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Gammarah

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strebalicious

I myself have never gotten off from a BJ. Sure, I have from a few handjobs, but that's only in a small percentage of the total. Never really thought it was that big of a deal that I didn't. Could be nerves, might be you masturbate too much. Probably a combo.

MetroidZoid

I had this problem for awhile, and granted, YMMV, but sometimes you just need to relax. Don't worry / focus / think about climaxing, just enjoy the NOW.

Also, masturbation could definitely influence things. If you're 'participating' frequently, you're getting yourself used to a *probably* tight grip, with a different feeling then she creates. Back off a bit, and after awhile, be open / trusting with your significant other; show her how you do it, let her give it a hand.

...

Sorry, I could not resist getting one pun in there. But alas, relax, enjoy your sensual times together, and things should get better.

Also consider:
The time of day you guys fool around
Diet (sugar crash? Whisky dick? etc)
What you're thinking about ... imagination helps, and there's nothing wrong with both of you fantasizing.

onceling

I agree with MetroidZoid, you may have a case of death grip from masturbation. Ease up during your personal sessions until you can achieve orgasm with a lot less grip, and allow some additional time for your g/f to get used to your preferences and for you to be more comfortable together.

If it's getting frustrating during a session just start with a combination of you stroking and her using her mouth, and build up from there. Just be sure not to use this as a crutch, each time you want to move toward the goal of her using her hands instead of yours.

KrubicksCube

Yeah, as people have said, you might need to ease up a bit. But if you don't get off on it, it's not necessarily a bad thing, as long as you let her know that it still feels good and it doesn't spark any arguments. Foreplay man...foreplay, it's only one step in the whole thing so as long as it works in the end, there's no reason to worry.

Improvolone

How often do you see her (fool around) and how often do you masturbate?

Parroteer

I have a similar issue and it is distressing. I've already stopped masturbating temporarily, and when I start again I expect to try to do it differently to create a new expectation from my body for what can get me off.

I'm not sure from your post Gammarah, but are you mostly concerned about handjobs and blowjobs? I expect that could be a more common problem, with many women not being terribly great at them, though you do say she's pretty good at it.

If it's penetrative sex you want to improve, I think trying a lot of different positions could help, though that hasn't done it for me yet. I'm consistently finding my problem to be related to not being able to go at a fast enough speed, for a long enough time, to bring me over the brink. I think using a bed is not helping the situation.

Beyond that you could probably explore sex toys, if and when you feel comfortable introducing that with this woman.

GungHo

If you're getting frustrated by thinking about how you're not having an orgasm while she's "down there", you're also not doing yourself (or her) any favors.

And, yeah... death grip masturbation is the enemy.

Cedar Brown

Depression?

EggyToast

You're never going to get off if you're thinking about how frustrating it is that you can't get off. So your first step is to relax. Your second step is to make it easier for her.

"Feeling good" does not mean "is good at blowjobs," and that's not a knock at your girlfriend or anyone else's girlfriend. Most any soft touch by another person is going to feel good on your penis (well, assuming you want them to be touching you, of course). Technically, being good at blowjobs means you're able to get a dude off pretty fast even if he's not that into it because you're so good at it. Most girls don't know what to do with their tongues and many are unsure how to get their hands involved. I mean, girls don't have dicks so they don't really know what feels good. That's where you come in (no pun intended).

For a lot of dudes, the passivity of oral sex is what makes them unable to get off, because they're not used to just lying there during sex. To them, kickin' back means they're masturbating, and that means they don't really know what to do when there's another person involved. Heck, most dudes have a system or at least a plan of attack to dealing with their ejaculate -- that kind of changes for oral sex.

If you really want her to just get you off -- and not use oral sex as a precursor for sex -- you should simply masturbate to almost 90% completion and then have her finish you off, which will be much easier for both of you (you because you're almost there, her because she won't become fatigued and lapse into poor technique). If you're uncomfortable sending her out of the room (say, asking for oral sex and stating that you'll get yourself close, and then come find her or something), you can masturbate while making out with her which will likely be pretty stimulating.

Sex isn't just about making your partner do all the work. If you both want to get off but you need to "take the reins" at the end -- either for the rest of it or just to get you right before the end -- so be it.

Black Ice

A couple of questions which can help diagnose this:

1. Are you on any medication? Specifically, antidepressants or medications for anxiety? Many have sexual side effects.
2. Do you have trouble ejaculating when you're masturbating?

Many people have already postulated you may not be relaxed, which can also be an issue. Enjoy it; it's just your nerves. It's an expression of her love for you, you don't need to be afraid - you should be relaxed.

However, if you answer yes to any of the above questions, there may be more to it than just nerves.

DiscoZombie

bj's don't really do it for me either. I think I'm selfless or spoiled or maybe both, but the vajayjay is the only way for me. Other things are good foreplay, though.

Kazaka

It worked out for me in the end because my last girlfriend told me after her second oral foray that she was only doing it as a "returning the favor" gesture so we cut it out altogether


but yeah oral hasn't ever done it for me, so not to worry if that's the case

As7

So one thing I want to suggest for you, is next time you are having trouble getting off just kind of stop what your doing and masturbate with help from your girlfriend. It might get you used to the feeling of finishing with her around and you'll become accustomed to her touch.

This probably isn't the ROOT of the problem but it might help in a small way. Don't let the two of you get embarrassed about it and reassure her that sex can be good without both of you getting off.

Gammarah

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daniant

My boyfriend doesn't come regularly from blowjobs/handjobs and never has. A lot of this has to do with him helping me learn what makes him feel good (this works both ways, too).

You might not get all this the first time. It took my boyfriend and I six months of "practice" to really feel mutual satisfaction most of the time, so don't pressure her or yourself to come all the time. It's most likely not very realistic.

Improvolone

There's not even sex involved? Okay, yea, perhaps her style just isn't what you need. Show her what you like.
Cutting back on masturbating certainly won't hurt. The majority of my exs couldn't get me off without my help (sex aside).