!
Just kidding. :P
Seriously though, you are probably not getting as much sex as you'd like due to your wife taking care of your 2mo. I'd suggest seeing a sex therapist as well as express that you're sexually frustrated to your wife (possibly, maybe preferably, with the sex therapist).
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
I've already stated this and I don't want to get defensive. It looks to me like a bit of me wording the post poorly and others finding a nasty perv and looking to attack.
Would it help if I said I "Glance at their female parts?" instead of "Look at their boobs and asses?" Really there is no difference in what happens.
I used strong language to show a strong feeling.
I figured since this is the anonymous internet I can be as frank as I wanted.
Thanks and I am trying to control it. I have been trying not to look at the cleavage of my staff thought I often naturally look at it first thing when turning my head and it's exposed.
I'm very busy with work and all my work involves attractive girls. When I'm home I try to play a lot of guitar and relax with games.
I was somewhat hoping that there could be diet choices or drugs available to curb libido.
I would love to leave China but I can't for a long time as we have business here.
To me it does seem that the majority of foreigners around my age become sex-addicts and users as the majority that I know are like that. I don't actually hang out with many old friends anymore because their actions make me uncomfortable.
Oh sorry my wife and I have have sex usually once a day for about 3 years. Usually at night so we fall asleep well. Really there's no problem with our sexual connection. We both come, enjoy touching and kissing etc.
I guess its important to mention we had to stop for about 5 months from late pregnancy to her healing from cesarean. I'm a retard not to mention that.
Also the entire time we've been together i've also masturbated at least once a day. She knows this.
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
He might be a sex addict, you know, or have another personality disorder. His language could be indicative of that, in which case we shouldn't be scolding him.
I'm not saying that is necessarily the case, but it is definitely something to consider before bringing down the hammer.
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
I agree. I totally wrote that the wrong way. I was incorrect in my idea that writing it as I did would not cause anything other than the expressed emphasize of the feeling.
Lets move on to ideas for curbing the problem or close the thread.
Diet is a really long shot. I'm just making stuff up here, but eat less cholesterol and reduce stress. Or, depending on your biology, eat more cholesterol and increase stress. Or an admixture of the two. You'll probably be helped more by placebo effect thon actual treatment.
Look, your real goal here is to prevent access to certain stimuli that lead down the same old neural pathways to your libido response. Just like breaking any habit.
Doc: That's right, twenty five years into the future. I've always dreamed on seeing the future, looking beyond my years, seeing the progress of mankind. I'll also be able to see who wins the next twenty-five world series.
Why not? Is your wife not up for it, have you never asked? It seems part of the appeal of these ongoing fantasies is that you're recognising them as dirty/wrong ("I'm normally a moralistic person" etc) without entertaining the fact you could indulge in large elements of them with the woman you're married to? Being "moral" doesn't mean lights out, missionary only, whispering sweet nothings lovemaking 100% percent of the time.
Also, stop going on about oh woe is me all the sexiness around me and think about how uncomfortable your current attitude is probably making your coworkers/women around you. Trust me, when a guy is perving on you, we can tell, and it's a very unpleasant thing to experience.
Alternatively, you're just trolling, because this all has that sort of vibe to it, in which case, disregard the above.
His wording is offensive, but the feeling that one's libido is excessive is common. His predicament isn't all that unusual, so I doubt he's trolling.
I agree with your advice, though. Time to stop staring. Think about how you're making other people feel by doing so. If you find you cannot muster the willpower to stop ogling women, then you need to seek professional help. Also, channel that energy into masturbation and making love to your wife. It's totally normal to get turned on by people you encounter throughout the day; why not focus that on something that won't potentially give you syphilis and utterly ruin your own family? Speaking of syphilis, you should Google image search that term when you're feeling overwhelmed.
Also do you have any guy friends to hang out with? I don't think you mentioned it all. It doesn't sound like your in a positive environment considering your intense desire for extramarital sex.
(really though i hope you're trolling a bit because, well the term "creep" gets thrown around waaaay to much around here but you've certainly deserved it and then some)
Actually I used to exercise a lot but about 4 or 5 months ago I had surgery on an Inguinal Hernia so I had to stop exercising for a while. I'm in the worst shape i've been in for a long time which isn't very bad really. Maybe 2-5 pounds extra.
I'm going to emphasize that I have no desire for extramarital sex. The only problem here is the libido induced by seeing so many sexy females. I don't think about them all the time. If i'm with my wife i'm only thinking of her sexy shape. If i'm masturbating i'm only thinking of whatever i'm looking at. And for the record my wife and I watch porn together sometimes. I rarely watch it alone cause most porn disturbs me (well western porn, gangbangs, or nasty sex-acts).
I'm rational enough to think about the hassle of dealing with extramarital sex enough that it turns me completely off. I have a friend who's 40 that always talks about his extramarital sex to us in groups. He has no problem stating things about seeing hookers and trying to bang his staff (he also has a company). I feel sorry for him in his situation. I can't understand how he can have a relationship with his wife when he plays around how he does. Its an uncomfortable situation.
I don't even fantasize about doing the girls (actually its only about 3 that i've taken the time to think about while masturbating). I just recall the shape, the form of the female in fantasy rather than the act of sex.
I am however fairly stressed as my wife's family pisses me off and we're expanding our business which is a slightly risky maneuver.
To whomever is thinking that I'm trolling I sincerely say that I'm not. I thought about this for a while before posting, wondering what if any advice could be given to help out.
I Think I need to find a way to regularly exercise again, plus with the recent return of being able to have sex at home again maybe i'll go back to slightly not so super horny like I was before.
I should've quoted you for the above response.
I actually do not hang out with guy friends nearly enough lately. Where I live i'm kind of far from all my guy friends except the guy that cheats a lot but we arent super tight anyway.
All of my coworkers and staff are sexy girls close to my age. I'm literally surrounded everywhere.
I'm trying to meet dudes in my area to hang out with and having no luck as of yet. My Chinese isn't good enough to hang with most Chinese dudes though I met a neighbour down the hall thats swedish and told him we should go for beer when he gets back from Sweden. We'll see how that pans out.
I've also been thinking of trying the community message board to find people to play music with.
To the OP: The only advice I have is to talk with your wife about being more intimate more often. Setting aside time for yourselves. One night of babysitting a week is very little to ask of relatives. Especially if you rotate through them on different weeks each month.
But even if I was talking to my friends about a prime dime I saw down the street or something, I just wouldn't talk about them like the OP did. Going into the descriptions he did as to why he found them hot just sounds really weird and awkward.
How did this happen to me? I've changed a lot in regards to sexuality since I moved to China. I really think there's an underlying social phenomenon here that affects foreigner's attitudes and habits.
I remember thinking when I saw other friends sleeping around, using girls to come over just for blowjobs, and bedding girls that were on the internet looking for boyfriends/husbands that I had to make myself immune to such corruption. I didn't want to change for the worse and now maybe I am.
Here in this place foreigners do easily get a sense of power and ability greater than their homeland often. The ability to purchase is much higher for us than local Chinese so our quality of life is very relaxed. On top of that Chinese girls are very interested in foreign males, maybe because they are attracted to them, but maybe also because of our financial position. It makes landing girls quite easy and even (and often) fat, ugly, old, bald guys can and do land gorgeous girls. Its exhilirating really and likely leads to arrogance and a sense of entitlement.
I used to be heavily into philosophy and before that religious. I need to calm down and think things through.
I'm not sure if this thread has much purpose anymore. I'm going to try and get back to exercising and spice up my sex-life at home.
If anyone has anything more to add we can keep this going.